Ran Into An Old Crush Couple Weeks Ago (10+ Years) Want Your Thoughts

[solitary genius]

Hi Everyone,

I'm new as a poster here but I've been visiting this site for different perspectives for a while. I had a interesting event happen to me a couple weeks ago and posed this question in another forum. But after thinking about it I figured this might be a better place to get perspective on this situation. Sorry if its too long a read but I'd really appreciate some insight on this situation. Here we go:

Im not a guy thats ever nervous or shy or none of that shit around women.... But theres this one girl who I went to high school with has been my CRUSH for the longest.... when we were in high school (keep in mind this is like 2004) we kissed like twice and we always liked each other on the low. I think my admiration towards her is stronger because she was and is still a very popular girl meanwhile I am and always was a lowkey dude, smart and attractive but ive never been the popular guy cause most people just think im too different....

It was to the point that even though she liked me she didnt really display it in public for whatever reasons (probably peers, perception, etc)

Long story long nothing ever came of it, i became like a jaded outcast in high school and she stayed popular and we stopped being even friends because of it but I still liked her (prlly even loved) and i always felt on the low she did too... I got kicked out of high school in 2006 and that was the last time i saw her in person....

Since then in that 10 year gap i tried reaching out to her once or twice but she dubbed my attempts subtly...

2 weeks ago i ran into her in whole foods and it was weird but in a good way. We both were nervous as hell n i dont get nervous over women usually

But with her she brings the butterflies up outta me

We talked about ol times for a lil bit and tried to get the nerves up out the way (i was fumblin wit my words, she was blushin etc) but i ended up takin her number cause I said I wanna chill sometime and chop it up about the things we never got to get out in the air n she was wit it... my dumbass forgot about her number she had to remind me to take it down...(while we were talkin she said "we always had a weird friendship" wtf does this mean is this a good thing?)

Later that day I text her saying we should go out sometime later that week and she replies "yea maybe we can go later this week, but maybe we can go later tonight" so I'm like alright cool I jumped at the instant date.

We meet at a sushi spot and just talk about everything thats been happening in the 10 year gap, what we do now, what moments we remember from high school, etc. It was a nice vibe and everything. I paid for the dinner n drinks and then she asks me do I want to hit another spot with her. Again Im like hell yea lets go so she takes me to this cigar bar and at this point its about midnight.

Now this is where things heated up a little, after a few drinks we're tipsy holding each other she has her legs draped over me and its gettin super intimate. I went in to kiss her and she kind of just let me kiss her and didnt react (weird right?) but anyway the vibe was intimate she was jut starin into my eyes talking. At this point in the back of my head Im just shocked the feeling was mutual.

Heres the end and where I'm looking for the insight and assessment

So we leave and Im on my way to go drop her off, shes in my car dancing to the music and we havin a good time. When I get to her place she looks at and tongue kisses me for about a minute. I say to her "why dont you come by tonight" she looks at me and says "next time"... I say to her "you can tell me that at my place too" she just repeats "next time" so cool after that she kisses me a little bit more and tells me how much she enjoyed her night and to text her when I get home.

I text her when I get home n we say goodnight. The next day I hit her up again and we text a little and then I tell her lets set something up again before she leaves (she mentioned to me she was flyin out somewhere soon) and i get NO RESPONSE.

At that point I'm little confused so I let a week go by and I text her again on some random night when I was drunk just to see if she would respond and she did. I didnt keep textin her, my mindset was alright I'ma try calling her the next day to see whats going through her mind cause I'm honestly confused as to what exactly happened between the night we went out and now.

Text her the next day and we're talking and I tell her Ima call her in a few hours. I call her and she says she'll call me back because she was eating. NEVER GOT A CALL BACK.

At this point I'm like whats the point in even continuing to pursue her this way. But Im just literally confused as to what this was between us. IS she trying to just play mind games with me? I dont know wtf she's doing but I guess the history behind it is what has me thinking about it so much.

Again sorry for the long read but I would definitely appreciate some opinions on this.

 

[Seppuku]

Hey SG,

welcome to the GC boards. Let me see if I can help.

(while we were talkin she said "we always had a weird friendship" wtf does this mean is this a good thing?)

I tend to be very suspicious each time I hear the word "friendship" out of a woman's mouth. What this could be: she is maybe trying to rationalize what was the nature of your relationship. Putting it in the box "friendship". The reaction should always be to reject the frame. "There cannot exist friendship between a man and a woman", or similar. Here I assume this sounded like a low key statement coming out of the blue in a middle of an otherwise normal conversation, which make it difficult if you're off guard. Sometimes, a woman's frame can be very subtle. You've got to be ready!

In spite of that you did alright it seems and secured the date.

Later that day I text her saying we should go out sometime later that week and she replies "yea maybe we can go later this week, but maybe we can go later tonight" so I'm like alright cool I jumped at the instant date.

That was very positive sign.

I went in to kiss her and she kind of just let me kiss her and didnt react (weird right?) but anyway the vibe was intimate she was jut starin into my eyes talking.

Not that weird. The early kiss is like a double edged sword. First, it is never a guarantee of anything. Second, it has the potential to kill the tension and kill the vibe. I would always save the first kiss for when I'm just about to fuck her. You've got to leave her guessing "but does he like me?" until the very end. But otherwise it seems that there was a very good connection between you too.

When I get to her place she looks at and tongue kisses me for about a minute. I say to her "why dont you come by tonight" she looks at me and says "next time"... I say to her "you can tell me that at my place too" she just repeats "next time" so cool after that she kisses me a little bit more and tells me how much she enjoyed her night and to text her when I get home.

I think she was open to your sexual advances, but you failed to lead her. You took her back to her home, then asked her if she wanted to go to your home, putting the decision on her. You should never put your neck on the line waiting for a girl to decide for you. Also, your attempt at pulling her at home came too late (she was already at her home).

At the last venue, I would have told her "let's go!" and taken her directly to my home - no asking, not even telling where we're going, like if it was an absolute evidence we're going to my place. It's acting like the sale has already been concluded. If she asked where, I would have an excuse ready "I have a playlist of nice classical music" or whatever fits you.

In fact, the best time to pull her may have been after the first venue. When she asked if you if you wanted to hit another spot, that was probably her attempt to give you the leadership. My guess, it was her giving you a hint. That's where you actually propose to follow up with a glass of wine, or a playlist of classical music, at your home. You, taking the lead on the interaction and moving toward sexual escalation.

From now on, the rest looks very much like the aftermath of a failed escalation. Low engagement by text, unreturned calls. I don't think she is playing mind games. I think she stopped to perceive you in a sexual way. Window is likely closed. Moving forward, this is going to be difficult. You may still try, but don't lose too much time on it and otherwise move on. On text, remain cool vibe, no neediness, scarce, to the point. In any case, do not chase her, that will just the effect of killing it off.

That's the way I see it at least!

Cheers,
Seppuku

 

[Big Daddy]

In fact, the best time to pull her may have been after the first venue. When she asked if you if you wanted to hit another spot, that was probably her attempt to give you the leadership.

I was under this impression too.

Now, Seppuku, how would you do these "innocent" pulls if she was not being touchy or suggesting something? Whenever I get the slightest hint that she might be open to something I push towards the bed asap, but when she doesn't I stutter and keep running in circles. Guess I'm too much of a pussy ;/

Since I anticipate your response including something to the lines of "stimulating" those kind of responses, how do you do it? I realized that my game has been suffering a heavy influence from my natural friends, where conversation consists of normal topics + eventual sex joke + hard pull home based on feeling.

Granted, their feeling is better than mine is and all of the girls that I fucked lately felt like their were already attracted to me by something completely unknown to me. If I created some kind of tension or comfort was completely unbeknownst to me. Hence, I have no idea how to do or amply "it" with girls that just don't click.

 

[Seppuku]

Now, Seppuku, how would you do these "innocent" pulls if she was not being touchy or suggesting something? Whenever I get the slightest hint that she might be open to something I push towards the bed asap, but when she doesn't I stutter and keep running in circles. Guess I'm too much of a pussy ;/

She pushed for meeting the same night instead of later in the week. How about that for a nice hint?

Since I anticipate your response including something to the lines of "stimulating" those kind of responses, how do you do it? I realized that my game has been suffering a heavy influence from my natural friends, where conversation consists of normal topics + eventual sex joke + hard pull home based on feeling.

Something I integrated in my routines is to touch her very early on. I break the physical contact within the first few minutes. How is she after that? Does she touch me back? That's another hint.

Other thing: we get out of the car, I take her hand and lead her to the venue. How does her hand feels in mine? Is she subtly trying to escape and break free? Not good. On the opposite, does it feel effortless to lead her? Does it feel like she would leave her hand in mine the whole time? Very good.

I've been touching her a bit while we were talking. Talk go on, but in the background I stop touching her and lean back. I turn my body slightly away from her. Does she reach out to touch me back? She wants more of my touch! Another good thing.

I get lots of subtle hints just by feeling how comfortable she is with my touch. Did I elicit this response? Not really. I'm just gauging the degree of natural physical chemistry that we have, and going along with it.

In fact, I rely on the fact that, if she accepted the date with me, it is likely that we already have some chemistry. She's already here with me, so she likes me to some extent at least.

The rest is creating tension (not attraction), collecting subtle hints (like here "hit another spot"), having a plan, and leading. Here is she hadn't said anything about another spot or other hint, I would have decided that midnight is late enough and we need to be moving on anyway.

One big thing is to understand that you may not have another chance, so you'd better play your move.

Seppuku

 

[Big Daddy]

Thanks for your tips. I have a date Friday and will try to implement them to the best of my abilities. This is easy, really, it's just a matter of proper execution – where I happen to drop the ball many times.

She pushed for meeting the same night instead of later in the week. How about that for a nice hint?

That's what I mean. If I get these, I know it's fucking ON and I push my aggressiveness into overdrive to the extent that I had a girl once asking me what happened to me, because now I was being so dominant whereas before I was kinda quiet. I have no problems being aggressive at all if I get some kind of hint or confirmation that they like me.

However, not always I will get them. Or at least not realize I get them.

Thus, I assume attraction, but I'm always under the impression that there's something inherently incongruent about what I'm doing e.g. what man touches a women she doesn't know for no reason, while creating no tension and having absolutely no confirmation if it's working? Seems like bunch of Hail Mary throws.

EDIT: Since I don't have a very good feeling for when to things, I often resort to silly routines to touch her hand or get her to talk about sexual fantasies. But then I don't know if it worked. I prolong my pull way more than I should.

Last time the cafe was fucking closing for 30 mins before I decided to get out of there, and since I couldn't pull home, I stumbled my way to say "get on the car with me to this very secluded place people fuck and it's really obvious we're going there to fuck." That's what I mean by normal guy game... I really have no idea on how to manipulate emotions/convo to end up in a high note that I can very safely pull home as our friend had above.