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Order and Chaos: Rage’s Journal

Rage

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Oct 23, 2013
Messages
473
Rage Journal 1
About this Journal

Hello there; I’m rage (formerly gem).

I’m writing this journal to reveal more personal things about myself and my journey.

My goal with pickup (primarily, after a lot of reflection) is who I become with it all.

Who I become/the person I become/the character I develop within and the virtues that are instilled within me.

That is my purpose in going on this journey and going further with pickup, as it is with any endeavor (to see who I have to become to progress and grow, and who I am at later points of it all).

My Background With Lifting

I have a lot of neat reference points from getting to a fair level with my powerlifting career, and relate things I learn with seduction back to what I've learned from lifting (because a lot of neat analogies and parallels do come up I find between lifting and the other skills I partake it).

With lifting I had gotten into it all at first because I wanted to get good with girls; there were other reasons, but I think that reason was primary. I wanted girls to be attracted to me and I had been skinnier than most of the girls in my school growing up (even the skinnier ones; not to mention all the guys).

But in several years with lifting, girls probably the last reason I lift (if they are even a reason at all). I see the weights and any past passion I have had as a relationship: they are my love, my sweetheart, and I could dote on them, think about them fondly and the feelings I get when with them just as I would with a girl I was seeing (probably more so).

Lifting in later years as I grew a tiny bit wiser, I realized becomes about who you become. That’s what matters.

Every workout I have now can be so incredibly difficult but whatever it is I just have to survive it and heal well and I continue on. The virtues I’ve gained from the sport of powerlifting have been invaluable, the best I could have ever prayed for and dreamed for.

They made me more courageous, more aggressive, more disciplined, more determined, more hungry to progress and to better myself, more confident, and more strong in mind as I was in body. A whole host of other virtues came along with those that I listed.

Who I Have To Become With Seduction

With pickup I realize that who I have to become to get good is someone very disparate, almost completely disparate from who I had to become to progress at powerlifting.

I have to become someone more empathetic: be more patient, be more sensitive, and vulnerable. Find the little boy in me and have that come out more to balance the raging man that lifting got me to becoming.

Seduction and my relationships with women will help balance that other feminine side

Amongst my other goals are to build enough a skill level that I can attract very feminine women of high value and quality into my life. Who I have to be to get and keep those women, is technically well with women, but also a man of character with purpose and passions he is building towards.

If I am not actively working to be the best version of myself, and am falling behind a lot, am not in the pursuit of it… then at best with all this I can have cheap lay after cheap lay. But that’s not what im in it for I realize.

I’m in it for the randoms to the extent that I can better a skillset and go further with that (though some part of me does want to sleep with a lot of women; don’t know if that changes is changing or instead the desire remains in the furutre); but past that I do want connections with women that I am naturally drawn to, want feminine women in my life.

I have a long laundry list of qualities an ideal woman must have and wouldn’t settle for anything less than that in my relationships with women. My other pursuits with writing and lifting and learning business and other fields of study, give me an abundance that I don’t get just by sleeping with a lot of women I think. Perhaps both give their own type of abundance and both are necessary?

Currently where I am at

I am rather secretive (?) with writing about myself and sharing more reports and stuff on here; but I don’t see the purpose behind that and don’t think I need to be. Guys share some pretty damn fucking personal things in their journals lol.

We’re all guys on similar journies; a life not shared is a life wasted, and there are good things that I could share and contribute and the few people that even read this might get something out of it.

I had my last lay in early june (may have been late may) with an attractive and pretty cool girl, who I connected well with and who was top 3 girls quality wise I have ever slept with.

I saw her a few times since then (well more than a few times, because we did live nearby and did have good chemistry), and that was nice.

Then over the summer I had 3 months of sort of forced abstinence which sucked in ways; I was back at parents’ home and in a sorta vampiric environment… time with family is nice but too much is a drain on productivity on my own mind and on my work towards my endeavors.

I devolved quite a bit with my skill with women, which I had built up to the past 6 months leading up to summer and out of a relationship in past year.

I started September, sucking hard with women and forgetting how to even hold great conversation with girls. I just had some baseline fundamentals and really nothing else.

I’ve gone on a number of dates, and have had some 20 or so numbers (give or take a few); and that’s been kind of passively working on it for the first month and a half or so.

Part of my fuel for doing pickup has kind of been gone because of so much fervor and energy into my work/projects… but part of me really wants the skill, and wants the unicorn girls whowill better me that will come in time.

So I wanna work to get better at it cause of that.

Journal 1 done.

Will keep at this; was fun posting.

-Rage
 

Rage

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Oct 23, 2013
Messages
473
Rage Journal 2
The Seducer’s Triangle of Fulfillment

I was sitting in the library chatting with my friend orlando (who’s my main friend in pickup and writing and all things generally; we’re buddies and have similar personalities and hobbies) and chatting about just life in general, and then this model came into my mind and it blew my fucking mind. I nearly fell out of my chair.

Its brilliant its fucking brilliant I yelled! Holy fuck dude I got it!! I told orlando

He’s like what, what the fuck are you talking about haha

And it all hit me

… this has been percolating I n my mind for days

I’m not really far with pickup at all… am a noob; and have further regressed in the past months from where I was before this summer I think.

But this theory is not really about pickup but about life in general. About (as a seducer) balancing your life between your relationships, pickup/randoms, and your work/projects.

Here’s the model

The Seducer’s: Triangle of Fulfillment

Projects

Relationship/Oneitises

Randoms/Sport lays


Fuck its not letting me format. Well it’s a triangle! Ever seen this triangle: the study sleep social life, pick 2 triangle
pyramid.jpg


It’s just like that!!: projects, relationships/oneitises, randoms/sport lays. Pick 2

If you have two of them you can feel fulfilled.

  • - The guy who fucks randoms, has projects he works on building a business or making mone y and shit, and can’t imagine settling into a relationship at this point in his life and has beyond 0 desire to do so. (though at some point eventually he thinks, yeah maybe I can settle at some point if a girl has ALL these list of things)

    - The guy who has a unicorn girlfriend, or at least a girl he’s satisfied with, and builds big projects too (even if he tried to sleep with other girls it would be tough and it wouldn’t be many than a single player); wonders man I’ve got it all but what if I did more randoms would it be cool, maybe I could spit really awesome game “if only if I were single”

    - The guy who does pickup and has a great girlfriend, this is the guy who does well with girls spends a lot of tie pursuing them and advancing with them (the thought sometimes occurs to him though that man I could do other things could do a business or write a book or something) but he is too focused on still just sleeping with girls.

So you can have any two and be fulfilled, though I suppose then that at certain stretches you'll wonder if you could have more of the third option. If you focus on that two much get too fixated on that either ruminating and or getting caught up in trying to do all 3, then especially you will be unfulfilled (and will have deviated from the have 2 and be fulfilled part).

If you have just 1 you will always feel there’s more than you can do in life and that shits like missing and: trying to make all three happen is feeling like your heart is being torn. Having just 1 is feeling something missing, a hole in your heart if you will.

If you have one you can be doubly poured into one, but it will be rather imbalanced.

  • - The guy who did no pickup no girlfirends, and just work gets everything (tesla, davinci) will question what if I did have children or have relationships what then, what if

    - The guy who fucks randoms all the time has no projects or relationships wonders at some point man maybe there is more to life than just bagnign randoms throughout the entire course of it

    - The guy who has just the girlfriend but no projects and no randoms: regular guys who work 9 to 5s fit this bill… perhaps coming home from work in their miserable as car through shitty traffic wondering man what if I had majored in x instead of y like my parents had me do… what if I chose x instead of y , what if I had done more girls what if I had worked on those things I dreamed of… what if, would my life be different? Better? Happier? Perhaps man…

With the triangle you can only accept where you are, whatever you happen to feel like doing at that point in your life.

Humans are predominantly emotional, and how you rationalize things to yourself are in fact just that: rationalizations. They aren’t what caused you to decide and do what you did: emotions did that.

And we are almost completely caused if you look at it in that sense. Don’t have much free will at all.

Accept that you want to feel and rage to master and work on and split the triangle: however YOU happen to want to at that point in your life.

I haven’t gotten a new lay in 6 months now, but very very largely because the desire to has been rather extinguished within me; I was talking to orlando about this, was kinda worried that I don’t give a shit about pickup lately all that much.

I care too much about my work and what I am building. Was focusedon projects too much and in that light worried that I was almost bordering on being asexual.

But desires and tastes and preferences can change; typically it is just a phase (or at least has been for me). I know from today that I definitely do want to progress with women, though likely I care much more about the skill than I do about the individual women themselves (I’m a hard mechanic https://www.girlschase.com/content/3-sor ... ne-you-are ).

So that’s my triangle theory.

Currently I have been part thinking about trying to lay and get into oneitis with a girl, and have been focused very crazily in my lifting and my writing. Maybe I detract from the girl (I logically seem to very much want to) and go to randoms, because the skill of seduction in itself is just invaluable and breathtaking and that is something that part of me just really fucking wants to master.

But I am complicated and a rather layered guy. Its tough to decipher what you want what your tastes and preferences are, how you feel, and just what your primary desire, objectives, and mastery focal points/skills are at any given point in your life.

I’m just trying to get better at pinpointing that. And that sort of necessarily does shift with time. I know I want to deeply mater lifting and that is first and will be first probably for quite a long time. It’s the vacillating between the secondary’s (lifting + writing as a second project in the project tier of the triangle) and randoms/or oneitis (which could only be a specific type of girl, so if it doesn’t pan out with the girl, will almost necessarily then have to be randoms for a long while).

So yeah. That’s my half baked kinda theory… seemed to work for me and my friend though and we were getting a kick out of identifying it for each of us, how we shifted our focuses of the triangle with time and at different points this year and last year.

And where we were each at with the triangle right now in our own lives. He’s in a relationship and doing ok sleeping with a couple randoms too… but his projects are suffereing and he is torn and irritated at that; my projects are going well, pickup is sucking and relationship I am single but making the relationship happen with the girl I’ve dated once (eventually happen) would be rather lacking too.

You pick your focuses. And pick your poison alongside that too.

Really you don’t pick though.

Really you just feel it within you and follow that.

So where on that triangle might you be in your life right now?
 

Rage

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Oct 23, 2013
Messages
473
Rage Journal 3
Anatman


Beginning of Day

I woke up Monday morning was doing my morning reading that I do daily. I went on Girlschase and skimmed a bit; I found that Hector was gonna be in la (read that thread).

Huh that’s neat and kinda awesome I thought; I sent him a text.

Thoughts on the Way to Meeting up

Hector was doing pickup at the grove.

It’s like an hour drive it turned out from the city I live.

This is near Beverly Hills near nicer parts of LA. A rich person mall if you will.

I think I went once here to do pickup 2 years ago; before that I remember coming here with my cousins and family and just in our stingy nature, with so many other places I remember visiting a bunch of places taking a bunch of stupid pictures, and buying absolutely nothing. Lol

It was like 5 bucks to park and I was like fuck that’s so much money!! Kind of felt like a kid in the big city, but I'm a grown ass man so even in a new place I could be sorta comfortable in my own skin.

I called Hector; he was at barnes and noble and stood outside waiting up for me. It took me a while to find the place.

Its funny because I was quite calm and chilled out like I am about everything, just leading up to my walk to barnes and noble and then upon seeing barnes and noble and walking the last few steps I started to get a nervous twinge in my chest and gut. And I laughed at that, like haha what the fuck is that !!

I saw an ugly ass guy some ways away near barnes and noble who looked a little older and was looking for someone. I was like “man please don’t let that be hector he looks terrible hahahaha”.

It wasn’t him.

I stood outside barnes and noble for a bit and then hector came out. I had a warm smile on my face and extended my hand to give him a hand shake, and he gave me a big bear hug instead and we got to talking right away. I remember getting an unexpected hug like this from a drunk girl I know earlier this year.

The boner I got was somewhat similar ;) haha.

In Barnes and Noble

Hector looked different than I had imagined him in my head. I thought he’d be more cleancut-good looking, at least as tall as me, and a bigger guy than me.

He was good looking but in a way different than I had expected. He was wearing a white shirt, buttoned down two buttons and a mane of chest hair showing (jealous; I have a hairless chest), proper contrasting dark pants and boots that were the brown and fashionable and the type I should be going for. (My boots were hiking boots that give me like an inch or two of height; I thought the rule was boots are always chill but hector let me know that my boots are fucking ugly! Thank god, I would have had no fucking idea otherwise.)

Long curly hair, big grin, longish nose and fast paced intense eyes, high energy guy but a big sweet heart just from the first few moments with him that was very clear.

We talked more and I headed to the bathroom.

I got out and hector was speaking Japanese to two touristy looking Japanese girls (good naturals talk to all kinds of people https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-n ... d-get-laid ), I stood off to the side and watched with a smile on my face. It was absolutely breathtaking mesmerizing watching him just talk; these were girls he wasn’t even trying to pickup.

I think you only get this effect really watching guys who are masters of some kind of art. But I did get that effect time and again with hector, watching him seduce and talk to girls: how he would look at them what the interaction would be like all the tiniest nuances in his fundamentals. Humbling for the lowly levels where my game (if you even call it that) is at, but I realized that fundamentals are a spectrum too, and there is so so so much further than I can go with them.

I could have watched him for hours and hours he looked at girls like he was looking through them, like they were on a cloud and it was just her and him, and the rest of the world could go fuck itself cause it didn’t matter because nothing in the world mattered when the two of them were together in their bubble.

It was simply magical and made me really think that fuck I would love that skill, would love to be able to connect with women on that level. Even when I've had better days and more consistent days with pickup, I've been able to enchant women to some degree but never like that. That would take years and years of work I realized.

Doing some pickup

I got something to eat. We talked more. About life, about pickup, about what chase is like and who else hector has met and stuff and what his experiences have been like here in cali.

I got to do only a couple of approaches with him. I wish I had gotten to do more, though.

Hector had an instadate that he had to get to some 30-40 minutes in. I did a couple approaches while he was gone but then got news that my good friends grandmother had passed, and had to sit and make a few phone calls right then getting back to everyone contacting me.

Two of my approaches had a boyfriend, one other was really fucking not into me and gave me a cold thank you and kept walking. I hadn’t done these kinda running approaches in a while back to back like this; and it felt good because of the hard training and the getting rejected. I felt my fundamentals harden a bit by the 3rd or so approach and felt myself as well get more grounded in my opener.

Hector’s instadate

My phone died after calling my folks and my friend and his family. I was like fuck because I’m gonna get lost if I don’t catch up to hector 30 or 40 min had went by.

Hector had his instadate with the Lithuanian girl and her little brother a cute kid. I didn’t show up right away cause didn’t wanna fuck things up for him, but watched from a distance.

AHHH but I was simply in love watching him work his magic, listen to her, have his conversation and hear her talk and find out more about her, how he looks at her how he touches and smiles, how he made jokes and little investments to the blonde haired kid brother and made him laugh and fit in too.

It was just perfect. Like watching a magician at work pulling all kinds of rabbits out of hats.

I met with him downstairs met the Lithuanian girl and her brother. I explained to him that my phone was dead and that I’d have a bit of trouble with it, the girl overheard and insisted on getting me a charger and car charger. Some crazy serious investment (and a really nice girl), and she dropped 40 bucks to get me a charger (nice girl and wealthy girl I’m sure to be living just across the street from the grove; in my head I was like fuck that’s money I spend in 2 weeks!! But I was only warm and very bubbly and all smiles with her).

I separated, went to my car to charge my phone and let her and hector have a walk together. Hector was planning on getting a hotel and then chilling there and doing some night game. I got a call to come to my parents place and go to my friend’s house to visit their family from there so I had to head home then.

Didn’t get to meet up later that night but had quite an experience altogether.

Closing Thoughts and Things to Say

I talked to hector about a lot of things. It was quite funny I realized (we discussed this) cause most all the guys on the boards have sociopathic tendencies.

But there are different blends of this.

Hector was like completely opposite me. Rather eccentric, very high energy (which he balanced and kept at bay remarkably well, especially with the girls he talked to); I’m lower energy, and better at pretending like I’m like everyone else with other people (and hiding my crazier habits and tendencies habits, like writing and reading endlessly and obsessively scribbling notes and thoughts down, or being in deep thought about certain things or being way too introverted and stuff).

I discussed my apathy and rather lack of care and focus with pickup lately. Hector said it’s possible that I care less, but we talked more and agreed that if pickup were something I put a bit more time into each day and do a bit more each day and I will like it more and want to do it more too potentially.

Watching him at work made me fall in love with the skill. One of the best skills you could ever possess in this world: to be magic to a woman’s eyes, ears and senses. Be so enchanting, so alluring, so perfectly catering to exactly what she in her deepest feminine urges wants in a man, and doesn’t even know of that and doesn’t even know that this kid of a guy exists in the first place.

To be that guy and have that skill is invaluable, and I couldn’t help but feel that I’d love to have that skill, build it, earn it, and make magic with women like that in the way that he did.

That Lithuanian girl, just the look on her face at the end while with him, I feel like she would have done fucking anything for him, and there are girls that fall in love very quickly much more than that I am sure.

It’s something powerful and something part of me would like to have. I have a lot to learn and a lot further to go, that much is fucking clear. But with friends and allies like hector and others I have met so far on my journey, I have good odds of progressing if I really truly deeply want it, and if I put in that work to get it I think.
 

Rage

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Oct 23, 2013
Messages
473
Rage Journal 4
Balancing Test Levels

What's up guys (does anyone read this hahaha? if not then what's up journal).

I've been trying to think up some ways that I can balance out my testosterone levels.

I’ve been 2 and a half weeks or so on my new program and I absolutely love it. It is brutal, it is very smart extremely intelligent, unconventional but brilliantly programmed. Difficult too; perfect for me I don’t like to talk about it too much because I want to stay out of my head with all working out.

But I am enjoying the style of programming I’m on.

My workouts last now 2 and a half to 3 hours, 4 days a week.

And my testosterone levels have been higher than ever before. It’s been real bad, and I am trying to think up some ways I can better balance them out.

What’s wrong with having really high test levels

High levels are great; I liked where I was at last year and stuff. My relationship was awesome and I felt like the most masculine and that I had the best game/fundamentals/process while I was in that oddly enough.

My levels are significantly higher than last year, and my training is significantly harder too. It’s funny, and odd and in ways kind of awesome: you get stronger and stronger, more courageous more fierce more powerful you feel awesome like king of the fuckin world. And there’s no real crash. Not really.

If I am orgasmng once a day, I still go through my day and feel high all the time. Like adrenaline high testosterone high; I can breathe down into my balls and feel a rush in my head and feel my lats tense up, and feel crazy energetic. Like just sitting in class or walking down the street even. It could be balanced out more for me to be better with girls though.

If I go without orgasming for a day, I’ll be going crazy literally fucking insane; will get incredibly aggressive and irritable and will be shaking and unable to sit still. I will be much more high energy be talking and more and moving faster and unable to sit still like a drug addict that has to go and get his fix.

Trying to fix it

I am trying to think up some ways to fix it.

I might resort to doing it twice a day once in the morning and once at night and seeing if that helps.

After the 3 hour workouts (especially leg day man) I almost have to get my fix, it fucking sucks I start getting a boner in the gym by the last few sets.

Twice a day might help me balance; when my test levels were normal or just high, I remember that porn or masturbating would drain will power and stuff. Now it’s the opposite to quite some degree because I almost cant do anything without letting something out. It’ll just feel like I’m starving.

Pickup I did today while too high strung

I approached 2 girls today talked a little bit and got blown off.

I ran into a female friend of mine a bit later and sat and had lunch with her. I think I might consider having sex with her just because I haven’t done it in so long and could do it with her. I talked with her for 30-40 min. or so and observed myself: with the overdrive levels, I can kinda have fundamentals, still hold eye contact and conversate all right. But it isn’t smooth or at all near any level it could be with me more sane.

It is MUCH harder to be grounded, and would be easier with my levels a little bit lower.

What had hector said he did to balance? I think he mentioned doing meditation I could try that. I could smoke weed more but don’t think I wanna do that regularly.

I have urges to do mass approaches now like a lot of girls, but feel ill at ease to do more than a couple approaches on girls a day on university. I have to get to some shopping malls and do some mass approaches there, learning that little bit from Hector makes me really wanna fucking do it! I wouldn’t even care if I was rejected by 20 girls in a row, seriously I’m used to taking a beating ona fucking regular basis, I can put the work in to get good at this shit. If I learn from the approaches especially it would be invaluable.

Concluding thoughts

I want to get my fundamentals much much better, to the point where I am super grounded super chilled out and outcome independent and mirror and calibrate to a girl intuitively effortlessly just really really fucking well.

My extreme levels keep me from achieving this consistently I think and that’s what bugs me about them (that and the extreme levels of aggression and irritability; I have my fists clenched up unconsciously a lot of the time and think of man it would be so fucking awesome to fight… but that’s bad and not what I emotionally want to do at all).

Will try to maybe orgasm twice a day, try to get out of my own head more and listen to music and audio programs and music when working. And do some research and see if I can find other ways I can balance my teeming test levels. Maybe more breaks, more slow reading, more naps? Fuck … lol gotta figure this out.

Despite the problems and the trouble balancing them I wouldn’t trade my levels for anything however and I love having the powers of them. I just want ways to balance with more calm with the rage, when I could use it.  
 

Rage

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Oct 23, 2013
Messages
473
Rage Journal 5
Benefits and Detriments of Emotion, in Relation to Output (Essay)

Waking Up

I just woke up form a nap and feel absolutely like I am in ecstasy.

Feel amazing so fucking good like I wanna give the next person I see the biggest fucking hug in the world.

The thought of that then logically next second made me frown. Makes me irritated and logically upsets me a bit.

I realize something.

I realize that emotion matters little in many circumstances. As humans we are heavily affected by it subjected to it, technically it would be quite valid and true to say that we almost ENTIRELY make our decisions off of emotion and then justify them logically.

But where do I say emotions are detrimental or can only really harm you or not help you?

Answer: in the building and progressing/growth of many things.

With the growth of many things and progress of many skills or hobbies, I find that emotion can only typically be a hindrance.

It can only be something that can get in the way of you doing your work routinely. Why might this be?

An Example

Consider two people work at something. Work to get good at pickup lets say.

Pedro and Juan two guys want to get good at pickup.

So Pedro does pickup routinely 3 days a week by the clock. He isn’t very good not very good at all. Each outing he fucks up a ton learns something new maybe remembers one new thing he learned, and though he remembers next time to implement that one new thing that he learned and does so, just time to time in observing him it seems like he is almost not progressing at all. He seems very very low level very poor at where he has, and people see him and think his game is shit and wonder if there is any hope for him at all.

Juan has started higher than Pedro. Juan has natural experience to a degree and already has had a couple of steady girlfriends, but broke up with the last time and heard his buddies are learning pickup and wanted to look into it and start to learn some of this stuff too. Juan goes out a few times a week, and he has days where he just feels really good and he goes and he grinds hard and goes above and beyond the call of duty and approaches a lot maybe even does rather well maybe even gets a lay, and people see him and think damn this guy is good. He does well he seems to get some results and girls seem to like him.

Some times he doesn’t feel like going out and on those days he doesn’t. Because he doesn’t like it and feels that he should listen to his feelings and pay attention to them first BEFORE paying attention to the habit.

He subjects to the feelings and intuition first so as a result, sometimes he goes and seems to do well and tear it up and other times he doesn’t.

What's the Problem?

The problem here with Juan guy 2’s game, is that he isn’t progressing or working to progress.

Truth is that I HAVE in the past largely been Juan and still am and trying to brush it off and bre0ka out of that mold and that form.

Even if Pedro starts far behind him, if Pedro is more consistent and consistently grows and progresses he eventually passes Juan who is far ahead but not progressing at a rate as fat as Pedro’s (when he is even progressing at all to begin with, because there are stretches where he is not).

It then becomes evident, that judging oneself or others should be done more on work/achievements/progress being made/objective criteria. Impressions, good looks and flash, veneer, and ostentatious display of wealth or achievement, grandeur or status can be misleading, can often be false and lead to false conclusions. As humans we make judgments and they can necessarily be wrong because our emotions mar our judgments time and again; objective criteria and judging by work and achievements serves to mitigate this to some end.

Being Able to Work Despite How You Feel

Being able to show up, go to work, sit down to work and put in the work and the deliberate progress regardless of how good you feel or and you feel is powerful and in fact necessary for world class success or achievement.

Rage to master and other personality disorders become necessary in elite level achievement because those personality disorders that make people “crazy”, grant them the gift of being able to have a certain level of emotional detachment in circumstances and work in their life more so than the average mortal can. They get to work harder, longer, more effectively (like a better robot you could say) DESPITE the emotions they may feel, more than most people.

Where Emotion is Productive and SHOULD Be Employed

Emotion is healthy and productive in the vision of what you want. When you reflect on how bad you want something, why you want it, what is driving you and is the fuel and fire behind your purpose to your work. Elon Musk is the most rational cool, unflappable dude, but yet in interview upon reflecting on his cause his mission, on whyhe does what he does and what drives himt o do so, his eyes are welled with tears and pent up emotion.

He is in it for reasons very important to him; and I observe this of him and other mavens: with the day to day no emotionis used or employed they show up to work and work their ass off and do what they must each and every day; the emotion is present however in how abd they want what they want why they do what they do why they are init and what they want to amount to one day. The emotion matters here.

The only reason that the emotion does help them and where they do use it, is when they feel the passion deeply within them of how bad they want what they want!

Why they want it again is where the emotion lies. The why is emotional always emotional necessarily emotional the answer to your questions the answer to why do I do what I do is very necessarily emotional.

Emotion should be there and not really anywhere else. Most other areas what must be employed are rigid work that isn’t affected by emotions.

You don’t state pump, and don’t not show up if you feel like shit.

You just show up like clockwork, day by day, strictly routinely rigidly robotically to your routine show up and deliberate practice and inch towards progress in that way.

Letting the emotions get involved there in any of that is sticky it is troublesome and it what nearly all do and I have even if doing it less than others perhaps(?) have still been doing a bunch the last few weeks lately more so than usual.

And it is what is holding me back. and the guys that can by nature or nurture or whatever the fuck we decide upon as the cause(s) holds that back, those are the guys who go the furthest ! Those are the ones who get to build the highest and get to the heights they do. Because there really truly isn’t much of an upper limit if mankind keeps defining it and if the limitations are in our own hands.

If we can master our minds use the emotions for where they are necessary to light the fuse burn the torch and then point the torch and lead the way and journey forward with our actions, well then I say man has a hope to do some great things.

I have some hope then to amount not just to fractions of what the great men have done, but maybe even up there a little higher up that totem pole with some of them, if I can master my mind and my emotions and continue on forward with my progress that far and long with what I do.

That’s why guy 1 gets to eventually go further than guy 2. Because if you continue to progress you continue to progress and can continue to do so for as long as you allow yourself to continue to do so (for quite a fucking distance ahead).

What to Do When You Do Feel Emotions Coming Into Play

When emotions do start to come up to the surface, the proper thing to do is what meditators or stoics would do: look at self as an observer and acknowledge whatever you feel in a given moment “hey rage is feeling that feeling ok coo, neat”. And then acknowledge it and continue on with what you are working on doing.

Don’t see it and then say oh im feeling down guess I better watch youtube videos, oh I feel great guess I better go out and meet girls.

Doing that is like setting a bad precedent and improper feedback rule (don’t know what the scientific term would be here) but it is necessarily counterproductive to instead doing this: acting and proceeding with your plans with your routine with your scheduled deliberate practice, despite however you may feel.

Don’t feel good? Still show up and still work out. Feel really fucking good? Still show up still work out. In both cases don’t think about the emotion of what you feel or focus on it or reflect on it or let that be driving your work or the emotional force behind your work.

No don’t let it be that at all.

But rather I say just see it as something that reminds you briefly “ah yes I’m human I’m supposed to feel little illogical inconsistencies like this and have my silly emotions have silly ups and downs like this”.

But it should not affect or be allowed to distort or influence the raging fuel within that drives you, or affect the schedule that you rigidly routinely stick to in any way.

The analogy can be extended and the same can be held true for logical arguments or hard rules set or logical ways gone about proceeding at anything.

Some Closing Thoughts

I realize that my model here better fits my own mind and line of thinking and personally ideal style. And for more emotive people I'm not sure it would hold as well as it could for me.

What I discussed above I’m not sure if it would be possible or the healthiest or best route for different people with different nature and personality and emotional makeup and so on. I just believe that it works productively, at least on a surface level, for those who wish to get their work done and not let what they feel get in the way.

Some people put more credence and focus and thought onto their feelings than others; but I think at least for other by nature more logical unemotional folk, the model likely better fits and is one more properly suited for practically getting more things done in one’s life.

-Rage
 

Rage

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Oct 23, 2013
Messages
473
Hey thanks Radeng!

It feels a bit weird and personal to share and write this journal; but I think it’s healthy and can be productive too.

I feel like I'm getting something out of it; and my goal with it (aside with being candid and unfiltered about what I say and what comes out in the writing) is to be entertaining and relevant if I can, to any others reading.

I always read my writing and I kind of think who the fuck even talks like that, I don’t sound anything like that in person (or that people would never piece together who I am in conversation vs. my writing). But maybe I want to change that a bit in conversation too… or feel myself kind of gravitating towards some shift like that (wrote about that here right now viewtopic.php?f=8&t=12213 )

But thanks for reading this, and will keep updating it; got a lot to share and talk about :) and a lot coming down the road too I expect man.

Cheers,

Rage
 

Rage

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Oct 23, 2013
Messages
473
Rage Journal 6
Sex Transmutation, Pickup, Lifting, and Getting Work Done

Hello again,

I had posted a few weeks ago (maybe sooner than a few weeks ago) about balancing my testosterone levels and just not like having to jerk off all the time.

I had been thinking and assessing what my days are going like of late and realized that I had been much more unproductive than I typically was like last year… kind of scary because this had been over the span of the last couple of months if I were to be very honest with myself.

I had been much more massively unproductive and having issues with willpower with getting shit done; I think in just any day I was getting done much less work and was having trouble getting the motivation to get up and like make a meal for myself or take a shower or silly trivial things like that.

My guess was that it was because of porn addiction, and still watching porn; it sucks and I hate the shit, but I have had to give myself a hand like once a day or so to stay sane.

Trying To Quit

Yesterday I had tried to quit for the umpteenth time; I think I had already went most of like one day not doing it which is a ton for me. My sex drive was never as high as it has been these past months… in a scary way; I almost think to myself what the fuck have I done to myself, as I walk around half hard all the time and am extremely aggressive.

The training I do has gotten harder longer hours, harder training, more demanding of my body but it is expected as my body is stronger now than it ever has been before. As I wish to continue to grow in strength I train harder, add more weight to the bar, do more variations and more volume and a wider array of exercises and continue to progress.

I love to train, and enjoy it; what it does to my libido is something scary though and if I had a girl to have sex with now I could be at it with her 5 times a day every single day, and be like a porn star.

It sucks though because it just creates a larger and larger dependency on needing to have sex. I will be more irritable more impatient more aggressive in my driving and more on edge typically; my leg is shaking all the time and is right now as I write this.

My theory on all this however is that it would be powerful stuff if I could use it: if I could hold it in.

Going Without Doing It

I think porn is detrimental and contributed to the drain in my work and willpower and motivation in the months past yes.

But I think not releasing orgasm for periods of times if I could do it could make me invincible. 6 months ago I’d be working and be able to go like 3-5 days or so without doing it before I felt myself going insane and had my dick keeping me up at night. Now that period of time has been cut to 1-2 days, and I can take at mot like a day off before it starts affecting my sleep (if I don’t train that day; if I do well it’s even fucking harder then).

If I could sleep and not do it maybe it would work out and I could forgo doing it for however long I chose.

It has to be doable and though it feels difficult I do believe that it would be possible, it must be. I recall Chase discussing in a comment on one of his articles that he’ll go a month or more focusing on business and apart from girls almost completely; and when he does this he would go without masturbating or any release at all… and that he starts to get antsy and start going crazy around 2 weeks time, but just keeps at it and it passes and after that he goes the month and there largely loses attrition or focus on women and just keeps at it with his work. If he wants to get back into women he may look at porn a day or two and release and then get back into meeting women again (was what was implied sort of from his writing there).

Theories On Benefits of Abstaining From Orgasm

I think that not orgasming and holding it in, sex transmutation so to say, can make me invincible kinda. I am skeptical of bullshit, skeptical of pseudoscience and stuff; what I wanna discuss though is nearly all from personal experience and guesses to my personal experience contributing factors and such, as well as observations on reading about others.

When I had been writing my book earlier in the year I recall Id go several days at a time without doing it.

When you don’t do it and you have that extra energy you feel powerful. I had no issues with willpower or motivation or anything, and I could seriously work 12 hours in a day. It was incredible, and I experienced something similar yesterday, and wrote 4000 words or so in the span of an hour and a half, then got some other work done after that and trained after that.

Back in my book writing days I remember being able to edit nonstop throughout the day, or spend 3-4 hours writing in a day and just get so much done in such a short period of time.

Also, I can’t prove this, but I think (this is my theory) that when I don’t do it my work is better, my writing is better, it comes out more easily, it is more creative, more high quality, it is just better in every way I think.

I observed and remember something about my book writing days though which was that when I was doing this sex transmutation kind of work, I was training just lighter in the gym not heavier: and not heavily upping my sex drive and sexual charge.

All my focus and energies and thoughts and vibrations were going into my work. It made the work be better than it could be otherwise much more so.

But another theory or guess I have here is that the training needs to be backed off of for full effect of sex transmutation. Of the guys that I reckon used this stuff tesla, davinci, newton, great inventors and scientists and creators, none of them were avid athletes.

I think that working so hard at your training gets your sex drive up massively makes you so highly charged but also more primitive in a way; it increases your needs for sating reptilian urges. You have to eat more, sleep more, and you have to orgasm more.

Now with the third one, the sex transmutation argument is that you can essentially nut into women or nut into your work, or a ratio of both. But once you do, your work is much less than it was before; again I do sort of feel this way and feel the writing/the work/the output/the productivity/everything that comes out and is to be said and done and all that is the best when you have held it in for days or longer.

Does That Mean No Women?

The other thing of course that most of the guys here would account for is that not orgasming or watching porn or masturbating makes you more hornier and more raring to meet women; If I am talking to women and meeting new ones regularly then I can be ok even with the insane high test levels and can talk with them and progress with them and do ok I think.

But do you have to pick women or work, one or the other?

I don’t think so; I think it would have to be a balanced ratio between work and women, because after building skill up with a women, then there would be the unicorn women who are ideal match for you and their influence and counsel and support would help you further your work in some way.

Provide contrarian perspectives and a second opinion and other wisdom and experience and sorts of support that you wouldn’t have access to otherwise and would be hard pressed finding in a male friend or other books.

Plan Moving Forward

I can try going more days without doing it.

I have this theory that I’m gonna try to work on too which is that whenever I get the urge to masturbate or do it ill just start writing and working on shit then, and see where that takes me and how that works.

Quitting porn: I was like that’ll be fucking easy im not even into it. But its not the porn; it’s the crazy monster of a sex drive that is consuming me making me more animal than man at times that ends up being more of the problem.

I can’t give up cold turkey overnight forever likely, and instead must accept and make peace with and work with doing little bits of gradual progress day by day.

My next mini goal would be if I could get it to like 3 days at a time without orgasming then I would do that. The thing with getting a new lay now too is that if I could and did it would be nice, but likely I wouldn’t keep the girl around and it would be a 1 or 2 time thing.

And if I did go more about this abstinent visionary phase and go without orgasming otherwise, I’d be wanting to get more work done and wouldn’t want to be around her or really around anyone else, unless the girl were truly exceptional and truly helping me make my work better (same goes for friends and shit; it is downright scary how much it affects you and how much you change when you are days without orgasming vs. when you aren’t).

It’s been tough to balance and I’m in a tough spot, kind of embattled and confused.

And a little frustrated, because I see the beginning steps of great things that I can create, amount to, become, and work to be one day: I’m just at the forefront of that.

But I want different things and they seem to conflict… and going further towards one end seems to hinder and stunt growth of other ends. Further with women, less further with work? Perhaps?

I’m not sure… and this shit is confusing… but reckon that in time I will be wiser, further, and better know what I think, feel, and make of all this, and what my actions will be moving forward.

I have time to figure this out; pisses me off because I want to know the answers and solutions and work to fix my problems now.

But maybe it'll take time before I can do that. I await what those answers will be though.

And just take it day by day for now…
 

Rage

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Oct 23, 2013
Messages
473
Rage Journal 7
INTJ, Motivation, and Relationships

Haha well isn’t this interesting:

Hallmarks of the INTJ include independence of thought and a desire for efficiency. They work best when given autonomy and creative freedom. They harbor an innate desire to express themselves by conceptualizing their own intellectual designs. They have a talent for analyzing and formulating complex theories. INTJs are generally well-suited for occupations within academia, research, consulting, management, science, engineering, and law. They are often acutely aware of their own knowledge and abilities—as well as their limitations and what they don't know (a quality that tends to distinguish them from INTPs). INTJs thus develop a strong confidence in their ability and talents, making them natural leaders.

What’s up guys

I was walking back from class right now and something occurred to me just randomly came to my mind kinda.

I thought back to black dragon podcast with caleb and different things he discussed about relationships.

I read some of his material on his site and what came to mind was this; Caleb is an Intj myers brigg type and I thought of that and thought of his relationships that he's in that he discussed.

If I recall form the podcast, he doesn’t sleep with randoms all the time anymore and just keeps multiple relationships now and finds that works best for him. Cant quote him directly but remember him saying something along the lines of “I don’t have much interest in sleeping with new girls all the time random girls all the time, and just having several relationships and girls I can regularly sleep with going for me”.

This sounds pretty neat to me. Ok.

Then I thought of the other INTJ’s that I know; it is funny because it hadn’t been my intention this way but the guys I studied and identified with the most have tended to be the same type as me. Tesla, Newton, Asimov, Musk just to name a few. I would guess that Chase would be INTJ type too, but I couldn’t be sure as to that.

What Classifies the Type

INTJ are visionaries, are rationalists and stubborn realists while being idealists. The type is a mechanic type that is focused very much on building things on creating building something that has eben envisioned and that doesn’t make that much sense then is abstract but becomes obsession and the individual then becomes simply hell bent on creating that thing and making that happen and manifesting into the real world.

From Wikipedia

INTJs apply (often ruthlessly) the criterion "Does it work?" to everything from their own research efforts to the prevailing social norms. This in turn produces an unusual independence of mind, freeing the INTJ from the constraints of authority, convention, or sentiment for its own sake ... INTJs are known as the "Systems Builders" of the types, perhaps in part because they possess the unusual trait of combining imagination and reliability. Whatever system an INTJ happens to be working on is for them the equivalent of a moral cause to an INFJ; both perfectionism and disregard for authority come into play. Personal relationships, particularly romantic ones, can be the INTJ's Achilles heel ... This happens in part because many INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals ... Perhaps the most fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense.

And

INTJs are strong individualists who seek new angles or novel ways of looking at things. They enjoy coming to new understandings. They tend to be insightful and mentally quick; however, this mental quickness may not always be outwardly apparent to others since they keep a great deal to themselves. They are very determined people who trust their vision of the possibilities, regardless of what others think. They may even be considered the most independent of all of the sixteen personality types. INTJs are at their best in quietly and firmly developing their ideas, theories, and principles.

Relationships In Relation to Work

The type isn’t strong suited for relationships. With relationships like even with friends and family and stuff I care for them and like them and its nice and stuff. But I always have had a sort of stronger draw for some reason to my work. To whatever it is that I was focused on building on or building towards.

And my relationships with others were always like in relation to that, in the context of that, it was always how do my relationships with other people help or contribute to my obsessions and what I am working on and building towards. In that way the projects sort of always came first.

Ideal Romantic Relationship?

Someone who helps you be better, grow stronger, provides good counsel, good support, good alternative insights that I don’t get myself and have trouble finding anywhere else. Practically it could be someone I could have a good chemistry with, enjoy sex with and bust in them a few million times and then get back to work.

A lot of intj forgo relationships altogether, or will have breaks where they aren’t really at all focused on that stuff at all and don’t care too much either. I’m kinda in a phase like that and it bugs me, but Chase said it well here that

A Mechanic will often settle into a committed relationship only after he’s decided he’s gotten skilled enough at dating and has focused himself on learning some other skill set or building or accumulating some other asset. At this point, he may select a woman himself and form a relationship with her, or, perhaps more commonly, as he loses interest in women and turns his focus to his mission, yet retains the attractive qualities and behaviors he learned during his time learning seduction, a woman will pick him and chase him down until she gets him.

This is kinda scary because that has been my focus lately to just get good at the skill and be able to get on well with girls while focusing on my other primary hobbies. So that I can focus more on them later on because part of me really wants to get good at the skill; but also so that if one or few come along that I like I can put in the work and follow the appropriate steps to be able to get them and like keep them in my life and get the value that I can from them.

Other Intj just go without them altogether because they can get so much out of their work and dually their work takes so much out of them that they will be fixated and tied very strongly to it. And everything will come second to that. So that’s what causes them to be away from other people and in isolation working would be my guess.

Concluding Thoughts

I don’t know if it is porn addiction or working on things or a mix of both that is hindering my interest in progressing with girls. It doesn’t help that I get reactions and some girls chasing me, to appease that side of my mind that worries that my skill might be weakening or needs serious work.

I don’t have a really cogent theory or set of ideas I’ve developed about any of this. I just know that I really want to get better at a number of skills and hope I can at each of them without some conflicting with others. But likely they will have to unfortunately be done individually for the most part; that kind of sucks but I have to put up with that if I want to achieve any of them at all in the first place.
 

Lotus

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Nov 12, 2014
Messages
624
Hey Rage,

Glad you have decided to share, def going to enjoy these reads. You are definitely a little opposite of me, but that kind of excites me to get to learn. Hope that's too not fucking weird, but I did just crush a glass of wine on an empty stomach.

Anyway I like the depth of your posts and the post on Hector was pretty cool, I can see how you felt excited because just from reading it got me a little excited.

-Lotus
 
you miss 100% of the shots you don't take

Rage

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Oct 23, 2013
Messages
473
Hey thanks for the kind words Lotus!

Hahaha that’s funny; I actually quite enjoy it when I make a friend who has similar goals to me but is more different in style and personality and approach and stuff… it’s like we’ll be tackling the same things but from different angles and approach them tactically different as well. And there’s always so much to learn from the other person who’s working towards similar things to you but very different from you otherwise.

Lots to learn from the different way they go about things; makes you question what you should change or work on or all the alternate things you could learn from them.

Hector’s cool and was like this; something funny about him that makes him very opposite me and I found hilarious: he the is complete definition and living breathing flesh embodiment of the seductive traveler who just goes where he pleases, does what he wishes to, plans none of it and lives it hour by hour second by second with just adventure and pursuing what he wants in mind.

He came to LA with no plans of where to stay where to go who he’ll see or hang out with, knowing no one and having nothing even remotely scheduled beforehand. And just made every single thing up along the way as he went. Maybe he’ll run into a girl he gets to sleep with or find a cool place to eat or make a neat friend in me or whoever else from the boards hit him up or whatever.

Found that cool and funny, because I am so ridiculously the opposite of that and a bit envious of those qualities in a way. I am rigidly structured focused on doing as much as I can with my day, and impatient and have to have specific time tables, and little schedules and plans for all the little things that I must get done in my day.

Two different guys but similar goals I guess… anyway just something random that came to my mind man. Thanks for reading, stick around I’ll have more to share :) 
 

Rage

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Oct 23, 2013
Messages
473
Rage Journal 8
Love At First Sight? Or Just Some Emotional Bullshit…


I feel silly writing about this, this is some like emotional bullshit or something. But I met this one girl a few weeks ago, and at odd points I think and wonder about this girl, and the interactions we had together.

I’m very rational and not emotional, but even rationally this experience stuck out to me and my mind goes back to it once or a few times in the week.

A Girlschase Article I Don’t Like Very Much

https://www.girlschase.com/content/love-first-sightI don’t like this article very much because it’s not especially scientific and makes you want to associate it with whichever girl you are into especially in your life at the time, be that a oneitis obsession or a girl you’ve slept with many times.

I had thought that I had felt this type of spark with a girl before, in high school. This was a girl I knew in high school who was a lot better looking than many of the other girls. But I know now that she didn’t have many of the traits that are ideal for me and that I would need in a relationship or an above average girl.

I ran into this girl this summer, working in a cell phone shop and I almost laughed out loud when I saw her because she looked so much worse than high school and there was no attraction between me and her (poor thing; I kinda felt like a dick after). She’d been working 40 hour weeks and saving up so she could go to Coachella. Lol … sound like the ideal unicorn quality girl or what?

I think this girl and one or two in the past I've mistakenly thought I’ve had a connection like this with in the past. But I’m convinced that those were cases of inexperience and infatuation and girls that were warm to me but nothing exceptionally special. In past years I’ve cleaned up with women a lot better than I have been of late; but the paradigm shifts from those experiences largely remain. I am much more dispassionate about women I meet and I don’t really believe in the sort of thing that this article talked about. But a few weeks ago an approach happened that sort of served on its own to singlehandedly challenge that establishing belief of mine (that these magical connections with an individual girl instantly couldn’t ever be a real thing).

The Story Begins

It was a Thursday night roughly 3 weeks ago.

My friend and I had been sitting in the library on 2 chairs facing each other.

To our right there were a bunch of tables that went down a hall for some distance.

I had worked out that day and was in my boots, blue jeans and a very tight fitting white v-neck and knew I looked somewhat good.

My friend and I were talking about whatever and it was a regular old school night, about 9:30 pm.

I see a pretty girl somewhat far away towards the tables. Unconsciously I recall having seen this girl once or twice before and remember her face. She was an approach I bitched out on months ago perhaps.

This girl is far away: she is dressed hiding her nice figure, wearing a button up jacket and jeans. A huge backpack is on her back. She has a ponytail of long dark black hair goes down to her butt.

She is standing (still pretty far away but just enough that I can see her) and talking to two friends of hers a girl and a guy.

She seems vivacious and lively is smiling, laughing a little bit and chatting with her sitting friends.

A lot of the time when I hang out with my friend, me and him won’t be looking at each other and will just be talking. This is one of these moments now.

I’m talking to him and looking at that girl from far away and I’m like wow she looks really good.

I tell my friend “dude you know who I think looks really fucking pretty”

“Who”?

“That girl over there”; my friend agrees that she’s attractive

She is dressed conservatively and very effective in hiding her curvy figure. But I'm good at telling girls who work out from those who don’t and those who have asses and titties vs. those who have them pushed up or accentuated by their jeans or whatever.

https://www.girlschase.com/content/youre ... lest-girls it becomes important to train yourself to sort of be able to come to tell the fakes from the real things.

A Few Minutes Later

My friend and I continue to talk about other stuff.

Away from me towards the girl, a few tables closer to me and my friend is a decent black chick we know who is a mutual friend called Taylor. My friend cleans up around the same level with girls as I do more or less; Taylor has wanted both our dicks individually.

My friend says lets flip a coin and whoever it lands on has to go talk to Taylor, cause neither of us really wants to go talk to her, but it would be funny and boost our ego just to bullshit with her and watch her flirt with one of us and us tease her and boost her hopes up and then leave her. Lol

I tell my friend “oh you wanna flip a coin”?

And I just go over to Taylor and flip him off and talk to her about her engineering hw and she flirts with me and we have a semi sexual conversation that has no purpose or direction but is fucking funny (even if she invited me over right then to have sex with her I would fucking never, because her boyfriend’s a big jealous black guy… which is also why neither of us pursues her seriously at all to try and bed her).

I talk to her a bit, then tell her I’ll see her around, and get ready to leave the library with my friend.

Taylor wants my dick so bad, but my friend’s too; I asked my friend if she’d be down to let us double team her and we cried fucking laughing, but neither of us would be fucking down for that shit lol.

What About the Main Girl?

So…

My friend and I get up to walk towards the elevator.

Coincidentally the unicorn girl bids her friends bye and walks towards us and towards the elevator too.

I am standing and still haven’t begun walking towards the elevators yet. I look like one of those male models with chiseled bodies (hahahaha no I don’t ), but anyway, I do this neat thing where I check her out in a sexy way and sort of let her see me check her out.

It’s done in a way that if she notices she’d either be warm to or not be warm to, and you can see if she holds your eye contact or doesn’t.

She sees me do that and inviting her to look and we look at each other as she's walking towards me, and it lingers.

We look at each other longer, transfixed with each other, and she gives me a smile that’s warm but odd because it’s almost magical in some sort of way. It’s uncanny and this all lasts for like 5 seconds, while she's walking towards the elevator.

We gaze at each other for so many seconds and time stops.

She is transcendentally beautiful, that’s all I could describe her as in that moment; that occurs to me.

My mind travels back somehow instantly to this visualization I’ve had from before Girlschase from a long long time ago, of a nameless girl who will have dark chestnut hair, and a light skinned snow white-esque face, amongst all the other features of body and personality and all that that I’ve visualized about.

Some small spark within me unconsciously seems to go “dude that’s it she's the one, that’s the one we’re fucking looking for!”

Walking Towards the Elevator

I consciously don’t think about any of this.

I just think that that girl is breathtaking and I tell my friend as I walk towards the elevator with him “dude me and that girl just had a fucking moment”. “Which girl?”, “The one I pointed out to you before!; yeah my game’s getting better or something”

We get to the elevator and you have to turn right to get there. The girl is holding it open for me and my friend.

It is a coincidence and funny, because I was much further behind her and she didn’t see me walking and I could have been going anywhere else in the library. She didn’t see me from far away at all and was quite a bit ahead of me.

But for some cosmic reason she holds it open even though no one might be coming and she can’t see me coming at all.

Escalation in the Elevator

I say thanks and smile lightly and me and my friend go in.

My friend has an instinct to kind of go off more to the side of the elevator because he senses the girl is into me.

This is where I sort of question shit as truly being something out of the ordinary and more than just attraction I’ve received from other girls in the past.

I get in the elevator, the girl looks at me and smiles in a way no girl has ever fucking smiled at me before.

A hard look of attraction but more so than that of some connection or something. Immense attraction and I feel it too; and am a bit wary, a bit overwhelmed but caught up in it just as her. I look at her and she looks at me and we seem to drink each other in and can’t quench the thirst of each other. It is surreal.

Funnily enough we haven’t exchanged a single word with each other yet besides me saying thanks for her holding the elevator open for us.

Are you really busy with exams
I say

A little bit yeah I am
she says AND she opens her mouth and has the most beautiful Spanish foreign accent !!!!

the elevator opens; without meaning to, me and her walk next to each other.

You’re an engineering major aren’t you

Yes how did you know that

Because engineering girls, even if they’re pretty, they usually won’t wear any makeup
(and this girl looks great with no makeup at all)

Yes we don’t have any time for makeup
she says smiling :)

For some reason it feels like I’m pushing too far forward or too fast because she has to walk off, I get her name and hold her hand briefly and give her my name and say bye to her. I can ask her number or continue on with her here but for some reason I don’t because it just doesn’t feel right to in that moment.

It felt as though it would be chasing if I continued on at that point. My friend says dude that was so smooth, and I’m thinking of it more in terms of oh good pickup skill. He says I should have went with her and kept talking to her but oddly instinctually it didn’t feel the calibrated think to do at that moment.

I talked to my friend about that more and he has read the love at first sight article before; and I was like it’s bullshit right? And he’s like no there may be something there.

He tells me that how he saw her look at me is the single most attracted he has ever seen a girl look at a guy, it was more than attraction I felt, it was alignment almost.

He says more attracted than any girl ever: more so than his girlfriend has ever looked at him, or any of the girls he’s laid, or all the chicks he’s seen me date or lay, or any that he’s observed of other couples and individual people.

I didn’t like that he had to say that because it made it more real in my own mind; I would have had to guiltily admit that I’d probably agree with him. There was deep attraction and so before even a single word was exchanged with her.

Days Later

It took a number of days but by chance I ran into this girl again, next week.

I caught up to her and got to talking to her.

She was going to meet with her friend and eat with her.

Your accent is pretty where are you from

I’m from Colombia
(ahh wtf fuck yes !!!!!)

All this blows my mind from some of the things I listed in my ideal girlfriend list because it just aligns so scarily much; will share that soon.

And where are you from

I’m from here originally; my parents are from Bangladesh

Oh ok
She asks me what major I am; I tell her

I ask her and she tells me she's chemical engineering

What Happens Next?

Did we go off into the sunset with me throwing her over my back and dashing over to my room to caveman her?

Unfortunately no, and somehow I fuck this up. And I have still been kicking myself a little bit over it.

I had been running many approaches this day and my game is fucking shit, and I treated this just like any other approach.

She was supposed to meet with her friend but warm to me, talking to me, asking me questions, very into me and curious about me. I was enjoying it too. She was so sweet and had no rush and no desire for it to end at all.

I’m stupid, and this is the moment I kicked myself for; I don’t spend longer talking to her, I thought to myself: I have to meet other girls the rest of today and do other shit, I’ll just get her number and arrange for a date and head out, plus she’ll have to meet her friend soon too as well.

I pretend to be in a rush and made a false time constraint that I had to meet my friend, but maybe we could exchange numbers and grab food together sometime.

I’m not sure about this, maybe I'm wrong, but I feel that she didn’t want me to leave here.

She doesn’t give me her number but her eyes don’t say no, and it seems like a logical rule of hers or something from having to rebuff other guys in the past.

It’s the sweetest like nicest no I've ever gotten; she tells me

I can’t give my number out like that right away, maybe if I see you again I could grab coffee with you.

But she says she can’t just give her number like that.

I tell her it’s ok and smile and she’s smiling and apologetic all the way back, and I head the other direction.

I’m just disappointed a bit because I realize I could have handled that better and that I should have hung around her longer and built more rapport. She had been asking me all these questions and had been so warm towards me but I did a shit job of matching that or catering to that in any degree.

I was disappointed because something could have come out of it but didn’t.

Afterthoughts

Honestly I don’t know if I’ll ever see this chick again or not. We have a lot of students on campus.

I kind of logically don’t want to, because I logically don’t want to connect with a girl this hard till later on.

I get my ID tomorrow and can finally do nightgame; and I just have so far to go with my game. A girlfriend or anything even remotely close to that would perhaps get in the way of progressing with my game right now.

Logically I don’t like it; but emotionally I’m sure part of me would like some kind of escapade for whatever time or length or stretch with a girl I had this kind of connection with.

Who wouldn’t?

I asked my friend more about this, what his opinion was on the second meet I had with this girl was (where he was absent).

She’s just not into me right?

My friend tells me it’s not that simple and that I kind of messed it up by trying to go for her number too quick and not hanging around calibrating, building rapport and spending more time with her.

My friend is in a relationship right now; he told me that the girl he’s with now (I remember this back when it happened to him) he tried to meet and go for an instant number close like I did with this girl. She said no and very rudely and abruptly too; not a warm sunshine no like mine was haha. (ego problem that my friend and I share, but he recalls thinking after not getting his girl’s number the first time: what!? Do you know who the fuck I am? HAHAHA)

Then second time they ran into each other, she asked for his number and he rejected her the same way and didn’t give his number to her. Haha

Then the third time, he stumbled upon her once again and he gave her his number and they went out and then had a long history before he eventually got to sleep with her.

They have good chemistry and are into each other a fair bit now; and she has a good body.

I don't usually think of inidividual girls at length ever; and I would be skeptical and forget about this more easily if my friend hadn’t been there to witness this. I’d dismiss it in my head as probably nothing, or the beginnings of infatuation and a sign that I need to be meeting way more girls right now.

But my friend firmly asserts and holds that something was definitely there and that I shouldn’t ignore those feelings and that intuitive spark that was felt.

He saw it and he told me a number of times after that, that he was astonished by it, and that that’s the most attracted and hardest connection he’s ever fucking seen between two people at any point in his entire fucking life (and he's not a guy that ever exaggerates or overemphasizes things ever).

Lmao, feels like a bitch when he phrases it like that.

The most he's ever seen a girl be attracted to a guy. He saw her face though and not mine.

Perhaps my face was like hers.

Perhaps part of me was just as attracted.

Perhaps part of me will never know; or won’t ever run into this girl again.

Don’t think I’d like to be fully monogamous anytime in the future; and my passions (pickup included) always come first. But I do wonder…

Time will tell.

Let me know what your guys thoughts are if anything :)

Thanks,

-Rage
 

Rage

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Oct 23, 2013
Messages
473
Rage Journal 9
The Ideal Girlfriend: Description, Preferences, and Logical Criteria 


Am copying and pasting this list; I've added to this list throughout the years with each girl that I dated and really found things about her that I liked or didn't like. 

It is at least 3 years old; I don't consciously remember how old this is. I had a box from when I was very little that was like a safe with lock and key and I had this list (shorter then) written on an index card and locked away in there, with nothing else in the whole box and that box kept somewhere hidden away itself.

This actually might be older then, come to think of it, perhaps 5+ years old or so then. This list means a lot to me for some odd reason. Scheduled to have more added to it likely; but I also believe that once something on this list it's likely here to stay and not going to be going anywhere typically.

Enjoy, 

Ideal girlfriend (this will be like a puzzle of sort and as I get more pieces I will figure out more and more till I figure it all out, and I find her)

Conservative demure traditional transcendentally beautiful woman like chase illustrates here https://www.girlschase.com/content/ones-you-go-and-ones-who-go-you  

Doesn't watch tv

Likes to eat healthy and exercise hard

Truly beautiful women will be deeply attracted to the passion within me ; truly beautiful girl is lonely and looking for the truly beautiful passionate man who can see her beauty , respect it and love her for it

Can always be a bit of a challenge, will challenge and screen and qualify me well

Vivacious, smiles, and positive/hard working and can be busy as can be working through a ton but even then will not be stressed and will be positive and rather cheerful about it all 

Emotional needs not too many; can be more rational 

Won't get other girls and not like other girls in many ways (emotion wise or other tendencies and traits wise); like x was but more positive about people in general 

Not a valley girl and not at all like other girls (masculine girl who is harder more rational and more unemotional. But still nurturing, feminine and beautiful)

Independent, very comfortable being alone

Off of Facebook, not obsessed with social media preferably

Great relationship with family (and with father or mother or a brother is good)

Great past romantic relationships, that show in her precedent set with and treatment of me

Ambitious wants to get masters and does good in school

A bit narcissitic but cares most about supporting me and my goals

Ethical, conservative, does good in school (low partner count, doesn't drink party club etc; altogether balances the bad in me)

Has fewer girl friends (chases reasons for this) spends time infrequently with friends and isn't a quirky American girl sipping her fucking Starbucks 

Good career, positive, optimistic, savvy (can think fast on her feet) and opportunistic

am really truly settling in no way at all to get her, and is a challenge for me in many ways in just the ways i like as the relationshp further progresses; forces me to adapt grow change and mature in the relationship too

Probably a little older like in her early 20s

Not fake or two faced and dislikes other girls that are (other girls that are moderately to highly like that

Likes to read books, open minded, curious about things, curious about me and learning from me (y was a tad close minded)

A good self image; very feminine and nurturing (perhaps foreign girls are best for this)

A girl of mine should be warm and friendly and sweet and like people (all while being not too Cali girl and while being serious/career oriented/ spending lots of time with her work etc.)

more honest more open more trusting than me 

wants to have kids some day; career oriented like y but not too too career oriented where its like me, like x sorta was... 

Should be super incredibly attractive and have the features I like most (big ass and tits, works out hard, good hair and skin) (a height I like is 5'5 or 5'6 like what x's height was, prefer not that short)

ideal genes in looks creativity intelligence etc. that I would want a girl to have and pass down to kids

I can be myself with her in all my crazy mindedness and she can love me for it and be attracted to me for it and sees what's in me and inspires me (more than I can see what's in myself)

Can spend time apart and then love our time together (can always be communicating and have love, understanding, trust and respect)


Very emotionally strong, like y was... good with dealing with hardship or loss and stuff; not like z or like most softer women... the type of girl that chews most girls up and spits them out for breakfast 

Will be love at first sight or have a natural attraction to each other (the girl who you truly like who is your ideal sort of mate will feel and be exactly the same for you)

A girl that deep dives me well, and gets info out of me that most girls don't manage too, and maybe that asks those sort of deep, curiosity inspired questions

I like the look of dark hair with white Snow White face; like rachel Weiss or x pornstar (lol)

Naturally beautiful woman who is like the women described in chases article

probably dress more conservatively and at times hide their natural beauty; will be nice to orbiters and have all those other qualities that true beautiful women do (less female friends, strong willed determined, looking for a passionate beautiful man)

I like girls with accents, foreign girls can be more feminine nurturing (and have that beautiful natural unfettered femininity that's lost or faint at best in most girls in the west); Colombian accent (Hispanic girls), British accent are a few that come to mind that I've really liked

She'll be tough, able to work a lot harder than average people and willing to work hard and endure through hardship; tough emotionally and physically think of X when her car got stolen

High sex drive from being feminine but but physically active, I'll cater to that and fuck her brains out constantly (though not too awesome too often or she'll get addicted) 

Not irritatingly opinionated or stubborn about views; knows what she believes and wants but is positive open minded too; won't want to argue and challenge and fight a bit all the time like Y or x would

Pretty, smart, deeply intelligent in a way alternate to my own

A girl conventional with conventional schooling but very happy very sure of herself and extremely passionate about what she is doing and what's she's studied; in touch with her essence

Healthy body and healthy mind healthy relation with herself and others she knows; content and self actualizing 

giving women who is very feminine nurturing and cares for me whole heartedly, believes in me and stands by me more than anyone else would 

not super competitive like me; not an unconventional type like me that wants to be really rebellious or create businesses and stuff 

outgoing spends time with friends where im more of a loner; more amicable and warm and sweeter where i can be kind of more of a hardass 

That's the list so far; some of them sound kind of repeated because I may have written them in on different stages. Likely there are things missing from this list but it's a good general one.

Probably much more I get to add to it through further relationships I have.

This ends up kind of a shy exited girl https://www.girlschase.com/content/girl- ... ited-girls type too. The girl I wrote about in the prior journal had some of these traits in an almost uncanny and scary accurate way; but again not thinking about her much and have to be thinking about the other girls I'm meeting and working to progress with them.

Feel free to steal any of these qualities; or perhaps not if they aren't what you prefer ;) 

-Rage 
 

Rage

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Oct 23, 2013
Messages
473
Rage Journal 10
The Inventor Mind v. the Seducer Mind


Wrote this several days ago but haven’t gotten a change to edit and get it up till now.

What’s up guys; this is some writing on some theories I've been having in a mental split within myself.

Between my various hobbies, my mind at times seems rather torn between two minds.

One is a primitive, high testosterone animalistic mind that wants to fuck, wants to train, wants to be aggressive and fight, and win at shit etc.

The other mind which I would call the inventor mind or the creative mind, is more intelligent is calmer and more observant calculated wiser and more grounded. This mind doesn’t care about girls that much at all, and If I am in this mind/when I am in this mind, I care about more abstract things and getting my work done.

This split between head brain and reptilian brain (which this appears to be) can make me want different things at different times.

A girl my roommate fucked

A couple of days ago, my roommate who is a regular guy who does a bit better than the average regular guy has a girl over who introduces herself as his friend as soon as I come home (she opens the door to come see me right when I get home; kinda creepy sounding you say?).

She is fat and ugly and unattractive and I’m like wtf and her personality isn’t especially attractive either. She baked some cookies and made food for my roommate; I have some of those cookies and some bananas and oranges and chill with them for like 10 minutes.

I’m kind of pissed off and sexually frustrated because I need to jack off or I won’t have orgasmed that whole day and my body will literally not be able to sleep and want to go do so so that I can sleep, but she is there and I know even if I go to my room Ill still hear her voice and shit later and it will be annoying haha… and they might hear me too.

Anyway I talk with this girl and my roommate for a little bit, then go off and jack off later then sleep.

The next day

The next day I catch my roommate at 11 am and we’re cool and get along fine and find each other mildy funny or something I guess. I ask him if he fucked that girl. He says yeah I did; he tells me a bit more tells me he's not proud of it or ashamed of it, but he just did cause it happened and she pushed for it.

He tells me that before I came in, he was trying to kick her out and wasn’t even planning on doing her. I think meeting me might have made her more attracted because im ripped and more sexually attractive than my roommate (and also an egotistical fucking shit hahaha). And that after talking with me and him for a while and going off she got a bit more turned on and up for doing it.

This girl was really fucking ugly and pretty fucking fat too. I ask my roommate wasn’t she fucking fat. And he says, oh well she used to be grossly overweight and my friend got with her then and then she lost 50 lbs and is less fat now then she was then (and broke up with his friend after that).

The Value in Whale Hunting

Banging that ugly girl coincides with both of these articles to a certain degree https://www.girlschase.com/content/you-r ... having-sex

https://www.girlschase.com/content/lower ... tter-girls

Just regarding this topic I realize that I need to be sleeping with lower quality girls a bit. I can think back to every lay I've had to date, and even the ones that I was like ehh she's not that attractive/she's subpar, were still significantly more attractive than average girls. But I should be doing more average girls I could help my count so much and my skill so much with that.

It feels like an ego thing to me; but that’s from inexperience and really shouldn’t be; I should be able to fuck uglier girls to a degree (not as far as my roommate, but at least skinny average girls or something) and be able to just do it for the hell of it.

Part of the reason I hesitate and falter here is because of inexperience and ego/bullshit pride reasons; but the other reason is because of the two minds…

More on the Two Minds


I realize that the two minds of mine change intermittently kinda.

They deviate; when I am in scientific brain when I really am, then I’m no good with people. I’ll be looking off into space and thinking about other things.

Things I read or want to write or something. A lot of the time I won’t even be thinking of anything at all but will just be focused off into the distance gazing at something or trying to come up with something or channel some vision or revelation or some bullshit like that.

Whoever I’m with at that time or wherever I’m at or anything else in the outside world really doesn’t matter to me at that point; I won’t care then and will be focused on other things.

And this will be when I will be good to do good work/any creative work.

The flipside of this, the other mind: is when my testosterone is going hard and I am more virile or animalistic or something.

When this part of my mind is more set in, I will be raring to go and will want to fuck or talk to girls, or lift weights or something.

The split between two minds, is kind of like a split between machinist or hedonist it seems…

The Solution

What matters of course, as I mentioned somewhere earlier before is having routines and objectives and having things that I do whether I feel like them or not. If I am in action I will continue to want to be in action; and then whether my minds are in one or the other I should be able to continue on working.

The key thing I theorize that seems to make this work is to have both primitive and logical reasons for wanting to do what I want to do.

And then after that, again, going and doing those things when the time for them is scheduled, whether I feel like it or not, and regardless of which mood/mind I am in or not.

Logical reasons would be I want to do what I do because it: will make me more virtuous, more experienced, help my learning, better my life etc.

Primitive reasons would be because: I competitively want it, my ego wants it and wants to be the best and succeed and conquer, my libido and drive wants food or wants sex or wants to cum all over that girls pretty face etc.

Yeah come to think of it lifting is a good example of where I've done both; i show up routinely at certain times and have certain exercises that will be performed. Sometimes a very animalistic mind of passion, raw rage and testosterone, and sheer will to conquer and to fucking kill shit. Sometimes this will be set in but other times a hard inventor mind will be set in of visualization, controlled ferocity and intensity, precision and laser like focus.

That’s all the thoughts I have on the topic at the moment. I need to get increasingly better at doing the things, in each area of my life, routinely that I must to get where I need to be with each of my endeavors and goals. Regardless of which mind I am in at any individual moments in time.

-Rage
 

Rage

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Oct 23, 2013
Messages
473
Rage Journal 11
Porn, Quitting, and Life After


Today has been an interesting day.

Today I’ve been a day and a half without porn/masturbating.

Yikes I can’t use those words without even seeming to create some slight trigger to thinking about them so I’ll try to write all this about the topic without using those words haha.

Intro

This has been the first time going a full day for me in months it seems, perhaps I’d say 2 or 3 months.

I’ve learned and come to realize many things in studying and reading a lot over the past few days.

First off is that the thought that it is harder for me or impossible for me because I have a high sex drive is bullshit.

I have certain sleep problems and go to the vices of which I will call x and y so that I could sleep better. In my head it was rationalized that I didn’t want to do it but should because it is healthy and will make me sleep better.

The testosterone level thing frankly really is a whole load of bullshit (doesn’t make a difference if my levels are higher or not). Kirill Sarychev benched the world record bench several days ago and broke Eric Spoto’s all-time raw record by a substantial margin https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=klxXDtI4S8g

To do this, amongst the other things he did, was have no sex.

No orgasm; for like months it seems prepping for this meet. And he is on super-physiological doses of testosterone like order of magnitude or more greater test levels than me!

I've heard him talk about his training and diet and all that before… what it takes to build a world champion the true best in the world…

Strict clean diet. Hard heavy extremely smart and regimented and individual tailored (just to him) training. No sex. And he has even talked about going into extreme isolation talking to no one… being around very few people during later stages nearing competition.



Now that is pretty inspiring; pretty cool.

He is just a kid too, 27 years old. It is an awesome thing that I get to live in a day and age where a guy can raw bench that much.

Regarding Hardship

From studying and reading more I’ve read that there are guys who take steroids (other guys) also take superphysiciologal doses who quit. Who have healthy sex lives and don’t have to watch x ever or do y really ever.

It is possible; it is very possible.

And I really want to do it.



I was writing yesterday and realized and remembered that really anything that I want to achieve, if it is significant and worth having and achieving should be achievable but extremely difficult to do so.

It almost necessarily should be.

It should be extremely extremely extremely hard and I should be putting in the work to achieve something like that, if I want to achieve it.

Whatever that may be



Now that work can be smart, can be focused, can be targeted, and can be split into small chunks that you do routinely and those chunks even into smaller ones perhaps if need be.

But the work put in should be intense it should be focused it should be you putting in some very serious effort.

People don’t get to high heights pretty much entirely because they don’t do what it takes to get there.

You have to do painful uncomfortable hard things to grow.

With powerlifting ive come to learn that its training that is backbreaking you feel like your soul is being torn apart and the world under your feet is being dragged away from out under you.

You feel your fucking soul and body being crushed. And everything going black. But then usually, more times than not, you make the lift. You survive it, you survive death and get to see light at the other end of it.

And it’s good.

And you survive and are someone who essentially survived death faced some of the hardest shit in the world and came out alive.

Other things in principle can be about that hard if they are really high level really elite level things I want to achieved.

And the type of hardship which must be predicated exerted withheld and seen through to the end of the battle would likely be similar to that I reckon.

Observations From Days Off

I have this problem. I would rationalize it and say oh its just once or twice a day, its not that much.

Comparing it to people who are worse than me.

Which is always the wrong way to be comparing! You should always be comparing up. Comparing to people you are less than, and working harder and harder extremely hard to reach higher heights and then find people who are yet further up.

Seeing that what they’ve done is possible and then not striving to compete with them but compete with yourself to get to those even higher heights that seeing that other individual achieve you now know is possible for a man to achieve.



I would rationalize and say it’s not that much it’s just once in a while, it’s healthy, everyone does it.

All the excuses and then some more.



What has happened since quitting, and why it was necessary to quit is a number of things.

Willpower is better is much stronger so is motivation, drive, energy, vitality.

I was at a point and my friend and I discussed this because he was in a similar spot: where the whole quarter largely went away and all that was done were the vices.

I was at phases where I was having serious motivational issues to do anything even extremely simple things like opening up an article on my iPod to read were difficult.



So benefits were more willpower energy, vitality, creativity, potential, ability to work, and ability to want to stray from other vices.

I've observed and seen and heard that you need to kick the biggest bad habit to be able to kick smaller ones.

Do the thing and you want to do the other smaller vices subsequently; well the opposite is fortunately true and you can work to quit the one big vice and then quitting the smaller others after is more natural and a logical and intuitive sort of step(s) down then.

The Nature and Principle of It

The primary reason I wanted to quit wasn’t because of how it took away from my work how it took away form girls I should be more attracted to or working harder to bang, or how it was massively taking away from any of the other parts of my life.

For me what pissed me off about it most and why I felt I had to quit was the principle of it.

The principle of it.

See this is not discussed enough but we are essentially today a nation of addicts.

People go on their Facebook their Instagram their twitter their mail and their compulsive reading or bad habit sites endlessly. Everything is designed to take advantage of our psychology have our dopamine be nibbling nibbling nibbling and increasingly into this junk food.

Just as the west eats junk food of the body they consume junk food of the mind and their synapses through media and internet addiction.

I’d made efforts to curb it in some respects but the main vices which I was battling were making it worse, and were really working in the opposite direction being all really counterproductive for me.



I hated the principle of it

We learned about these lab rats in class that are fed food and drugs and shit every few minutes and tested like that and how they limit the food or cut it off or change the timing or track other variables.

And essentially I felt the same way. I told my friend that; what the fuck separates me from the lab rat who goes and gets his fix. What separates him from the guy who goes to his ipod and goes and gets his little fix and reward and then falls asleep or goes eats junk food after.

Not very fucking much.



And in a nation of addicts, essentially the very few that pass up the addictions, survive them, fight to the death/work really hard, and actually then go and beat them: they get to be the fit that survive.

They are Darwin’s elite and the ones who are at the top of the food chain.

We fall prey to addictions and poisonous stimuli that our minds are not yet evolved to fully combat.

And what about when our minds do evolve for that what then. Well it will result in degradation of a culture and society essentially.

So for the people who break out of all that and work to really be free, they get to reign control. And influence masses too after that.

And help lead the future of humanity and society in a positive, constructive direction.

Or a negative direction where they grow increasingly more addicted to newer, cooler, more dopamine inducing shit, which the guys at the top manufacturing it all get to profit off of.

Scary stuff.

What's Been Helping Me Kick Shit

It’s been hard.

Pretty damn hard.

But I’ve done hard things before and thought I wouldn’t make it through to the end. And have made it through to the end each and every time so far.

The feeling after is always somewhat of an interesting feeling.

It is one of relief, of astonishment of your body almost breaking down in how calm it is to be out of that shit. But then after that: a sense of achievement of deep fulfillment and happiness and strength at the realization that it was you just you that survived that.

Just you.

You survived it.

And what does that say about your potential and your abilities and what really is possible for you as a man. And then further from that what might be possible of individual men. And further from that what might be possible of mankind as a collective.

….

I’ve done hard things before. Why is this any different.

I am not quite sure cold turkey works; and if not slow turkey will be the process or something. Not quite sure yet.

Here are some of the links I read from/that have helped.

Have enjoyed the art of manliness’s writing s on the topic; that wikihow article doesn’t seem that bad either

http://www.wikihow.com/Quit-Pornography ... nth-Period

http://www.artofmanliness.com/2014/10/0 ... quit-porn/

In Regards to Women and Lays

I realized this and believe it in my mind.

And it is so simple and obvious and should be so matter of fact.

But what happens when you can’t get off yourself? Aren’t allowed to? If you have none of the vices and can’t do “it”.

Then, the only way to do it, is through women. And you would then do whatever it takes to get there/do that/achieve that.

My friend is in deep. He is in the vices worse than myself and it is funny in a way because he is his own living breathing proof that this is possible.

His freshman year he had no internet, didn’t know about or watch the vices because he was poor growing up and didn’t have access to it then at his dorm either.

He would go months and months and the only stimulation/release would be women.

And he was aggressive, he was a natural, he was dominant, he was how men and people are supposed to be. Virile and active and needing no real game.

He was getting results pulling lots of girls home and having many lays throughout that year.

The best he has ever been with women by far and he devolved from that he says.

Not to know if not having access to the vices helped or not; or if it is correlation or causation or whatever… but it was different he did see the differences.

He did it and it was possible; others have done it and it is possible.

I can do it and it must be possible.

Closing Thoughts

There are some axioms/universal principles that hold true in everything.

Some that are relevant:

1. Things can’t be done massively overnight or in a short period of time. They must be done gradually little step by little step over time.

And kicking any vices or achieving anything big will be similar and congruent to this: will follow this model.

2. Nature is fixed and how nature works is what is ideal and should be adhered to.

Fits for this; there is a certain way that we are best set to function and that we were meant to live as. A natural order, natural balance and natural set of processes.

Foods we were to eat, women to sleep with, sleep to have and a rhythm to follow it. And a list of other things.

Kicking these vices aligns with that.

Amongst the other benefits I hope it does make me better at my nature and closer to it.

I hope that I do get massive boost in attraction and desire and energy towards women.

I hope it helps with that and other things.

And that the future is more productive.
 

Blueye

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 23, 2015
Messages
15
Rage,

Just skimming through some of your content. Love the post about meeting up with Hector (how did ya pull THAT off??? Nice going....I am openly jealous). Anyhow, I plan on reading your journal more thoroughly when I have the time.

But keep up the good fight, keep up the struggle! It's great seeing someone else moving forward...pulling for you, brother.
 

Rage

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Oct 23, 2013
Messages
473
Hey thanks for the kind thoughts man; hope you get something out of whatever you read here, it's just a kind of look at my journey and the inner machinations of my own mind (as Patrick star would call it haha)

Oh and meeting hector was a lucky coincidence for me; all the places he could have moved post college from st Louis and he chose California :) ... It's always awesome meeting guys from the boards becquse of how similar you are in terms of being oriented towards similar goals and journeys.

Not very many guys like us out there; but then again it is what we do that defines us and makes us "guys apart from the rest" in the first place.

Cheers,

Rage
 

Rage

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Oct 23, 2013
Messages
473
Rage Journal 12
And What Of Old Friends?


Last weekend I kicked it with some old high school friends of mine.

It’s followed a pattern that I would kick it with these friends one or two times a year for many years and in fact I knew them from middle school and stuff. I hadn’t seen them for maybe 5 months or so; and hung out with them and it was supposed to be chill and I suppose it was.

We got food in santa monica at cheescake factory, kinda classy on the third floor.

I kicked it with them that night and it was fine they were nice and shit.

But I found that I couldn’t help but feel like almost repulsed to be around them.

It sounds fucked up to say it like that but several things contributed.

Rationalizations

I had been meaning to write about this and get my thoughts on paper; this was like a week ago.

We hung out and I realized that I was friends with this group of friends more for the sake of we were just there at the same school and got along and had a similar sense of humor back then more than anything else.

These friends haven’t changed a single bit since middle school since the earliest I knew them and that fucking bothered me and was pissing me off that night.

It was same toilet humor and shit talking, and conversation of no intellectual substance or purpose or depth whatsoever.

I realized that throughout the years I had been pushing myself to say “you know we do get along you know we do have some things in common and that’s probably why I hang out with them”.

But what things? I couldn’t find any answers that night and questioned all this some more.

I realized that I’d probably made my decisions (as we do about just about everything) emotionally and then rationalized it with my reasons of “oh we kinda have a bunch of things in common… kinda have similarities… kinda have this together and that together”; but it wasn’t really true.

What I Realized

Kicking it with them I realized none of the rationalizations were true. Kicking it some more I realized that none of the rationalizations were even remotely true and that I fucking hated being around them. And bless them they're so nice and I have nothing against them personally.

But I just couldn’t stand to be around them.

It’s as if it reminded me of a much weaker much more average self that I was in early high school and middle school and these friends hadn’t progressed past that at all. A couple of them weren’t in college the others were in community college, got shit grades, and all go out a bunch and smoke and drink and shit.

I used to think the girls in our group were hot; now with experience and having banged girls a million times hotter than them I know that they're pretty ugly I probably wouldn’t look twice at them on the street and would instead run and approach the hotter girl walking past them.

What I further realize about friendship is that friendships never last if both people aren’t growing, and are growing kinda relative to each other (perhaps). Both people have to be growing and moving forward in their life doing meaningful things and working to progress and grow in character and rank (same for romantic relationships of course).

These friends had no goals, no aspirations, nothing big they were working towards. I have other friends who aren’t fucked in the head like me but I am friends with them because they are normal but goal oriented, not crazy minded perhaps but are very hardworking, disciplined, want to achieve things, and do what it takes to achieve them.

Growth oriented friends; and these old outdated friends were anything but that.

You’ll Always Be The Same With Old Friends

Part of you when your run into old friends wants to kind of unconsciously have them realize how different you are, how better you are, or changed or further or whatever you are.

But they don’t realize that. Or care particularly. Especially if they have no goals, progress, or growth of their own. They will treat you exactly as they did when they very first knew you, which for these friends was fucking middle school. And not any different than that at all. Ever.

Same can be said of family but you are born from your immediate family.

Friends are chosen; and if there isn’t a mutual exchange of value and worth then you are kind of meant to drift apart.

I realized that; realized that I have no value to give these friends and they have really no value to give me. The difference is that for them all value needed is someone chill. Chillnot lame. That’s about it and matches all the criteria they need.

Like an average guys dream girlfriend essentially. Chill, attractive, not lame, cool, down to do shit.

I want friends who are growth oriented, whose qualities I can absorb, who want to be better and have goals and purposeful things they are working towards in their life. I have to strive to do this eternally myself, and can have friends like this if I am really truly endeavoring to do the same.

Anyone less than that can’t be around regularly in my life and definitely not for any long period time ever really. You go further and further, higher and higher, increase more and more in value, and your time just grows increasingly more valuable.

You have to put a price on it.

As Chase told me, the guy who’s a fortune 500 CEO and the guy who’s a mechanic and both from high school were best buds, won’t be best buds when they’re adults.

How I Think Emotional Bonds Happen

All this kind of sounds like it sucks; but it doesn’t really in a way.

There is something to be said about emotional bonding and I have some theories on this.

One is that you develop emotional bonds in early childhood and outside that it is less.

Other than that with women it is if you are having sex with them; with guys it is male bonding and if you are “eating salt together” as Aristotle put it. This essentially means taking up passions together/doing challenging things together.

Traveling and getting lost together, working to learn things together, working out hard together or having other common interests you are pursuing aggressively together. Or individually and then sharing thoughts and ideas about them.

I have a couple of friends that I am close like this with; but others I don’t share this with. Definitely didn’t have any of this ever with these friends.



Perhaps the further you go on your own journey, the more you have to grow and if others aren’t growing at the same rate you are or are around your level, then to a degree you will necessary have to drift or be apart.

I have friends I care for that I see this with, and still care for them but am perhaps further than them.

And then you can still be friends kinda with those friends but can’t spend as much time together and can’t have as much in common anymore or don’t anymore, and it drifts a little more.

...

Why didn’t I feel emotionally bonded to these friends, and like I didn’t really care about them anymore? Have nothing in common, sure. They have no goals, ok, sure.

I could guess what will come of the rest of their lives very quickly. That’s a reason.

As judgmental and evil or whatever that may sound to say; but I could kind of guess that and would be fairly accurate to do so. They were talking about meeting up to do shrooms and acid together next time we hung out; half of them have already done cocaine I think.

Don’t see much more than really average lives for any of them.

Nothing wrong with that if that’s what you in your deepest heart of hearts want and are working towards.

But I don’t think I could even say that of them; its good if you're average but deeply happy to be so.

But were they deeply happy? Not one of them were. One of them is cluster B and has depression. The other is victim mentality and complainer, nice guy, but also has been checked out for depression.

One other friend is in a relationship has put on a lot of weight; has been in a relationship for 4 or 5 years and is tired and his relationships is stale and boring and average with a girl who has him kinda whipped.

One other guy is exactly the fucking same he has been since like middle school and still talks just as much shit and cracks the same stupid fucking jokes and is just as loud and annoying as ever. A bit funny but after the first 10 seconds gets old. And he still harps on pretending what a player he is and about all the fake girls he's banged, and talking out of his ass so much … but you know he's lying, I always suspected it, and sure enough, when he finally gets a girlfriend last year she is absolutely butt fucking ugly and fat and the rest of our friends are looking at each other like wtf how is he with this wildebeest. And he stays with her 7 months and she is 18, and they never have sex at all for all those months because she is waiting for marriage but really just doesn’t wanna fuck him.

And that doesn’t stop him from saying he's in love with her and shit… Beyond cringeworthy stuff.

And the last friend is a girl who’s cool; probably an average girl who I would bang some night if I met in a club (if I did night game more) who does a fucking ton of drugs but still manages to have a pretty face. But no body, though, and just does work and partying and drugs and keeps up that healthy lifestyle.

Wanting Your Old Friends To Be Happy

It feels like I’m unloading a lot of shit on these old friends, but I don’t know, I felt like I had to fucking write this down get this on paper and figure out why I wasn’t wanting to spend time with them anymore and despising being around them (this is the sort of thing a journal is fucking for right? lol).

Amongst the other things I listed I think it is because some part of me cares about those friends and does wish all the best for them. Does wish that they had happier lives and more fulfillment, because god knows they could use it.

I think that’s maybe what upset me and unconsciously got me down the most. That they aren’t really that well off; aren’t that happy.

Because some small part of me does care about these friends.

I have outgrown them, have gone past them, have nothing in common with them anymore, but yet, some part of me does want to at least see that they're doing well, that they are all right and well off and happy/have deep happiness in their life.

But I wasn’t sure from that night that they had that; and part of me was unhappy with that unconscious realization.

Perhaps part of me wanted to spend less time with them than because of that happiness that they are missing and I see they are missing; spend less tie because I obseve and see that and it kind of breaks my heart to see that.

Sure my value is way too high now, or I’m too busy or occupied or whatever with my time; but part of me of course wants to know that they are all right and happy and fulfilled. I couldn’t say that or feel that or sense that of any of them.

We rode together in that car and sat at the back of the restaurant and chilled that night and it was like painted smiles of fake happiness and fake cheer on all of their faces trying to bring back memories of a happier past and childhood that should have been outgrown by now but isn’t really at all. The lack of maturity from childhood days remains, but the happiness from those days does not.

All that was missing in all of them (and as I mirrored their smiles and mindless banter I couldn’t help but sense that); those happy feelings replaced by drugs and drinking and ugly sex with ugly partners. Trying to fill a void that can’t ever be filled; hit after hit of dopamine and pleasure chemicals followed by subsequent longer and longer stretches of emptiness and ennui.

Kind of a crazy revelation that.



I do wish for happiness and more for these friends. Some joy in their life, some change for the better.

But it doesn’t happen for many people; who’s to say it does for them?

I can’t really control other people that much, only myself. It is sad that I can’t be optimistic of others’ growth as I can be for my own. But my growth is the only growth that I can really control after all; couldn’t control any of theirs’, even they wanted me to or if I wanted to.

I wish for all the best, but what comes for them only god or the universe or fate knows I suppose. It’s been a good number of years guys.

But my future is calling me. And I can’t wait for anyone left behind.

For better or worse, judge that as good or bad; but I say it is just simply, objectively, what has to be done.
 

BarryS1

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Aug 9, 2013
Messages
441
Rage,

Super late post about love at first sight, but I wanted to follow up from our last google hangout session.

Prediction

I think there can be infatuation at first, but this deeper feeling you are talking about might come from your prediction. You’ve dated engineering girls before and thought they were relationship quality.

Looking back on my girlfriend, I didn’t start catching the feels until the second date when she told me things about herself that checked off the relationship boxes. I started making predictions from that date:

-She works out and certain diet
-Doesn’t get white girl wasted or drinks often
-Only had one partner before

Therefore:
-She’s healthy
-Has less drama in her life
-Less likely for me to catch STI’s, doesn’t do casual hookups, less likely to has stalker past parters, more likely to fall in love
-Ect.

If you haven’t had a conversation about her being an engineer, do you think you would have felt the same way? Maybe you met at a party and the two of you talked about mutual friends, the music, etc. instead of those topics. I guess that’s the reason for asking relationship screening questions. It worked there!!

Also, I asked my gf the same thing and she said that she felt I was attractive first then later caught the feels later on. To be honest, I do not think she’s done research like us for relationship qualities, so it was probably more of a feeling. Another thing was that she said I didn’t have to say I love you b/c my actions spoke louder than words. That worked for her, but I know certain people like to be communicated with in certain ways. I remember Tony Robbins talked about that - one way is talking, another action, ect. for showing affection. I’ll have to find the link!

Love

I think for love to happen you need investment feedback from the girl. The feeling did not come for me until after she did a lot of things for me like travel to visit me, show certain instances of support, ect. How did it happen for you?
 

Rage

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Oct 23, 2013
Messages
473
Hey Barry!

My views on this have changed a little bit since last we talked; I was kind of emotionally a lot more strung about this back then.

But lately haven’t thought about this much; lately I’ve been going out a lot more to meet girls. And in addition the biggest thing I’ve done is made strides towards fully quitting porn (I’m at a point where I can go many more days without it, and could axe it completely if I could figure out a way to orgasm without it, or have a girl I could bang just like twice a week… working on it, my sex drive is high but I fucking hate porn a lot so quitting it altogether is close).

Porn, doing it just once a day or every other day or whatever for me, has been my biggest inhibitor and the results for myself have been crazy, because this has been what has been sapping all my motivation and desire for women and work to get lots of big cool important things done and fuck a lot of girls too while at it.

I was definitely watching more of it, and not really going out to meet new girls when I was hung up a ton on this girl and how it messed up with her.



Why I brought this up first is that in regards to this particular girl, I don’t think this experience in the grand scheme of things matters all too much (now that I am out meeting girls more and have that drive for it really back).

I had written to Chase about my experience in a comment a month or two ago and he got back to me the other day, and said more or less what the sensible thing is and what I’d been thinking: sucks that it messed up, but just keep meeting girls and going out and sleeping with new ones and now that you know what this spark is, next time you experience it you'll work to capitalize on it better with the next girl(s) you might have it with.



With this girl I’m for sure it was love at first sight because it coincides with Chase’s description; and I’ve had other instances where I thought I might have felt something like that but this is more or less it. Also my friend was kind of there to see it and we've together met a lot of girls, and he's seen girls that were really really fucking into me, and girls that were in love with me. And said that this was something else... haha

For me, it was a spark, and cool, but slight enough that if I didn’t read an article about it or if my friend didn’t see it happen and see how she looked at me, I wouldn’t have thought too much of it past that.

I could mention some details that help better confirm this.

When I saw the girl first in the library I was chatting with my friend and she was really far away. I was like fuck that girl is beautiful!!!! And I was staring at her talking to her friends like a fucking idiot for 10 minutes or more (she couldnt see me then though). Dude she is so pretty!!... my friend pointed out to me later (he’s read the article and some Girlschase stuff too), and I didn’t realize it but thought that was kind of crazy and something significant here: my word usage.

My buddy and I are pretty alike and are rather unemotional very rational logical dudes.

I described her on first site as beautiful and I NEVVVVER do that haha. I was like wtf, that’s true. I've had girls who I see who I find really attractive and I just have to go and meet them and am like jumping up and down to go talk to.

But

Usually I say wow that girl looks really fucking good… or oh my god that girls so fucking hot, or fuck her tits are so fucking nice fuck !! … my friend asked me was it her body or looks that you found really hot. And somehow it wasn’t that; I found her consciously and subconsciously beautiful. And I don’t call girls beautiful or describe them as beautiful really everrr that I remember, verbally or in my own head.

I found her very transcendentally beautiful, and subconsciously very right for me for some reason. That would be the spark.



The other thing I would mention is that when we laid eyes on each other first. It lingered and held and was one of those Hollywood bullshit things where the guy and girl look at each other and hold eyes and smile more and keep holding eyes and just have a “moment” and grow increasingly more attracted to each other.

If I am totally rational and logical about this (which I am, I don’t really feel anything emotional about this at all by now) then I would have to say that what I experienced was how Chase summed it in the article.

I have girls almost every day I’ll see or meet who im really attracted to and she's attracted to me and we both look at each other and keep stealing glances at each other and I think they’re hot.

But with this, what an expereinece! You feel something else.

You don’t feel that she’s hot you feel that she’s beautiful

And you have a wow moment (looking at her and just sitting/standing there taking her in and thinking wow!! ). And she does too. And when you first lay eyes on each other you both have it and continue to have it. And then realize it more in each other each feeling that and that mutual realization makes it further grow a bit.

You also don’t look at each other really only in an attracted way but more in a funny odd sort of way, like wtf is this feeling I’m feeling with this girl.

This report of marty’s is one I went back and read a bunch, and describes the experience well I think (both his report and his comments later on) https://boards.girlschase.com/viewt ... f=5&t=7012

You look at each other in a funny way, because it feels like you feel the other person is very beautiful and very right for you… and for some stupid intuitive unconscious reason that doesn’t appear to make any logical sense, you feel like you’ve known this girl for a lifetime, and are just now meeting her in person for the first time.

But that you’ve known her for forever and know everything about her. (which isn’t possible of course; but yea it’s that sort of a weird mystical intuitive feeling).



Your experience with your girlfriend how you describe it sounds like its not love at first sight Barry, however, I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with that or that you can’t have even better a relationship with her than someone you experience the love at first sight spark with.

Love at first sight appears to be just a spark but that’s all I would theorize it is; the last girl I was with was also an engineer. We were incredibly compatible had strong attraction for each other right from when we first met (and it sounds like your experience with your girlfriend). We had a lot of things in common and could talk for so long and loved the time spend together; she had all kinds of qualities that I admired and respected and was attracted to in a relationship. And I think her I gave her a great time during her time together and she certainly did for me.

If circumstances allowed for it (logistical stuff) than we would still be together and I would enjoy having her in my life and continuing to bang her brains out and talk to her about what I’m up to and enjoy the relationship. I learned a ton from it and we grew together a lot. And I really had feelings of love for her. Didn’t have any love at first sight for her but didn’t really seem to matter...

I think that the spark is only that, but that you can have girls that you are really compatible with and who you grow and build a wonderful relationship with and continue it on with who you don’t have love a tfirst sight with.

Also chase has talked about all kinds of different problems and obstacles and things wrong he had with past love at first sight girlfriends of his and nasty things fighting and arguments and such.

I don’t think that the spark means that you guys will magically have everything in common magically be perfect for each other and everything will work out wonderfully or any of these things.

Its just a strong feeling of mutual attraction but not much past that. Love would be a misnomer; perhaps infatuation at first sight or transcendental attraction at first sight would better suffice as a title.



I’m a little envious of the relationship you have and how its been progressing and how you’ve been describing it man because it sounds like a really wonderful thing you have! You’ve put in a lot of work to get it to that so it’s well earned and deserved by you.

There are a ton of girls out there and honestly im not sure/wouldn’t be surprised if I could have just as good or even better a relationship with a girl I didn’t feel this love at first sight spark for than one who I did. My last relationship was fucking awesome.

But I know that there is more and better and further out there girls wise regardless and my goal is to continue to build my seduction skill further and higher to land those girls one day that are even more the extremely high quality and caliber girls that I desire.

If one of them happens to have love at first spark or not, well it'll be cool; but past that I don’t know if any of it all matters that much.

Cheers ;)

Rage
 

BarryS1

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Aug 9, 2013
Messages
441
Rage, Good idea to go meeting other girls instead of dwelling on that one! I think you've done all you can thinking about her and can now recognize it like Chase says.

I found her very transcendentally beautiful, and subconsciously very right for me for some reason. That would be the spark.
Ah, I see. A certain part of you just gravitated towards her right away from past experiences. Maybe because you’ve had a couple relationships already it happened quicker to you. Also the screening questions helped too!

The other thing I would mention is that when we laid eyes on each other first. It lingered and held and was one of those Hollywood bullshit things where the guy and girl look at each other and hold eyes and smile more and keep holding eyes and just have a “moment” and grow increasingly more attracted to each other.

If I am totally rational and logical about this (which I am, I don’t really feel anything emotional about this at all by now) then I would have to say that what I experienced was how Chase summed it in the article.

I have girls almost every day I’ll see or meet who im really attracted to and she's attracted to me and we both look at each other and keep stealing glances at each other and I think they’re hot.

But with this, what an expereinece! You feel something else.

You don’t feel that she’s hot you feel that she’s beautiful

And you have a wow moment (looking at her and just sitting/standing there taking her in and thinking wow!! ). And she does too. And when you first lay eyes on each other you both have it and continue to have it. And then realize it more in each other each feeling that and that mutual realization makes it further grow a bit.

You also don’t look at each other really only in an attracted way but more in a funny odd sort of way, like wtf is this feeling I’m feeling with this girl.

This report of marty’s is one I went back and read a bunch, and describes the experience well I think (both his report and his comments later on) https://boards.girlschase.com/viewt ... f=5&t=7012

You look at each other in a funny way, because it feels like you feel the other person is very beautiful and very right for you… and for some stupid intuitive unconscious reason that doesn’t appear to make any logical sense, you feel like you’ve known this girl for a lifetime, and are just now meeting her in person for the first time.

Good point on the first impression part, my girlfriend and I did not have that when first meeting. When I first met her, I tried NOT to look at her in the environment because I wanted to create tension. At the time, I was experimenting with new ideas in social circle and wanted her to be the last person I talked to in the room. She said every time she glanced over I was not looking at her and was instead talking to everyone else. Maybe I would of felt that if I wanted eye contact with her.


Your experience with your girlfriend how you describe it sounds like its not love at first sight Barry, however, I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with that or that you can’t have even better a relationship with her than someone you experience the love at first sight spark with.

Love at first sight appears to be just a spark but that’s all I would theorize it is; the last girl I was with was also an engineer. We were incredibly compatible had strong attraction for each other right from when we first met (and it sounds like your experience with your girlfriend). We had a lot of things in common and could talk for so long and loved the time spend together; she had all kinds of qualities that I admired and respected and was attracted to in a relationship. And I think her I gave her a great time during her time together and she certainly did for me.

Totally true, when I first met my girlfriend, I thought three things:
1) she looks half white/half mexican, damn I used to crush hard on a couple girls like that in my past
2) wow she has big boobs
3) she has a couple guys glued on her, I better be smart and work the room to get the approval of everyone. It was more of a panic for me to hustle, definitely not warm.

Another thing is it depends on the girls personality how the interaction goes. My gf (god bless her soul) is very reserved and it took a couple dates to get her to open up on a conversational level. If she had more practice communicating and more time, maybe we would of had a similar experience. I remember RSDTyler saying how that there are some girls that are good looking, but not the best communicators. He also said that having a good girlfriend that is a good communicator that is loyal, has a great personality, and b10 is impossible. It’s like that triangle you mentioned, you gotta take 2/3 at a time.

I’m a little envious of the relationship you have and how its been progressing and how you’ve been describing it man because it sounds like a really wonderful thing you have! You’ve put in a lot of work to get it to that so it’s well earned and deserved by you.

There are a ton of girls out there and honestly im not sure/wouldn’t be surprised if I could have just as good or even better a relationship with a girl I didn’t feel this love at first sight spark for than one who I did. My last relationship was fucking awesome.

Thank you man! I am going to post a couple more times, I get new revelations all the time. I am going to post things like: how to socialize together, going through mood swings, ect.

Can’t wait to see more LR’s too :D
 
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