Please Advise

[Rasta]

Hi, how's it going?

I come here today to get advice, not bore you. So I'm going to try to keep this short and sweet.

I met this girl in class because we were partnered to do a lab together. She was very friendly, talkative, and seemed really interested in having a good conversation. At first, I felt like she was probing me to see if I would be a good mate. After a while though, she just had to ask how old I was. Turns out I'm 3 years younger, and that just about killed the conversation. I managed to somewhat save it, but I could instantly tell any kind of flirting on her part was gone.

Nothing happened after that. I never tried to make contact again, and neither did she. Few months later, we were grouped again with 3 other people. She missed an important class lab and emailed me the next day asking for help. She just gave me her number by email so I shot her a text. Again, very friendly reaction (obviously since she needed something). She asked if we could meet after class (we were texting while in class but different classes), and we did. Once we met, we just talked and exchanged class material that she needed (very quick meet, we had places to be), and she then told me she was having a study session that same night with other people and invited me to go. I did. The group seemed to have accepted me being there, and openly proposed that we meet again to study a few days later.

The day came, and she sent me a text a few hours early asking if I still planned on showing up. This meeting went even better than the last. I was able to interact more since I knew the group better.

We parted our separate ways after the study session, and the next day she txted me around 10:30PM asking if I was ready for the final (final was the next day). From there, we had a conversation until 2AM. We were both asking an even amount of questions. I'd ask something, she'd answer asking something else, etc... But it was not flirtatious talk, and it was by txt message. I already know what you think about txting, Chase!

The next morning she txted me again, asking if I had seen my grade for the last test. We only exchanged a few txts and then she said "If you get here early come to the library and study with me". Which I did. Didn't really talk much in the library (it is a library after all..) but studied for a little bit. That same night, I txted her first to ask a question. Started around 11:00PM, ended at 2:30AM. Again no obvious flirting on her part, but she asked a lot of questions, and so did I. However, quite early on in the conversation, I was running out of things to say and I think it was obvious because she replied "You can talk to me while you're up! I swear I text everyone in the middle of the night because I get so bored alone. What test do you have?"

This was 2 days ago, no contact at all yesterday and none today either.

Damn, I miserably failed at keeping this short. I still think it's sweet though, what about you?
Questions:
1) What can I do about my age? This is not the first time it has c*ck-blocked me. Do I lie? What if she finds out?

2) Am I right in thinking this purely friendship, she is not at all interested in anything sexual?

3) I am very interested in learning more about her. She's an awesome person and we have some things in common. Should I send her a txt asking to grab a coffee with me sometime?
I don't want to scare her away by making her think I want something she doesn't. AND I don't want to txt her too often. I know how annoying that is.

4) Did I post this in the right place?

Thank you very very much. Not only for helping me out, but for making this forum. Really appreciate it.

 

[The Tool]

Hey Rasta, I used to try these same tactics to getting women such as being nice, helping with homework ect, the truth is many women do use guys to get homework and other things done, its just a sad fact. meanwhile the whole time your left wondering does she like me? If i help her enough will something come of this? sadly the answere is NO!

Now to help you with your questions.

When she asks about your age say something like "how old do you think I am?" then just say perhaps and continue on. or you could flip the question on her by saying, "how old are you?" it will catch her off guard. If she finds out about your real age and you left a good enough impression without actually lieing to her she will not care.

From what it appears this relationship does not look to go anywhere sexual, youve already helped her out with studying and homework without flirting or doing anything overtly sexual especially since it got to the point where she said "you can talk to me when your up" which means she was getting annoied. I dont mean to burst your bubble but its best to just go after other women. (shes already got an idea in her head that she can use you for personal gain such as studying and homework)

As with the text to her about coffee sometime you probibly will not get a very positive response, If you want any chance at all I would wait for her to contact you via text or preferable in school. Because while in school you can say "hey you and I should grab a coffee sometime" I mean you got nothing to lose.

As for if this is the right forum it is not, But im sure Franco or Chase can move it and provide insight as well that is probibly even better than mine.

Cheers

The Tool

 

[Franco]

EDIT: This post has been moved from the "Off-Topic" board to the "Beginners" board.

 

[Light]

Damn, I miserably failed at keeping this short. I still think it's sweet though, what about you?
Questions:
1) What can I do about my age? This is not the first time it has c*ck-blocked me. Do I lie? What if she finds out?

2) Am I right in thinking this purely friendship, she is not at all interested in anything sexual?

3) I am very interested in learning more about her. She's an awesome person and we have some things in common. Should I send her a txt asking to grab a coffee with me sometime?
I don't want to scare her away by making her think I want something she doesn't. AND I don't want to txt her too often. I know how annoying that is.

4) Did I post this in the right place?

Thank you very very much. Not only for helping me out, but for making this forum. Really appreciate it.

Yes it is very sweet. You have just earned yourself a great school friend, which is still worth keeping. Just take this girl as a learning experience for the next one to come.

1) You cannot do anything about your age, but you can control the perspective of others in how they see you. You do that by simply appearing more dominant, mature, decisive, and a little ambitious. The idea of girls loving guys who are older has nothing to do with age. It has everything to do with how manly she percieves you to be.
"Do you know what you want in life?"
"Are you quick in making a decision?"
"Do you have a goal that you are working towards?"
"Do you have a dream?"
Girls find these much more attractive, if you let her know that you are that kind of a MAN.

I have had many older girls attracted to me, and that is because I come accross as more of a man than most of the guys she has ever met. Not to mention that I am quite a short guy too, which doesn't stop me.

2) You are right to think that this is only friendship now.

3) Stop texting her. You will run out of conversations sooner or later. Keep these to face to face talks only from now on. You can still get to know her, but at your own controlled time, and environment.

4) You've posted this in the right place.


Light

 

[Rasta]

The Tool and Light, thank you very much for the answers.

The Tool:

Hey Rasta, I used to try these same tactics to getting women such as being nice, helping with homework ect, the truth is many women do use guys to get homework and other things done, its just a sad fact. meanwhile the whole time your left wondering does she like me? If i help her enough will something come of this? sadly the answere is NO!

Thanks for the reality check. You are absolutely right.

since it got to the point where she said "you can talk to me when your up" which means she was getting annoied

Can you elaborate a bit more on this? The conversation was about to die in a natural way. She could have completely stopped txting me, and I would have done the same. Why would she say "you can talk to me when you're up", why would she start the conversation back up if I'm annoying her?? I do not understand.

Light:

Just take this girl as a learning experience for the next one to come.

Absolutely! That is precisely why I'm here!

1) Got it. I actually should have known this already. Back in the summer, I hooked up with this girl at a party. She was also 3 years older, but I still managed to get with her by the way I talked and acted, despite her initial reaction. I can't believe I forgot about this!
Will also use the "how old do you think I am?" technique.

3) Roger. I stopped texting her, but we might be getting some coffee sometime. If we do, I'll get to know her better, if not oh well!
--------------------
One more question:
I remember reading an article from the main site saying to give enough information to appear mysterious, but not too much information. Keeping this in mind, how do you answer a question like this:
"So what do you want to do ultimately..say in 10 years?

 

[The Tool]

Hey Rasta, to answere your questions. In my personal experiences with texting women and talking with them they say something like "you can talk to me when your up" because if they dont know you that well you could turn out to be one of those other guys shes been texting where if she just ignores you instead of ending the conversation she could suddenly recieve 10 text messeges or phone calls wondering why shes not responding. Now im sure your not one of those guys but she does not know that so shes just being cautious in a nice way. Although looking back at your post you said she said

"you can talk to me when your up! I swere I text everyone in the middle of the night becauase I get so bored alone. What test do you have?

she gave you a statement saying "you can talk to me when your up" thus ending the convo then restarting the text with a question continuing it... shes just being downright confusing if you ask me

And when she asks "what do you want to do ultimately in say...10 years" I would say something like, "I honestly do not know, But whatever it is I know I will be amazing at it, just like I am at everything else" said with a smile and a wink (its serious but also kind of sexual) (my answere above works best for the age group 18-25 when women typically are not really looking to settle down and find that person that will provide for them) once you get into 25+ its a different story but im 20 so I tend to stay away from those women for now

 

[Light]

The Tool and Light, thank you very much for the answers.


--------------------
One more question:
I remember reading an article from the main site saying to give enough information to appear mysterious, but not too much information. Keeping this in mind, how do you answer a question like this:
"So what do you want to do ultimately..say in 10 years?

Give her only information from the surface. Such as the general information, where you live, how old you are, what do you do, your hobbies. Don't let her deep dive you. Avoid answering questions such as how many girlfriends you had before. Stay in the present. Avoid bringing up your past.

For every questions she asks you... you should deflect it back to her! This is the key.
When a girl asks you a question, she really is only trying to ask you things that SHE is interested in. She wants to know if you are the same.
She will end up answering her own questions, telling you more about herself if you deflect the question back at her.

EG: "So what do you want to do ultimately... say in 10 years?"
"I would definitely become financially free, through investment and owning my own business. So that I can do more travelling. I do not want to work for anyone else... How about you?"

That is my usual answer, and girls find that very mature, decisive, ambtious, and most importantly.. she knows that I know what I want.


Light