Language barriers

[Marty]

Hi friends

I moved to my current location, in Europe, just over a year ago to take a new job. Immediately prior to that I lived in America, and since I speak good English, there was no language barrier there. In my new home, I made the effort right from the start to learn as much of the local language as possible. My thinking was that this would help with general integration and social survival, but also it would provide a fallback if anything went wrong in my relationship: I could go back out into the streets.

To some extent I have succeeded, and I can handle day-to-day situations with ease (shopping, going to the doctor, asking directions etc.). But once conversations become deeper and more meaningful, as is the case with seduction, I struggle. I have put in a lot of effort but the language is a bitch to learn (and no doubt my mind is blunter than when I was younger).

Over the past few weeks I have done a handful of street approaches and to be honest, I have struggled to find the right words on the spur of the moment. There's nothing that ruins the magic like being tongue-tied.

I'm interested in forum members' opinions on this. Do you think I should seek employment elsewhere and look to move to another part of Europe where I speak the language better (there are a few options), or wait a few years until I am more fluent then resume daytime approach? Are there other expats out there who have dealt with this and overcome it? I don't really want to remain alone just on account of my location!

All advice welcomed
Marty

 

[readjusting]

I moved to America a few years ago. At first I was at the "tourist English" level, but I approached people for various reasons, and after a while I approached girls. Seeming to do just fine. The only thing I could speak fluently was "You're beautiful," and the rest I made it up.
It could be a fun learning experience.
Like one time a girl said, "I can't see without glasses," and I said, "You're blind?," it was a stupid thing to say, but she went along and later on we went on a date.

So it's best if you view yourself as an attractive foreigner who loves to learn about the culture, and treating the interaction as a fun learning experience. It doesn't have to be clean cut perfect. Usually the girls will go along.

 

[ray_zorse]

I have a little experience with this issue since Japanese learning / approaching in Japan is/was one of my hobbies. So I reckon the main thing is to adapt your style to your language abilities. Where in English I would do a lot of deep diving and connection building in Japanese I would only be able to do that on a fairly superficial level. So I will still try but mostly I will keep the interaction light hearted and fun. I do this with a lot of jokes and wordplay. The wordplay is baased on things I have noticed while learning the language. For instance Japanese has the following borrowings from English: Nopuran=no plan, nobura=no bra, nopan=no panties. So I started a xonversation with a group of teenaged girls, I was probably a bit manic as I was thoroughly warmed up... hey there where ru going today? (standard answer like we are going to downtown) ohh cool and you will eat there? see a movie? karaoke? (she replies ohh no plan) I say: No plan, no bra, no pants, this will not DO at all! They were very happy and interested bc immediately I have painted myself as a sexual guy as well as being amusing. So I just continue in this high energy style with lots of free associating and just saying ridiculous things: Think of how a child picks up language and you have got the idea. Warm up helps a lot too. As to moving things forward there was a sports entertainment chain in JP that I used to like, you meet her there and you take her through this huge complex where you can whack softballs, you can iceskate, play basketball etc. You can get very physical there. Karaoke has also worked at times. At home (not in Japan) I discovered an electronic darts bar... very good for getting physical and keeping things fun. I usually challenge her: Loser of this game has to give a kiss! (Tapping my cheek). In this way you can move things forward, she feels she is getting to know you better even if it's the physical you more so than the intellectual you. And if you consistently go on a shitload of dates you will pick up all the language you need, it will develop in conjunction with your process (which is always tailored to demogtaphic and environment). Even though my JP is really pretty bad (I understand complex grammar okay but slowly, but have a poor vocabulary and cannot understand what ordinary JP say to each other), I found the right questions and phrases just rolling off my tongue at the right times through practice, and also through practice I knew more or less the range of answers that could come back, which greatly aids comprehension. Well good luck
cheers, Ray

 

[lux7]

Wow look who's back!

Which European city are you in man, hit me up via PM.

I'm an expat as well, local language knowledge IS helpful in many situations, included dating, but not necessary.

It's always only my fallback option and I always start with English.

My English being better than 99.x of non natives, I feel it actually gives me an advantage and some "smart points". In your case, it could give you "teacher points" for those who want to improve English.

 

[dcman]

I used to run into similar problems. I learnt now to use more non verbals and touching and reduced my conversations. Instead of getting numbers I try to do same day pick up.