Questions For Approaching Women

[jc9]

1. What's a good opener to just approach someone at a bar? Or anywhere, such as a store? I don't think, "Hey, how are you?" always works.

2. What are some good compliments that have succeeded in attraction? As in, I love the way a girl is dressed and I want a perfect compliment. Anything, really.

3. Say I came up with a great opener or compliment. She says "Thanks!", or just gives me an answer but then turns away or just says one thing and moves on. I don't think she'd be interested if that were the case, I remember two girls at a pub that loved talking with me and did not just answer to me but actually smiled and almost gave me time to say something back. Now what? Do I just move on? Am I wrong, and they might still be interested in me somehow?

4. I know that I've done it before, but I can't seem to continue every time. Say the opener worked, she reciprocated, but then I have to say something. What tends to work? Do I drag it on a bit and then ask her how she's doing, or just talk like normal?

5. Say we've spoken for a while, how do I escalate things a bit? When do I escalate things? IOIs are fine indicators, but how do I safely (but not too provocatively), make things more intense? Just a bit more. I want to escalate things but I have never really done that much. Only with online dates a bit.

I know it's a lot of questions, but I don't want an answer like "I'm overthinking it," these really are important for me to answer.

 

[jc9]

By the way, you don't have to answer all of these. Just answering one of these would help me so much. They're just my biggest weaknesses that I notice.

 

[Derek da man]

Responses to your questions in the same order:

1. Say HI, HELLO or HEY HOW'S YOUR EVENING GOING. It doesn't matter too much what you say as long as it's said with confidence. The opener is about having the balls to go and say hello to her. If you make the opener too good the only way you can go is down. The follow up questions / interactions should be where you lead the conversation so keep the opening simple. No sweat.

2. If you open with a compliment, or use one too soon, it puts her on a pedestal and you'll always be chasing her not the other way around. Save compliments as rewards for later in the conversation/escalation.

3. If she just turns away you messed up the opener as explained above. Keep it simple and engage in a 2 way conversation. When she says about her evening ask a follow up question relating to it. She's unlikely to turn away on the first few questions. If she does after that you've messed it up and there's little point continuing.

4. Already covered above.

5. Look up escalation on Girls Chase but this isn't going to happen until you can do successful openers and hold a good flirty conversations for a while, so don't worry about it for now.

 

[DarkKnight]

I just tend to make simple comments about them. Hey you seem to be a regular, hey you seem to be a tourist, hey you seem to know your way around, hey you seem kind of lost

and take it from there. These are my defaults generally when I need to shoot from the hip.

pre-opening helps as well.

 

[TwoNameGame]

1. What's a good opener to just approach someone at a bar? Or anywhere, such as a store? I don't think, "Hey, how are you?" always works.

Although openers ought to be dynamic, it helps to have a few generic ones in case when you're starting:

1. "You have a cute style, but does it match your personality?" My favorite. Props to @Gorili. Notice the push and pull, so she is having to qualify herself while being different enough to prevent auto-rejection. But this can confuse girls as few have the confidence to answer "yes", so have interest bait ready.
2. "I'm glad I'm not the only one who..." Use this is to establish similarity and talk about something relevant. It is indirect.
3. "Can you give me directions to [place you are obviously near]? Just kidding, I just wanted to say hi." Use this for a quick laugh and test for friendliness. Indirect-direct

2. What are some good compliments that have succeeded in attraction? As in, I love the way a girl is dressed and I want a perfect compliment. Anything, really.

Aside from the opener above, I recommend Hector's video.

3. Say I came up with a great opener or compliment. She says "Thanks!", or just gives me an answer but then turns away or just says one thing and moves on.

If she is terse, try another opener. It is called "opener cycling". Remember, persistence is sexy.

If she leaves, take this is a sign to improve fundamentals. Attraction is simply wanting to be with someone, so if she's not attracted, the process is blown.

4. I know that I've done it before, but I can't seem to continue every time.

See above.

Otherwise, screen and qualify her. Find if she meets your standards. Or use interest bait to hook her in.

The goal is to talk about something emotional that she likes in order to build excitement, similiarity, attraction, and potential value.

5. Say we've spoken for a while, how do I escalate things a bit? When do I escalate things?

Wrong perspective.

You always push the interaction forward to build momentum because attraction is fleeting. DO NOT LET THINGS GET STALE AND POINTLESS.

If you mean Kino escalation, basically start small but quick to get her used to your touch as a reward. In anpproach, I start with a hand squeeze with my thumb over her knuckles then hold it until she pulls back to establish that this isn't platonic, but then give a high five if she says something I like to raise her energy, go for a fist bump if she says something I respect, then try to touch her shoulder/upper arm. On a date, look up the Vin Dicarlo escalation ladder.

If you mean conversation goals, you build attraction first (get her interested in talking to you), build trust (get her comfortable being with you), build arousal (get her to want to sleep with you).

If you mean pulling, here is a general outline of goals:

1. Get her to talk to you
2. Move her at least a little
3. Get the number
4. Get a date
5. Get her to to a more energetic/intimate place on the date
6. Get her isolated in an intimate place on the date
7. Bring her home
8. Lay
9. Decide if you want to continue
10. Lay her 2 more times
11. Decide if you want LTR/ FWB/ whatever

I know it's a lot of questions, but I don't want an answer like "I'm overthinking it," these really are important for me to answer.

Always practice. Do not let yourself fall into the trap of "knowledge gathering". The reality is, this will sink best when you practice.

I didn't realize how important it was to use kino untIl I saw their faces light up at a basic touch.

 

[James D]

You can compliment if the energy behind your compliment is sincere.

But yeah, at the bar, I'd say ditch compliments.

Great for day game openers tho.

 

[jc9]

You can compliment if the energy behind your compliment is sincere.

But yeah, at the bar, I'd say ditch compliments.

Great for day game openers tho.

Yeah, I only every compliment when I actually feel it. Sometimes a woman just wows me and I do that. But I really need to work on my day game, especially openers.

 

[Glow]

1. Are you french? Any quick-mini-question or socalled "reads" alike this about her will raise her curiousity to why you think so. so have an answer ready. You can even build a route of additinal things to say from it, how she reminds you of french girls you used to know when you lived in paris.. you miss that time and how liberated you feel in cities like paris.. blahblah. This is Intrique BAIT that 90% of girls will ask into. When You get better you can read her nationality and prime it more or play with calling her something she is obviously not. Stack that with minicold reads(a tehcnique- research it) and you have a strong entry game for bars.
2. Doesnt matter, pretty useless to rely on. find better game to spit. Along those lines It is better to assume interestingness about her and show genuine interest about her from that angle. Provides a very powerful energy to engage from that penetrate a lot of bs. Compliments are so so.. i keep it very subtle and just a lil indicator for her that i find her interesting but not too much. Theyre often better delivered as subtext especially if you wanna flirt her up. that means instead of saying i though you looked cute or you look cute, you refer to her in 3rd person, its hard to be so cute.. i noticed this cute woman etc.
3. You proactively avoid this by doing good lock-in - research the topic & eg check Cajun - i outlined it somewhere in here i think.
4. You need to work this out and have a milestone plan or game plan you can drill rehearse for fluid, flexible delivery - build a set of lines or reherse spitting vocals game etc. there are many routes. eg riker, eg simple structures shifting vibes etc etc. But this is YOUR work to do. Notice how the opener i gave you is a stacking operner where you can stack others similar fast on top. A simple add on could be 5 simple questions you do with vibe changes. Add a lill mirror and pacing to that and you have a powerful opening sequence. The smartest way imo to start out is to learn to spit game and plow some - aka you need to own the conversation and drive it at core.
5. At the right moment You shut up and hold eye contact after she says something while imagining kissing w. her. Key is to do this without moving your face an inch or do any supplicating facial movements (most guys supplicate here and loose sexual tension holding the vacuum creates) the technique is called sexual listening. This creates an its on moment which you and most guys have no clue about what is - so sense what happens when you do this and keep doing it. It will unveil a powerful dynamic of how real attraction works. Next you Move a lil close to her, potentially while holding the tension or softning a bit - techniuqe is to use proximity which is another of the most powerful ways to escalate. If you follow these two things you will outrank 95% of men on escalation. This is referred to as "escalating the vibe". Girls will often respond with a cute "what" and a smile when you get it right.
A strong way to follow up is i dont know i was just wondering what we should do with this amazing connection we have w. a smile... (articulating the vibe - another technique - i outlined it somewhere in nextasf but it got lost).

 

[Hue]

1. What's a good opener to just approach someone at a bar? Or anywhere, such as a store? I don't think, "Hey, how are you?" always works.

2. What are some good compliments that have succeeded in attraction? As in, I love the way a girl is dressed and I want a perfect compliment. Anything, really.

3. Say I came up with a great opener or compliment. She says "Thanks!", or just gives me an answer but then turns away or just says one thing and moves on. I don't think she'd be interested if that were the case, I remember two girls at a pub that loved talking with me and did not just answer to me but actually smiled and almost gave me time to say something back. Now what? Do I just move on? Am I wrong, and they might still be interested in me somehow?

4. I know that I've done it before, but I can't seem to continue every time. Say the opener worked, she reciprocated, but then I have to say something. What tends to work? Do I drag it on a bit and then ask her how she's doing, or just talk like normal?

5. Say we've spoken for a while, how do I escalate things a bit? When do I escalate things? IOIs are fine indicators, but how do I safely (but not too provocatively), make things more intense? Just a bit more. I want to escalate things but I have never really done that much. Only with online dates a bit.

1). Contextual openers using people watching is a great way to create a bubble around you and the girl. Nudge her a bit and point to someone looking stupid or something crazy happening with an amused smile on your face, gauging her reaction (if neutral or positive), and then making a comment about the scenario before introducing yourself can be a useful indirect opener.

2). Direct Opener, "You look fucking stunning in that dress *devilish smile*. What is your name?". This injects sexuality immediately and the boldness of it as an opener is usually attractive.

3). It can help to have a plan after the opener right? You can make a comment about a specific thing on their dress or wrap it into a more general question to expand on new topics, by ending it in a question.

(Two girls are both wearing glittery dresses) "Yeah I think if I keep talking to you guys I'm gonna go blind lol. Does everyone dress like this where you're from or just the two of you?". Compare the impact of that to a basic question like, "where are you from?".

4). See #3

5). Plenty of options but ultimately test compliance.

- Move them. Works well for if they're yellow lighting you or green lighting you. Or, if they're red lighting you... but still talking to you (which shows a level of investment behind their mask), moving them can be a great temperature check to what's happening internally.
- See how touch barriers are going and if minor escalations are successful. Are they reciprocating wrists, arms, hands? Is their body language open when you do it?
- If they are green lighting you and showing lots of IOIs, try a medium to major touch escalation like touching the small of her back (medium) or her ass (major).

For actual escalations, it's so context dependent I can't comment. I've had women that I kiss them (or fuck them) within 5 minutes of meeting them, and I've had others that I didn't even touch them until like 3.5 hrs in, then bedded them at like hour 5.



Good questions. Keep up the good work.