Prep - Optimistic about 1st date success - what next?

[Fluxcapacitor]

@Orgasmatron dude! Your message is on the right lines but I'd limit it to have a nice day or have a nice week, using both fluffs the message out and you look unsure, unclear and a little over pleasing.

Typically I'd use "hope you had a great weekend" they've usually had fun on the weekend where the week they'll be working, this prompts them to think of the fun stuff and now associate that with you. It's usually a better topic in general but either work.

Due to resetting I'd approach it as a first message so have a greeting, use her name, use consideration, give her new information/bait/a call to action. (Call to action shouldn't be direct here, that comes later if you need to ball in her court her, that's another topic).

An example "hi NAME, hope you had a great weekend, (New information or call back to your date if there's a good topic) I ended up going out for the bank holiday, I'm feeling it now!

This is a fun low pressure text where I haven't asked anything. She's not obligated to reply, I'm not begging for her attention but I've gave her enough to work with to reply. It's debatable this is to much and you can just send "hi" which is true if she's highly invested, though she isn't.

To engage further, the call to action can be a question. To a teacher I've used: when you're not planning or marking what does a teacher like to do for fun? (This paced her reality, shown I understood, added some intrigue and asked a question baiting a response)

As for WhatsApp, go for it. Personally I stick to standard texting, it doesn't say if I'm online, when I was active, if I've read the messages and so on but you can change a lot of these settings anyway

 

[Orgasmatron]

Hey man,
Thanks for replying

Due to resetting I'd approach it as a first message so have a greeting, use her name, use consideration, give her new information/bait/a call to action. (Call to action shouldn't be direct here, that comes later if you need to ball in her court her, that's another topic).

okay, so, she was out on Friday and Saturday night to celebrate friends birthday - so good weekend was had
She spent 2 hours laughing her ass off when we went to the park on Saturday afternoon - so fun times
She was 'busy' on Sunday, so did something maybe
it'll be Tuesday so week has begun

Hi Gerda,
Hope you had a great weekend
I had lots of fun on Saturday
Have a good week

Thoughts

don't want to seem too invested - I know she had fun too on Sat.
need to reframe myself after Saturday night fishing text and attempt to get her out on Sunday - remind her I'm fun guy
don't want to use the word 'hope' twice
Have a good week is more active and directing her


potential responses

nothing - fine - i wait until Thursday then begin the lets go out on Saturday night and drink alcohol this time stuff
i had fun too - opens the door for setting up the next one
have a good week too - it's a reply
asks me a question about what my week - I'm doing stuff but being mysterious about it

As for WhatsApp, go for it. Personally I stick to standard texting, it doesn't say if I'm online, when I was active, if I've read the messages and so on but you can change a lot of these settings anyway

I'm going to stick to standard texting
you pointed out online status etc, thanks

if you turn everything off, you potentially look like you're hiding something - i'd rather be open because I don't care what she thinks and am not going to shy away from anything - potential to see other chicks for instance

also, if they update the app, might go back to default settings so she's see read receipts etc

too much can go wrong with that, whereas standard texting doesn't have these risks

I'm not going to do Whattsapp now if I can avoid

 

[Orgasmatron]

thought about responses

the response i want is
i had lots of fun too

my reply

well then
we must make sure we
have lots of fun together again

if she says
i had lots of fun too
then something after that - eg. hope you have a good week

my reply
I'm glad you had lots of fun
we must make sure we
have lots of fun together again

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@Orgasmatron dude! Your text isn't bad and could work my personal opinion would be to avoid mentioning Saturday directly like you have, the reason being she later ignored your message (which wasn't timed well at all) and then turned you down on Sunday (because you hard closed straight away and rewarded her behaviour) and you're following up informing her you really liked her company on Saturday...

I think the "I had fun message" should have been your original follow up instead of what you did, but we learn from our mistakes. You can't change what's happened, it's now working with what you've got.

There's an article about the 14 text messages you need, it'll explain this in more detail and give examples of what to say and when. I recommend reading it until you get it internalised or enough experience to go off.

Your message isn't bad dude, she'd have received a lot worse!

 

[Orgasmatron]

@Fluxcapacitor cheers dude

oh man, I know. the Saturday text was a disaster

What was I thinking?
Well, I think we all know what I was thinking!

not read the article yet but will now

based on feedback, the new text is

Hi Gerda,
Hope you had a great weekend
I had lots of fun with you
Have a good week

I'll find the article and see if I can do better, cheers

 

[Orgasmatron]

Hey @Fluxcapacitor @PalmaSailor @Will_V

Sent text a bit after 11. No reply as of end of lunchtime.

Question for you.
What's your read on this then?

Given 2 in person meetings - initial approach and park date with went v well, fun for her, flirty jokes, seemed all good.

Then total fuck ups by my texting disasters.

Wouldn't expect response thb if not received already. She was quick to reply for date setup last Tuesday evening.

Is that it just fucked then?

Or

Are there options?

Obviously major fuck by me. Learning lessons the hard way. But important thing is I'm learning. Not so much bothered about chick, more annoyed at myself for fucking it up. I guess that's progress

 

[Orgasmatron]

Hey dudes.
You're probably sick of this story by now, I know, but I need to put this out there.

I'm starting to realize exactly how fucking stupid the Saturday night, Sunday afternoon text fiasco was.

I'm not being all woe is me self-pitying down on myself btw, and I'm not just dwelling on the past and wishing it was different or any of that shit.

I don't care about her. I'm annoyed that I was so fucking stupid. And I'm disappointed in myself, as I would consider myself to be pretty smart, self-aware, and rational in my thinking.

I just want to bounce this off someone else so that I never do something as stupid as that again.

Don't mince your words or worry about me being offended or anything. Tell me what you really think.

I think typing out how I thought this would go down will highlight exactly how naive I am.

I actually thought that I'd send a text, and she would be so enamored with me from the afternoon, that she'd be desperate for me to come and see her when she's out to celebrate her friend's birthday with all her girlfriends on their big night out.

I thought I'd charm them all so much, by being such a hilarious and learned fellow, that'd they'd all instantly think I was amazing, and congratulate her for snagging such a catch.

She, of course, would be so grateful that I had shown up and dazzled her friends, that she wouldn't be able to contain herself, and would demand that I took her home, right now, to fuck her brains out.

I also thought, that when she received the text on Sunday, she would realize what a terrible mistake she had made, and would cancel whatever she was doing that day to avail herself to me. She would again be so enthralled by merely being in my presence, that she would quickly lose interest in the works of art and historical artifacts that surrounded her, and would of course demand that I took her home and fucked her brains out.

So that's pretty stupid, isn't it?

I genuinely have no fucking idea what I am doing.
It's fucking laughable, isn't it?

That's what I genuinely thought would happen.

I had no plan. There was no strategic thinking behind any of this.

I didn't stop for one second to weigh up the likelihood of this happening.

I didn't think that there could be any negative consequences.

And I didn't think about the pros and cons of my actions, the odds of success, or the possible downsides that might occur as a result of my actions.

So yeah, that was pretty stupid, wasn't it.

Anyway, that's all I have to say about it now.
What happened, happened. Move on and learn from it.

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@Orgasmatron dude! Typically speaking its fucked but you've actually got options. Although it looks rather bad your text didn't give a call for action and didn't give a clear path to continue, arguably this is by design, you haven't pressured her for an answer which is cool. This gives you a chance to persist with your persistence.

Being weak and needy is bad, being cool and persistent is cool. Learning persistence, how and when to be persistent is a skill in itself which can pay dividends. While you're new to seduction and learning different strategies and techniques girls like this are great to practice with, if you feel it's a dead end you've got nothing to lose by test driving stuff.

The critique I gave your text was that you explicitly mentioned Saturday, I pointed that out and you done it anyway, that's cool sometimes we have to make these mistakes first hand. Working with what you've got...

You can message in a few days time something along the lines of I've just seen something that reminded me of you - giving a reason you've messaged her or reframe it that you're too busy for her: "hi Gerda, I've been hectic at work the past few days and haven't had chance to keep in touch, hope you've been well, how's work been for you?" (Call back or question here to push engagement - the question used here is filler as an example)

If she ignores a clear question her interest is very low, but you could try a parting shot or a ball in her court message as a last ditch attempt and you can say you've tried everything, it might surprise you.

You'll notice attraction has an expiration date and escalation windows can close quickly. Some dudes find second dates don't happen to often regardless of how well it went. That's another topic though.

Don't worry about your lack of plan, that's what happens on the movies right? It's kinda how society wants you to think and it's been programmed into you. Welcome to seduction, this will change your perspective and give you valuable experience. You're in the right place to learn and to learn from your own experience, this is just another reference point for you.

 

[Orgasmatron]

The critique I gave your text was that you explicitly mentioned Saturday, I pointed that out and you done it anyway, that's cool sometimes we have to make these mistakes first hand. Working with what you've got...

Hey @Fluxcapacitor I misunderstood what you meant - so did you mean don't say anything at all about the weekend, including the date, and just imagine the world began on Monday?

I thought you meant - just don't say the word Saturday (or Sunday) because it just highlights well, y'know.

Let's just get all the fuck ups out of the way early on then, eh? lol

Typically speaking its fucked but you've actually got options. Although it looks rather bad your text didn't give a call for action and didn't give a clear path to continue, arguably this is by design, you haven't pressured her for an answer which is cool. This gives you a chance to persist with your persistence.

Not so much design as lack of imagination.

I suppose I should persist then.

Being weak and needy is bad, being cool and persistent is cool. Learning persistence, how and when to be persistent is a skill in itself which can pay dividends. While you're new to seduction and learning different strategies and techniques girls like this are great to practice with, if you feel it's a dead end you've got nothing to lose by test driving stuff.

So, no "why haven't you replied to my 27 texts" then?

Okay, cool, cheers. I shall persist

You can message in a few days time something along the lines of I've just seen something that reminded me of you - giving a reason you've messaged her or reframe it that you're too busy for her: "hi Gerda, I've been hectic at work the past few days and haven't had chance to keep in touch, hope you've been well, how's work been for you?" (Call back or question here to push engagement - the question used here is filler as an example)

something that reminded me of you - that's very good, hmmm
I think that could play well with her. I'll think if something - great idea, thanks

If she ignores a clear question her interest is very low, but you could try a parting shot or a ball in her court message as a last ditch attempt and you can say you've tried everything, it might surprise you.

I wonder if something outrageous would be good as a parting shot, nothing to lose, she enjoyed my outrageous remarks before.
Might pique her interest.

She was loving the outrageous flirty - I've got good genes - well you certainly look pretty good in those jeans etc stuff
Something like that, that plays to her ego?
Not a direct compliment though, something a bit more creative and suggestive.

Don't worry about your lack of plan, that's what happens on the movies right? It's kinda how society wants you to think and it's been programmed into you. Welcome to seduction, this will change your perspective and give you valuable experience. You're in the right place to learn and to learn from your own experience, this is just another reference point for you.

I'm just annoyed with myself that I didn't stop and think for a bit and weigh up the situation.

I'm usually good at that.


It was her ass!

And those jeans!

I stood and checked out her ass in those jeans when she walked away from me up the street until she was too far away to see anymore.

That's what did it.

I blame her ass!

Her juicy sexy ass!...



yep, I'm still thinking about that ass
in those jeans, yeah.

wow, what an ass!


Lots of lessons learned here anyway, so all good

Thanks dude







Did I mention she had an amazing ass?

 

[Derek da man]

So yeah, that was pretty stupid, wasn't it.

Hey, don't beat yourself up over it. Most of us are our own biggest critiques - that's how we improve. You've not hurt anyone so no real harm done.

this will change your perspective and give you valuable experience.

We can all make big plans from listing to advice and reading up on things but there is nothing to replace in the field experience. Everyone on this form has been there too so we all relate to it.

You're probably sick of this story by now,

Not at all - you've have a fun and interesting writing style - we all learn from others experiences and reflections too, hence why people give their advice freely on here

Keep looking for opportunities, them maximize them - enjoy!

 

[Orgasmatron]

Keep looking for opportunities, them maximize them - enjoy!

Thanks dude.

It was a good learning opportunity, so that's pretty cool.

Got some new places to scope out at the mo. In the office now for a few days a week with new(ish) job.
Identified a good spot where people have their lunch and started to lay some groundwork with cute cafe girl when I was getting something to eat.
Going to see if there is anyone interesting about when I take the scenic route on my walk home later on.

Also, starting a journal so everything is a bit better organised and I can chart my progress and see what mistakes I keep repeating.

All good!

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@Orgasmatron dude! Yeah I meant don't mention it at all, as I explained you're rewarding her for bad behaviour. The sub message you've implied is I'll accept your behaviour in the hopes that you'll like me because I've got nothing better to do with my time and have no options. This was from your bad texting strategy, if you didn't stack negative compliance before this message it would have been cool. (You're not accepting bad behaviour if this follows up from the date, this rewards good behaviour)

Depends how outrageous a parting shot you'd be thinking, again there's a way to construct them that typically increase your odds but sometimes something different works.

Your playful flirty lines are cool a lot depends on your tone and body language but I imagine from your comedic vibe this is covered. To much of them and you run the risk of being the jester, getting reactions but not results. (The jester will pick up sometimes).

I've read your journal posts, I noticed where you asked a girl out and she thought about it and then said no. Instead of asking, imply she's already said yes.

"Would you like to get drinks?" (She'll think about it, maybe you seemed nervous, now she's unsure)
"You seem cool, we should grab a drink sometime" (she doesn't have to think about it, she's already agreed) this also stops it being an event, it's casual, it's a soft close to gauge her interest instead of flat out asking. Small change but it can do a lot for you

 

[Orgasmatron]

@Fluxcapacitor Thanks man.

Yeah, I see what you mean. Thanks for explaining. Starting to understand stuff a bit more.


I've not come up with the parting shot yet. But I figure go big or go home.

I think I'm good with the conversation stuff.

Did pretty well at that today with hot Brazillian girl at work. That situation has trouble written all over it.
There will be more on her in the upcoming journal posts.
I have to watch myself there.
But I'm not going to do anything stupid.


My problem at the moment. Well, there are 2.

1. Approach anxiety and hesitation. But that's just a matter of doing it. Pretty annoyed at 6 good situations I passed on this evening and yesterday. Think I'm getting to the stage where the AA is more annoying than the fear to go near. So, we'll get there. Last one tonight was super fucking hot. I'm genuinely very very annoyed with myself for not speaking to her. Don't want to feel like that again.

Going to use the journal to track the non-approaches so I can see it in black and white and see how many opportunities I'm missing out on by being a chicken.

That was 6 pretty hot to super-hot chicks in 2 evenings just taking a bit of a detour on my way home that I missed out on.
Add in another evening walk, a few lunchtimes at work, and 2 weekend days, and the numbers will stack up.
So If I see 20 missed good opportunities in a week I'll feel sick.
That doesn't even count going out at the weekend, and that could be 20 in a night!
So, figure it will work.
So that's covered.


2. Because I genuinely don't know what I'm doing, I think being a comedian is about all I've got at the moment. I don't know how to escalate, so didn't really do that on the date and I don't know about compliance and frame and all that stuff. So getting the journal stories out of the way to get everything down in one place and writing them is helping to work some things out too.

So, I figure once I understand what I should be doing, and why I should be doing it that way, I'll be much better.

I always have to fuck everything up first and then I go "ahhhhh" and work it out. Usually, just make one mistake, think about why it was a mistake and then I'm good. So that's my process.

It's fine reading about theory and that, but I think you need some real-world experience and some mistakes under your belt before you can understand how things work and what you should be doing.

It's doing the approach and then knowing what steps I should be taking afterward that I need to work on at the moment.
So, I'm glad I fucked it all up in a way because now I can learn from that. If it wasn't fuck this one up, then it would be fuck one up further down the line, so better to get the fuck up out of the way at the start.

Realised I can approach, chat up, get date with hot girl, do all the talking stuff much better than I thought before. getting better each time.
Just a matter of doing it more and refining my technique.

So just need to learn about how to move things in the right direction rather than just keeping her entertained for an hour or so.

Getting there. Advice from you and all the other guys on here is really great, so I feel like I'm coming on leaps and bounds.

Obviously gotta learn how to text.

I'll get that down.

Your advice about "Would you like to get drinks?" vs "You seem cool, we should grab a drink sometime" is great. Thanks. I see that there is a big difference there, both in how I'm coming across and in how she would feel about the 2 different ways to say that.

I work in marketing so I understand why using a call to action to tell people what I want them to do (we should get drinks) is much more effective than asking someone if they would like to do something

So, for work it's 'you should buy the thing' vs 'would you like to buy the thing?'

And for hot girls its "we should get drinks" vs "would you like to get drinks together?"

A subtle but significant difference in how you are presenting the options to someone.


If someone really doesnt want to 'buy the thing' or 'get drinks' then they won't anyway, if they really do want to then they will anyway, and if they are unsure, then they will be more more likely to 'buy the thing/get drinks' if you present it as something they should do rather then something they might just want to think about doing.

So much more likely to get sale/close if you present it as a thing you should do because it would be good to do it/beneficial in some way/provide value/fun etc

So yeah, you are absolutely right - cheers!


Gonna learn the texting stuff, escalation, compliance, frame, and work out what I do that is good and I don't have to worry about and where the big weaknesses are so I can get them sorted.

Gotta get more comfortable with direct openers - still feeling super awkward with them.
Figure I've got to adapt "excuse me, you look cute" to something that's a more natural thig for me to say - got some ideas that riff on to work it out.

And thinking about how she see's it - why is this random stranger talking to me?
Nervous guy unsure what he's doing= creepy weirdo
Confident guy, knows what he's doing, why he's doing it, and what steps to take = multiple orgasm time

Also, gotta do direct so I can get good at knowing when to be direct and when to be indirect.

So, i think I've got a few things to get on with for the time being.

Being the jester is fun, but the damsel in distress never gets rescued by the jester and I've been juggling my balls too much for my liking.

Need to become the black knight to get the ladies in waiting to touch my shiny sword!

Cheers man, thanks for your help

 

[Orgasmatron]

@Fluxcapacitor

RE text

had an idea (always a bad sign with me, lol)

going to send her this

Hey Gerda
We should go out and get drunk this weekend
You can buy me a pint of Guinness!


Some context
on the date, she said she drank Guinness
I'm from Ireland, so obv I love Guinness

when she said that, I said "I love you" (jokey exaggerated way obv, not serious!)
and gave her a big hug

let's see how it plays out

tbh, I'm expecting to be paying for the Guinness myself and drinking it alone, but it's worth a shot

Update: text sent