You say this, but what I hear is “I hold dear to me many shitty people, and they fuck with my self-esteem by framing me as anti-social. Small price to pay to be around assholes all the time.”
I would recommend shutting out all contact with anyone who treats you like shit, and then going with Will_V’s point #2 (his whole post is
).
You will always miss approaches now and then. I only count my failures when I’m out specifically to approach. You can’t fault yourself for staying “on-mission” when on an errand.
In your position, I’d forgive myself for having “a lot of off-days,” and then just go out with the intention of “getting lucky and actually approaching a girl.”
You can’t expect yourself to approach unless everything lines up perfectly.
Do some people approach in every circumstance? Sure. But I don’t press myself to be that guy—I just want to maximize the number of times I take action when presented with ideal circumstances.
You’re getting a lot of looks because of your self-imposed sexual repression. Your “shyness” gives you a “byronic flaw”-“edge” that obtains you approach invitations.
Just don’t open too shyly, women may not hear you.
But, as Zoro said, even that can work.
If you’re out, you “want” to approach, but ideal circumstances are not presenting themselves:
You just have to lower your standard a little bit, “assume what you can’t see about this girl is absolutely amazing,” because the amount of time the universe gives you to formulate your approach is not enough time to develop a crush on her.
I want to specifically extol this phrasing. This is exactly how it works, there is a mechanism already in your brain that gets you in front of a girl and talking to her, and you just need to figure out what “does it” for that mechanism. Inner game (meditation; mindset)? Outer game (fashion; your walk)?
Milfs?
Big asses? Slutty clothes?
Fancy clothes? Boy clothes?
Girly behavior? Two-sets?
Barely-legal girls?
Don’t use these as search terms—I’m talking gauging your reactions when encountering them in real life.
what I hear is “I hold dear to me many shitty people, and they fuck with my self-esteem by framing me as anti-social. Small price to pay to be around assholes all the time.”
I would recommend shutting out all contact with anyone who treats you like shit, and then going with Will_V’s point #2 (his whole post is
).
Yes I have family who seem to feel they're too cool and colleagues who like to communicate with non-stop double messages, when you read between the lines, "OH yeah I did what you did when I first started out and I did it so much better." "I'm only your colleague but let me act like your boss". "You don't know how to do that? Yeah could help but.. nah". I rarely see my extended family but when I have I made no effort to approach. As for old friends.. well it was either let me flounder or play a part in getting in my way. I know there's only so much others can do, but fuck I was not good mentally and they were nowhere to be found. We're no longer in touch. Which on one level sucks cause that means I got no social circle.
You can’t expect yourself to approach unless everything lines up perfectly.
Get what you're saying but it's pretty infrequent when I throw sevens and yeah even when I get longing looks by a solitary hot babe or whatever I have not pulled the trigger. But yes I need to work up to those less than perfect approaches. I mean, I'll still have to find her attractive of course
.. It pissed off one former friend I wouldn't approach less than what I considered attractive (approach her for him really) that he tried to physically intimidate me. (although it was probably at least a few occasions over a few years where I could have hit on some chick and I refused that got him riled up but...yeah we're not in touch anymore).
You’re getting a lot of looks because of your self-imposed sexual repression. Your “shyness” gives you a “byronic flaw”-“edge” that obtains you approach invitations.
Just don’t open too shyly, women may not hear you.
I bet that's true but I also have worked hard to have good body language in several ways and over several years. I think I might be able to run my own course on it tbh. But faking it to you make it hasn't worked enough to filter into my other communication enough I don't think.
there is a mechanism already in your brain that gets you in front of a girl and talking to her, and you just need to figure out what “does it” for that mechanism
Very much like the sound of this. I'm doing better at living with gratitude but having the mechanism you speak of would be several next levels. Part of what's been getting in my way is I've questioned things that gave an internal boost before I got married, things I've decided are no longer true or never were. I've been trying to rebuild my house if you will but maybe there's no need to go to such lengths (yes good self esteem is important but..) Just a simple switch? Will explore - thanks!
