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Long-Term  My girlfriend of 2 years proposes a break up because I can't afford her lifestyle

johndoe

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Dec 18, 2013
Messages
65
Hi folks,

My girlfriend of 2 years has decided to call it quits. She's quite a bit younger than me, and comes from a very affluent family. I'm not a rich guy by any means -- probably solidly middle or lower middle class. I can afford nice things, but definitely not the kind of lifestyle that her family can afford her.

We started out as FWBs, and eventually became an item because she is very mature (for her age), gives me a lot of space and does not create drama. Because she is still a student, after we started sleeping together, I pay for most of the stuff that we do together. I have her pay for small items here and there, so that she doesn't take us for granted. Personally, I don't think it is nice to have her pay for too many things, because it's her family's money, not hers. She took a lot of initiative, especially in the beginning, to offer to foot the bill every now and then, which I appreciated a lot. Not many girls offer to do that nowadays.

She is a foreigner studying in my country, and has to return home during her term break. I always thought that it might be a barrier for us long-term, because she is young, career-minded, and her family has the capability to jet her to all kinds of places.

We recently absconded to another country for a vacation, and that was probably where her concerns were set off. Because my credit cards didn't work there, she had to foot the bill for a lot of the things that we did together, and she was initially very upset about that. We eventually patched things up, and had a great holiday (if sex is a good metric, we had lots of it, especially after patching up), but I could tell that one of the things I said while patching up really affected her.

When we were patching up, she joked about me giving her an allowance, but I could tell that she was testing me too, so I told her that I will not give her an allowance if we were just dating. That really affected her for quite a fair bit, and it was what got her thinking about us more properly. Her mum married out of love when she was younger, and had to hustle to raise her when her parents eventually divorced. Her mum worked very hard to get herself into a good middle-to-high class job and eventually managed to marry a tycoon, and she told me she did not want to squander everything her mum worked for.

I have never been one to think that wealth plays a part in relationships if you've got game. Recently, after watching a lot of Andrew Tate, I've started to think otherwise. Wealth seems to open so many doors, and gives you access to so many more options. I went into a mini-depression last year after seeing one of his videos, because I felt what he said was so true. I have a very comfortable job that pays quite well and has me working what is essentially a 3-day week, so I have a lot of time to myself. I could be earning so much more if I was willing to, but I am lazy, stubborn and complacent.

I hope you guys don't think too badly of my girl, because she is a genuinely wonderful girl. I can probably sway her back if I wanted to (let me know if you think otherwise), but I'm not sure if this is the best thing to do for the both of us. I don't think our relationship can work after she graduates, so if we got back together, I am just dragging out the inevitable.

What will you do in my shoes? And how important do you think wealth is? I definitely got a fire lit under my ass about earning that absurd money now, and I think that's a good thing I'm getting out of this, at least.
 
Last edited:

Skills

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Nov 11, 2019
Messages
4,789
Does not matter is just an excuse for 2 years it did not matter relationship she met you like you are, what happens is the relationship reached a breaking point, Women will magnify flaws thing that never bother of if they did did it get amplify and nitpicked..... If you fix this and become rich she would break up with you anyways (she is nitpicking and looking for excuses, it is an accumulation of things, vs you not having money) Please read my article and video on break up:

https://www.skilledseducer.com/thre...et-society-members-seducers-women-gays.22069/
 

Chase

Chieftan
Staff member
tribal-elder
Joined
Oct 9, 2012
Messages
6,037
@johndoe,

She hit the two-year drop:


It doesn't sound like it's really about money per se. Like what @Skills says

Does not matter is just an excuse for 2 years it did not matter relationship she met you like you are

The moment that flung her into deep reflection / reconsideration on the relationship was this:

We recently absconded to another country for a vacation, and that was probably where her concerns were set off. Because my credit cards didn't work there, she had to foot the bill for a lot of the things that we did together, and she was initially very upset about that. We eventually patched things up, and had a great holiday (if sex is a good metric, we had lots of it, especially after patching up), but I could tell that one of the things I said while patching up really affected her.

When we were patching up, she joked about me giving her an allowance, but I could tell that she was testing me too, so I told her that I will not give her an allowance if we were just dating. That really affected her for quite a fair bit, and it was what got her thinking about us more properly. Her mum married out of love when she was younger, and had to hustle to raise her when her parents eventually divorced. Her mum worked very hard to get herself into a good middle-to-high class job and eventually managed to marry a tycoon, and she told me she did not want to squander everything her mum worked for.

What it is NOT about is "you don't make enough money."

What it IS about is "we've been dating for two years, I want to think about getting serious, and I want to know if you're going to be around to take care of me and any children we have together, because I don't want to end up like my mother did, jettisoned by her man and forced to go it alone." You suddenly not paying for things and her having to foot all the bills, at this stage where she is considering you as her potential very serious long-term partner / husband / baby daddy is what set it into motion, and your response on it nailed it in.

The right response to something like that with a very serious girlfriend is:

HER: You should give me an allowance, haha.​
YOU: Oh yeah? What're you going to do for that allowance?​

You're not actually going to give her an allowance, you are just communicating that a.) you very well COULD give her an allowance if you so chose to, b.) you value her enough that you'd CONSIDER giving her an allowance if she gave you a good enough reason, and c.) if she actually wanted an allowance from you she would have to negotiate it.

I've had this same conversation multiple times with serious girlfriends, about "allowances." I always chuckle and ask them what they'll do to earn it. They just say they're "already doing so much" and talk about whatever they're doing for you: "I cook for you, I take care of this and that, you get sex for free, etc." Then you just laugh and throw it back at them: "What are you talking about, woman? I give you so many orgasms. That's a lot of hard work! You know a lot of guys just get their rocks off in 2 minutes and call it quits there. For that alone you ought to be paying ME. And don't forget [whatever else you do for her]!" Don't list out too many things... you should really only speak for about as long as she spoke. You don't want to escalate it into being a big deal. It's just a funny thing to you. The whole time you're saying it with a half-serious, half-joking expression/tone. Usually she will then back off it, saying she was just kidding, or just testing you.

If she sticks with it you can just lay out some outrageous demands: "I'd be willing to give you an allowance if you did a much better job cleaning and we had at least one threesome with a hot girl a month. I think that'd be worth paying an allowance for." Again, it's all done half-jokingly (you're amused; girls are silly and cute), and you're reiterating that you're capable of taking care of her and willing to do if she does enough, she just has to do enough. To a woman, this subconsciously tells her that if she does something big for you, like bear and rear your children, you will value her enough to not leave her out in the cold.

Also, side tip: any time a girl in an LTR asks you for something and you're not sure what to say, because it feels like a loaded question, a good fall back response is just to laugh and ask her, "And why would I do that?" Once she starts explaining your case you get a moment to think + a better read on how serious she's being or if she just needs some assurances.

====

Anyway, you mishandled the test, but the allowance is not the real issue, so don't go back to her with, "Baby, I'd love to give you an allowance, blah blah" (doesn't sound like you would anyway... just saying).

The real issue is she is probably at the point (2-year drop) where she wants to know if this is really headed to serious forever / marriage / babies territory, and is checking if you're going to stick around for that, or ditch her out in the cold like what happened to her and her mom.

That's what you need to reassure her on... you don't actually need to propose marriage, just to communicate that IF that happened, that in that scenario, you will be the dependable guy.

She's checking for commitment feasibility right now; she doesn't sound like she's pushing for commitment itself yet.

Just, "Is this a guy I COULD push for commitment later on down the line? Or is he simply too unreliable for that?"

It's not about income levels and it's not about allowances.

It's about whether you value her enough that you're going to take care of her when she can't work because she's rearing your offspring.

(of course, if you don't want that with this girl, then this seems like the perfect chance to get out -- in that case, she would have read your disinterest in the provider role accurately, and you exit to go enjoy other gals)

Chase
 
the right date makes getting her back home a piece of cake

johndoe

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Dec 18, 2013
Messages
65
@Chase I'm usually not found wanting when it comes to tact, but you never fail to amaze me with your bag of tricks. 10 years in after finding GC and I'm still learning from you. The "why would I do that?" line is great.

@Skills much appreciated brother. Really thankful that you and Chase took time out to respond.
 
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