Moving slowly because I prefer it.... bad idea?

[KJ Francis]

The problem is the way the go about escalating one big type move vs gauging reactions...

There are no excuses....you just have to follow a proven path and put in the work.

Can you guys recommend a resource for guys like me and @raiden to help not blow girls out? I've heard of "micro escalation" from 60 years of challenge in passing.

 

[topcat]

Can you guys recommend a resource for guys like me and @raiden to help not blow girls out? I've heard of "micro escalation" from 60 years of challenge in passing.

this is the exact resource you and @raiden need..it's all here..

9 Ways to Avoid "Last Minute Resistance" Before Sex with New Girls

Use these 9 ways to avoid last minute resistance from girls. Pick DTF girls, disqualify yourself as a BF, be a sexy ‘nUt’, + 6 more to have sex sans LMR. Last minute resistance is the name we give to resistance women give in the bedroom as you begin to escalate to intimacy. i.e., resistance you...

www.girlschase.com

 

[POB]

Can you guys recommend a resource for guys like me and @raiden to help not blow girls out? I've heard of "micro escalation" from 60 years of challenge in passing.

It depends...
First you gotta decide what avenue you want to follow:
- day game
- night game
- online

Need to get good at one of those, and one only.
Because although some fundamentals overlap, they have very different structures and caveats.

 

[Beck Bass]

will I screw up?

I bet you will.

 

[raiden]

this is just cope many guys rationalize this they are just scare of failing... The problem is the way the go about escalating one big type move vs gauging reactions...

As soon as you get to your place it's a big move and the high stakes game has begun. My last botched escalation, she was getting nervous and breathing heavily as we were walking in. So how do you gauge reaction to that before doing it? I don't know if you can. It seems to me that you have to just think in numbers and take a few/many of these, just like we take many blow outs in our approach sessions.

 

[Beck Bass]

I don't know if you can

I think so too, my main problem is you're probably gonna get like waaaay too invested in this girl and will just panic...
If you do your part, you will probably fuck her eventually, I just think that there will be a point you will have the chance and you won't take it, because you already spent so much time into her, you will want it to culminate into this epic first sex type of thing, actually she might have that building up in her head as well...
There also aaalways the possibility that another guy will swoop in and take her, like if she's any attractive there must be at least a decent amount of guy making moves on her... So unless she's very disciplined and into you, eventually she'll give in to one of them, and you might not even know. Will this matter in the future, if you end up fucking her? Who knows. But I wouldn't take that long to bed her, like sex is good man, and the more you two do it, the better you will become at pleasing each other

 

[Spyce D]

I've been rejected a lot so it's really good to be around a woman who I find hot and who actually likes spending time with me. But I've been single my whole life so I've found plenty of ways to cope with not having sex and right now I think that I can go on without it. If I keep going on dates with this woman and try to delay the intimacy until much later (think 2 + months or 10+ dates

Bro , that's what my issue was/is with this girl .

Cuz I have also been single for my whole life and had minimum female interaction , so I couldn't kiss with her even after 2+ months and 4 dates .

But I kept on improving on my touching . ( Touching her face , back etc .)

I can't imagine going on 10+ dates without anything .

I understand where you are coming from .

I had this fear that if she rejected me then I will be dateless . So , I couldn't get that courage to say fuck it .

So , idk if I will go out with her again but if I do , I am doing it regardless of the awkwardness cuz that's how I will learn.

I also have a bad past and I got OCD and negative instances kind of spirals me back to anxiety and panic .

And I was really in the mental hell when I went with her twice so had zero vibe. But ,I feel better now. Cuz I still went out and meet new girls ( and got one insta date ) and kept on working on my mental health .

You can even see my post regarding existential dread that I went through . I was in horrible mental space .

But regardless of it , I will do it if ever got a chance .

Maybe it could be due to negative visualisation . I only imagined bad things to happen If I go for the kiss .

The only thing I can do now is go for it and then handle the situation .


I can tell you that action can cure anxiety and also the regret .

I am yet to take kiss from a date from cold approach where the girl wants me to take the lead. And I am going to do it .

Just take the advice from all these other replies and please implement it . You will be grateful .

 

[Will_V]

I'm going on dates with a woman and I really have fun with her. We can hang out doing stuff that I wouldn't do with friends like tourist style activities. I've been rejected a lot so it's really good to be around a woman who I find hot and who actually likes spending time with me. But I've been single my whole life so I've found plenty of ways to cope with not having sex and right now I think that I can go on without it. If I keep going on dates with this woman and try to delay the intimacy until much later (think 2 + months or 10+ dates) will I screw up? The times that I've had sex in the past have been stressful and time consuming and overall felt like they weren't worth it because I wasn't really into the woman but still had to deal with all the fallout. Plus, a failed escalation will stop me from getting any more dates. Is my thinking irrational or is it sensible?

Honestly man if you aren't motivated to fuck her right now then don't try to, hang out with her and enjoy yourself.

But realize that you, as a complete beginner with women, will almost certainly not get together with her. She's just a part of the journey of learning how to enjoy being with, vibing with, and seducing women. If you keep your eyes open, express yourself without fear, and don't delude yourself about what is going on - keep reading articles on the site and cross referencing with your experiences - you will learn a lot from her. And a lot more from the next one. And as long as you are enjoying yourself along the way, it will be worth it.

It does sound like you have some cope going on, but that doesn't mean you should deal with it by trying to do something you don't want to do. A clear and calm mind will always reveal the truth eventually, and as long as you can accept reality at each turn and modify things accordingly as you go along, you will inevitably progress toward having exactly what you want.

 

[raiden]

Honestly man if you aren't motivated to fuck her right now then don't try to, hang out with her and enjoy yourself.

But realize that you, as a complete beginner with women, will almost certainly not get together with her. She's just a part of the journey of learning how to enjoy being with, vibing with, and seducing women. If you keep your eyes open, express yourself without fear, and don't delude yourself about what is going on - keep reading articles on the site and cross referencing with your experiences - you will learn a lot from her. And a lot more from the next one. And as long as you are enjoying yourself along the way, it will be worth it.

It does sound like you have some cope going on, but that doesn't mean you should deal with it by trying to do something you don't want to do. A clear and calm mind will always reveal the truth eventually, and as long as you can accept reality at each turn and modify things accordingly as you go along, you will inevitably progress toward having exactly what you want.

I don't know if it's her or if I'm just not interested in sex anymore. I wonder if my past experiences have ruined it for me. I spent 3 years going on dates and getting painfully rejected most of the time or screwing up the other times. Now I think about all that suffering and put it alongside my experience having sex and the sex was actually lousy and it led to even more stress. Plus, right now, I'm even more scared of unplanned pregnancy and STDs. It seems to me that the way I feel is a lot like women with baggage or like women who have had their fair share of relationships and average sex and are over it. I'm definitely not the same fresh faced guy who first looked at GC in 2016.

Anyway I know what I should do. If I want to keep her, the optimal course would be to try to get the lay, even accounting for the possibility of a botched escalation. If I want to keep hanging with her like this, I can, but it likely won't end well or last very long.

 

[Chase]

Lots of great tips here. And good realizations by you, @raiden.

Anyway I know what I should do. If I want to keep her, the optimal course would be to try to get the lay, even accounting for the possibility of a botched escalation. If I want to keep hanging with her like this, I can, but it likely won't end well or last very long.

One small tip: rather than pressuring yourself with "I have to get the lay!" why not just adopt the mentality of, "I really like this girl, and I want to be as close to her as possible, and just touch her a lot, and be intimate with her, and just touch her more and be more intimate with her as much as I can, so long as she's comfortable with it"?

Assuming you do that, and don't freeze yourself up at some point, or hit an LMR wall with her that you can't get past, sooner or later during the escalation you are just going to end up with your dick in her, because that is what happens when you keep touching all over a woman more and more, trying to get more and more skin-to-skin contact (because it's so much better than touching over clothes!), and getting more and more physically intimate with her.

Chase

 

[Gladiator]

Man, have you heard of self-sabotage? You may want to read up on that, I hope you'll realize what you're doing to yourself.

Your post/replies reeks of self-pity and submissiveness. Perhaps you don't realize the damage it does to your self-esteem. It may sound relieving to wash your dirty linen in the public but you're training your subconscious mind to "fail" by reiterating that you're a failure. First thing I'd do in your place is to STOP wallowing in self-pity.

If I could sense it online, imagine how a girl would feel in your presence on a date? If there's only one thing that I can choose in seduction-skills, I'd choose vibe. With your negative self-talk, you're affecting your vibe and chics can smell your pessimism from miles. Even if it doesn't resonate with you, please stop thinking negatively, it'll change a lot. Trust me.

Read Psycho-Cybernetics book (credit: @Wick), you'll realize how your thoughts, emotions affect your actions.

One small tip: rather than pressuring yourself with "I have to get the lay!" why not just adopt the mentality of, "I really like this girl, and I want to be as close to her as possible, and just touch her a lot, and be intimate with her, and just touch her more and be more intimate with her as much as I can, so long as she's comfortable with it"?

This is a great advice, if you just follow this one thing of all the advice you've received so far, it's more than enough.

Just a few months ago, I used to be obsessed about my failures. What really helped me is what I thought about those failures. When I stopped paying too much attention to chics/sex/pickup, it brought down a lot of pressure and I feel so free now. I don't care if I get laid or not anymore. If it happens good, if not I have 20 other things to do. Sure, it may hurt to fail, so embrace it and let it go after a while. Just don't dwell on it.

Tbh, once you start having sex regularly, you'll lose the excitement (at least with the same girl and at least for me that's the case). After I have sex, I'll be waiting for my FWB to leave. It's not that I don't like her company but I have other things to do. So, if you're looking for a GF, which I think you are, don't think of it as an achievement or something you HAVE to do. I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself unnecessarily. Just keep going on dates, if you end up in bed, fine.. if not, you'll have plenty of other better things to do.. should be your mindset. Good luck dude!

 

[Spyce D]

If I could sense it online, imagine how a girl would feel in your presence on a date? If there's only one thing that I can choose in seduction-skills, I'd choose vibe. With your negative self-talk, you're affecting your vibe and chics can smell your pessimism from miles. Even if it doesn't resonate with you, please stop thinking negatively, it'll change a lot. Trust me.

Wow . This is something that I had realised about myself a month .

If I am feeling negative , the girls can tell . Even though, they wont say it to my face but it hurts the interaction , vibe and everything that leads to sex and Intimacy.

 

[KJ Francis]

It depends...
First you gotta decide what avenue you want to follow:
- day game
- night game
- online

Need to get good at one of those, and one only.
Because although some fundamentals overlap, they have very different structures and caveats.

I lost this open tab and remembered from his new thread. Sounds like we both do online. Personally I'd like to transition to day first, night far lower priority, online would like to stop caring and one day use for minor supplement when traveling only.

@raiden did you look at the article @topcat posted?

Prerequisite #1 man

How to Be Smooth with Girls Every Time

About 3 weeks ago on the post announcing the site's new forum, a reader named "D" asked about escalating things with women, being seductive, and cool – essentially, how to be smooth. Here's the gist of D's comment: “Brother, I can initiate with no problems and create that instant attraction. But...

www.girlschase.com

 

[raiden]

Well, I think that I learned my lesson. We had two meets and then were going to have our third meet around 1 month later because we both had deadlines etc. Before the third meet I had a message saying something to the effect of "I'm still not over my past dating experiences and so I want to take a break from dating".

I couldn't do anything about the busy past month but what I really should have done is try to plan a structured date for the second date with a pull attempt. That way, I could have at least gone out on my shield. We would both be better off if I had done that and, if the whole thing had succeeded, I probably would have treated her better than the other guys and made her feel better about dating.