Newbie to relationships, please help!

[1mag1ne]

Hey guys!

I recently made a decision to try a serious committed relationship but due to little prior experience have a few questions:

She is quite a party girl but said she will tone it down since I mentioned that I don't date party girls. We agreed she will go out to the club once in a while and not for too long. So far it works, however, we are still in that "honeymoon" stage, therefore, I am assuming she will want to party more in the future - how should I tackle it if that happens? By the way, saying something like "well, I guess it's ok for me to go clubbing too" wouldn't work - she would be totally cool with it.

Also, she is used to be a competitive Latin dancer and said she would like to take it seriously again. I'm not very comfortable with the idea of my girlfriend having close physical contact with the other guys. Should I worry about it too much?

And if a situation like this does take place and your girlfriend has to spend a lot of time with another guy (e.g. they prepare a piece for a competition in salsa) isn't it harmful to the relationship that she spends a lot of time with another guy and forms a close emotional connection? I feel like if we had an argument at this stage, the relationship would suffer much more significantly since there is that other dude who she might complain to and who might take an advantage of it. What should I do?

I am really new to the whole relationship thing and would really appreciate any good advice given. So far I don't really want to break up with her unless it's necessary since I do think she is a good girlfriend overall (+ I'm her first boyfriend as well as a sexual partner). Some plans of actions and mindsets would be really helpful for the situations described above.
Thank you

 

[dcman]

She is quite a party girl but said she will tone it down since I mentioned that I don't date party girls. We agreed she will go out to the club once in a while and not for too long. So far it works, however, we are still in that "honeymoon" stage, therefore, I am assuming she will want to party more in the future - how should I tackle it if that happens? By the way, saying something like "well, I guess it's ok for me to go clubbing too" wouldn't work - she would be totally cool with it.

It is always better to start a relationship with someone that is compatible in areas that you feel are important. It is hard to make someone to change to make the relationship compatible.

If I have clearly defined to a girl about partying or something that is of major importance to me but she does something to the contrary I use Mr nyc’s method of increasing/reducing her importance. The concept is to increase or decrease the time he spends with a girl based on her behavior. For an example if a girl exceed his expectation he would increase the time he is spending with her from two to three days. If it is the opposite he will reduce the time from two to one day. If she still did not get the message he will further reduce the time he spends with her. He may then will make her a friend and stop spending time with. While Mr nyc was not in an exclusive relationship but I find it to be effective even in exclusive relationships. If you think it would work try it otherwise based on your knowledge of the girl try out a different option.

Also, she is used to be a competitive Latin dancer and said she would like to take it seriously again. I'm not very comfortable with the idea of my girlfriend having close physical contact with the other guys. Should I worry about it too much?

I would not worry about this now as she has not started doing it. I would go more based on a girl’s action’s. Maybe she was testing to see your reaction.

And if a situation like this does take place and your girlfriend has to spend a lot of time with another guy (e.g. they prepare a piece for a competition in salsa) isn't it harmful to the relationship that she spends a lot of time with another guy and forms a close emotional connection? I feel like if we had an argument at this stage, the relationship would suffer much more significantly since there is that other dude who she might complain to and who might take an advantage of it. What should I do

She has chosen you for a reason as long you be that and keep progressing in your relation there is nothing to be worried. Do not show insecurity or neediness more than anything this would affect your value to her. Be the man and lead the relationship.

I

am really new to the whole relationship thing and would really appreciate any good advice given. So far I don't really want to break up with her unless it's necessary since I do think she is a good girlfriend overall (+ I'm her first boyfriend as well as a sexual partner). Some plans of actions and mindsets would be really helpful for the situations described above.

There is plenty of good materials in this web site about relationships. I would suggest reading them as that would be a good starting point.

 

[Regal Tiger]

Hey guys!

I recently made a decision to try a serious committed relationship but due to little prior experience have a few questions:

She is quite a party girl but said she will tone it down since I mentioned that I don't date party girls. We agreed she will go out to the club once in a while and not for too long. So far it works, however, we are still in that "honeymoon" stage, therefore, I am assuming she will want to party more in the future - how should I tackle it if that happens? By the way, saying something like "well, I guess it's ok for me to go clubbing too" wouldn't work - she would be totally cool with it.

Gonna be honest, it doesn't sound like you guys are going to work out. But! Since you're new to relationships this is going to be a great chance for you to learn and grow!

You're still in the honeymoon phase, as you said. So things are going to be going great right now. But just know, that she's going to get that itch to go out and party again.

There's nothing you can do about this.

My advice, is to brace yourself, emotionally, for it when it likely happens.

When she wants to go out clubbing again all you can do is to reduce the time you spend together and focus on other things/women/friends/hobbies/whatever else. Chase has talked about rewarding and punishing women before. The basic version is this: if a woman does things that you like, you give her your attention, your praise, your time and especially your dick. If a woman does things that you do not like you just focus your attention/time elsewhere.

This will do two things: it will make her assess what she wants more, you are the clubbing. Though because, as you've said, she is a big partier that itch isn't going to go away. She's going to make the decision to choose you a few times, as she's doing now. But there will come a time when that little clubbing voice in her head becomes too loud to drown out.

All you can do is focus your attention somewhere else.

You're going to get hurt, but this is still going to be a great opportunity for you to learn more about yourself as well as women.

Also, she is used to be a competitive Latin dancer and said she would like to take it seriously again. I'm not very comfortable with the idea of my girlfriend having close physical contact with the other guys. Should I worry about it too much?

No. That alone should tell you that you don't trust her.

And if a situation like this does take place and your girlfriend has to spend a lot of time with another guy (e.g. they prepare a piece for a competition in salsa) isn't it harmful to the relationship that she spends a lot of time with another guy and forms a close emotional connection? I feel like if we had an argument at this stage, the relationship would suffer much more significantly since there is that other dude who she might complain to and who might take an advantage of it. What should I do?

Focus on something else. There's literally nothing you can do about this.

I am really new to the whole relationship thing and would really appreciate any good advice given. So far I don't really want to break up with her unless it's necessary since I do think she is a good girlfriend overall (+ I'm her first boyfriend as well as a sexual partner). Some plans of actions and mindsets would be really helpful for the situations described above.
Thank you

My overall advice, is to do a lot of introspection. Try to figure out why you feel the way you do, what about her draws you to her. Why did you want her to be your girlfriend? What was it about her that made you want to choose her?

Also try to figure out why you are already feeling jealous of her wanting to get back into salsa. Yes, she will be in close contact with some other dude, possibly even dudes. Latin dancing is indeed a contact sport. But why does this bother you? Are you afraid of losing her to someone else? Do you not trust her?

I know that when you're in the heat of the moment you don't want to hear that you might not be a great fit. But from what I've read it doesn't seem to me that you are. I know that you're going to go for it anyways, and there's nothing wrong with that. Fuck, we've all been there. I know I have.

So my advice is just to learn as much as you can from this relationship. Learn about yourself, try to work on yourself and learn about her as well as how you operate inside of a relationship.