So I started reading articles on this site a couple of weeks ago and found them great and very interesting. I know I will be committed to learning the skills needed to get girls. I am a 16 year old high school student in Toronto about to start grade 12 and I am tired of seeing all the pretty girls around me and having no clue what to say to them. After reading several posts I have come to the conclusion that I have no clue how to start or where to start to develop the skills I need to learn the skills I desire. I have spent a little time looking through the forums which mainly added to my confusion. I was hoping someone might be able to help me figure out where to start and what to do to develop the necessary skills.
ARC9942 said:
Step 1: You need to first focus on your fundamentals viz. Clothing, walk, voice, conversation abilities and the like.
Step 2: Try to get a copy of Chase's book which will help you get an orientation as to where to start from in your journey to seduction
Step 3: Start applying those techniques in the field in real life i.e. college, parks, bars, clubs, since you're in college, you have a plethora of opportunities to meet new hot women.
Step 4: Keep updating yourself with the assistance of the articles posted on this site
Step 5: If you happen to face a sticking point or problem in the practical sense, you can ask the guys at this forum, they will be happy to lend you advice
Cheers to your journey
Re: Just beginning but completely lost
I have never tried to get laid specifically I have kissed a couple girls and gotten head but they were the girls that go with everyone so it didn't require any skill.
I have several friends who are girls but I am very slow to become friends with girls I am not very good at talking to them I get nervous if I don't know them. I have only talked to girls at school and parties but I never really know what to say. I have never tried to approach a girl that I saw on like the street.
When talking to a girl for the first time if we don't have a mutual friend around it does tend to be kinda awkward and doesn't last very long.
when I do talk to girls as much as I wish it was it tends not to be in a flirty or sexual way it's often bland and about a class we have together or a party or a mutual friend.
I am very close to being square 1 if not actually being square 1.
I have never tried to get laid specifically I have kissed a couple girls and gotten head but they were the girls that go with everyone so it didn't require any skill.
I have several friends who are girls but I am very slow to become friends with girls I am not very good at talking to them I get nervous if I don't know them. I have only talked to girls at school and parties but I never really know what to say. I have never tried to approach a girl that I saw on like the street.
When talking to a girl for the first time if we don't have a mutual friend around it does tend to be kinda awkward and doesn't last very long.
when I do talk to girls as much as I wish it was it tends not to be in a flirty or sexual way it's often bland and about a class we have together or a party or a mutual friend.
I am very close to being square 1 if not actually being square 1.
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- Aug 12, 2014
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It sounds to me as if your biggest stumbling block at the present time is actually your conversation, and this is a very solveable problem using the resources on this site. I think there are two main issues you are struggling with in your conversation and they are (1) entering the conversation with no concrete plan as to what you will do/say and how you want the conversation to go and (2) being nervous, intimidated and stressed so your mind goes blank and you aren't showing the best side of yourself when you meet/approach a beautiful woman. I will address each of these issues in turn.
So as to point 1 your basic conversational script should go like this:
1. Approach / introduction: "Hi, I'm ARC9942, and you are...?". Nothing too fancy is required here, just a straight out introduction, but what is important at this step is your vibe. You don't apologize for talking to her or attempt to justify in any way (except possibly for street stops but that is an advanced area you can look at later on, for now you are best to practice with, say, gas station attendants, shop girls, your teachers, people you meet socially, etc etc). What you do is mentally train yourself that YOU ARE THE SHIT and everyone wants to meet you. Then your introductory vibe reflects that. As a part of this you want good posture, eye contact, voice etc, but these are also advanced topics and in any case will more or less happen automatically if you have the right mental attitude. Two more notes on the introduction (1) your first introduction of the day might be less confident than you'd like, but you will warm up as you speak to more people, and gain confidence, so it really isn't important as long as you just give it your best shot and (2) break the touch barrier, I nearly always shake hands with a girl on first introduction, this may sound either too chaste or too formal depending on where you are coming from, but I believe it is a good habit to get into, at least until you want to try something more advanced -- I would do it differently for a girl than a guy, I just gently take her hand and look into her eyes for a moment, the actual handshake is imperceptible, the main thing is you offer your hand and she accepts, setting a tone of compliance for the interaction.
2. Banter [optional]. You crack a joke and she smiles, or you say something mildly provocative or teasing and she responds in kind. This breaks her out of autopilot and establishes you as an interesting guy. But you do not overdo it, banter can rapidly become competitive and thus counterproductive. Too much banter can also look tryhard and set an entertainer vibe. You want to look casual, cool, calm and collected. As an example of banter, I'm currently in a hospital and an attractive nurse just took my son's temperature. I introduced myself as above and then I said "Daddy's temperature is very high today", this was amusing because we are having a heatwave, but as a secondary meaning it's mildly sexual. She laughed at this.
3. Small talk. I usually ask about a girl's schedule or the current day's activities. Like "what time did you start today?" if she's working or "how about your evening, you went to dinner with colleagues and then ended up here?" if she's in a bar or club with friends or whatever. A cold read is very useful here, which means you guess an answer to your questions and present it to her as a suggestion, this makes it very easy for her to confirm or correct you or elaborate and by giving an example response you make the meaning and intention of your question crystal clear, she can easily see you are making smalltalk and it is about her, and she doesn't have to work hard. A question like "how was your day?" is BAD and should not be asked, as it puts the pressure onto her to think of some amusing anecdote or whatever. Better "it seems a bit quiet today, you met some interesting customers? or just taking it easy today?" ... it gives her a choice of responses and gives her an opening to share an anecdote if one suggests itself. Other than that, the smalltalk phase does not really have a purpose except (1) check her investment levels, is she open to getting to know you better (2) make her comfortable talking to you, establish yourself as a friendly guy and easy to talk to (3) gather some basic information about her and ideas about her interests / situation / background to use for conversation.
4. Deep dive i.e. get her sharing. You use the smalltalk as a springboard to find out more about her, her interests, goals and passions. Say she is in the bar with her hockey team, you ask if she's always been interested in sports, when did she take it up, how serious is she about it, does she study related areas, like sports nutrition, physiotherapy and the like, is she planning to try out for higher teams and when and how, does she see this as a career, where will she be in 5 or 10 years and so on. It's called deep dive because you do not waste any topics she gives you, you either ask more about it straightaway or you save it for when conversation dwindles and return to it then. By contrast a shallow conversation like "what is your job / where do you live / do you have brothers and sisters / where are you from / what are your hobbies" is useless to you because you are wasting all those great topics by not asking more: "WHY this job / WHEN did you become passionate about it -- etc" or "WHY did you move here -- you could have studied in USA, Europe, ... why Australia in particular / WHEN did you hear these good things about Australia / HOW LONG did you have this plan and why do it NOW -- etc". Also, during the deep dive you use some other techniques (1) RELATE RELATE RELATE, you share some stories about yourself that establish you as having common interests, passions, background, ideas, goals etc with her (2) QUALIFY, you continually express approval and tell her what you like about her, you can also use touch when she tells you something you really approve of, touch her elbow and look into her eyes "I think it is incredibly important that (...), it is great that you (...) -- etc", this establishes you as an authority / judge, as a guy with standards who doesn't just sleep with anyone, and as a guy who appreciates her for HER not just a set of tits in a miniskirt... and (3) lighten it up, deep diving gets awful serious so you make a joke from time to time, especially a chase frame works well "OMG you are a qualified chef! I love that... but what if you take me into your kitchen and tie me up! Then where will we be!" ... you share a laugh and then use one of your stored topics to re-establish the deep dive. Easy peasy
5. Ask her out / ask her contact details on a high point, NOT when the conversation is over and she has to go. Well, that is more advanced, you have enough to practice with steps 1-4.
As to point 2 you won't feel the stress if you are focusing on yoir plan, also the above conversational plan becomes 100% aytomatic with practice so you basically always know what to say in a situation, and finally your biology will stop giving you such huge jolts of adrenaline and fight / flight responses after you become accustomed to speaking to beautiful women daily. Your goal is just repeated small exposures for now.
As a final comment you must not take a Madonna/whore attitude as it is REALLY hurting your chances with women. You said you got blowjobs from girls who "go with anyone", well there are no such girls. All girls have to be seduced equally -- she played around with you because she liked you and thought you were a sexy guy. In return you probably (unintentionally) made her feel a slut. Otherwise you could have gotten laid bro. There are no sluts in reality. There are only girls who are more sexually open or less. Your task is to encourage sexual openness, and LOVE all women especially the sexually open ones, also to draw out the inner slut from the girls with the "Madonna" image, there is actually nothing pure about them, they are having group sex, eating pussy, taking a big dick up the arse etc whenever they can, but making sure nobody finds out so they can put on this big virgin "pure" act. If you can communicate to them that you don't judge, you LOVE SEX and you LOVE WOMEN WHO LOVE SEX, and you won't hurt her reputation -- then it will be your dick in her "pure" arse.
Ray
So as to point 1 your basic conversational script should go like this:
1. Approach / introduction: "Hi, I'm ARC9942, and you are...?". Nothing too fancy is required here, just a straight out introduction, but what is important at this step is your vibe. You don't apologize for talking to her or attempt to justify in any way (except possibly for street stops but that is an advanced area you can look at later on, for now you are best to practice with, say, gas station attendants, shop girls, your teachers, people you meet socially, etc etc). What you do is mentally train yourself that YOU ARE THE SHIT and everyone wants to meet you. Then your introductory vibe reflects that. As a part of this you want good posture, eye contact, voice etc, but these are also advanced topics and in any case will more or less happen automatically if you have the right mental attitude. Two more notes on the introduction (1) your first introduction of the day might be less confident than you'd like, but you will warm up as you speak to more people, and gain confidence, so it really isn't important as long as you just give it your best shot and (2) break the touch barrier, I nearly always shake hands with a girl on first introduction, this may sound either too chaste or too formal depending on where you are coming from, but I believe it is a good habit to get into, at least until you want to try something more advanced -- I would do it differently for a girl than a guy, I just gently take her hand and look into her eyes for a moment, the actual handshake is imperceptible, the main thing is you offer your hand and she accepts, setting a tone of compliance for the interaction.
2. Banter [optional]. You crack a joke and she smiles, or you say something mildly provocative or teasing and she responds in kind. This breaks her out of autopilot and establishes you as an interesting guy. But you do not overdo it, banter can rapidly become competitive and thus counterproductive. Too much banter can also look tryhard and set an entertainer vibe. You want to look casual, cool, calm and collected. As an example of banter, I'm currently in a hospital and an attractive nurse just took my son's temperature. I introduced myself as above and then I said "Daddy's temperature is very high today", this was amusing because we are having a heatwave, but as a secondary meaning it's mildly sexual. She laughed at this.
3. Small talk. I usually ask about a girl's schedule or the current day's activities. Like "what time did you start today?" if she's working or "how about your evening, you went to dinner with colleagues and then ended up here?" if she's in a bar or club with friends or whatever. A cold read is very useful here, which means you guess an answer to your questions and present it to her as a suggestion, this makes it very easy for her to confirm or correct you or elaborate and by giving an example response you make the meaning and intention of your question crystal clear, she can easily see you are making smalltalk and it is about her, and she doesn't have to work hard. A question like "how was your day?" is BAD and should not be asked, as it puts the pressure onto her to think of some amusing anecdote or whatever. Better "it seems a bit quiet today, you met some interesting customers? or just taking it easy today?" ... it gives her a choice of responses and gives her an opening to share an anecdote if one suggests itself. Other than that, the smalltalk phase does not really have a purpose except (1) check her investment levels, is she open to getting to know you better (2) make her comfortable talking to you, establish yourself as a friendly guy and easy to talk to (3) gather some basic information about her and ideas about her interests / situation / background to use for conversation.
4. Deep dive i.e. get her sharing. You use the smalltalk as a springboard to find out more about her, her interests, goals and passions. Say she is in the bar with her hockey team, you ask if she's always been interested in sports, when did she take it up, how serious is she about it, does she study related areas, like sports nutrition, physiotherapy and the like, is she planning to try out for higher teams and when and how, does she see this as a career, where will she be in 5 or 10 years and so on. It's called deep dive because you do not waste any topics she gives you, you either ask more about it straightaway or you save it for when conversation dwindles and return to it then. By contrast a shallow conversation like "what is your job / where do you live / do you have brothers and sisters / where are you from / what are your hobbies" is useless to you because you are wasting all those great topics by not asking more: "WHY this job / WHEN did you become passionate about it -- etc" or "WHY did you move here -- you could have studied in USA, Europe, ... why Australia in particular / WHEN did you hear these good things about Australia / HOW LONG did you have this plan and why do it NOW -- etc". Also, during the deep dive you use some other techniques (1) RELATE RELATE RELATE, you share some stories about yourself that establish you as having common interests, passions, background, ideas, goals etc with her (2) QUALIFY, you continually express approval and tell her what you like about her, you can also use touch when she tells you something you really approve of, touch her elbow and look into her eyes "I think it is incredibly important that (...), it is great that you (...) -- etc", this establishes you as an authority / judge, as a guy with standards who doesn't just sleep with anyone, and as a guy who appreciates her for HER not just a set of tits in a miniskirt... and (3) lighten it up, deep diving gets awful serious so you make a joke from time to time, especially a chase frame works well "OMG you are a qualified chef! I love that... but what if you take me into your kitchen and tie me up! Then where will we be!" ... you share a laugh and then use one of your stored topics to re-establish the deep dive. Easy peasy
5. Ask her out / ask her contact details on a high point, NOT when the conversation is over and she has to go. Well, that is more advanced, you have enough to practice with steps 1-4.
As to point 2 you won't feel the stress if you are focusing on yoir plan, also the above conversational plan becomes 100% aytomatic with practice so you basically always know what to say in a situation, and finally your biology will stop giving you such huge jolts of adrenaline and fight / flight responses after you become accustomed to speaking to beautiful women daily. Your goal is just repeated small exposures for now.
As a final comment you must not take a Madonna/whore attitude as it is REALLY hurting your chances with women. You said you got blowjobs from girls who "go with anyone", well there are no such girls. All girls have to be seduced equally -- she played around with you because she liked you and thought you were a sexy guy. In return you probably (unintentionally) made her feel a slut. Otherwise you could have gotten laid bro. There are no sluts in reality. There are only girls who are more sexually open or less. Your task is to encourage sexual openness, and LOVE all women especially the sexually open ones, also to draw out the inner slut from the girls with the "Madonna" image, there is actually nothing pure about them, they are having group sex, eating pussy, taking a big dick up the arse etc whenever they can, but making sure nobody finds out so they can put on this big virgin "pure" act. If you can communicate to them that you don't judge, you LOVE SEX and you LOVE WOMEN WHO LOVE SEX, and you won't hurt her reputation -- then it will be your dick in her "pure" arse.
Ray