Rejection Therapy journal

[Higher]

what I ideally want to get to is a place where I can maintain and energy and presence of calmness, warmth and dominance in these situations... that is going to take a bunch more practice!

Yeah man, you'll get there.

Were these direct approaches?

 

[ZenRising]

Thanks @Higher.. yes indeed, just direct approaches introducing myself and kicking off a conversation... I've mostly just been approaching and talking to women in public spaces, but so far I haven't been transitioning to asking for their numbers or dates, though, and that is (obviously) something I need to change... I guess I've just been warming up after a long time out of practice...

I made two approaches yesterday, both to women I wasn't really attracted to.. I just wanted to keep the momentum and also get more into the rhythm of just talking to everyone, rather than desperately seeking out hot women and making them special in my mind... both approaches resulted in friendly conversations, though the second one was a bit stilted.... made another approch down by the beach today. She looked very attractive from a distance, but not so much when I got closer, but I decided to go through with it and wound up having a good chat about life the universe and everything... we traded Instagram contact, but I doubt I'll pursue it...

• Approaches so far: 11
• Rejections: 4

Today felt better on frame control.. I'd say a 5 out of 10 for warmth/calmness/dominance... still a long way to go to really integrate and embody that frame completely, but getting better

 

[ZenRising]

Uf! Just realised I haven't posted since Friday... need to keep this more consistent... anyhoo.... I made two approaches today. The first was an attractive (albei slightly plum) latina woman in the park. She was very friendly and chatty, but let me know she was married... The second a gorgeous Ukranian woman. It was one of those situations where I approached but once I got right up close to her I realised she was way too youn (I'd say around 20)... she told me she had a boyfriend right away, but was also friendly... so in both cases I technically got rejected, but as they were polite and relaxed in both situations I'm not thinking of them as rejections for the pusposes of my journal here... my goal is to get over the fear of rejection, and it's the women who outright reject me or refuse to engage that really 'feel' like rejections...

Today felt better, again, on frame control ... I was fairly comfortable and relaxed throughout, which felt like important progress

 

[Casanova Newhouse]

Uf! Just realised I haven't posted since Friday... need to keep this more consistent... anyhoo.... I made two approaches today. The first was an attractive (albei slightly plum) latina woman in the park. She was very friendly and chatty, but let me know she was married... The second a gorgeous Ukranian woman. It was one of those situations where I approached but once I got right up close to her I realised she was way too youn (I'd say around 20)... she told me she had a boyfriend right away, but was also friendly... so in both cases I technically got rejected, but as they were polite and relaxed in both situations I'm not thinking of them as rejections for the pusposes of my journal here... my goal is to get over the fear of rejection, and it's the women who outright reject me or refuse to engage that really 'feel' like rejections...

Today felt better, again, on frame control ... I was fairly comfortable and relaxed throughout, which felt like important progress

Nice job getting out there and getting after it!

 

[ZenRising]

Well today was one of those frustrating days... I carved out an hour from work to go out an make some approaches, but I just couldn't seem to pull the trigger... admittedly there seemed to be a real lack of attractive women around - unusual for this city, as there's generally a lot... but that shouldn't stop me.. not every woman I approach has to be a stunner (and by only approaching the really hot ones I reaffirm power hierarchies in my mind that are counterproductive)... I hate this feeling of failure I get when I intend to approach and bitch out or just fail to do so... if I can't see someone I'm really attracted to, well, approach some average-looking women to keep in practice!

 

[Casanova Newhouse]

Well today was one of those frustrating days... I carved out an hour from work to go out an make some approaches, but I just couldn't seem to pull the trigger... admittedly there seemed to be a real lack of attractive women around - unusual for this city, as there's generally a lot... but that shouldn't stop me.. not every woman I approach has to be a stunner (and by only approaching the really hot ones I reaffirm power hierarchies in my mind that are counterproductive)... I hate this feeling of failure I get when I intend to approach and bitch out or just fail to do so... if I can't see someone I'm really attracted to, well, approach some average-looking women to keep in practice!

It’s hard to manage your internal state. Right now mine goes up and down depending upon every interaction. It’s very hard to find equilibrium. In fact it’s the work of a lifetime.

 

[gameboy]

Yeah I have lots of days where I just don't see any women I find attractive enough to bother approaching... Or they are all too young for me, with their moms/boyfriends/families or whatever.

I just can't be bothered to be chatting up women that aren't doing it for me. Feels like wasting time that I could be using to find more interesting girls.

 

[Casanova Newhouse]

Yeah I have lots of days where I just don't see any women I find attractive enough to bother approaching... Or they are all too young for me, with their moms/boyfriends/families or whatever.

I just can't be bothered to be chatting up women that aren't doing it for me. Feels like wasting time that I could be using to find more interesting girls.

I hear you brother. I’m the same. Still, I think chatting up everyone, young and old beautiful and ugly pays dividends. I think it broadens our humanity and makes us more interesting as we become more interested. At least that’s what I’m gonna try telling myself.

 

[gameboy]

I hear you brother. I’m the same. Still, I think chatting up everyone, young and old beautiful and ugly pays dividends.

Sure, me too I'm happy to chat and be friendly with waiters, store clerks or random strangers I come across. But as for cold approaching I prefer to be picky.

 

[ZenRising]

I think chatting up everyone, young and old beautiful and ugly pays dividends. I think it broadens our humanity and makes us more interesting as we become more interested. At least that’s what I’m gonna try telling myself.

I totally agree with this... I know in reality I still find it very difficult to motivate myself to approach and talk to a woman I'm not especially attracted to... but I also recognise that part of this whole process is to stop putting those 'hot' women on a pedastal and learn to think of everyone I meet as just another human being who I'm interested to get to know...

Today was another frustrating one for me... slightly limited by (a) a lot of muscle pain due to trying astanga yoga for the first time last night, and (b) crappy weather meaning there were not so many people on the street.... anyhooo, I did get out for an hour with the aim of making some approaches, but didn't make any in the end... annoyed with myself, but it's all grist for the mill to get me into action tomorrow...

 

[ZenRising]

Just one approach yesterday.. a cute punky type girl at the beach.. it was interesting,, I approached and after a few sentences back and forth she just calmly but firmly told me 'I'm not interested'.. it was a little harsh, but that's totally her perogative and those kind of clear rejections are precisely what I need to experience in order to conquer my fear... I was also impressed with how cool and composed she was with it... no anger or anxiety - just calm, polite and firm... if I could go back I'd actually compliment her on it!

Today I made two approaches at a bar... neither of them very promising (I wasn't really attracted to either, to be honest, but wanted to keep momentum going).... both were friendly and chatty though, and I at least had an interesting conversation with one of them... ho hum...

• Approaches so far: 14
• Rejections: 5

 

[ZenRising]

uff.. I haven't posted here in a few days, which is a sign I've been absorbed in other stuff.. Work completely took over this week, and I'm annoyed with myself because when I allow myself to lose momentum, it's not always immediate to pick it up again.. and such was the case today: I went out for a walk this evening and my old friend approach anxiety had apprently moved back in... I saw at least four different attractive women walking around, but couldn't seem to pull the trigger and approach any of them... aaaaagh!!!... ok, I'm getting back out there tomorrow and breaking through this...

 

[gameboy]

Same here! Haven't approached in a number of days, and getting rusty... had a great opportunity today with that mall cashier girl but I didn't even realize it until much later!

 

[Police dog]

Haha, good stuff. Might be sort of reverse psychology when you nudge a girl to reject you because this is what you are after but end up getting the girl

 

[ZenRising]

Hi there peeps. So I completed my little assignment of going out alone on Saturday night... first time I've done that in quite a few years... main lesson learned is that, if I'm going to meet quality women I'm going to have to go out in other neighbourhoods(!)... I went to three bars near where I live but they were all pretty dead... I'm going to look into what live music venues there are around the city I live in - I figure that if I'm going to go out alone more regularly, I might as well take in some performances as well...

Last night wasn't bad... I struck up three different conversations with women who were out with groups of friends... I really wasn't attracted to any of them though, which (a) makes it much easier, as not feeling of vulnerbaility (and hence not much growth), and (b) well, doesn't land me with any numbers I actually want to use...

Today I was jsut hanging out with an old friend... the 'daygame cold approach' continues to elude me, but I'm going to try to make it happen again tomorrow... while riding across town on my motorcycle, I saw two gorgeous women sitting together in a cafe... I could have just pulled over and walked over to say 'hi'... hesitation defeated me, but that's something I want to be able to do... years ago in my early 30s, when I was in to the PUA scene and ballsier than I apparently am now, I did that several times... see a beautiful woman, and just stop the bike, pull off my helmet and say 'I know this is crazy but....'... and it worked a charm (not very time, but more than once!)... the big crazy gesture appeals to some women in a big way I guess..

Anyway, feels like the weekend was not a total loss, but didn't make as much progress as I might have liked...

 

[Casanova Newhouse]

Mad props brother! I love the idea of seeking out live music venues for solo outings. Absolutely great way to open -- and if anyone asks you where are your friends, you can tell them they aren't fans. It makes you seem more sophisticated and discerning (unless it's a GG Allen tribute band or something) and creates a bond through the fanship.

I'm going to start doing that myself. There's a lot of great music nearby, as I just posted in my journal, and it would be shame to miss out because my friends are lame.

 

[JT Sunshine]

Hi there peeps. So I completed my little assignment of going out alone on Saturday night... first time I've done that in quite a few years... main lesson learned is that, if I'm going to meet quality women I'm going to have to go out in other neighbourhoods(!)... I went to three bars near where I live but they were all pretty dead... I'm going to look into what live music venues there are around the city I live in - I figure that if I'm going to go out alone more regularly, I might as well take in some performances as well...

Last night wasn't bad... I struck up three different conversations with women who were out with groups of friends... I really wasn't attracted to any of them though, which (a) makes it much easier, as not feeling of vulnerbaility (and hence not much growth), and (b) well, doesn't land me with any numbers I actually want to use...

Today I was jsut hanging out with an old friend... the 'daygame cold approach' continues to elude me, but I'm going to try to make it happen again tomorrow... while riding across town on my motorcycle, I saw two gorgeous women sitting together in a cafe... I could have just pulled over and walked over to say 'hi'... hesitation defeated me, but that's something I want to be able to do... years ago in my early 30s, when I was in to the PUA scene and ballsier than I apparently am now, I did that several times... see a beautiful woman, and just stop the bike, pull off my helmet and say 'I know this is crazy but....'... and it worked a charm (not very time, but more than once!)... the big crazy gesture appeals to some women in a big way I guess..

Anyway, feels like the weekend was not a total loss, but didn't make as much progress as I might have liked...

Definitely not a total loss! Good on you for going out solo.

I haven’t tried going to a live music performance solo in years but that sounds like a great idea! Can’t wait to hear how it goes if you do

 

[ZenRising]

Thanks @JT Sunshine ... yeah, I like live music and there's more of a sane rationale for being there on your own... well, it feels more 'normal' to me than just being alone at a bar... I know the heart of the challege for me, though, is to really get over the approval dependence within me, so in a way it's actually a good exercise to go out solo to any venue...

 

[ZenRising]

Hi there peeps... Had a weird day today. I had a lot of anxiety all morning - it was a weird phsyical sort of anxiety - I suspect down to me eating a load of sugar last night... that tends to screw me up. SItting in a cafe doing some work and this stunning bloden comes and sits opposite me. In my stupid anxious state I couldn't seem to start the conversation, so I wound up chatting up the unattractive woman sitting next to me instead... this is not the kind of victory I want to be reporting on this journal(!), but I'm keeping myself accountable and that's what happened... it's also a reminder of the way I still fall prey to putting the really attractive women on a pedestal on some level... talking to the unattractive woman shouldn't feel so much easier than talking to the hot one...

I was also slightly thrown by a lot of conflict going on at work at the moment, which doesn't make for comfortable practice.. that said, I know the key is to just 'keep on starting', so tomorrow I'll aim to make more approaches and do better...

 

[Casanova Newhouse]

That frustration of not being able to do what you know you should be doing is all-too-common for me.

The only thing I will add is this: if you were to have approached the hot blonde after her witnessing you chatting the unattractive one, I guarantee she would have been receptive. She was probably hoping you would.

As far as developing a mindset -- I have/had a lot of sisters (RIP my favorite ). Treat all women, especially the hottest, as your bratty kid sister, can work wonders. Girls love a boy who knows how to tease.

(Please take this with a grain of salt -- I'm trying to convince myself as much as you.)