Relationship advice

[Net]

I hope i can get some advice of a girl I've dating for the past month. Last week she wanted me too define our relationship. Which I told her I would think about since it's too soon. She wanted me to stop by on New Years at 1 for her New Years kiss. I told her I was to drunk to drive and stop by later on the 1st. Which she replied "maybe you will maybe you won't" so I texted her at 8am "good morning what's a good time to stop by for that kiss" she usually follows my lead in texteng back in 20 minutes to an hour but that day she didn't reply until 8 hrs. She said "relax your still good" she probably thought I was Stressing. Today on the 2nd I te texted her in the morning "how's your day going" and she's playing the silent treatment again.

I'm assuming she's trying to make it clear I can lose her what should be my next move any suggestions? I'm thing of not texting until she texts me first.

 

[Seppuku]

Hey man,

she owns the frame, and you submitted to her frame.

Think about what is implied in this sentence:

She wanted me to stop by on New Years at 1 for her New Years kiss

She is painting herself as higher status than you, like she's the Queen, she wishes (or more demands) you to come to her and give her the kiss, like if you owe it to her, like it's her due. In doing so, she pushes you down in the subservient good boy position.

You didn't comply to her request, but for legitimate reasons (you're too drunk) - not because you rejected her frame. Then in the morning, you completely bowed to the request "what's a good time for that kiss?". Doing so, you acknowledge her higher status and put yourself below her.

No wonder that she became distant afterwards.

I was thinking about how to best deflect this, and I came with two possible answers.

Her: Hey can you pass by and give me this New Year's kiss, please
You: No. (No explanation provided)

Or

Her: Hey can you pass by and give me this New Year's kiss, please
You. Yeah, maybe. Or not.

Interestingly, she replied "maybe you will maybe you won't", which is nearly my answer 2. She was actually suggesting you how you should have handled this.

Framing is extremely subtle, and girls do it all the time, quite naturally, without even thinking about it. You need to learn to recognize these frames on the spot, and deflect them. So many of us (and me, before) engage and submit naively into these frames, without even being aware of them. This is the death of the interaction with her, sooner or later.

Cheers,
Seppuku

 

[Net]

Thanks your completely right I didn't catch that frame. I was drunk and didn't see it. She did text me back the next day

her "relax your good. I had a family emergency and was in the hospital"

Me "ok don't worry it was only a kiss"

Her "I miss you"

Me "let's go out when are you free"

Her "I'll be in the hospital visiting my niece after work. Let's do Friday or Saturday"

I didn't confirm until yesterday for Friday. She literally replied a minute later with a blush smiley face emoji and the word deal.

I've been treating her like I don't care for the past month I only failed on New Year's Eve.

I'm still rusty but thanks for pointing out the frame

 

[Seppuku]

OK glad that it makes sense.

Note that "relax, you're good" is also more or less the same frame.

Would be nice to reverse the frame if you can. You're the King. She'll come to give you your NY kiss (or blowjob lol). She didn't answer in a timely manner but relax, she's still good. You see the idea.

Cheers man,
Seppuku

 

[Net]

Well she ended up canceling she gave no reason and I didn't ask for one. I feel like testing the situation with a text in 2 or 3 days. And then going silent depending on her response.