Guys this is an updated modern version of mm structure by a
seducer called AIMA from nextasf,:
"Mystery Method Updated to Year 2013 - [All-in-One] Attraction - Comfort - Sex
Announcement: This is long. Read the first paragraphs and then pick the headline you want to read something about. Read what you need to improve on. Re-Read it after you have tried it. Ask questions. Become a better man. Or at least look at the pictures!
Mystery Method Updated to Year 2013
Attraction - Comfort - Sex
Disclaimer (Autumn 2012): I wanted to write this for over a year now! The original Mystery Method (MM) got criticized a lot (both on old mASF and here on fasterseduction). While some call it way too slow or too theoretical the biggest argument has always been that it turnes people into social robots.
I will address all those points in my post and want to show you, that the idea and the system are still up to date and that by understanding it lots of people could get laid much faster and (most important) smoother.
In the german pickup community the Mystery Method is still pretty big and popular, and Ive seen many guys getting huge success with it. Im talking about fast lays, daygame, nightgame, etc. I myself get laid very consistently since I learned this, so I want to share it with you guys who helped me so much since three years ago when I entered your community.
The idea behind the Mystery Method
First off all: In my eyes the name Mystery Method is not a good term. It should much rather be called the Mystery Theory, since the origin of the Mystery Method is not to give people a guideline as what they have to do (aka no walkthrough of seduction). Its much more a theory of how seduction happens in the real world and how naturals (= people who never learned to pick up girls but are still successful at doing so) are seducing women.
In other words the idea is to look at what successful people are doing, understanding the system (that often the naturals themselves have not understood) and apply it to achieve the same (or more).
On social Robots and Routines
The original write up of the MM is full with so called Routines. A Routine (often also called canned material) is something specific that you do or say in a certain situation.
Examples:
Have you ever
- said Hi, Im xxx to a hot girl (Opening Routine)
- told someone about something funny that happened that day in your life (Story-Routine)
- gave a girl a spin (Kino-/Compliance-Routine)
Now in the old book most people misunderstood the idea of routines. They thought they just had to say the things that were outlined in the book (= using the right routines) and they would get girls into bed! The result were lots of people running around and asking girls Who lies more, men or women? (An Opinion opener that was recommend in the original book not very useful for most people, see below) . Doesnt sound very smart, right? Well people believed in that shit back in the old days! It went even worse: After not getting laid from saying Who lies more? they thought they had to follow up with some other things to say and used another routine. Some people tried to memorize routines for every situation possible in a dialog (e.g. What to say when she says yes or no gives answer A or answer B,C,D, etc.).
The ideas behind routines is a pretty different one. The goal is not to use the words that Mystery used or the words that any other famous player XYZ uses. Depending on your character and the person you are YOU NEED TO FIND YOUR OWN (!) ROUTINES! I get laid saying shit that wont work for most people, and many of my buddies do or say some stuff that just woudnt work for me people wouldnt believe me! And neither of us thinks about the shit we say, but we trap ourselves saying stuff again and again that we have used successfully in the past.
Attention: Im not saying its wrong to use other peoples routines in general, but you always have to ask yourself if this routine would fit your personality (= are you congruent with what you say?). Many beginners have not thought about that they were just unhappy with their life in general and tried to copy someone more successful. What they didnt understand was that it would have been much smarter to COPY THE SYSTEM BEHID THE WORDS INSTEAD OF THE ACTUAL WORDS BEING SAID!
The Phases of a successful sedution
In his original theory Mystery said that a successful seduction can be broken down into smaller parts (=phases). In his eyes there were three attraction-phaeses (A1, A2, A3), three comfort phases (C1, C2, C3) and three sexual phases (S1, S2, S3).
While for Mystery the phases were separated pretty strictly, we believe nowadays that the line between those phases is fluent. Often it is better to move forward or backwards in phases or keep element of earlier phases active during the whole seduction! I will give concrete examples below, as Im going to describe the different phases.
Opening (A1)
The main assumption behind opening is that in the beginning you are (in her eyes) having less value than she has. She is hot and good looking, gets approached by a bunch of guys and has guys texting her all the time, guys are nothing special, so why should you be special?
That is your starting point!
Now you know the saying there is only one chance to make a good first impression thats just what we want to do: Make a good first impression. But thats all. Many guys think they have to win the set over with the opener! HELL NO!! We know that she thinks your value is lower than hers and therefore we are prepared for that. You see, all the opener is really for is giving us the (best possible) chance to move to the next step (raising our value).
General guidelines:
- 3 second rule
- Tilt head to the side
- Speak loud and clear, suiting the situation
- Good posture (like a man!)
- If in doubt: Indirect opener
- Some guys recommend opening with your body not facing the target
Example:
Aima walking from one dancefloor to another, 2 girls are coming from the opposite dancefloor.
Aima: Hell noooooooo, you guys dont want to go there!!!! (Situational Opener)
HBs: wtf??? Smiling
Aima: They play the good music right over there (pointing to the dancefloor they are coming from) Here they only play Backstreet Boys all the time, and I know you guys HATE the Backstreet Boys (False cold read)
HBs: Noooo, we looooooove the Backstreetboys (reacting on false cold read)
How do I open which sets?
- Only females -> open ugly girl first
- Male in the set -> open male first
- big group -> big groups normally device into small sub-groups (aka not every is talking with everyone)! Pick a subgroup and treat it like a normal set.
A2 (Female to male attraction)
Now I told you that when you are opening the girl thinks her value is higher than yours. If you have done the opening good you may already have build some attraction (mostly with your body language), but hopefully you have (at least) bought yourself some time. In the next phase (A2) you want to concentrate on raising your value (in her eyes). To be more concrete, you want to raise your relevant value towards her, meaning you either have to raise your value (DHV = Display of higher value) or you have to lower her value (DLV = Display of lower value in the meaning of recognizing something about her that lowers her value (be careful with these!)). By raising your value she will become attracted to you! This is because people in general (males and females) like to find a sexual partner that has higher value. (Value does not mean a higher position in society or more money value means much more!)
In other words you can say that attraction is nothing else but having high (higher) value (from her point of view).
While the original MM mostly concentrated on creating attraction with words, todays methods offer a much wider spectrum of things you can do! Think of anything you can create attraction with this is the point to use it!
Some tools are
- DHV-stories (included because its the biggest part of the old MM)
- Delivery / Congruence (same)
- Kino escalation (very big today)
- Passing shit-tests (see below)
DHV-stories
To understand the idea of displaying higher value you first want to understand what kind of things are of value (=attractive) in her eyes. While this is obviously something that is different from women to women, here are some things that many women are attracted to
- Preselection (= There are other women in your life, you treat them good, you are showing unneedyness and eventually make her a little jealous)
- Social Proof (= You have many friends, many people love you and therefore you cant be that bad of a guy, but must be a pretty cool guy on the other hand)
- Leader of man (= Being the so called alpha other men look up to you and would like to experience/ live your life, like to hear your stories, etc.)
- Protector of loved ones (= You protect the people you care about and you show the girl that she can trust you, she can feel save and secure around you)
- Stability (=You have a life and goals , you have either motivation, ambition or a job/financial security)
- Confidence (= being yourself and standing your man, but in the most positive way, you do what you want but you are reasonable (see below))
- Being reasonable (= Having reasons for the things you are doing in your life, not doing anything bad without having a reason, etc.)
Now the first five of those above are the so called Attraction Switches. Imagine them like a light switch they can either be turned on or turned off. What you want to do is turn on as many of those switches as possible, but once a switch is turned on, you dont need to focus on this switch anymore.
That is a common mistake that many beginners do, they are for example already preselected in her eyes but keep going and going about how many women will want to fuck them. No matter how subtle he does it, she will not understand why he displays that again and again and may eventually start thinking of it as bragging! Bragging is something lower value people do therefore your value will sink even though you tried to do the right thing! So turn on a switch and move to the next!
So how do you implement those DHVs in your game? Certainly not by bragging!
Preselection
Bad example: Im having a lot of sex!
Good example: HB talking about whatever Aima: Haha, I know what youre talking about! Lately my bed is squeaking, I should really repair that! When shes asking how you know that, just use a false disqualifier (= what? Noooo, Im still a virgin, what do you think of me?).
Social Proof
Bad example: I know a lot of people
Good example: Use peoples names in your story and wave your friends, have them come over to say hi, etc.)
Leader of man
Bad: Everyone wants to hear my opinion
Good: On Thursday I have another presentation for my guys I had to promise them!
Delivery / Congruence
Mystery talked a lot about delivery and congruence. What he meant was that the stuff that you do and say must fit your character (congruence) or at least must seem like its fitting your character (because you delivered the routine like someone with a fitting character would).
Many people look at the routines that Mystery used and ask themselves How the fuck could that work? If I would say stuff like that, people would laugh at me and give me weird looks!
Now what you have to understand is the following: When Mystery entered a room, most people were looking at him, because he was 1. very tall and 2. was wearing crazy shit to draw attention to himself (peacocking). People would open him all the time just because he looked like some guy from another world. If you have that in mind, you can understand how saying the stuff he said could actually attract women!
Now Im pretty sure you are not like Mystery, you are more normal I guess (at least I am). So now you have to think on what YOU can say or do that works for YOU in YOUR SITUATION to create attraction. Mystery found his routines, you have to find your routines! You will recognize that some stuff fits your character (= congruence) and you will also recognize that you get better the more you use your routines (= your delivery gets better and you will seem even more congruent).
A few hints to help you improve the delivery:
- Dont move too frantically
- Point out the hook line of your story THAT was BY FAR the SICKEST THING that EVER happened to me in the subway!
- Use breaks
- Use your hands to underline what you say
- Imitate peoples voice when talking about them
- Try to make the story as lively as possible
Why do I give hints on your delivery? Because even if you talk about something that happened to you (= a story you are very congruent with, because it happened to you) you do still want to deliver the story in a way that people have fun listening! (= good delivery).
Bad: I once worked at the set of CSI Miami, it was fun.
Good: You know CSI Miami? You will NEVER BELIEVE how they actually shoot those scenes!! (and then you go on!)
Escalation:
See this great post of Warped Mindless in the Hall of Fame. (i edited this to link here)
Dont think escalation is as unimportant, it is most important! But escalation by itself is such a big topic and some much smarter people have written up their stuff already, no need for me to do that! Take any good post about escalation (not only physical escalation but also escalation of the vibe) and apply the stuff!
Passing shit-tests
A shit-test is a thing the girl says or does to test the males willpower. Most often the woman wants to see how far can I go with him? or tries to press the male into a lower value position (therefore raising her own relative value).
Basic examples:
Do you do that often? I mean pick up girls (Trying to lower your value)
You just want to have sex, I can see that! (Also trying to lower your value)
Would you buy me a drink? (Would he do that for me? Does he like me that much already? Have I done enough to own that drink, or is he just trying to buy himself into my pants?)
Now shit-tests are very special when it comes to creating attraction, and thats why I (and many other experienced players) love them so much: A shit-test is like a fork in a road! After a shit-test you will either have more attraction (if you pass the shit-test) or you will have less attraction (if you fail to pass).
For me girls that do shit-test a lot are by far the easiest targets, because they will shoot one shit-test after another at you and by passing each and every one of them your attraction will skyrocket in no time! (If you really want to deal with a girl like that is another question, think about the hot-crazy-scale of Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother). For this you obviously need to practice how to pass those tests! I will give a few examples, but you will have to find solutions that work for you! This is where experience plays a big role!
Example 1:
HB: I dont just have sex with everyone!
Aima: Well I really dont understand all that hype about sex, I mean without sex none of us would be here right? Sex is just a natural thing to do when two people are attracted, damn people even had sex long before they could talk! (cred: Teevster, check out his sextalk guides for more refraiming advice)
Example 2:
Player 60yearsofchallenge walking up to two strippers
60: Hi, Im 60
HBs (pissed): Go away!
60 (genuine and humble): I just wanted to introduce myself since you guys look like fun
HBs (staring at him, angry)
60 (holding the EC, genuine and humble)
HBs (cheering up): Wow, you got balls! We like you! Sit down!
Generally if you feel like you get shit-tested, just look her straight in the eyes and then after a short pause slowly turn your head away, not saying anything!
Attention! Important news regarding A2
Creating attraction and raising your value is the hardest part (!!!) of the whole seduction process! You can spend your whole life trying to become better at creating attraction (= raising your value). No matter what some gurus tell you, you will never be able to attract any girl. But using what we use can help you get the best out of yourself right now. Dont worry if you have problems raising your value in an interaction its normal! And think about it that way: After you have raised your value, the rest of the game is not nearly as hard (not saying it is less important quite the opposite, as you will see).
A3 (male to female attraction)
During A2 you have raised your value higher than her value (in her eyes). Now the girls wants you (= you are the prize) and you give her the chance to win you over! And we do it step by step (very important!!).
Why do we do it step by step if the girl wants us already? Because the more you make her invest into you, the stronger her connection to you will be. Also we are making use of the human psychology: By giving her a chance to improve her own value (= qualifying to us) we make her work and therefore invest into us.
Old example from the german community: Imagine you have saved money for five years and worked hard to buy yourself the car of your dreams, a red Ferrari Smooth Edition! And imagine further that on the day you buy the car, you win the lottery and you win the exact same car, so now you have two identical red Ferrari Smooth Edition in your garage. You dont need the same car twice, so you will sell one of the two. They are the same, same color, same engine, both brand new. Which one will you sell? The red Ferrari you worked five years for? Or the one that just landed in your hands?
Most people (and I agree) would sell the car from the lottery, because they would feel some kind of connection to the car they worked for (not to mention the fact that you can tell everyone this is my dream car that I worked hard for and earned myself!).
Its the same with women and their men they will stick to the one they worked for! So lets make her work a bit!
So once again: We give her a chance to impress us (= improve her value by qualifying to us), to make her invest. In other words we make her (!) give us reasons (!) to like her (!).
Read that last sentence once again, its the base concept of A3.
So how do we do that?
- Compliance
- Bait Hook Reel Release
- Screening (male to female), Qualification (female to male)
There is no straight line between those three things, since they all work for the same goal.
Compliance
A Compliance test (often also called hoop) is like a verbal or nonverbal hoop you hold for the women to jump through. Verbal compliance tests are often questions, but they can also be simple statements!
Examples:
Verbal:
Can you cook?
Do you do sports?
Non-Verbal:
Can you hold my glass?
Give me your hand?
Most interactions are compliance tests. Asking for her name is a small compliance test, having sex with her is a big compliance test. Same thing is she is borrowing you money or you ask her to buy you a drink/ pay the bill.
If she takes the test (= jumps through your hoop) she gets a rewards (= Indicator of Interest from you to her), if she is not compliant (= not jumping through the hoop) you give her an IoD (=Indicator or Disinterest). The idea is make her feel good when she is compliant (= jumping through the hoop) and withhold good feelings when she is not compliant. Important: The IoD is no punishment, you dont want to make her feel bad! You just dont want to make her feel good either!
Soon she will connect being compliant with having a good feeling and will therefore be even more compliant. Eventually this will lead to her being compliant to the idea of sex (this can happen very fast).
Most good players in Germany like to combine Compliance with Bait Hook Reel Release (BHRR), see below.
Beforehand two important points!
First: Be aware that compliance is super important! During the whole interaction up till the sex happens, you want to increase the compliance just like you increase the kino escalation! Because she has been more and more compliant all the time before, chances that she will have LMR are much lower, since she will have good feelings connected with following your lead.
Second: Be aware not to install negative compliance!
Example:
PUA takes her hand, gives her a spin.
PUA (making fun of her): Haha, what was that?
This will build negative compliance, she will connect following your lead with a bad feeling (= you making fun of her). Therefore chances are lower that she will follow your lead later on!
Instead use a push/pull (Reel/Release, see BHRR below):
Reel: Uhhh, very sexy ! (IoI = Indicator of Interest)
Release: I give you a B+ (IoD = Indicator of Disinterest + DHV (Humor), Roleplay)
Bait Hook Reel Release (BHRR)
BHRL is also part of the original Mystery Method and probably the thing I have least experience with! Its quite complicated to do during normal talking, but you can throw it in from time to time! Some people in Germany really dig it and have good success, some really good guys even claim it to be the most important technique in A3. That is the reason why I will explain the system in a few words.
As explained above the idea is to make the women work for you, and exactly that is what we are doing here. Imagine a fish that you want to catch during fishing! You use your bait in the hope that the fish will hook, you reel it in, but then instead of eating it you release it into the water, therefore starting the whole process again! Thats what we do with the women: We give them a chance to qualify (bait), when she qualifies (hook) we set some positive compliance (reel /pull) and then give her a slightly push, showing her that she has still not won us completely (release / light push).
Examples:
Bait: Give me your hand (= Compliance Test), trying to spin her
Hook: Gives her hand and does the spin
Reel: Uhhh, very sexy ! (IoI = Indicator of Interest)
Release: I give you a B+ (IoD = Indicator of Disinterest + DHV (Humor), Roleplay)
Bait: Do you do sports?
Hook: Yeah just today I was jogging for one and a half hour
Reel: Thats cool, I like people who stay fit (IoI)
Release: but I dont like jogging myself, its just too boring! I prefer (IoD, said friendly and smiling, not insulting! Remember we only want a slight push to set some positive compliance! If you ruin the Reel with your Release she will have a bad feeling and she will probably not be as motivated to hook again (because she combined the hook with a negative feeling)).
Dont think of the BHRR as something that you have to do conversation will become like an interview and predictable if you use this all the time! Instead think about it in a bigger picture you want to give her a chance to qualify, she may even hook and talk for a bit, talking back and forth (her qualifying to you) and then you can set a good Reel (pull) and add a Release (little push).
Bait: How was your weekend? Any big adventures or traveling? (Compliance test)
Hook: bla bla story of her weekend in Miami, both of you talk back and forth
Reel: Wow you are really cool! (IoI)
Release: (laughing, kidding) I mean as far as I can tell, after all we just met here in the club and you know what kind of strange people run around when its dark (IoD + DHV (Humor)).
You can also give her Hoops when she asks you something.
Example:
HB: How old are you?
Aima: Have a guess
You make her work and invest for information about you.
What do you do when the girl is not compliant (= not jumping through your hoop/ not taking your compliance test)? You react with an IoD and an additional DHV. Its actually quite easy:
Aima: What do you like to do in your spare time?
HB: I dont know meet some friends and stuff (= lame boring answer / being to cool to give a real answer, etc.)
Aima: (ironically, raising eyebrow, deadpan voice): Wow, Ive never heard anyone ever say that! Tell me more (= IOD + Humor this works because she is already attraced after A2).
(Do this without having build attraction in A2 and you will kick yourself out of the set! Just saying there is a time to use ironic comments and there is a time not to use them).
Alternative: Looking in her eyes, saying nothing, after a pause slowly turning head away and looking away, silence.
In addition you can basically apply everything on this board about push/pull, just make sure you set the right compliance!
Screening (male to female), Qualification (female to male)
This is pretty much common sense, but I still want to lose a few words! Of course you could use basically ANYTHING as a compliance test. But instead you should use the time effectively and use compliance tests that screen if the lady is the kind of girl that you are looking for.
Bad Example:
What do you think about horses? is a compliance test. But I dont give a fuck weather she cares about horses or not! So I should rather use a compliance test that at the same time tells me something about her that I would like to know!
Better:
Are you adventurous? (And if she says yes): Interesting! When was your last adventure?
I like high heels a lot, so I often talk with girls about their shoes!
You are wearing no heels tonight? Why is that?
Nice shoes how high are they?
When asked weather I like shoes I love high heels, they emphasize every womens legs tits and ass, simply delicious!
With the statements above I show the girls what I like (high heels) and therefore give them a chance to say what I want to hear, they qualify themselves (=trying to make me like them).
Often girls tell me how they are not into one night stands, simply because they think that would make them seem slutty and of low value. But by refraiming sex as something normal, they often open up and tell me how much they love sex and tell me their favorite positions or tell me kinky sex stories!
Now probably everyone prefers those stories compared to some talking about horses. When talking about topics you like you dont need to fake being interested, but are actually interested! The things you say will become more congruent (remember we dont want to become incongruent just because we are in A3 now).
In other words you want
- talk about things you are interested in
- give them chances to say the right things!
You can also use this to shape the girl in a way you want. If I screen for a LTR I will qualify her differently than when Im looking for a ONS. As I said, its common sense, I dont screen her for being faithful when I want her to cheat on her boyfriend with me. And I dont screen her for being slutty when I want her to fall in love with me (but I will still screen her for being sexual of course).
Once again attention: Sometimes the girl just has nothing interesting to say to your question! Accept it and laugh it off! Please dont just give her an IoD for being honest with you, okay?
How do I recognize if I have enough Attraction (A2 A3 Transitioning?)
The line is not clear, most people I know try to transition after they have gotten their first IoI from the girl (this can happen extremely fast (seconds) or take a lot time (several minutes). The idea is to assume attraction and just throw out one or two compliance tests. If the jumps through the hoop, you move on, if she does not jump/not qualify herself, you go back to A2. Switching back and forth is no problem, as long as she qualifies herself in the end.
YES! Sometimes women can be very attracted and are still not qualifying. An experienced player will recognize that and simply move on to the next phase (some advanced players even skip A3 completely to be faster in bed with the hottie), but I recommend all beginners/intermediates to do normal A3 to play it save.
Rule of thumb: Learn and apply the system before you modify its basic concepts!
Comfort (C1, C2, C3)
First the most important thing: The game is played in comfort! In other words: Comfort is the most important part of the game! This is the part where you have gathered enough resources (attraction) to build something long lasting (= a true connection).
Now some of you may just be out for the quick ONS, and its 100% true that you can lay girls without doing comfort (what I mean is doing only very little comfort, just enough to make her feel secure) I will address ONS again later. But talking about comfort now: if you want to see the girl again or (god forbid) you want to have more than just meaningless sex with her, this is the thing you want to concentrate on! Also in my experience comfort is extremely important with girls that are not into ONS (yes, those are out there!). Additionally, comfort will make your numbers solid (my numbers are more than 95% solid), which is extremely helpful when you cant lay her that very night (due to logistics or her period or whatever). Even more important: the more she thinks of you as her soul-mate, the more effort she is willing to put into the whole interaction (and the more effort she will put into the sex)!
What Im talking about is girls bringing you presents, girls wanting to do anything to please you (in bed and elsewhere), girls canceling other things just to see you, girls texting you good night before they go to bed and girls being there for you in case you ever need someone. Ever wanted to get treated better than her ex boyfriends without even being her boyfriend? Ever wanted to have a girl become your solid girlfriend? All this and much more is comfort! Let me repeat again: The game is played in comfort.
I have two charts that will show you the difference between attraction and comfort! First thing you have to understand is that attraction is emotional (!) and comfort is logical (!). Attraction will make her feel like she wants you, comfort will make her understand why she wants you (= give her reason).
Look at the chart below you need all three (attraction, comfort and closing) for a successful and strong seduction.
Comfort 1.jpg
Without attraction first, you will fall into the friend zone, and we know its hard to ever get out again.
Without comfort she will not feel a connection with you! But why is that? Look at the second chart I brought you guys:
Comfort2.jpg
As I said attraction is emotional and comfort is logical! Now the problem with an emotional connection (= only based on attraction) is that its fading away pretty fast. Think of it as Out of sight, Out of mind! Its part of how our brain works! And this is also the reason why she is not picking up her phone when you call her! The good feeling is just not there anymore, instead (her logical side) has probably even build up bad feelings regarding your interaction (= we call this buyers remorse). Without having addressed the logical side (= comfort) during the seduction, there will be nothing in her brain left that wants her to meet you again. Still, this is how many short term seducers work. Starting today, you know better!
Talking about comfort
Now in the old MM Mystery was separating comfort into three different phases, C1, C2 and C3. The difference between those phases was the place where you interact with the girl (C1 = Isolation, C2 = different location, C3 = your apartment / different sex location).
Nowadays we dont feel the need to separate between those three phases anymore, so we are simply talking about Comfort as one whole thing. Thats nothing special, because in all three phases we are planning the same thing: We are trying to build a deep emotional (=logical) Connection while building trust, ease and coziness.
The first step for comfort is what we call Isolation. The goal is to create a situation where you can talk alone with the girl (and therefore work on your connection without being interrupted).
Examples:
- In a club, take her to a quite table close to her friends.
- In a club again, talk alone with her, standing a few feet away from here friends
- In a social situation go to the kitchen with her or talk on the balcony
Experienced players know how to create isolation basically anywhere! I will never forget one of the best naturals I ever met, sitting at a big table with me and my friends and some girls, and he just moved his chair a bit closer to the girl sitting next to him and started a low volume conversation with her, they were whispering at each other and we others just kept talking normally, while those two just created their own little space right there! Great isolation from that natural friend of mine and a move I have myself successfully copied several times!
Now why is isolation that important? Because it will help you to make her focus on one thing: on you! She will not be distracted by her friends! At the same time a more private frame is set, now you are exchanging information that are not for anybody, only for you two (= special connection). Additionally you can drive more kino (= ideally no watching friends -> she wont feel looked at) and she will get used to being (more) alone with you (= good compliance).
Typical ways to isolate go from just grabbing her hand over I need to show you something to simply talking to her friends first (Im borrowing your friend for a minute, Ill bring her back, I promise + big friendly smile).
Isolation in a club becomes easier when you stay into eyesight with her friends. She wont feel like you are taking her away and will therefore be more comfortable with the situation. Her friends on the other hand will look over and see that everything is okay, so you reduce cock blocking (I barely get cock blocked at all).
The next steps are once again just techniques that I recommend, try to find the stuff that works for you and fits your style!
- Spend time together
- Bouncing
- Nicknames, Insider
- Grounding
- Vulnerability
- Physical Comfort
- Befriending her friends
Before I explain those techniques, another very very (!) important point: Many people (especially beginners and people who are just learning comfort) are making the mistake to just become extremely boring when they start their comfort game! Part of that goes back to the old MM, where Mystery didnt point out one very crucial point: When you enter comfort, your attraction game (A2/A3) does not stop!
Yeah you understood me correctly! Many people simply start their comfort routines and start talking about their family and their dog and I dont know what! You dont want to be like that! Instead implement the comfort stuff into the interaction!
Soon you will have a feeling for when to have a logical conversation with a girl (= comfort) and for when you need to make a joke or tease her a little (= attraction). For the beginner the basic guideline will be: Try to go for comfort, see if she is compliant (= comfort is just another compliant test) and pay attention to her reactions during the talk. When you feel like things are getting boring, either bounce (see below) or throw in some attraction stuff.
Think of the chart above - you want to slowly create balance between the emotional and the logical side. Dont just go all logical because you have been all emotional (= attraction) beforehand! Just go a little bit more into comfort mode and create a long lasting strong connection (=logical, comfort) while making use of the powerful short term connection (=emotional, attraction).
Spend time together
Think about the persons in your life that you feel the strongest connection with! Those are normally the people you have spend a huge amount of time with! You had good time and bad times, but most of all you had MANY times together! There are a lot of memories regarding that person and from all the things you have experienced together, you really have the feeling you know that person well and can trust this person. In other words you are feeling comfortable around that person!
Try to spend a lot of time with your target. The more time you have spend, the more she will feel comfortable around you (= comfort = logical connection). But dont get boring and dont lose touch with the emotional side of the game (see the chart above again) or you will end in the friendzone.
Comfort2.jpg
Now I know its not always easy to spend a lot of time with a girl, especially not if you want to lay her really really fast! Thats why we players have some tricks that we use, the most important trick being bouncing!
Bouncing
Bouncing is what we call the change of locations. Most guys make the mistake to always stay at the same place with a girl. For example they will meet a girl for a drink during a date and thats it. When her friends ask her what the date was like, she will say Well we had a drink. In her brain you will be the guy she only had a drink with.
Now lets compare that with a date where you use the power of bouncing.
You arrange the date and make her pick you up. When shes at your door you give her a super short tour through your apartment/house (at the same time making her more comfortable with your place). Afterwards you go to a location where you can talk good (for example drinking cocktails). Instead of ending things here you just drink one cocktail and move on to an other place afterwards. In that second place the focus is not on conversation but on other things (cinema, theme park, etc. some external entertainment). On the way home you stop at a restaurant and talk a bit more.
By the time you two are back together at your place, the two of you will have experienced so much more than people do normally on a normal date. Its like you have fitted three little dates (cocktails, cinema, restaurant) into one date. And it never got boring!
In addition (in her brain) she will have you connected with several places at once! You are more present in her brain! And even though this was just one date, she will have the feeling as if you have known each other for a much longer time (since this kind of connection is something that normally only develops after several meetings).
But Bouncing is not only something you can do during dates! Even when you start meeting her right there in the club, you can create several memories in a short amount of time! Dont just stand in one corner and talk to her, this will get boring!
- Check out all the different dance floors
- Never sit at the same place twice (except you like to sit with her friends)
- Every time you get a drink, go to a different bar (most clubs have more than one place to get a drink)
If you can, try to bounce outside that very night! Go to a pizza place close by and grab a snack! Go to a convenient store and buy some water for the two of you. Go to a different club! To a bar. Go prank the neighbors! It doesnt even matter!
The goal should be to create as many different memories as possible!
Small hint: If you have several ideas about what to do, try to do something she has never done before. In addition its always good to shoot for extreme emotions! If she is experiencing strong emotions, her brain will mistake those strong emotions for attraction. And people never forget the first time they rolled this huge rollercoaster! Its the forth time they forget and dont think about!
So from now on, make use of the time you have with a girl and create as many memorable moments as possible!
Nicknames, Insider
What else is it that connects you with your best friends? Well one thing is for sure: you guys will have a lot of insiders! Those insiders may be funny things you experienced together, something funny someone said at a special situation, a quote from a movie you enjoyed or something similar.
Those insiders connect the two of you in a special way. Outsiders may be hearing the words, but they wont understand why you two start laughing. In other words: Insiders are a group phenomenon. And this is again something you can use to your advantage!
When you talk with a girl and you see the option to do a reference to something said earlier, just go for it! Dont think about insiders too much, since you cant really plan them. But if you and your target have developed an insider, try to cultivate it.
You can also give her a nickname. Animal names are good, the same goes for Disney characters and comic figures. Be creative.
Grounding
When I tell you that Bouncing is the most important technique you want to learn for building comfort, then Grounding is the second most important!
Grounding means showing her how you became the person that you are. In other words you are telling her the reasons why you think or behave in a certain way.
If you think being honest is very important, than there is possible a reason why you think like that. You may have made experience with someone who was not honest and you didnt like that. Or you think its important to be honest because otherwise life would just be chaos and one could never lay back and relax. Or you think being honest prevents a lot of drama and therefore you have no place in your life for people who are not honest.
That is just one example of what could be the reason for you (!) to hold a certain value high.
Next thing: Why do you work in the job that you have? (financial independence? being really good at it and feeling fulfilled?) Why do you enjoy a certain sport?
A few examples (mostly routines):
HB: What sport do you do?
Aima: I go to the gym three times a week
HB: Oh, so you life weights? ( like everyone else)
Aima: Yeah, I just love how you can measure yourself at the weights. You know how everything in life change all the time, but I tell you one thing, 200 pounds is always 200 pounds! And if I manage to lift 205 then Im a better and stronger person than before!
HB: Oh okay *smiling*
Why is she smiling at the end? Because now she understands why I like that sport! She can understand my actions and see my motives, I become more predictable and show her my values! Values are always intimate informations, therefore she will have the feeling that I open up to her (I actually do). On top I showed a passion and showing passion is always good (= being able to have passion for something is attractive).
Examples:
HB: So what do you do for a living?
Aima: Im a law student, I just passed the bar.
HB: Oh okay
Aima: I know what you may think. But law just comes easy to me. And being a lawyer is a job I can see myself getting up for in the morning for something like 40 years. On top I can earn enough money to travel. You know traveling is my biggest passion. (transition to talking about traveling).
HB: So are you a family person?
Aima: Well, you know how people always ask if you are a family yes or a family no person? Im definitely a family yes person. My family rocks! I love them so much and they are the most precious thing in my life! My younger brother is the most important person in my life! I would die for him! What about you?
As you can see Im using some very strong emotions here (love, and loving something so much you would die for it). But I have never gotten any bad reaction on that story every. Its because Im congruent with that story and I honestly feel that way.
* *
As you can see, grounding comes down to telling her why you feel or think a certain way. Ask yourself, why do you do your job? Why do you do that sport? Why do you think family, money, traveling are important? What are your goals in life? Why do you have those specific goals? How did your childhood influence you? Puberty?
If asked, I have reasons for everything I do and think. I can also give reasons why I feel certain ways. Sharing some of those information with her will let her into your world and she will ultimately have the feeling that she understands you better than anyone else (=she really knows you).
* *
Dont forget that you have it in your hand to trigger a Grounding conversation. Some questions you may ask.
- What did you want to become when you were a little girl? And dont tell me a princess
- You look like a person who knows exactly what she wants (self point)
- Do you like that job?
- What do you look for in a man? I mean apart from him being awesome in bed.
Vulnerability
When talking about Grounding we also have to talk about Vulnerability. Dont be afraid to show some vulnerability during Comfort. But dont overdo it. One little story is normally enough to show that you have a soft core inside your attractive and strong character.
Example:
HB: Being faithful is very important to me
Aima: I know what you are talking about. My second girlfriend was cheating on me. I caught her in the act.
HB: Not really (shocked)
Aima: Yeah, I had a student job at a baker store, trying to earn some money for my driving license (shits expensive in germany) that was at a time when she complained and said I should spend more time with her. So I managed to leave work earlier and drove directly from work to her place. When I arrived, she was not alone
HB: Oh wow Im so sorry.
Aima (shy smile) Normally I dont tell this anyone. Its crazy how comfortable I feel around you
HB *smiling comforting*
You see how I turned the conversation at the end? I used the story to create some strong emotions inside her (maybe someone cheated on her too, at least she can imagine it) while giving her reasons to trust me (= he was cheated on, he wont do it to me because he knows how much it hurts) while also telling a story of how I worked for my future (=driving license) and was putting effort into a girl I liked (=every girl wants that). Finally I was taking all those strong emotions from the past right to the present. By sharing a secret she has the feeling to be something special, but speaking about how comfortable I feel around her she will feel more comfortable herself.
And in case you wonder: Yes, this is a true story! And yes, it is one of my strongest routines! At the end I do often take her hand a caress it (=physical comfort).
But always remember: After such a heavy story with enormous emotions, you want to relax the atmosphere and either talk about something funny and relaxing or bounce. Dont even let the emotions get you down you have made your point (in this case =being vulnerable, being faithful, being a good boyfriend, Grounding). Now you want to move on in the interaction.
Physical Comfort
Comfort doesnt always have to be verbal. I love to use kino for building comfort. You can hug her when she tells you a very sad story and hold her really tight. But you can also do what I like to call couple kino: When walking with her, hold her hand. Dont ask, just take it as if its the most normal thing to do.
Other things you can do:
- Caress her neck
- Caress her hands during conversation
- Lay your arm around her
- Caress her leg
- Touch/Lay your hand on her lower back
And this includes also every move you have ever done to show your former girlfriend how much you liked her.
I call this couple kino because you dont want to make her horny, but you want to make her feel more comfortable and make her feel secure. The idea is to give her an idea what it would be like to be your girlfriend / spend more time with you. And you want away some fears she may have.
Befriending her friends
When ever you have the chance, try to befriend her friends briefly. In a club, a girl will often be out with her friends! Those friends can be the biggest cock blocks or they can be super supportive! Your goal is to make them like you as much as possible in the shortest time possible!
Most of the time the friends will be worried that you are the wrong guy for their friend! Talk with the group or the friends, exchange a few words and show them you are just a normal guy, no crazy psycho that is going to rape her friend! You dont need to force this talk, instead just throw a question at the friend and see if she is willing to talk. Be genuine and humble.
I often ask the friend: So how do you two (target and her) know each other? Are you classmates/workmates? That makes them both talk and creates some group energy.
Another thing you want to do is make your target understand that you like her friends! Often a friend will come over and be quite protective about her friend, look if shes alright and then go away again. Here I often say She is really looking after you! You can be glad to have a friend like her, thats only something really good friends do for each other!
She often replies Yeah, she is the best with a big smile. Now she has the feeling that I like and understand her friends, what makes it much easier for her to see me as part of her group. She also doesnt need to be afraid to have me join the group, because she knows I will be positive and friendly towards her friends!
All this leads to her having a good positive feeling towards you (=comfort).
Final words on skipping comfort:
I know guys who say they pull girls without comfort. I have pulled girls with almost zero comfort myself. When you have really really strong attraction game and the situation and the girl are in your favor, it can work. But pay attention to what I said. I said I have pulled girls with ALMOST zero comfort. Some comfort has to be there.
It is a 100% fact that you wont have sex with a girl thats not feeling comfortable on a basic level. Maybe she is trusting strangers easily, then you dont need much comfort game. Maybe your appearance or how other people treat you are making her feel comfortable. Maybe she has watched you beforehand and feels like you are save.
Fact is: Maybe she is comfortable enough around you WITHOUT YOU DOING ANYTHING. Thats right, I have experiences many situations where I didnt have to do any comfort game to win the girl. But just because I didnt have to run comfort game doesnt mean there was no comfort. The comfort was there so I didnt have to create it.
Think about it: Sometimes the girl just seems to find you super attractive without you having done anything! The same can happen for comfort. Unluckily, there is almost never a case when she both finds you instantly attractive and is instantly comfortable with you. In most cases you have to work on at least one end, mostly you will have to do work on both ends.
Is it therefore a good advice to skip comfort when you just want to bang her quickly? No it is not! But with what you have learned here, you can tell quite quickly if she is comfortable enough around you (= comfort is another compliance test). And if you feel there is no need for comfort, then skip comfort. But if you are not sure add a tiny bit of comfort and gather her reaction. Then take it from there!
And if you are a beginner, do the comfort.
If you want to make her your girlfriend, do the comfort.
If you want her to make you breakfast next morning, do the comfort.
If you want to reduce LastMinuteResistance (LMR), do the comfort.
And if you want her to give her best in bed, do the comfort.
Is comfort a must have? In most situations, yes!
And I swear you will recognize the situation when its one of those rare cases when you dont need comfort.
Sex (S1, S2, S3)
You have successfully attracted the girl. You have (during the same night or over one/ a few dates) created enough comfort. Congratulations, now its time for the actual sex!
Mystery divided the Sex into three parts:
S1: Foreplay (in the sex location, e.g. your bedroom)
S2: Last Minute Resistance (LRM)
S3: The Sex happens
Once again I dont think a separation in different phases is necessary. Just focus on the main thing: Getting her horny and getting it in!
If you have done everything else (=attraction and comfort) correctly, you wont face any problems. Having sex is no longer her decision, but you have made it your decision. If you have used your knowledge to create attraction and to build comfort, you have earned the sex. You seduced this women. And she is on and about to fall for you. Congratulations!
On Last Minute Resistance
In case of last minute resistance, most people recommend a freeze out. I have never done a freeze out successfully. All I ever did was being persistent and trying to make her horny.
A few techniques:
- Kiss her neck and ears
- Tell her how horny she makes you
- Pull your cock out
- Touch her between her legs, touch her breast
- Breath heavily
- Maybe bite her gently
- Moan
Then if she still resists, make a small break. Do some light attraction and comfort game, then initiate again by telling her how you cant stop, how horny she makes you. If you have a boner, its recommended to pull it out!
If the girl is really shy (or a virgin) she may need a lot more comfort than normal women. But maybe she was only waiting for you to pull your cock out. Take it from there, be dominant, then gentle, funny, again dominant and dont break the atmosphere.
If that doesnt help, break the atmosphere, take her mind off and then surprise her but going for the sex again. Always smile when she pushes you away. This girl is already making out with you, so her rejection is just a joke. Smile it off.
She has probably never seen a guy taking LMR that way, and that alone will make her curious what a guy like that is going to be like in bed.
One last advice: if you face strong LRM often, then the problem lies somewhere in your game, may it be Attraction or Comfort. Fix the problem and the LMR will go. Dont focus on breaking LRM when the real problem was your game beforehand.
Additional Pointers
On kissing
In which phase should you kiss the girl? Well, I like to kiss the girls during my comfort game, when she starts to feel Im not only attractive but also different. Sometimes I kiss the girls when my attraction is super strong and then I take her to a quiet corner and start building comfort so she wont forget about me. There have been rare cases when I kissed girls the first time in my bedroom (during the Sex-Phase (S1-S3)).
As you can see, everything is possible here. Try to find out what works for you!
On different phases of the seduction
People always criticize the MM is too static and doesnt leave room for natural interactions! They assume people always see the different phases and act accordingly from A1 to A2 to A3 and so on and so far. But thats simply not true (at least no one I know is strictly following the script).
As Ive pointed out earlier the line between A2/A3 and Comfort is undefined during comfort you dont want to get boring but instead you do still want to DHV from time to time (A2) and let her qualify to you (A3). In other words there are no strict lines!
And you dont even have to follow the different steps there can be situations when you dont need some of the steps and can move on much much by skipping a step. Think about what I said about skipping A3 or even skipping Comfort (rare cases I have to admit, but as you get experiences you will play on a different level (= see the matrix)).
Think about the flowers in your garden. Flowers need care. Everyone tells you to water your plants. But when you go out and you see its raining, you wouldnt think one second about going out and watering the plants, right? Thats common sense!
From now on I ask you to apply that common sense in your seduction too! When the girl is super attracted right from the start, you dont need much DHV, you may be able to skip A2 all together and directly start A3 (female-to-male-qualifying). Maybe she will directly be very compliant after your first Compliance routine (e.g. give her a spin or a hug or holding her hand) and then you move directly to comfort OR you may even try to isolate her directly (because she is Down To Fuck (DTF) and just wants you badly right there in her friends bedroom next door/ in the club toilet/ in her car, etc.!).
But for all this to work you need to ask yourself: Do I need this Phase of the seduction or do I not? Luckily, the more experience you have, the better you will be at answering this question.
By the way: Skipping phases that were needed is normally the end of your seduction. My favorite example is a drunk guy at a club: He opens the chick (A1), may even be able to build some attraction (A2) but then he does not qualify the girl (skipping A3) and she will assume he will take home any girl and that hes just after any pussy. He will probably skip Comfort too and thats it. NEXT! Drunk guy can watch his girl going home with me. I dont feel sorry for him, its his own fault.
Even worse: The drunk guy that just opens with the line Do you want to have sex with me?. While this is a more direct line that creates some attraction when delivered congruently (mostly not the case with drunk guys) its probably not enough attraction to make the girl compliant to the huge compliant test will you sleep with me! Remember: After opening she still things her value is higher than yours!
So just apply some common sense and you will be surprised how smooth things can work in your favor.
Last Words
Now if you have some questions regarding this (extremely long) guide, feel free to ask. Post a question right here if its a small question or open a new topic with a question that is bigger (and send me a PM with the link so I see the topic).
This post was over half a year in the making. When I wrote the first lines it was autumn of 2012. Back then it was called Updated to 2012.
I want to say Im honestly sorry for all the spelling and grammar mistakes, I did my best.
I wish that the community benefits from this guide and that people start to talk a little bit more about comfort, helping all those young souls that would like to have girl falling on love with them.
I have never been a commercial coach and I will never be. The community taught me how to pick up girls. I want to give something back for the younger generation (though many guys may actually be older than me).
Experience is the key. Use this guide to figure out AFTERWARDS while certain things worked and why others didnt work. Improve and become a better man. The women will be happy.
"
Same as me in 2005. I just wasn’t good at it and it actually wrecked my sets. MM is quite complex and pretty much impossible to learn by just reading about it. The ideal is in-field instruction with live demos. I did learn it from videos but that took about a year, just to get the basics down. Even then in retrospect I really should have taken a bootcamp. I thought I already know enough! Because I was natural game, right? Silly me.
