Lover in terms of marriage?

[Average]

Hey guys,

The lover isn’t marriage material, as that is filled by the provider. But I was wondering if the lover had absolutely no marriage use whatsoever? I always imagined that the lover contained qualities that made women love em for their personalities. However, as time passed on, I realized that there isn’t much to put onto the table when you look at it from a friendly perspective. A lover cannot act too friendly, otherwise they’ll be friend zoned or slotted into the boyfriend category, ya know?

So, my question is: if girls were to marry a lover, what would they use them for? Is it only the sex exclusively? Or do they have any emotional value to them as well?

 

[OldGuy]

Friend, boyfriend, and lover are not exclusive categories for women. My best friend rejected my proposal (really friend zoned, right) told me years later that she would have married me if I had made love to her (by that time she had a husband and a son).

 

[Richard]

If you're solely a lover and have no value beyond that then a woman won't marry you, plain and simple.

However, a woman may 100% get married AND still fuck you if you're a great lover but she won't look to marry you.

 

[Average]

Hey guys,

Friend, boyfriend, and lover are not exclusive categories for women. My best friend rejected my proposal (really friend zoned, right) told me years later that she would have married me if I had made love to her (by that time she had a husband and a son).

Sounds like she was giving you advice on what to do next time?

I'm not sure. I'm still just a tool bearing hominid. So I'm far from pro at this. But girls really like sex. So this proves that they are not only into it, but are also conscious of it. Therefore, providing value to the lover persona no matter how you look at it.

If you're solely a lover and have no value beyond that then a woman won't marry you, plain and simple.

However, a woman may 100% get married AND still fuck you if you're a great lover but she won't look to marry you.

Thank you very much. I'm just getting a handle on the template of a lover. As mainstream series seem to get the sexual aspect of the lover character right in the sense that it's there (however, wrong in the sense that it is extremely watered down) and given boyfriend qualities to appease the non-believers.

At least, that's what I see

Thanks guys. One step closer to sexual freedom

 

[ThePhoenix]

I'm guessing by your question that you might be looking at marriage as an ideal to strive for, which then could produce some cognitive dissonance if you're also looking at lover as the ideal role for a man, as you may be rightly observing these have some inherent incompatibility.

So, here's my take on marriage, from the perspective of your question. This could be seen as a rather cynical view, but I'm more of a realist. I've seen others whose knee-jerk reaction to the science is to become cynical, but this is because they are holding on to a false ideal, rather than embracing the reality of nature:

There's tons of scientific evidence that females are essentially programmed by biology to latch onto the resources of a stable but probably weak male (β), and then get impregnated by a dominant male (α) which she (sort of by definition) can't control. That is essentially her most effective reproduction strategy: she gets the best genes in her offspring, and a caregiver who won't run away. (Conversely, it's the worst possible reproduction strategy for the male she has latched onto as provider: at best, he's limited to the number of children one woman can produce, and at worst, he doesn't reproduce at all!)

If a male is careful, I think he could have a long-term relationship with a woman while still filling the α role, but it is crucial here that she never gains control over him. Speaking in terms of nature, marriage is an institution of extremely asymmetric benefit, so I am strongly of the belief that marrying her inherently puts the male squarely in the β role.

Remember that marriage is not natural - it is something imposed by religion and societal norms. I wouldn't idealize it; many unmarried couples last way longer than many married couples.

It is also completely natural for couples to break up after a time. If you go into it with that expectation, you don't set yourself up for disappointment. Many a "failed marriage" is only a failure when viewed through the lens of society's ridiculous expectation that couples should last forever.

 

[Fuck This]

I think that the LTR LOVER sets a frame that he is a lover first and foremost and that physical intimacy is the first priority in the relationship.

The LTR LOVER makes it clear that his woman rules beside him, and they are a Team with mutual respect.

Both parties have their own identity. No one is subservient to the other in any aspect of the relationship.

There is no "Let" in the relationship because they both want the same things, and they are fine pursuing their individual goals because it doesn't take away from their partner. This probably requires no children and two individuals who are financially self sufficient and not beholden to each other. In other words, they choose to be together every day but would be fine on their own. Probably better suited for two older individuals who are high enough in their career to know their future and carry out their dreams. I.E. management in a mid sized company, Established business owner with employees, or even a vested employee in a large company (or miunicipality) with a structured retirement scenario and a clear timeline. They can "leave work at work" and focus on their goals outside of work.

 

[Paddington]

Hey guys, I have a question then.

If a girl is assessing lover, provider and friend value from you wouldn't marrying her take away from your lover value?

As you've "committed" to one woman I think the answer to this discussion is you can still have just as much sex but the dynamic would change slightly because she now knows she HAS you in the bag.. therefore you've lost SOME lover value but gained some provider value as a husband. Interesting discussion please correct me if i'm wrong

 

[Fuck This]

Why don't you find someone who has been married for years and ask about how they maintain the LOVER role, instead of asking a group of people on the other side of the equation?

In other words identify your destination and see what it takes to get there?

 

[Paddington]

Okay will do