My conversation is shit. Help

[regossa]

Right, so if being able to talk about facts, engineering, and other logical stuff led to sex I'd be the world's greatest PUA. But sadly it doesn't. And I have tremendous trouble going from the logical-factual over to the emotional-vibing side of things.

Back in the day there were routines which worked great and really helped me get "into the zone". That was ages ago. What works these days?

Background:
I don't follow Facebook, Instagram, TV, movies, or sports. So I haven't got the cultural context most people do. Talking to "normal people" is a bit strange, I'm either completely clueless or way better informed. The "emotional patterns" that people use to interact are less familiar to me. That's where routines helped when I did this stuff back in the day.

 

[ulrich]

Routines are never going to replace good conversational skills.
They are crutches you should use as support while you learn, not replacements.

Having conversations with people is mainly relating and caring about them.
You can’t really avoid having the cultural context. It helps a lot to have conversation subjects with women.

I’ve found that conversational skills is one of those things you can’t trick your way through. You need the experience hours.
How much time do you spend daily talking to people?

 

[Will_V]

Are you telling me there's no topic that's emotional that's meaningful to you? That there's nothing you've done recently that made you feel really happy or was meaningful in some way?

Facebook, Instagram, TV, movies, or sports, these are not good conversational topics. They mean nothing to the vast majority of people, even those who pretend to be interested in them.

There are two sides to conversations. One is technical, and the other is simply about honesty.

...

Technically, the general rule I've learned (from smart people other than myself) is:

1. Ask a question of the other person.
2. Listen attentively to the response and find something in it that's meaningful to you or relates to you.
3. Relate to it by describing what the person has said in terms of something you've experienced.

So for example:

1. So what do you like to do when you're not working?
2. <Listening> "Oh I like to go for a walk around the park"
3. <Nodding> "Yeah sometimes you have a long day and being surrounded by nature is the perfect way to relax"

Of course, she's going to go "yeah!" and nod vigorously, even if she's never even considered it before. Conversation component successfully loaded and executed.

...

The other side is simple honesty. Seriously, the idea of not being able to talk about yourself emotionally is generally just kidding yourself, unless you're really a robot. It's really about fear of rejection, not a real incapability. Get used to it.

What have you done that you would love to tell girls about? For me, my goto topics are:

- Meditation
- Sailing
- Writing

Each of these I can talk about in illustrious, sensual detail to the point where it sounds like innuendo. For example, I like sailing, and I'll say something to a girl like this (not just out of the blue, of course, but once the topic is on the table):

"You know, I love sailing so much. There's just something indescribably satisfying about it. There's no racket of the engine or anything like that, just the sound of the water flowing against the hull, all the rigging is tense and tight, the boat is leaning over hard, the sails are filled, and you know what's the best thing about it?" <wait until she goes "what?!"> "Well, I have to really listen to the boat. Feel where it wants to go, not trying to force it to do something it doesn't want to, but becoming attuned to it so that I know when to make a small adjustment here and there, so that it moves effortlessly along, almost like it's doing exactly what it was meant to do."

There's so much innuendo in there (especially if you are looking into her eyes and thinking of what they would look like when your dick is inside her while you do it) and it just sounds like such an emotionally satisfying moment that she's probably not even going to know what to say next.

At which point ask a question, listen, and then relate, while she recovers.

 

[regossa]

Are you telling me there's no topic that's emotional that's meaningful to you? That there's nothing you've done recently that made you feel really happy or was meaningful in some way?

Facebook, Instagram, TV, movies, or sports, these are not good conversational topics. They mean nothing to the vast majority of people, even those who pretend to be interested in them.

There are two sides to conversations. One is technical, and the other is simply about honesty.

...

Technically, the general rule I've learned (from smart people other than myself) is:

1. Ask a question of the other person.
2. Listen attentively to the response and find something in it that's meaningful to you or relates to you.
3. Relate to it by describing what the person has said in terms of something you've experienced.

So for example:

1. So what do you like to do when you're not working?
2. <Listening> "Oh I like to go for a walk around the park"
3. <Nodding> "Yeah sometimes you have a long day and being surrounded by nature is the perfect way to relax"

Of course, she's going to go "yeah!" and nod vigorously, even if she's never even considered it before. Conversation component successfully loaded and executed.

...

The other side is simple honesty. Seriously, the idea of not being able to talk about yourself emotionally is generally just kidding yourself, unless you're really a robot. It's really about fear of rejection, not a real incapability. Get used to it.

What have you done that you would love to tell girls about? For me, my goto topics are:

- Meditation
- Sailing
- Writing

Each of these I can talk about in illustrious, sensual detail to the point where it sounds like innuendo. For example, I like sailing, and I'll say something to a girl like this (not just out of the blue, of course, but once the topic is on the table):

"You know, I love sailing so much. There's just something indescribably satisfying about it. There's no racket of the engine or anything like that, just the sound of the water flowing against the hull, all the rigging is tense and tight, the boat is leaning over hard, the sails are filled, and you know what's the best thing about it?" <wait until she goes "what?!"> "Well, I have to really listen to the boat. Feel where it wants to go, not trying to force it to do something it doesn't want to, but becoming attuned to it so that I know when to make a small adjustment here and there, so that it moves effortlessly along, almost like it's doing exactly what it was meant to do."

There's so much innuendo in there (especially if you are looking into her eyes and thinking of what they would look like when your dick is inside her while you do it) and it just sounds like such an emotionally satisfying moment that she's probably not even going to know what to say next.

At which point ask a question, listen, and then relate, while she recovers.

Haha I never thought about sailing that way!

Excellent post, thanks

 

[regossa]

Oh and on meditation I find it a bit tricky as a topic, it's good for connection but sometimes girls find it not so masculine/alpha. Actually had a girl say this outright to me once, and only once I'd told a few wilderness stories did she see that I was a "real man" and start getting wet.

 

[Will_V]

Oh and on meditation I find it a bit tricky as a topic, it's good for connection but sometimes girls find it not so masculine/alpha. Actually had a girl say this outright to me once, and only once I'd told a few wilderness stories did she see that I was a "real man" and start getting wet.

Depends how you frame it with your tone, eye contact, body language etc.

Girls go crazy for all kinds of stuff like meditation. One of my girlfriends used to always want to meditate together, synchronize our breathing as we went to sleep etc. Every girl I talk to about meditation has either tried it (and usually failed because of lack of self control, which makes them even more fascinated by it) or has heard of it and thought about it. They love anything to do with being psychologically led, being completely absorbed in the moment, submitting to rhythm and pleasure, etc. And usually the missing piece in their attempts to experience it on their own is a man who can take control of things without being a doofus.

 

[Derek da man]

The other side is simple honesty. Seriously, the idea of not being able to talk about yourself emotionally is generally just kidding yourself, unless you're really a robot. It's really about fear of rejection, not a real incapability. Get used to it.

Agree you need to get used to it, but also @regossa you may be a hyper sensitive to others views and see them as criticisms. I used to be so can relate to this in a big way. If you describe how something feels she can appear to disagree by having a different opinion, but she can't tell you how YOU felt or that how you felt was wrong. You need to be confident and strong and "own" your values/opinion. If she has a difference of opinion then ask her why she disagrees or how she thinks she would have felt - then it becomes a good conversation.

Oh and on meditation I find it a bit tricky as a topic, it's good for connection but sometimes girls find it not so masculine/alpha. Actually had a girl say this outright to me once

You should have seen this as a test - were you prepared to stand up to her and disagree with her. You need to strengthen your frame a lot. In my experience having a different opinion is a good thing and shows strength. That doesn't mean have disagreements over small things like "is water wet" but you need to support your opinions with sound logic. Give her a list of alpha/male things that are strengthen after a good session of meditation this would then strengthen your frame instead of letting her re-frame it and weaken it. Same as @Will_V said really.