Question from a newbie

[Van Hammer]

Hi all,
new the site and really enjoying the wealth of information on here.

I'm a pretty good looking guy, have decent success with women, but am really looking to up my game and work on attracting the type of women I'm really into rather then settling.

Anyway, my question is in regard to something I've encountered numerous time when trying to set up a date/get a phone number. This usually happens at a location other than a bar/nightspot-- i.e. places like a bookstore, convenient store, coffee shop, etc. After talking for a bit, When I suggest a date/number I've often got the, "Well I don't know you" reply. For some reason, that really trips me up. I start thinking in the back of my mind "she's kind of right, she doesnt' really know me" and I'm sure it sends all kinds of negative, flustered body language.

Any clever/sarcastic responses to deal with this that might diffuse her objection.

I think that the initial approach/conversation may make them a bit nervous, since these day pickup sitatuations make me a bit nervous and it reflects most in my body languange and voice, which I'll have to work on.

 

[Ross]

This objection is easily handled. When people are so used to social circle, random approaches can seem odd and weird. Some good ways to deal with the objection that she doesn't know you are to let her know why you are inviting her on the date, and perhaps include this when asking her;

"You're cute; How about I grab your number so we can do something and get to know each other a little more."

Probably done at a high point in conversation when you are both smiling and enjoying each other's company. Another one for asking her on a date after just knowing her,

"I'm going to get some coffee; lets go so we can talk some more."

If you are having these objections 5 minutes or so into an interaction where you really have to leave, that's normal. Now, if this objection is being made after 30 minutes or so of talking, you need to work on your deep diving and emotional connection skills to form a quick and powerful bond so that she feels like she knows you well enough to move onto something more.

 

[Jarradical]

Hey Van

If you are looking for a clever, sarcastic response, well it is possible to use one and impress her enough that she relents. It's just a hell of a lot easier to spend more time doing the legwork so that she wants to give you her number.

Option One: Gaze deeply into her eyes and whisper these words without sounding like you've rehearsed it. "Look, I understand where you're coming from, but the way I see it, you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain. Don't you ever worry that you're missing out an amazing, once in a lifetime experience because society has conditioned you to view strangers as threats? Hey, I understand if you'd prefer to go through the politically correct, socially approved rigmarole of grabbing coffee, then progressing to dinner dates and a movie with no sexual contact until we've met at least three times. I'm just not going to subscribe the ideology of masking my interest in you."

Works 100% of the time.

Option Two: As RTB says, deep dive and create an emotional connection. Study posture, voice control and non verbal techniques. Wait for a high point and then simply ask.

Cheers
Jarradical (disregard the first option. I was feeling...creative.)

 

[Penguin]

Her: "But I don't know you"
You: "That's exactly why we should meet up- To get to know each other"

You're taking her objection and reversing it into a reason why she should go on the date. Look for 'Addressing objections' on Chase's blog for more ways to deal with them.

 

[aliparpar]

Option One: Gaze deeply into her eyes and whisper these words without sounding like you've rehearsed it. "Look, I understand where you're coming from, but the way I see it, you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain. Don't you ever worry that you're missing out an amazing, once in a lifetime experience because society has conditioned you to view strangers as threats? Hey, I understand if you'd prefer to go through the politically correct, socially approved rigmarole of grabbing coffee, then progressing to dinner dates and a movie with no sexual contact until we've met at least three times. I'm just not going to subscribe the ideology of masking my interest in you." .

Hahaha, this one I'm pretty sure I can't remember or even play it right . But I guess you're right Jarradical.

My opinion on how to the answer these kind of objections, is presistence. Use objection to sell yourself better. "We don't know each other?, Well, we can actually... That's why I want us to have a coffee together" . (Smile here : Very Important [Read - Sexy Smile : https://www.girlschase.com/content/smile ... smile-sexy] otherwise you will come off as defensive. say it like she's losing an opportunity than you are.) Also, if you notice there are a lot of "we" & "us" in these sentences which will make her imagine & FEEL having the coffee with you.

IF in case you see her shields are up a bit, you can also try to make her FEEL what it's going to be like. "Ofcourse, why not we try a Warm delicious hot chocolate? Sitting in the cosy sofas at starbucks, relaxing and getting to know each other. I'm pretty sure you would like that! Don't you?"


Cheers
Ali

 

[A Life Loquacious]

"well that's why I'm asking, of course - so we can get to know each other better!"

 

[Van Hammer]

Thanks, this is all great advice! I'll be putting it to use.

 

[Chase]

Hey Van,

After talking for a bit, When I suggest a date/number I've often got the, "Well I don't know you" reply.

Some great replies on here from the guys. One additional thing you're going to want to pay attention to though is what you're doing to cause this response in the first place. Ideally, you shouldn't really be getting, "I don't know you!" very often unless girls are feeling uncomfortable or unexcited about seeing you again, or if they're feeling like they've been forced to make a judgment call.

Discomfort or lack of excitement you should be able to read pretty well; that's when you can tell that the girl will try to get away as soon as you stop talking for an instant - she's only there to be polite. In that case, you've simply got to get better at screening out the girls who aren't all that interested, and up your fundamentals to get a higher portion of the women you approach responding right. Target figuring out what's causing the awkwardness to appear, and vanquish it.

The other one's easier. Making girls feel put upon is if you're leaving the decision up to them: "Would you like to go out some time?" or, "Can I have your number?" are two classic / cliched examples; or simply saying to the girl something along the lines of, "It'd be great if we could see each other again sometime," where it's far too tentative and you're really throwing the ball in her court. How are you asking these girls for dates / numbers? If it's anything other than firm and leading, it's probably the source of most of your woes here right there.

Solution for that one? Don't ask or suggest; tell:

• "Let's grab a bite sometime later this week or next."
  
  "We need to hang out sometime when you're not in the middle of a book."
  
  "Let's trade cell numbers so we can figure out when we're going to hang out next."

You'll get a lot more women reacting well to this, going right along with things, and then coming out on dates with you later.

End strong, and you stand a much better chance of making good things happen, no matter how the beginning and middle went.

Chase