Power struggle help

[Thenewnorm]

Some background: ran into a girl I sort of already knew through friends at a wedding recently. I somewhat saved her from a touchy drunk at the wedding and thereafter we danced, talked, drank, and then she came to my after party. We fooled around that night as she stayed over. We basically got too drunk to seal the deal and passed out. Two days later, we met for dinner and drinks followed by a movie at my place. Again, no sex, just some kissing and whatnot.

The next day was nye. She invited me to go to a party and stay at her place since we both had the next two days off. She was feeling a bit sick but we went to the party, had a blast, kissed at midnight, and decided to head to a bar closer to her place. There we drank and made out. I didn't have to go in for the kiss, she basically came out and told me she wanted to makeout. Shortly after we went back and did everything but fuck since she was on her period. She said she doesn't like doing that while during her time of the month especially since we just started hanging out. I didn't sweat it and just played it off cool.

The next day, we laid around, watched movies, grabbed dinner, and a movie. I ended up staying the night again and we were both pretty hungover and getting sick so there wasn't much more than kissing.

All in all, I'm trying not to think about this girl too much or get too caught up in that she is absolutely grogeouS, smart, funny, and super cool. We've been texting and she has said how much fun she had and how she loved how she felt when we are together. But I'm the one that basically implied it first. Now I feel as though she is one up on me in that she has the power. We both text each other. I have texted a bit more and called her once since but she didn't answer. And she is the one that will go a few hours or so before responding or not at all. But she does text me first sometimes and begins with "hey love" or something along those lines.

I know she's a solid girl with a good rep from what I've been told by some friends that know her. But you know how girls are tricky. This girl is basically like my dream girl and I don't want to be overbearing, push her away, or seem to needy, or available. We are supposed to go ice skating and grab dinner and I'm supposed to stay at her place Sunday night. As far as sat, it's her friends bday party and I can't go because of work.

I'd really just like some help on how to get the power back in my good graces? Or suggestions on the next few days so as to get her thinking about me more and wanting me more than I want her.

Sorry for such a long post but I needed to get this out. I think ive been playin it pretty cool and relaxed so Far except for my text game and thinking about her too much. Thanks for the help in advance.

 

[Thenewnorm]

Another thing is that she has told me she never chases guy and is always the chasee. I didn't say anything to this. But I don't want her to feel that I'm chasing her because I feel like that would be a mistake but I'm not too sure.

Another thing is, I don't have trouble getting girls in to bed regularly. I'm just at the point in my life where I've met a cool ass chick and want to go about it the right way whereas she falls in love with me, etc. but I'm one to over analyze and get off my game when with dealing with a catch like this.

 

[Thenewnorm]

A few other details I should note that help: she's very smart (law student). 5 yrs younger. She's seems good at playing the game and also told she usually holds guys in limbo before adding to social networks but she didn't with bc she told me so.

Sorry so much information and not sure if this is even in the right section but I figured someone will have some input.

 

[Jarradical]

I'm just at the point in my life where I've met a cool ass chick and want to go about it the right way whereas she falls in love with me, etc.

Just to clarify before I reply, what is your specific aim with this cool ass chick? Do you want to be her boyfriend, or friends with benefits?

This girl is basically like my dream girl

That seems pretty clear to me but just to confirm... you want to get a girlfriend?

 

[Thenewnorm]

Yes she is girlfriend material and I want to make her my gf.

 

[Verisimilitude]

Yes she is girlfriend material and I want to make her my gf.

I'm going to be blunt here. The fact that you made three posts about her shows you're waaaay to into this girl. I understand you think she's perfect. But how could you even know that? You haven't even slept with her. And man, she might have been with tons of other dudes since you. And gone further with them. If you want her, you have to make HER CHASE YOU. Find a new hobby and immerse yourself in it. Meet new girls. Be busy. If she wants you, she'll come to you. If she doesn't, well, you have all these new girls, and plenty of time with them now.

I know this seems the exact wrong way to do it. You might not believe me. But this girl won't fall for you your way. Knock her off her pedestal (that YOU created for her).

It might be too late. But stop worshiping her, and start treating her like a person.

 

[Thenewnorm]

I definitely know I need to take her off a pedestal. The thing is she wants to hang out with me the same that I do. That's why I'm posting here in the first place. One, I don't want to fuck it up in the long term. Two, I do have other hobbies and stuff going on. I just want to reverse the chasing I guess. And I'm glad you were blunt. Yes I do need to take a step back and reexamine.

 

[Ross]

I'm just at the point in my life where I've met a cool ass chick and want to go about it the right way whereas she falls in love with me, etc.

You mean.. like the movies? Or like the stories that people tell you about how they met? Stories have a way of being changed to make things sound better. But these things don't really work in reality; if they did, wouldn't you have slept with this girl?

I need to ask you a question. Why does she need to sleep with you? What reasons could she have for it? She has all the perks of everything but sex from you right now, and I bet that she can and probably has been getting it from other guys. You sound like her hangout friend that she can do whatever she wants with, as opposed to a man that keeps her guessing and can't waste time constantly watching movies and laying around. It seems logical to you that sure, you two should sleep together, but we need to remember that women are more emotional creatures then men. They don't care for logic much. If the emotions aren't happening, sex isn't happening. You can't logically convince a girl into sleeping with you.

Now I feel as though she is one up on me in that she has the power. We both text each other. I have texted a bit more and called her once since but she didn't answer. And she is the one that will go a few hours or so before responding or not at all. But she does text me first sometimes and begins with "hey love" or something along those lines.

It sounds to me like she has had the power the whole time. Sure, you kissed her, which is a feat in itself for most men, but she has lead you in most aspects and won't follow you whenever you try to establish anything.

Another thing is that she has told me she never chases guy and is always the chasee.

So? That's her perspective on things. A great one for you to have is that relationships don't work with the guy always chasing. It's desperate and not attractive. Simply accepting her frames is just another reason why the power is in her favor.

I definitely know I need to take her off a pedestal. The thing is she wants to hang out with me the same that I do. That's why I'm posting here in the first place. One, I don't want to fuck it up in the long term. Two, I do have other hobbies and stuff going on. I just want to reverse the chasing I guess. And I'm glad you were blunt. Yes I do need to take a step back and reexamine.

Do you

- Want to hang out with her
- Sleep with her
- Or both?

You can hang out and sleep with her, but you need to sleep with her before you hang out. Hanging out and then sleeping with her isn't going to happen because there's no reason for her sleep with you. Sleeping with her gives her a lot more reason to hang out with you. You can also just sleep with her, or just hang out with her, like you've been doing.

Reversing the chasing at this point would require a lot of knowledge on the subject. You have to correct a LOT of wrongs. I can give you a list, but I also need you to do something for yourself. Realize that building a relationship without a ton of mistakes rather than with a ton of mistakes. There are other women out there that you have a completely clean slate with.

To prevent this from happening in the future, you need to:

Lead. Leading her puts you in power. Have her doing what you want to. Persist to get your way, but don't beg her to do what you want. Deal with objections. For example, if you want to lead her from your point of conversation to somewhere more comfortable, dialogue might go like this.

(she finishes smiling from you relating to her)
You: "Let's go over here, it's more comfortable."
Her: "I'm kind of tired..."

Let's take a break here. She's communicating a few things; she doesn't want to run around everywhere with you. She's ready to go home; most likely with you if you did everything right. But you can't just go and suddenly reverse what you were saying. You wanted to get more comfortable, so you need to capitalize on that. Keep in mind that she wants to head home, so keep things extremely brief and get out of there as fast as possible because she's ripe for the picking.

You: "We'll stay there for only 5 minutes, okay?"
Her: "Okay..."
*walk over to spot*
You: "This doesn't feel right... I know somewhere more comfortable"

The lesson here is stick to your guns. Even though you may have screwed up and not picked up on her readiness to go home earlier, you can't just be all floppy and switch plans right when she's ready. One moment she's ready, the next she wants to stay. Keep her following you and investing and things are suddenly a lot easier.

Simply leading her and sticking to your plans is going to help a lot in the power struggle. With this girl you are most likely going to encounter a lot more resistance than "I'm tired", as she isn't used to you choosing what things to do. Simply being able to do this combined with logistics may be enough to counter the fact that there isn't much of a deep emotional connection there, but I give you no guarantees. Continue to just hang out with her and you won't see a relationship; sleep with her, and also hang out. That's what boyfriends and girlfriends do.

 

[Thenewnorm]

I understand all the stuff about making mistakes and being too much of her bf/guy that she hangs out with but I couldn't exactly fuck her when she was on her period. She sucked my dick and I had her completely naked except for her underwear. Not sure what else I was supposed to do. This was all over a 3 day span. And it's been two days since I left her place which we kissed goodbye and I've had to work the past two or we probably would have done something else.

 

[Thenewnorm]

So I highly doubt she screwed a bunch of guys in the past two days. But I guess it's possible. Can't put anything past a girl I suppose. Anyways, thanks for the feedback. I'll use it the best way I can.

 

[Thenewnorm]

Oh and another thing, when I was staying at her place for the two days it was because she invited me and I couldn't just bounce non chalantly when we were drinking and an hr away from my house. I didn't think it would be cool of me to do that to bounce bc I wasn't getting laid due to her period. Is that the wron way to go about it? Or what else should I have done?

And yes I do want to sleep with her and make her my gf.

 

[Franco]

Hey norm,

RTB brings up a lot of great points here, and in general, moving slowly is actually what is killing your game here. With all of those girls you slept with, did you do it by moving slowly? Probably not, right?

In order to get a girlfriend, you need to sleep with the girl first. She needs to see you as a man and a lover instead of a friend and a provider. Right now, you are providing way too much value to her life to the point where she probably would never want to sleep with you for fear of losing you as a potential boyfriend in the future. And although that may sound like exactly what you want, it's exactly what you won't get. What is more likely to happen is that another guy comes along, sweeps her off her feet into the bedroom quickly, and takes her as his girlfriend. You need to move quickly with girls whether it is a casual relationship or a serious one that you desire.

...but I couldn't exactly fuck her when she was on her period.

Girls actually are extremely horny when they are on their period... the only reason they wouldn't want you to fuck them during this time is that they are afraid that you might be grossed out by it. If I have a condom and a towel to lay down on the bed, I have no problem having sex right then and there. Just make sure you frame it in a way where her being on her period doesn't bother you. If having sex with a girl on her period bothers you, then you might want to consider deciding why it bothers you in the first place. Is it because you actually "can't" have sex when she is on her period? Or is it because mainstream male society has trained your mind to be "grossed out" by the idea of sex with a girl on her menstrual cycle?

This is just something to think about. Hopefully this insight helps!

- Franco

 

[Thenewnorm]

I told her that it doesn't bother me one bit. She told me how bad she wanted to fuck that night and I could tell but she stated that she doesn't like to when she's on her period and that she definitely would never with a guy if it was the first time. I just took her on her word. I didn't want to force it.

The thing about this girl is that I knew her previously and know what she's like. She's not the type that gets with a lot of guys and is more of a monogamous girl.

Thanks for the help. And yes I need to move faster in the next meeting since we will be getting together tomorrow.

 

[Flames]

So far as I can tell your not doing anything wrong, she wants you, you want her but the 'logistics' have been off is all, don't worry about it.

Just remember not to put her on a pedestal if anything she should put you on a pedestal, anything else doesn't work.

Good luck