- Joined
- Aug 25, 2014
- Messages
- 1,149
Hey Samson,
Your profile strikes me as very similar to mine when I joined the Boards three years ago: I was 45 years old, good job, and recently divorced after 15 years. Three years and fifty girls later, I can tell you that Girls Chase's stuff works very well, and that I'm now in a much better place with women than the 2014 poor sorry chap me.
The road ahead to getting better at girls, however, looks like this. First, you need to find a way, suitable for you, to get many, many dates with many different girls. Second, you need to avoid being trapped into a committed relationship until you get good. Third, you need to get plenty of girls to bed. When you get there, you will have a much deeper understanding of the female mentality, and you will have cleaned up the set of wrong beliefs about dating, that we all initially have when we start. It's a long road, and there will be plenty of rollercoasters coming along, but in the end you will be in a much better place - if you have the patience to go all the way (many guys settle with a girlfriend before reaching the end of the journey).
Now regarding your situation. A lot of newcomers to the Boards initially come here looking for a solution to fix a fucked up situation. The thing is, unfortunately there is no magic recipe to fix things that have gone the wrong way. The seduction arts mainly tell us what to do to maximize success ratio, starting from a clean scratch. They tell us about the common traits that women, regardless of country and culture, find universally attractive, and those that they are loathing. They tell us how to emulate those attractive traits and behaviors in the beginning, and later how to actually acquire those traits: if you live by it, and breath it, you will ultimately become it.
So I'm not going to focus on what to do or what to say to salvage the current situation, rather try to give you my thoughts about what went wrong, in the hope that you do better next time. It may not be your immediate concern, but hopefully will help you next time. I apologize in advance that I will be a little blunt and shake your ego, but understand that I mean it in a positive sense, for you to learn and improve.
You started very well! Congratulations. I'm sure you impressed on her and gave her lovable memories. But then:
The end is much less pretty, with your emotional breakdown splashing your neediness. Neediness is one of the strongest girls repellent. You're communicating that, in fact, you do not have anything else going on in your life, including other girls, which is not sexy. You're communicating that you depend on her for your happiness. You're coming from a position of weakness and lack of control, and girls absolutely loathe this. You have the right to be emotional, of course, but you should avoid to display it at all cost because it doesn't help your case. Men need to maintain an appearance of strength and control at all times. It is expected from all leaders in fact if you think about it, for instance at the office. How would it look like if the boss started to burst his emotions? What sort of respect would his guys have for him?
There is another thing going on: complete inconsistency of behavior. You started as the cool sexy guy who swept her on her feet and took a good care of her bodily needs. You ended like the needy guy who seems like having no other options in his life than her. It's what we call here non-congruence of behavior. It communicates that you are not the real deal! It is very important to always remain the same guy you were in the beginning: that sexy guy she fell for initially. If you don't, she will feel you were not for real and get some unconscious sense of being cheated on the merchandise. I call it "keeping my frame". Better losing the girl than losing the frame. I mean it literally. I have lost some girls to this principle, but overall it pays off.
Last thing. You keep repeating that she is the one wanting a relationship. Do you have any evidence in support? Or is it your assumption? We, men, are led to believe that "good girls surely are not like this", but in fact, even good girls sometimes are looking for a good fuck. They can be chasing for sex at first. I recently made a write up of the decisive experience that made me *really* understand this.
With this in mind, there is another possible reading of your story, which goes this way. She went on a vacation and found this sexy guy (you), fell for him, and "forgot" to mention about her existing boyfriend at home. It was a nice time, deliciously refreshing, and she enjoyed a lot... Then went back to the boyfriend. Later, the sexy guy tries to push for a second meeting, and now feels a little "relationship-y". That wasn't expected (she thought it was a one time thing), and now exhibits the forgotten boyfriend in the hope he picks the message.
Think about it. Could this scenario fit your story? You know the facts best. I, personally, have found more than once that some girl "forgot" to mention the BF.
Alright! I hope I wasn't too blunt. Welcome to the Boards. Looking forward to seeing you around!
Cheers,
Seppuku
Your profile strikes me as very similar to mine when I joined the Boards three years ago: I was 45 years old, good job, and recently divorced after 15 years. Three years and fifty girls later, I can tell you that Girls Chase's stuff works very well, and that I'm now in a much better place with women than the 2014 poor sorry chap me.
The road ahead to getting better at girls, however, looks like this. First, you need to find a way, suitable for you, to get many, many dates with many different girls. Second, you need to avoid being trapped into a committed relationship until you get good. Third, you need to get plenty of girls to bed. When you get there, you will have a much deeper understanding of the female mentality, and you will have cleaned up the set of wrong beliefs about dating, that we all initially have when we start. It's a long road, and there will be plenty of rollercoasters coming along, but in the end you will be in a much better place - if you have the patience to go all the way (many guys settle with a girlfriend before reaching the end of the journey).
Now regarding your situation. A lot of newcomers to the Boards initially come here looking for a solution to fix a fucked up situation. The thing is, unfortunately there is no magic recipe to fix things that have gone the wrong way. The seduction arts mainly tell us what to do to maximize success ratio, starting from a clean scratch. They tell us about the common traits that women, regardless of country and culture, find universally attractive, and those that they are loathing. They tell us how to emulate those attractive traits and behaviors in the beginning, and later how to actually acquire those traits: if you live by it, and breath it, you will ultimately become it.
So I'm not going to focus on what to do or what to say to salvage the current situation, rather try to give you my thoughts about what went wrong, in the hope that you do better next time. It may not be your immediate concern, but hopefully will help you next time. I apologize in advance that I will be a little blunt and shake your ego, but understand that I mean it in a positive sense, for you to learn and improve.
You started very well! Congratulations. I'm sure you impressed on her and gave her lovable memories. But then:
Ooops! You are telling her that there cannot be a future with you. You want to avoid that! Indeed later on, you realized that you actually wanted to see her again, but most likely she had already taken your "no couple" message. You should always leave the door open. Firstly, you don't know how you will feel about it a few weeks from now, and second, if you tell a girl that there is zero chance of a future, she's going to take the message home.
It doesn't appear clearly who pushed for the second meeting, her or you, but I'm going to assume it was coming from you. Traditionally, men pursue sex, and women pursue relationships. Women have the power to grant the sex, men have the power to grant the relationship. Don't strip yourself of your power! Let her chase for the relationship! Assuming that you didn't close the door by telling her "we can't be a couple" of course! If she likes you, she will be the one asking to see you again. Enjoy the perks of being chased! It is a much better place to be. Of course you don't have to wait forever for her to ask - although it helps to wait and see a little. You can subtly hint about a second meeting, and let her take the bait.
The end is much less pretty, with your emotional breakdown splashing your neediness. Neediness is one of the strongest girls repellent. You're communicating that, in fact, you do not have anything else going on in your life, including other girls, which is not sexy. You're communicating that you depend on her for your happiness. You're coming from a position of weakness and lack of control, and girls absolutely loathe this. You have the right to be emotional, of course, but you should avoid to display it at all cost because it doesn't help your case. Men need to maintain an appearance of strength and control at all times. It is expected from all leaders in fact if you think about it, for instance at the office. How would it look like if the boss started to burst his emotions? What sort of respect would his guys have for him?
There is another thing going on: complete inconsistency of behavior. You started as the cool sexy guy who swept her on her feet and took a good care of her bodily needs. You ended like the needy guy who seems like having no other options in his life than her. It's what we call here non-congruence of behavior. It communicates that you are not the real deal! It is very important to always remain the same guy you were in the beginning: that sexy guy she fell for initially. If you don't, she will feel you were not for real and get some unconscious sense of being cheated on the merchandise. I call it "keeping my frame". Better losing the girl than losing the frame. I mean it literally. I have lost some girls to this principle, but overall it pays off.
Last thing. You keep repeating that she is the one wanting a relationship. Do you have any evidence in support? Or is it your assumption? We, men, are led to believe that "good girls surely are not like this", but in fact, even good girls sometimes are looking for a good fuck. They can be chasing for sex at first. I recently made a write up of the decisive experience that made me *really* understand this.
With this in mind, there is another possible reading of your story, which goes this way. She went on a vacation and found this sexy guy (you), fell for him, and "forgot" to mention about her existing boyfriend at home. It was a nice time, deliciously refreshing, and she enjoyed a lot... Then went back to the boyfriend. Later, the sexy guy tries to push for a second meeting, and now feels a little "relationship-y". That wasn't expected (she thought it was a one time thing), and now exhibits the forgotten boyfriend in the hope he picks the message.
Think about it. Could this scenario fit your story? You know the facts best. I, personally, have found more than once that some girl "forgot" to mention the BF.
Alright! I hope I wasn't too blunt. Welcome to the Boards. Looking forward to seeing you around!
Cheers,
Seppuku
