OK Date and recovery advice - How to pivot this

[demigod]

Sup guys,

Took a bit of a break from all this but I'm back now and started doing...all this again.

So I took this nice girl on a date, we met on tinder, and she's a year older. We spoke a bit, I asked her on a date for the next day (We should move fast right?)
She never replied and I texted her like an hour before the date was supposed to happen that she could've just said now if she didn't want to pitch. (I figured this wouldn't look too bad, but I'd like to hear your thoughts)
Anyway, she suggested that we can do it "tomorrow" (part of that same conversation) and I suggested a place further away from her than the initial venue. That was on purpose but I figured I'd just stick with whatever I said to look less nice.

Date went OK, but I was freaking out because I haven't been on a date in more than 6 months and she was kinda out of my league. So I botched the intro. We had drinks, I was really tense for the first hour, but the drinks started working a bit later and I loosened up. Date lasted about 2 hours, which I didn't plan on, was aiming for hour and a half, max. I didn't get much chance to do deep diving unfortunately, usually I own at that, but I'll chalk that up to the nerves. I was just about to end the date (looked at my phone to check the time) and right after she suggested that I should probably go. Anyway we ended just after an OK note, not a climax or whatnot. Also couldn't do much physical escalation...

Now afterwards we chatted on text a bit after I asked her if she got home safely. She said she had fun, and I suggested a liquor tasting since we clicked on that the most.

Woke up the next day to a text where she complimented me about my smile. Which gave me some confidence in the way the date went, I think it went barely passable, blame mostly on me. But I did enjoy her company.
We chatted a bit again this evening but now she sent this one text "You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to". Now I'm not sure if I'm appearing needy, which granted, might be the case, or whether she thinks I feel forced, since she could see how stressed I was the previous night, or whether she doesn't actually want to see me. (Or, very unlikely. she might be intimidated? Don't think that's the case)
So now after finding out that the liquor festival was a month away and I didn't want to wait that long to see her again I told her I was hoping it was this weekend. She just said next month is fine. I get the feeling she's just that not into me, but the other text could potentially indicate an attainability problem.

Wow this post got long, haha. I'm keen to hear your thoughts.

Cheers

 

[Seppuku]

Hey,

a few mistakes here.

I was freaking out because I haven't been on a date in more than 6 months and she was kinda out of my league. So I botched the intro. We had drinks, I was really tense for the first hour, but the drinks started working a bit later and I loosened up.

By your obvious nervousness, you are communicating that you are already afraid to lose her before even having her. You are in fact letting her know that you think she's out of your league. On the opposite, a beautiful girl will be impressed by a man who is *completely unfazed* by her beauty - it tells her that her beauty is just "business as usual" to him. Massive preselection! The more beautiful she is, the more true this is.

But interestingly it seems that she didn't picked up on this - since she wrote to you the next day. (Most of the beautiful girls would disappear at this point). Instead, what she texted seems to point at something else:

We chatted a bit again this evening but now she sent this one text "You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to".

What she seems to think, from the above, is that since you didn't attempt to get physical with her, you're probably not into her... And therefore, you don't have to talk to her out of politeness. That's my read of this sentence. Overall, it means your vibe was too friendly, and not enough sexual with her.

Tell me, did you attempt to touch her? Did you tease her? Did you use some sexual humor? It seems that you didn't make your sexual intent known to her. And "not sexual" = "just friends". It's feminine logic! If my read is right, no wonder that she's fine with waiting a month.

Advice for your next dates (with this one or some others), 1) you do not show that her beauty affects you, and 2) create sexual tension and let her know your sexual intent.

Cheers,
Seppuku
PS. With this one, it's best to leave her alone for a little while, then re-engage her casually with another date idea. Forget about the liquor thing (it's too far away), and come up with another date proposition. The simpler the date, the better, such as meet in a quiet coffee shop.

 

[demigod]

Getting physical/sexual was my biggest issue yeah. I chose where to sit in the restaurant where we had drinks, but only after sitting a while did I realise that the table was too big. I could've reached her I suppose but it would've been uncomfortable.

I was really off my game, didn't do much innuendo and whatnot. Usually the girls say something that I can turn sexual in some way, but this didn't happen. (Did it about once or twice, lot less than usual)

How can I get an excuse to touch her if we're both sitting across from one another? I walked her to close to where her car was parked, didn't do much apart from a quick hug that i didn't even manage to turn sexual. I used to bait girls into initiating that by wearing something odd just like Chase did with his Tibetan hanger.

I'm curious, why is the wait so important? I mean I feel like a month is way too long. Should I still chat on WhatsApp with her?

 

[Seppuku]

Getting physical/sexual was my biggest issue yeah. I chose where to sit in the restaurant where we had drinks, but only after sitting a while did I realise that the table was too big. I could've reached her I suppose but it would've been uncomfortable.

Hehehe! That's exactly why you should always try to sit side by side with her. It's a strategic question! And you should have it in mind before even sitting. "Hey do you mind sitting next to me, please. I find it more friendly..." (you're not asking. You're telling her). At worse, you sit her at a 90 degrees from you, across the corner of the table; but best is both on the same side. If it's a formal restaurant, it may be odd to be both on the same side... Then go for 90 degrees. But then, why would you bring her in a formal restaurant? In a coffee shop, a lounge or informal place though, it should be easy to do. In any case, sitting face to face is awkward and almost confrontational. Plus, she's too far! To be avoided.

I was really off my game, didn't do much innuendo and whatnot. Usually the girls say something that I can turn sexual in some way, but this didn't happen. (Did it about once or twice, lot less than usual)

Sometimes there is no sexy innuendo coming up. At the very least, touch her! It also communicate sexuality. Start with incidental touching (elbows, forearms,...) then do deliberate touching, then become more daring. In my latest LR, on my very first date with the girl, I end up casually and deliberately cupping her boobs in my palm, and it goes super smoothly... You may not need to go that far, but yes, it's possible in principle!

I walked her to close to where her car was parked, didn't do much apart from a quick hug that i didn't even manage to turn sexual. I used to bait girls into initiating that by wearing something odd just like Chase did with his Tibetan hanger.

You need to break the touch barrier very early on. The longer you wait, the more awkward it will be. By the end of the date, it's already way too late!

I'm curious, why is the wait so important? I mean I feel like a month is way too long. Should I still chat on WhatsApp with her?

Not a month, that's way too long. A few days of full silence. What about 4 days later? You want to convey that you are a busy man, you have other things going in your life, and you're not making such a big deal of her. And incidentally, that will prevent you to do further mistakes, such as being needy and clingy over text, immediately after the date. Being overly present will actually damage your chances. That's why it is good to balance a few silences in the text game. Give her some time to wonder about you! And you never know, you may have the surprise of seeing her coming back to you first.

Cheers,
Seppuku
EDIT. If you cannot avoid the face to face sitting situation, you can always take the excuse to show her a few pictures from your smartphone. You do that while waiting for food. Tell her you want to show some pics, and come to sit by her side. While you show the pics, you do some touching.

 

[demigod]

EDIT. If you cannot avoid the face to face sitting situation, you can always take the excuse to show her a few pictures from your smartphone. You do that while waiting for food. Tell her you want to show some pics, and come to sit by her side. While you show the pics, you do some touching.

Ah shit...You know what, she showed me pictures, should've taken the opportunity, in fact she might even have been trying exactly that. Man I'm thick. It's not a formal restaurant but the area I chose ended up being slightly more formal than the rest of the place. I usually sit outside but decided against that at last minute. I could've easily done the 90° seating if it was outside, plus the tables are smaller.

Sometimes there is no sexy innuendo coming up. At the very least, touch her! It also communicate sexuality. Start with incidental touching (elbows, forearms,...) then do deliberate touching, then become more daring. In my latest LR, on my very first date with the girl, I end up casually and deliberately cupping her boobs in my palm, and it goes super smoothly... You may not need to go that far, but yes, it's possible in principle!

Hahahah I'd really like to know how you did that, not for the cupping part but doing it without it being weird XD. Yeah I'm not a big guy, pretty short so I tended to avoid getting physical and always relied on wordplay and such, but like you said, the opportunity doesn't always present itself.

Being overly present will actually damage your chances. That's why it is good to balance a few silences in the text game. Give her some time to wonder about you! And you never know, you may have the surprise of seeing her coming back to you first.

Yeah, will lay for another few days. Probably try something Saturday/Sunday.

Thanks mate.

Cheers

 

[Seppuku]

Hahahah I'd really like to know how you did that, not for the cupping part but doing it without it being weird XD

It's a gradual escalation of touch, combined with a very laid back, relaxed attitude. And wrapping it up with a sexy comment and a smile: "Wow, there's lot of people inside here!". It's important to have the right vibe, and to escalate the touch progressively towards more daring. Great way to show sexual intent as well as getting her comfortable with physical escalation.

Cheers
Seppuku

 

[demigod]

Thanks man, I'll try that a bit more next time.

So I texted her Friday evening (was about 2 days of silence from my part), asking what shes doing this weekend. Got flat-out ignored. She did reply my first text I sent which was just a lame joke.
Did I fuck this up? Was considering something like a casual ice-cream date or bowling, maybe a stroll somewhere. Other ideas welcome.

I'm still not sure whether she's into me or not, or went into auto-reject (as strange as it sounds given my nervousness at the date). I'm thinking I should straight up tell her that I want to see her again?
I don't know man.

Cheers

 

[Seppuku]

Hey,

The most important thing you can do now is to learn the lesson. Let me spell it out:

Non-Sexual = Just Friends

Now, she "doesn't view you that way". It is a likely lost cause.

Remember that you are competing with other guys, some of them very good with women. A guy who is good knows how to "swipe her on her feet", and land her to bed before she even knows it. It's like flying in an A380, she just sits and let the pilot play his magic. This is the sort of guy they fantasize about. After one date, she knows you're not this guy, and therefore "doesn't view you this way". Sorry this is a little harsh, but very true. Personally, it took me a year into my learning seduction journey, to fully understand and fully apply this lesson.

The good news is, you can become this top guy, by applying the lesson above, and it's not that hard.

Consider now that the ball is clearly on her camp. As a high value man, you should now avoid pushing for more dates, and even texting altogether, before she initiates any move towards you - because you would be now very deep into chasing territory, and would only make things even worse. So, without a move initiated by her (even a check-in text like "Hi"), you're now off texting.

In the meantime, get more dates with more girls. And always remember the lesson above.

Seppuku

 

[demigod]

Yeah I man. I figure I'll figure ill just wait this one out. If she messages, then good, if not, meh.

I think I should start going on more dates and see more girls like you said, I tend to be too picky in the early stages and that has some dramatic filtering effects. So I only end up going on dates I like a lot. Should maybe aim for girls that are "just ok" as well. At least to get the 'ol confidence a boost.

I hope to god this lesson sticks.

Cheers

 

[Seppuku]

Hey,

If you just go for your top girls, you will always be in a scarcity mindset, and will never gain experience quickly enough. You will always be in fear of losing her (since they are not so many 9+ girls). All bad for your karma!

Try relaxing a bit your standards, and take more girls on a date. Later when you have more experience, you can work up the food chain towards your 8+ girls.

Cheers,
Seppuku