I know some couples who likes posting pics of their partners on facebook, usually during withing the first 4 months they got together. They look all happy and then after some time when its over. They stop posting each others pics, they even delete the pics of each other they had posted. I like to keep my relationships off facebook. Some people agree with me but others dont... I would like to find out from you guys. What are the pros and cons about posting your girlfriends pix with you on facebook?
Posting pix of you and your girlfriend on facebook?
- Thread starter Cassy
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Cassy,
I'm not really a fan of it. In general, I'm not a fan of Facebook if I'm in a monogamous relationship.
Anything you do to "promote" yourself and your girlfriend comes from a position of weakness; you're either doing it because you want to show her off (which means you value her very highly and put her on a pedestal) or you feel like you want to satisfy her by doing "nice" things for her (which means you're a bit needy).
The only time I generally end up posting pictures of me and a girlfriend on Facebook is when she asks me to do it (and then creates drama over it if I become reluctant). But as you can tell, that's not really a scenario that I (or I imagine any guy) wants to deal with, so this is why I prefer to be off Facebook altogether if I'm in a monogamous relationship.
However, I am pro-Facebook if you are single or just running casual relationships -- a girl who is not your girlfriend can not force you to post anything on there!
- Franco
I'm not really a fan of it. In general, I'm not a fan of Facebook if I'm in a monogamous relationship.
Anything you do to "promote" yourself and your girlfriend comes from a position of weakness; you're either doing it because you want to show her off (which means you value her very highly and put her on a pedestal) or you feel like you want to satisfy her by doing "nice" things for her (which means you're a bit needy).
The only time I generally end up posting pictures of me and a girlfriend on Facebook is when she asks me to do it (and then creates drama over it if I become reluctant). But as you can tell, that's not really a scenario that I (or I imagine any guy) wants to deal with, so this is why I prefer to be off Facebook altogether if I'm in a monogamous relationship.
However, I am pro-Facebook if you are single or just running casual relationships -- a girl who is not your girlfriend can not force you to post anything on there!
- Franco
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Expanding on what Franco said:
Facebook is really just an online profile to satisfy your own ego. As Chase and others have said on a few different occasions, social media outlets are primarily girl-friendly zones. The most active people on there are girls or validation-giving men (the guys who always "like" their pictures, defend women in posts or comments, etc.). By being super active, you're putting yourself into the latter category almost by default.
For girls, having everyone see pictures with her and a boyfriend is a big validation boost for her. But you know what's even better? Getting her boyfriend to put the pictures up too. That proves he's not a BFF or an attractive cousin that she hangs out with a lot; he's someone she's got strapped down. It can also be a value indicator for the guy, too. If he's got a lot of female friends on Facebook and they see him with a good-looking girl, that's like e-preselection. Which is also why you see some girlfriends getting psychopathic when some random girl likes his stuff.
Facebook itself is all just about giving people an impression of you. If you want to be the guy with a girlfriend, go for it. I prefer the mysterious route: keeping your relationship status hidden, a few pictures of you with this girl but nothing with clear indicators like "love youuuu <3" or calling her pet names or anything like that, definitely don't put her in your profile pic. Hopefully she doesn't blow the game by commenting or posting something on your profile that clearly gives it away. Remember even years after the fact, people will remember or find the evidence that you were dating, but not if it's never there.
Facebook is really just an online profile to satisfy your own ego. As Chase and others have said on a few different occasions, social media outlets are primarily girl-friendly zones. The most active people on there are girls or validation-giving men (the guys who always "like" their pictures, defend women in posts or comments, etc.). By being super active, you're putting yourself into the latter category almost by default.
For girls, having everyone see pictures with her and a boyfriend is a big validation boost for her. But you know what's even better? Getting her boyfriend to put the pictures up too. That proves he's not a BFF or an attractive cousin that she hangs out with a lot; he's someone she's got strapped down. It can also be a value indicator for the guy, too. If he's got a lot of female friends on Facebook and they see him with a good-looking girl, that's like e-preselection. Which is also why you see some girlfriends getting psychopathic when some random girl likes his stuff.
Facebook itself is all just about giving people an impression of you. If you want to be the guy with a girlfriend, go for it. I prefer the mysterious route: keeping your relationship status hidden, a few pictures of you with this girl but nothing with clear indicators like "love youuuu <3" or calling her pet names or anything like that, definitely don't put her in your profile pic. Hopefully she doesn't blow the game by commenting or posting something on your profile that clearly gives it away. Remember even years after the fact, people will remember or find the evidence that you were dating, but not if it's never there.
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This is a false dilemma. It assumes those are the only two possible reasons why you would post pictures of your GF. Although those are indeed possibilities, here are some alternative reasons:
- You value her and want to show her off but you also value yourself. You see both of you as valuable and want to show the world. It's not necessarily putting her on a pedestal.
- You want to let your friends/family know how you're doing. She's a part of your life. Therefore, you'll have pictures of her ( e.g. I've had a lot of family members ask me to post more on FB because they have no idea what's going on in my life).
- You want to satisfy her because you genuinely love her. Not out of fear of losing her. Just because you know she would appreciate it. It's no a no-strings-attached gift to her.
- You think the pictures you have of you & her are cool. Independent of the fact that you're in a relationship.
- Similar to the previous point, you went on a cool trip or vacation with her. And you want to post your experiences there. Independent of her and your relationship with her. It just so happens that she's in some of those pics.
...and the list goes on and on.
Generally speaking, I understand your point. If you're CONSTANTLY posting pictures of you & your Gf and nothing else, it can come off as a little weird. Almost looks like you have nothing else in your life. But if you have photo of you+your gf, but also others of just yourself or of you+friends or other activities etc, it seems ok to me.
But ultimately, Facebook isn't all that important anyways. Unless you do something very unusual and outrageous which attracts lots of attention, the shit you post on there probably won't matter.
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Cassy,
i think there's a deeper question you are asking. I can smell it.
Zac
i think there's a deeper question you are asking. I can smell it.
Zac
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I'm kind of along the lines of what Franco seems to be doing(although I his position on letting his girlfriend post stuff with him in it and "tagging" him). I'm completely off Facebook, posting wise. Still log in a couple times a week. My girlfriend has posted a handful of pictures with me and then "tagged" me, not an over abundance, but enough for friends to catch on. I however haven't posted a single one.
She's asked, but I brush it off because I haven't posted anything at all since we started dating.
I think going further than that and requiring approval for her tagging me would eventually lead to drama.
Interesting topic though
Lotus
She's asked, but I brush it off because I haven't posted anything at all since we started dating.
I think going further than that and requiring approval for her tagging me would eventually lead to drama.
Interesting topic though
Lotus
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@ Franco
Didn't you use Facebook because of business relationships and old friends that you might want to connect with? I'm asking because I was juggling some thoughts of how I'd do it for the exact same reason without showing more than I need to.
Didn't you use Facebook because of business relationships and old friends that you might want to connect with? I'm asking because I was juggling some thoughts of how I'd do it for the exact same reason without showing more than I need to.
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BD,
Yeah, you can certainly use it for this. I have no problems with Facebook when I'm single (or in casual/FWB relationships where the girl have no say on what happens on my Facebook). It's only when you're in a long-term relationship that has restrictions/rules where Facebook can become a hindrance, and that's simply because girls often use Facebook as a way to gather information about you and keep tabs on what you may or may not be doing when you're not with them. It's an easy way to create drama and/or jealousy out of what seems like thin air!
The most important thing is to control your privacy settings as much as possible. If you can, try to show as little as possible. You also have to make sure you change your settings so that everything that is posted by other people must be approved by you first so that way you aren't getting too many things showing up that you wouldn't want certain people (significant others?) to see.
The one issue I have with Facebook right now is that you can't control who sees what other people tag you in. So, for example, if I was tagged in a photo by a girlfriend, the only way to prevent my own circle from seeing the photo would be to un-tag myself... in which case my girlfriend would notice that I'm not tagged in the photo if she checked, which would of course cause problems. So whatever I get tagged in I need to remain tagged in unless I know un-tagging myself wouldn't bother the person who originally posted the photo and tagged me in it.
Other than this, Facebook is a great tool for keeping in touch with friends. I also love the "Events" application which allows me to constantly be aware of events my friends are throwing if I'm invited, so that feature is certainly a plus. It all really just depends on what your needs/wants are, and whether or not Facebook can match those needs/wants with the privacy controls that it maintains.
- Franco
Yeah, you can certainly use it for this. I have no problems with Facebook when I'm single (or in casual/FWB relationships where the girl
The most important thing is to control your privacy settings as much as possible. If you can, try to show as little as possible. You also have to make sure you change your settings so that everything that is posted by other people must be approved by you first so that way you aren't getting too many things showing up that you wouldn't want certain people (significant others?) to see.
The one issue I have with Facebook right now is that you can't control who sees what other people tag you in. So, for example, if I was tagged in a photo by a girlfriend, the only way to prevent my own circle from seeing the photo would be to un-tag myself... in which case my girlfriend would notice that I'm not tagged in the photo if she checked, which would of course cause problems. So whatever I get tagged in I need to remain tagged in unless I know un-tagging myself wouldn't bother the person who originally posted the photo and tagged me in it.
Other than this, Facebook is a great tool for keeping in touch with friends. I also love the "Events" application which allows me to constantly be aware of events my friends are throwing if I'm invited, so that feature is certainly a plus. It all really just depends on what your needs/wants are, and whether or not Facebook can match those needs/wants with the privacy controls that it maintains.
- Franco
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To be honest, I rarely used social media in my life at all, I'm horrible at crafting an appealing profile anywhere because I never practiced it ;P
I think it's too high maintenance. I don't know really, I just need to have a interesting showcase when I (cold) reach to business prospects and have them see something interesting. It would be nice to have it to work for girls as well, but I wouldn't give too much fucks beyond that.
I think it's too high maintenance. I don't know really, I just need to have a interesting showcase when I (cold) reach to business prospects and have them see something interesting. It would be nice to have it to work for girls as well, but I wouldn't give too much fucks beyond that.
What's the constant over-thinking and over-analyzing about?
Stop worrying what others think about you. Stop worrying whether you are mysterious or mysterious not, whether you are seeking validation or not... it's all non-sense...
If you want pic on your FB with your GF, put it there. If not, well, don't, it's nobody else's business. You should be mature enough to decide yourself what you want in your life, you should have enough confidence to make your own choices without worrying what others think of you or how you look...
Stop worrying what others think about you. Stop worrying whether you are mysterious or mysterious not, whether you are seeking validation or not... it's all non-sense...
If you want pic on your FB with your GF, put it there. If not, well, don't, it's nobody else's business. You should be mature enough to decide yourself what you want in your life, you should have enough confidence to make your own choices without worrying what others think of you or how you look...
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Speaking for myself, I wrote this while laying in bed in my pajamas. Zero "over-thinking" and "over-analyzing" from my part. I'm just having a conversation with a guy whose opinion I respect and wondered what would be his take on it.
Living life in a pseudo-state of "I'm a boss, I'll do whatever the fuck I want to do" will lead you to be a in a constant condition where you'd have to worry about something that is out of your control which I have absolutely zero interest in. That would stress me.
Living life in a pseudo-state of "I'm a boss, I'll do whatever the fuck I want to do" will lead you to be a in a constant condition where you'd have to worry about something that is out of your control which I have absolutely zero interest in. That would stress me.
Seriously though, if I am in a relationship, I decide whether to put pic of my GF on FB. Whether I put it there or not, I don't really care what others think about it, though I (of course) put it there for only one reason - so everybody can see...
You guys are too concern about how you look, how you appear, whether this is appropriate or not, whether you are sexy enough or not, whether your facial style is good enough or not... It all says only one thing - low confidence, insecurity...
Think about it, in essence you are constantly seeking approval from girls, you are always trying to prove yourself to the girls by doing the "right" thing... You do something and you are trying to see how is it perceived through some girl's eyes...
You guys are too concern about how you look, how you appear, whether this is appropriate or not, whether you are sexy enough or not, whether your facial style is good enough or not... It all says only one thing - low confidence, insecurity...
Think about it, in essence you are constantly seeking approval from girls, you are always trying to prove yourself to the girls by doing the "right" thing... You do something and you are trying to see how is it perceived through some girl's eyes...
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Drck said:
I see it from another angle. If I can get 10% more attraction by dressing slightly better, why wouldn't I? It's just retarded not to. Most likely I'll have to work harder in other areas to have equal results than if I just spent 20 minutes asking around here.
In fact, it's a view that I share with Chase -- I tried to find the newsletter where he mentions that particular bit but couldn't, so you'll have to trust me on that. If you are subscribed, you can look it up. It's certainly among those sent over the last 6 months.
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Everything you do with a girlfriend has a "cause and effect" type of outcome. Sometimes it's best to know what causes generate effects that are undesirable.
i.e. I can flirt with another girl in front of my girlfriend because I'm a man and I do what I want. But doing that might result in my girlfriend giving me drama for the new few days/weeks/months. I might create undesired jealously and more neediness from her. Do I want that? Will I get anything beneficial from flirting with a girl for a few minutes but pissing off my girlfriend for days to come? Probably not -- and it can be avoided by understanding what the cause of that result can be.
There's definitely some gravity to the idea of "you can do what you want because you are your own man," but there is also a lot of weight to the idea of controlling certain variables to make your life better. If you understand how to control the outcomes of situations by manipulating those variables, then you can control the level -- and consistency -- of happiness in your own life.
The problem with Facebook is that there are lots of "triggers" that can create problems within your own life, especially if you have a girlfriend. If you learn what those triggers are, you can choose to either (a) manipulate them to a strong degree and reduce unwanted outcomes, (b) completely remove the triggers by deleting Facebook, or (c) not care about the triggers and mindlessly step on them repeatedly, causing unnecessary drama and frustration on a cyclical basis.
In that regard, there's nothing wrong with trying to avoid unwanted stress/drama/effects. If you learn to understand and control variables that influence your happiness, then you can live a much more happy life. =)
- Franco
i.e. I can flirt with another girl in front of my girlfriend because I'm a man and I do what I want. But doing that might result in my girlfriend giving me drama for the new few days/weeks/months. I might create undesired jealously and more neediness from her. Do I want that? Will I get anything beneficial from flirting with a girl for a few minutes but pissing off my girlfriend for days to come? Probably not -- and it can be avoided by understanding what the cause of that result can be.
There's definitely some gravity to the idea of "you can do what you want because you are your own man," but there is also a lot of weight to the idea of controlling certain variables to make your life better. If you understand how to control the outcomes of situations by manipulating those variables, then you can control the level -- and consistency -- of happiness in your own life.
The problem with Facebook is that there are lots of "triggers" that can create problems within your own life, especially if you have a girlfriend. If you learn what those triggers are, you can choose to either (a) manipulate them to a strong degree and reduce unwanted outcomes, (b) completely remove the triggers by deleting Facebook, or (c) not care about the triggers and mindlessly step on them repeatedly, causing unnecessary drama and frustration on a cyclical basis.
In that regard, there's nothing wrong with trying to avoid unwanted stress/drama/effects. If you learn to understand and control variables that influence your happiness, then you can live a much more happy life. =)
- Franco