Hi everyone,
From the last poscats between @Skills and @Chase they addressed the way Genz are skittish. This reminded me of a problem that’s been bothering me for a while GEnz and Millenials alike.
It came up many many times when I set up a date with a woman and I haven’t found a satisfying way to understand or handle it yet.
The problem:
After I set up a date with a woman — meaning we’ve already agreed on the general time and place — she will often start adding extra information about her availability, usually in a way that feels abrupt or inconsiderate. Some real examples (all over text)
Sometimes even after saying “Yes I can be there,” she adds a sort of qualifier — like “80 chances I’ll make it” — which immediately throws uncertainty back into the mix.
Most of the time, there’s almost never a “Does that still work for you?” or any check-in to see how their changes impact my availability or experience.
Honestly, I often find these types of messages to be a turn-off and kind of disrespectful. It makes me feel like the woman is asserting her boundaries and schedule without any acknowledgment of mine. As a result, I’ve even canceled or postponed dates over this, and in many cases just stopped pursuing things further.
An interesting point of view was of Hector in his book about texting. He said that that some women may just be awkwardly trying to express their availability in an “unskilled” way — not necessarily intending to be dismissive or controlling. I can see that perspective, but the tone still feels off to me.
Example:
For example, a recent situation: a girl agreed to a meet-up, then added she had paperwork in the morning, gym in the afternoon, and couldn’t stay long. I said, “Let’s reschedule for another time when you’re less busy,” and she responded with just the
emoji — which to me felt dismissive, like I did something wrong by respecting her time. The girl then became very cold and it was almost impossible to set another date.
So my questions are:
I’d really appreciate any insight you could offer — both in understanding what’s going on here, and how to handle it in most socially savvy way.
Thanks a lot for your time and guidance!
From the last poscats between @Skills and @Chase they addressed the way Genz are skittish. This reminded me of a problem that’s been bothering me for a while GEnz and Millenials alike.
It came up many many times when I set up a date with a woman and I haven’t found a satisfying way to understand or handle it yet.
The problem:
After I set up a date with a woman — meaning we’ve already agreed on the general time and place — she will often start adding extra information about her availability, usually in a way that feels abrupt or inconsiderate. Some real examples (all over text)
- “I can only stay for an hour.”
- “I have paperwork in the morning and gym in the afternoon.”
- “I can, but I can’t stay long.”
- “Can you meet me near my work between 11 AM and 1 PM?”
- “That place is too far, can we do it in [location far more convenient to her]?”
Sometimes even after saying “Yes I can be there,” she adds a sort of qualifier — like “80 chances I’ll make it” — which immediately throws uncertainty back into the mix.
Most of the time, there’s almost never a “Does that still work for you?” or any check-in to see how their changes impact my availability or experience.
Honestly, I often find these types of messages to be a turn-off and kind of disrespectful. It makes me feel like the woman is asserting her boundaries and schedule without any acknowledgment of mine. As a result, I’ve even canceled or postponed dates over this, and in many cases just stopped pursuing things further.
An interesting point of view was of Hector in his book about texting. He said that that some women may just be awkwardly trying to express their availability in an “unskilled” way — not necessarily intending to be dismissive or controlling. I can see that perspective, but the tone still feels off to me.
Example:
For example, a recent situation: a girl agreed to a meet-up, then added she had paperwork in the morning, gym in the afternoon, and couldn’t stay long. I said, “Let’s reschedule for another time when you’re less busy,” and she responded with just the
emoji — which to me felt dismissive, like I did something wrong by respecting her time. The girl then became very cold and it was almost impossible to set another date.So my questions are:
- Is this behavior a form of plausible deniability — like appearing busy to maintain social value — or just poor communication?
- How should someone handle this kind of situation?
- Do you just let it slide, show up, and see how it plays out?
- Or is it something worth addressing? And if so, what’s a tactful, grounded way to respond?
I’d really appreciate any insight you could offer — both in understanding what’s going on here, and how to handle it in most socially savvy way.
Thanks a lot for your time and guidance!
