Kiss anxiety - How do you fix it?

[readjusting]

So today I went to the first date (from cold approach). At the end, I had the perfect setup: balcony of 9th floor, at night. I was planning to go for the kiss, but when I was about to do it, I chicked out. Probably she sensed it, so after 5 minutes, we ended the date.

How do you fix "kiss anxiety"?

 

[CaptainHenley]

Hey Cat,

I had the same problem.

If you read Chase's post on escalating(or was it Alek's? dont remember) you can get a rough idea of how to do it.

Basically I'd say take it step by step.

Start by touching her incidentally, then sexually etc.

About the kiss itself, manhandle her.

Lie to yourself saying that you will only just place her hand on her chin, no biggie. So that kind of eases you off.

Then as soon as your hand is there, just lean a bit, nothing to fancy.

Next thing you know you are kissing her, really.

 

[readjusting]

CaptainHenley,

Thanks for the answer. I just went for it today, she said no. So at least I fixed the anxiety now.
To be honest, this girl was into me (replying to my initial text, going on the date, complying with my request, moving with me), so it was my fault.
Next girl I'll try to be more smooth.

 

[Alchemist]

The first time I tried to kiss a girl I had just met earlier that night was in 2012, and I had to drink so much my head was spinning but I constantly told myself to push my limits. I told her "wanna do something crazy?" and so she smiled back at me, and I went for a kiss...

She moved her head back and I was shocked at first, but the thrill of it numbed the pain of rejection in the moment.

Nowadays, if I see that a girl has puppy eyes, and I feel that we instantly "connect" as I approach her, I can kiss her before talking to her. But I don't see it as a big deal anymore, I actually enjoy the tension, and teasing girls, and I prefer to kiss them when we are somewhere we can escalate. So to answer your question, I overcame it by blunt force, repetition and desensitization, just like approach anxiety. Oh and if a girl refuses to kiss me even at home (happened 1 or 2 times), I feel good for having taken action and know that it wasn't going anywhere to begin with or if she's shy, try again later.

 

[CaptainHenley]

What I have found generally for this kind of sticking points is that exposing yourself little by little not only makes you more comfortable,

but actually forces you to keep going.

I mean, after you have placed your hand on her chin (easy move, not kissing or anything) its far more difficult to escape and not kiss her than to go for the kiss.

You kind of trapped yourself in a situation where you have to move forwards no matter what, or else you will look like a bigger fool/ coward if you eject than if you got rejected.(btw i am not implying that getting rejected makes you a fool or a coward, i am just saying that it is linked with negative feelings)

 

[readjusting]

Interesting. So we have 2 methods here:
- "Wanna do something crazy?"
- Putting my hand on her chin.
I'll test these on the next date (when I get one, that is), and see if it works.
Or I can test it out on the approaches themselves.

 

[readjusting]

Alchemist, CH,

I just tested it. At least it worked in a bar. It went like this:
Me: Are you single?
Her: Yes
Me: I'm _____
Her: I'm _____
I shook her hand, and I squeezed it a bit.
Me: Wanna do something crazy?
Her: What do I do?
I took her hand, doing the cheek kiss (to escalate Compliance), then I placed my hand on her chin. Then we made out.
Admittedly, she was in the mood, I should have to escalate to sex.

It's possible to integrate it into a date. I'll test it when I get a date.