Recovering after a big failure

[Will_V]

This... is what I'm yet to crack. It's a very adversarial way of thinking about it, isn't it? If this is what women do, how can a man maintain control over his relationships?

It's not adversarial, any more than it's adversarial to go around hunting pussy.

The fundamental thing is that women do not do what they do out of any malicious intent. They are nature's mechanisms for testing men, and they can no more stop trying to tie a successful man down than they are able to give themselves to a man who has done nothing to deserve them.

I believe the main thing men don't understand about women, what confuses and enrages them (you can see it with red pill guys) is this fact: women hold no grudges, and there is nothing devious about their ability to test a man to breaking point (or act as if he doesn't exist) one day and cuddle up to him like a kitten the next.

For men, there is reputation, the concept of consistency, responsibility, a sense of justice for having done something wrong. They berate themselves for having done something wrong even after they have corrected it. For women these things barely exist, because they operate in a world where a man can come and completely dominate their pussy and their lives - what's more nature has built every part of them for exactly that destiny.

That means they adapt to who he is - if he's a wimp, she treats him like a wimp, if he has everything in order, she treats him like a hero. Men look at this and think she's playing games, because they project their own reality onto hers, but really she is simply nature's way of saying 'you're doing the right thing' or 'better sort things out quick buddy'.
..
There is another aspect to this, which is that women are nature's means of initiating a man from a certain phase of his life to another. When I say a woman 'tires him out until he gives her what she wants' it is not a destructive thing but rather (at a certain point in a man's life) a necessary sublimation of his masculinity, a sort of taming of his ego. Even as a man tames a woman with his cock and his frame, she tames him with her relentless emotional pushing and pulling. In the end, both must let go of some of the frame to the other, although - I believe - it's extremely important to manage what parts of a frame are given and what parts are never let go of, if a man wants a healthy relationship.

I don't know if this is weakness on my part or something else, but it's not especially related to her. I got so used to going after girls that I feel bad whenever I have a girl give me obvious signs of interest and not doing anything. If she were a cold approach girl or a friend I'd do the same. It's just... my masculinity coming out. I'm not yet sure if it has a bad side to it, as long as I maintain my strategic mind and don't do the stupid stuff that I did in the past (which also didn't work, so exactly 0 reason to do them).

I don't want to sound like I think I know more about your situation than I really do, but I think you are kidding yourself with the idea of being strategic and unemotional. At least I can say that from experience. Again, what makes women so fun to fuck and dominate is the fact that they have a grip on a part of us that is not held by anyone else. They can fill a man's life with pleasure, satisfaction and meaning, or empty it of color.

The only way to disengage from a woman is to walk away, to replace her with another woman who is aligned to what we need right now. But if you stay with her, either you will end up giving her what she wants or she will suffer until she cannot give you what you need. That's why it's good to think about whether she's really a girl you want to take a further step with. And again, I think you would do well to bang some other girls before making that decision.

I still don't get why she's doing it by the way. We're supposed to be over and she's supposed to be with her guy, and I'm supposed to have other women. My guess would be she probably cannot control it.

Yes, she is designed to be attracted to a successful man, and to drive weak men away. It's as simple as that.

I had thought about this, my plan was to honestly throw her out whenever she demanded anything from me. She's the side game to my overall mission of getting amazing with girls. The only reason I'm playing the game with her is cause she gives me something to play with and I feel like I'm strong enough to handle it. And it's a good learning opportunity to finesse my game in such situations. I learned my lessons, I'm not planning to fall for the crap that I fell for before.

This is what I did with my girl, the one where the sex dried up. I kept turning up and taking her to bed and at first we both had fun, but eventually psychologically she knew she had to get away from me because I couldn't give her what she wanted. But she couldn't do it. And that's when the pussy dried up and she lost her spark. I just couldn't make her respond the way she usually did.

If you've never experienced that with a woman, I don't recommend it. It's a horrible feeling. I had to take control of myself and let her go, and it ended up being a very good decision for both of us.

This is beautiful it's exactly what I was planning to change. I realised that 'horse' that I mentioned earlier, the conqueror that wants everything, that I think every man has within himself, is not entirely good. It has a dark side. That insidious part is thirst.

When we are not desiring things, rather, we are thirsting for them, it makes us chase the thing that we thirst after. Which is not bad in all circumstances in my opinion. Thirst can push a man to do great things for his cause.

But with girls thirst can be fatal. Because girls can see right through you, and not give you the very thing that you thirst after so much. And then you're screwed. One must recognise that thirst when it comes and eliminate it from one's thought patterns. And so, be willing to walk away at a moment's notice. That's when one has moved past thirst. The path is set, now to follow it

By the way, this very thing is what Chase said in his article on respect in a relationship. Amazing how some things are universal.

3 Rules to Get Women to Respect You in a Relationship

In "Dating Narcissistic and Egotistical Women," dehjomz asks the following about the decline of respect in a relationship: “The problem I've faced is that I've ended up liking certain girls a great deal, but they have turned out to be selfish, cold, domineering, and narcissistic. But they were...

www.girlschase.com

Absolutely!

I am merely a disciple of Chase seriously though, most of what I know factually about women, I learned from a couple of guys (Chase being one). But of course it's only when you experience something that you can understand the words that explain it. That's why guys have to try everything with girls, going too far in all sorts of directions, so that when they hear something explained they know intuitively why it's true.

If I talk to her she'll just deny everything ahah. We're past talking. It's more primal than that. I must beat her at her own game. If she ever tries to do this kind of stuff again I'll probably chase frame her or just laugh and give her some eye contact. Unless other people have specific ideas.

I wouldn't be too quick to think along those lines. I believe communication is more primal to women than even sex. It has been said that women naturally have a special affinity for the descriptive, they are more turned on by a story about something even more than the thing itself. That's why sweet words work so well, that's why a man can reassert his frame simply by telling a good (if not completely factual) story about himself or why he did something.

But even more than that, if you want her to be happy with you, you have to encourage and enable her to express everything she wants to express to you. That cannot happen when she doesn't respect you, because women typically don't go around expressing negative impressions to men they want to escape from emotionally - it's dangerous. But when she respects you, and you allow her to say things honestly, and you accept whatever reality is in them, and then modify yourself and reframe yourself accordingly, that's when a woman is most useful and constructive to a man. Because you get to have your cake and eat it too - you get to find out exactly what was wrong with you, correct it, and then fuck the messenger

Thanks a lot for your responses Will, definitely fun to bounce ideas and knowledge back and forth

It's a great conversation, I enjoy thinking about and talking about these things.

 

[Skills]

As much as you think is over, is not completely over yet, not enough time has passed, which is why she is seeing if she still have an in (which is what most exes do as i explained was going to happened)... And you are not completely over micro analyzing her interactions with you and the new guy...

 

[Darius]

I'm starting to feel like posting so much about her makes me give her way too much passive attention, ahah.

As I said, I'm more focused on how to improve my skills with women, her or not. My goal here is good game in any situation, which is why I'm over analyzing everything. I seek to completely understand the situation, her behavior and my game. I feel like there is a lot to learn from this - and I have!

I'm meeting other women - got a couple of dates next week, looking forward to posting my first LR. And I am completely fine walking away from my ex if needed, as I should be able to, with any woman. My interactions with her (if there will be more) will be just a test of my capacity to act with reason and class in a situation that completely demolished me in the past.

At the end of the day I also kind of realised that whatever I had with her, I could have just as well had with another woman.

Sure she's special in some ways and it takes time to build a connection as deep as we had, but the things that I really missed were just having her act submissive around me and basically making me her king. I can get that from another girl and develop the same connection level if I want to, it just takes some effort and time.

But that's the reality of my situation. It's like being rich and then losing your money and being poor again. Nobody really can guarantee it won't happen. And when it does, you just pick up the pieces and re-build everything from the bottom up. Except now with the knowledge of why you failed the previous time.

@Will_V I really like that way of thinking about women. One question though -

That means they adapt to who he is - if he's a wimp, she treats him like a wimp, if he has everything in order, she treats him like a hero. Men look at this and think she's playing games, because they project their own reality onto hers, but really she is simply nature's way of saying 'you're doing the right thing' or 'better sort things out quick buddy'.

Yes, she is designed to be attracted to a successful man, and to drive weak men away. It's as simple as that.

What is the definition of success for women? And what is a 'weak' man?

I've never really been able to crack this one up entirely. I don't think it's riches or status. I've seen gorgeous girls with guys whose lives were pretty much dumpster fires economically speaking. I've seen and know rich guys that I scooped up girls from, or that don't get much pussy at all. Same for handsome guys.

Now, I have my stuff in order for the most part, I live in my own place, got some good savings, don't work a lot, party as much as I want, etc. But I'm no millionaire or famous actor (like this guy that my ex is dating).

And I noticed that even with what I have, if I don't have good game and I'm not confident/sexual, girls will drop me like a bag of potatoes. Is game what differentiates weak men from successful men then?

I am merely a disciple of Chase seriously though, most of what I know factually about women, I learned from a couple of guys (Chase being one). But of course it's only when you experience something that you can understand the words that explain it. That's why guys have to try everything with girls, going too far in all sorts of directions, so that when they hear something explained they know intuitively why it's true.

hahaha, sorry if I didn't give you enough credit but seriously, the way people explain things is always great, it's always a new perspective, even if the principle behind it is the same. Plus I never thought the issues were so deeply rooted, they basically go down to the fundamental level of operating my romantic relationships as a man.

Agree that men need to fuck up in order to learn - most of my big realisations came from situations where I messed up.

But even more than that, if you want her to be happy with you, you have to encourage and enable her to express everything she wants to express to you. That cannot happen when she doesn't respect you, because women typically don't go around expressing negative impressions to men they want to escape from emotionally - it's dangerous. But when she respects you, and you allow her to say things honestly, and you accept whatever reality is in them, and then modify yourself and reframe yourself accordingly, that's when a woman is most useful and constructive to a man. Because you get to have your cake and eat it too - you get to find out exactly what was wrong with you, correct it, and then fuck the messenger

This is gold. I think all my issues with her arose from the fact that I was not willing to accept the reality of her words when communicating with her. Of course, there's also a matter of not taking what girls say at face value. I think there's a balance to be struck there.

 

[Will_V]

What is the definition of success for women? And what is a 'weak' man?

I've never really been able to crack this one up entirely. I don't think it's riches or status. I've seen gorgeous girls with guys whose lives were pretty much dumpster fires economically speaking. I've seen and know rich guys that I scooped up girls from, or that don't get much pussy at all. Same for handsome guys.

Frame.

The things you want might as well already be yours.

The things you don't want or care about, might as well not even exist.

Reality does not apply to you. You can make anything happen from sheer force of will.

You can be put in any situation, be deprived of anything and you will eventually take it all back and more.

You can face any risk as if it's nothing, endure any pain for as long as it takes, and if someone finds your corpse somewhere, it will have a smile on its face.

You're a winner, on the way to your destiny, and she's just a lucky spectator to what is about to unfold. She can get on board now, or regret it forever.

And if she comes home tonight, she'll know what it feels like to get fucked by a kind of man she has never, and will never meet again.