Special Girl Relationships fundamentals part 2: Female psychology on SEX vs. Male psychology on CONNECTION Repost featuring newman/irish asshole

[Skills]

Background story: Alright guys, since a lot of you never had access to nextasf, and is now gone.... I will show you something that is extremely important this is based on a post by pure evil rip, who was at the time one of the top posters on Nextasf and my favorite poster, however, the writer is rip seducer called Newman that then change his name to Irish asshole (good friend inconsistent seducer who struggled a lot though he was playing in a band) took and listen to pure evil in a post he made in masf, took the insights applied it, got an epiphany and shared it....

The reason i am meaning to re-post this for a long time is that you usually constantly get a post like this or like this over and over and over and over and over, there are more i just did not have the patience to look for them....

Guys if you want to get value I also recommend you read part 1 here

Disclaimer.- Since masf is already gone i have to guesstimate what he read from another seducer called 60yoc (his book is one of the ones i recommend for loud clubs, and sexual micro escalations and is a must) and i speculated what he was trying to say based on my knowledge of 60yoc....


Here is it By NEWMAN then changed name to IRISH ASSHOLE:


"The importance of sex quickly at the start of a relationship is not obvious to the average guy. Let me explain:

When I first joined this community about 2 or 3 years ago, I was looking for "How to get good with women". I WAS NOT looking for "How to get laid". That may sound weird to some of you, and it may make complete sense to others. Pre-community, I didn't really have many cock-in-pussy sexual relationships...I had lots of makeouts, titty grabs, a few mouths on my penis, and a few fingers in a vagina here and there, but had only had actual dick-in-pussy sex with 3 women before I had a very long-term LTR, who was my 4th. When I got out of that relationship, I wanted to know "how to get good with women again", and be just like I was back when I was a teenager. I was quite shocked to find that all the information I was finding out there had such a HUGE EMPHASIS on GETTING LAID. I honestly just didn't get it, as just going out and fucking chicks was not really my goal.

There have been occassions both before my LTR, during my LTR, and after my LTR that I have met "such a great girl"....one that's so cool, cute, fun, awesome, etc...and my "game" was to try and connect with her - make her laugh, be friends with her, let her know how awesome and cool I was, etc... but none of the things I would do with these girls actually involved me trying to FUCK THEM....kiss them maybe, but not rip their clothes off and fuck them. Like I said, I really wasn't that concerned with having sex with them ASAP. My thoughts were that just having said cool girl interested in me, and hanging out with me, was awesome. I didn't really care about the "sexual part of the relationship"....at least, it wasn't my first priority. In fact, my LTR that I'm referring to was a virgin when I was first with her, and I think it was something like 6 months until I finally had sex with her. It wasn't because I was scared or anything, it's just because I assumed that because she was a virgin, she wasn't interested in sex yet. Sounds super gay, I know....but it just wasn't a concern of mine really...I just thought she was a cool ass chick. When we finally fucked for the first time, it was because my buddy came up to me and said "Dude your girl is drunk as shit...she was just talking about how horny she is, and she wants TONIGHT to be the night that she loses her virginity. Go tear that shit up dude." I was like, "Alright cool..." Then I fucked her like 4 times that night, and it was awesome! But that was back when we were teenagers, and sex was still pretty new.

As an adult that's not how it works, but many guys don't grow up out of that same type of thinking. I see it all the time, everyday, and because of being here for a few years, it's clear as day that guys are going about it the wrong way. I believe that what I just described above is typical "Male AFC thinking".

A male AFC, who has matured into an adult, may not necessarily understand that sex is VERY IMPORTANT to a relationship. The reason he may not understand it is because he doesn't understand how women work....

Don't get me wrong, I am not claiming to be an expert at female psychology by any means, but I do understand this. I'm assuming that there are many other men out there, that are unaware of what we talk about here in the community, that think exactly the same way as I am talking about in the first few paragraphs of this post. I believe many men meet a girl, think that she is super hot/cute, and if she happens to be pretty cool...then he may attempt to build a connection with her, but may not attempt to fuck her ASAP because he doesn't want to move too quickly and risk "screwing it up". But by moving too slowly, he is actually doing more damage. An average guy will typically think like this. I know, because I used to be one of them.

He may want to fuck her too....he may think that would be really awesome, but that may not be his primary goal. He may be more concerned with just getting her to like him, and hanging out with her often, and then maybe as the "relationship" progresses, sex will eventually happen.

This "not caring so much about the sex" thing, and "caring more about 'connecting' with the dream girl" can happen on several levels. Some guys may completely not give a shit about when the sex will happen, like how I was with my LTR which I described above. Some guys may secretly be waiting for the big day when the magic happens (these guys are the ones who get friend zoned). Some guys will push for it sooner (the horny-ass motherfuckers, most with shitty game). And some guys will get it when they so choose (the players, naturals, PUAs, whatever you wanna call them)....whatever....Every guy is different, but many AFC's seem to have similar beliefs that sex is not that huge of a part of a relationship.

The important point I'm trying to make with this post is that in our adult lives, TO WOMEN SEX IS THE #1 MOST IMPORTANT THING TO STARTING A RELATIOSHIP.

I didn't immediately get this when I first found out about the community....I didn't get it at all actually. I was going on with my adolescent male minded beliefs that I wanted to be really good with women, and I just wanted to have a relationship with them, but I wasn't really concerned with how to get into her pants.

What I've came to accept as truth through a mix of lots of reading and a decent amount of experience with new girls, is that the way to a girls heart is THROUGH SEX. This may be old news to many of you, and it's pretty much old news to me too at this point, but after reading that post I linked to, it reminded me of the days when I used to occassionally run into "my perfect woman" but never fucked them.

I'm still like this today....sex really isn't THAT important to me. However, having females in my life IS very important to me. Having COOL females in my life is even more important to me. Knowing this, I now use my little bit of knowledge on female psychology to control a women's emotions in order to get her to feel for me what I do for her. I do this by FUCKING HER. That is the way to truly get a woman interested and invested in you - fuck her, and fuck her damn good!!!

Like I said, sex is not, and never was the end goal for me....getting the girl to be all about me, and realize how cool I am, and win her heart, and what not is the end goal for me when it comes to women. There is only one way to do that - fuck them. I have to stick my cock into their pussy in order to get what I want from them. The sex is WAY more important to THE WOMAN then it is to me. That's cool...I understand that now, and I use that knowledge to get what I want.

This makes the following points make a lot of sense:

- why women go for "jerks" that just try to fuck them, and not the "nice guys" that don't
- why the whole community is based around getting laid
- why every FB rule, mLTR rule, LTR rule, etc... is based on GIVING GREAT SEX and lots of orgasms
- why "game" is about controlling a woman's emotions, but really controlling her emotions = getting her wet and then fucking her
- Women are much more likely to get into a relationship with a guy they are fucking rather then some guy that they are not yet


I remember back in the day a poster on mASF named Pureevil wrote about this (edit by skills link no longer working, but is basically talking about the need to put a "dick in pussy" as a priority vs connection and then dick in pussy... (me speculating based on my friendship with pureevil).

It was the first time I had ever really heard of such a thing. Apparently he was initially like I was (doing things backwards), and he figured it out that in order to really "get the girl" you have to fuck her first.

60yearsofChallenge also wrote about the same topic here on mASF:

Edit by skills this is what i have to speculate based on my knowledge of 60, i believe need #2 is female affection, relationship and companionship that a lot of guys need, even a majority of seducers are like this...... I assume need #1 is sex.

So for the entire time, before I knew of the community, I was seeking "Need 2" more then "Need 1" as 60 put it. In all honesty, I still seek the same thing....not that I don't like sex, but it's just really not a huge priority for me. I have tons of fun nights when I'm out hanging around lots of hot women....even if I don't get laid, I still have a blast.

However, if there is any particular girl that I am interested in, and I want her to supply me with what I want (her emotional investment in me), then I have to fuck her first.....again, not like it's such a bad thing that I have to fuck a hot pussy, but it's basically a requirement if I want her "feminine energy" given to me.

Practical application of this idea is pretty simple, yet very empowering:

Having the belief that any girl that shows the slightest bit of interest in you is basically offering you 2 options: Either fuck her if you want her, or don't fuck her if you are not interested in her. Even if you are like me, and enjoy the emotional investment of a hot, cool girl more then the actual sex, it doesn't matter....because you will get BOTH as soon as you fuck her, and fuck her good! If you don't fuck her, then you get NEITHER.

So basically when guys take girls on dates, and do lots of nice things for her, and try to really build a solid connection, rather then just trying to fuck her ASAP, it's going in the complete wrong direction...even if you just are interested in "taking things slow because she's a really cool girl, and you don't want to risk fucking it up". You're fucking it up, but NOT trying to fuck her.

To all the veterans of the community, this is probably old news, but every new girl that gets completely hooked on me causes me to understand this concept more and more"

 

[Marty]

What a terrific copypasta, @Skills, thank you so much for directing me to it! It almost feels as if this was written specifically for me.

I was looking for "How to get good with women". I WAS NOT looking for "How to get laid".

I was quite shocked to find that all the information I was finding out there had such a HUGE EMPHASIS on GETTING LAID.

My feelings precisely. From when I first stumbled upon SoSuave in my early thirties, and stopped a young woman outside a metro station and asked for her email (lol), through when I started reading the Girls Chase site in 2013 and posting my learning experiences on this forum, to the present day, it has been almost incomprehensible to me why there is such an emphasis on sex.

Of course, sleeping with another attractive woman would be a nice bonus, but it certainly wasn't my primary motivation for seeking out instruction in the crimson arts. After all, I enjoy sex within relationships—crucially, with women who are "in tune" with me physically already, not fumbling around for the first time together when you don't yet really know each other, which isn't usually very good.

I honestly just didn't get it, as just going out and fucking chicks was not really my goal.

You took the words right out of my mouth.

A male AFC, who has matured into an adult, may not necessarily understand that sex is VERY IMPORTANT to a relationship.

Of course I understand that sex is very important to a relationship, and I often discuss it with my partners and make sure that their needs are being met. That's not the point. What confused me, as well as "Irish Asshole", presumably, the author of this copypasta, is that the information on seduction sites has an emphasis on sex before the relationship even starts.

In Chase's One Date product, I recently watched again Lesson 6, "Post-Sex Retention". In the room, with @Chase and @Hector Papi Castillo, is an attractive, slim, young-looking Romanian brunette. At 01:00, Chase asks her, "Maybe you don't need sex to consider yourself boyfriend and girlfriend?" to which she immediately responds "No, you need sex." It was a little incongruous to me to hear such knowing, almost jaded words come from the mouth of a person with all the outer indicators of youth.

He may want to fuck her too....he may think that would be really awesome, but that may not be his primary goal. He may be more concerned with just getting her to like him, and hanging out with her often, and then maybe as the "relationship" progresses, sex will eventually happen.

This is actually a pretty accurate description of my current mindset. Are we saying that this is unhelpful to my progress?

TO WOMEN SEX IS THE #1 MOST IMPORTANT THING TO STARTING A RELATIONSHIP.

What I've came to accept as truth through a mix of lots of reading and a decent amount of experience with new girls, is that the way to a girls heart is THROUGH SEX.

That's very interesting: and all the more so, because it is not at all what the half-dozen women I've been in serious, lasting relationships with have told me.

Are they all lying?

It would certainly explain a lot of things. It can't be for nothing that hordes of young women go out to venues where they are practically guaranteed to be pestered by innumerable aggressive men, to practically all of whom they say "no". It might also, for example, be a reason that I see ladies going by every day in heeled shoes, nylons, and tight skirts, and stare at them, only to receive a "resting bitch-face" scowl in return. From their facial expression, I can see that there is something going on in those pretty little heads, though I have no idea what exactly.

The sex is WAY more important to THE WOMAN than it is to me.

Interesting.

Having the belief that any girl that shows the slightest bit of interest in you is basically offering you 2 options: Either fuck her if you want her, or don't fuck her if you are not interested in her.

Are you serious?

this is probably old news

Certainly not old news to me, but it does go some way to explaining the difference in emphasis between the materials I read here and the priorities I actually have.

As an adult that's not how it works, but many guys don't grow up out of that same type of thinking.

This was the only part I didn't understand. Not how what works? I scarcely think that I am "not an adult" or "haven't grown up". What?

Thanks again, @Skills, this has given me some food for thought and I might read around the subject elsewhere a little and see if I can find some tips for practical application.

 

[Skills]

What a terrific copypasta, @Skills, thank you so much for directing me to it! It almost feels as if this was written specifically for me.



My feelings precisely. From when I first stumbled upon SoSuave in my early thirties, and stopped a young woman outside a metro station and asked for her email (lol), through when I started reading the Girls Chase site in 2013 and posting my learning experiences on this forum, to the present day, it has been almost incomprehensible to me why there is such an emphasis on sex.

Of course, sleeping with another attractive woman would be a nice bonus, but it certainly wasn't my primary motivation for seeking out instruction in the crimson arts. After all, I enjoy sex within relationships—crucially, with women who are "in tune" with me physically already, not fumbling around for the first time together when you don't yet really know each other, which isn't usually very good.


You took the words right out of my mouth.


Of course I understand that sex is very important to a relationship, and I often discuss it with my partners and make sure that their needs are being met. That's not the point. What confused me, as well as "Irish Asshole", presumably, the author of this copypasta, is that the information on seduction sites has an emphasis on sex before the relationship even starts.

In Chase's One Date product, I recently watched again Lesson 6, "Post-Sex Retention". In the room, with @Chase and @Hector Papi Castillo, is an attractive, slim, young-looking Romanian brunette. At 01:00, Chase asks her, "Maybe you don't need sex to consider yourself boyfriend and girlfriend?" to which she immediately responds "No, you need sex." It was a little incongruous to me to hear such knowing, almost jaded words come from the mouth of a person with all the outer indicators of youth.


This is actually a pretty accurate description of my current mindset. Are we saying that this is unhelpful to my progress?



That's very interesting: and all the more so, because it is not at all what the half-dozen women I've been in serious, lasting relationships with have told me.

Are they all lying?

It would certainly explain a lot of things. It can't be for nothing that hordes of young women go out to venues where they are practically guaranteed to be pestered by innumerable aggressive men, to practically all of whom they say "no". It might also, for example, be a reason that I see ladies going by every day in heeled shoes, nylons, and tight skirts, and stare at them, only to receive a "resting bitch-face" scowl in return. From their facial expression, I can see that there is something going on in those pretty little heads, though I have no idea what exactly.


Interesting.


Are you serious?


Certainly not old news to me, but it does go some way to explaining the difference in emphasis between the materials I read here and the priorities I actually have.


This was the only part I didn't understand. Not how what works? I scarcely think that I am "not an adult" or "haven't grown up". What?

Thanks again, @Skills, this has given me some food for thought and I might read around the subject elsewhere a little and see if I can find some tips for practical application.

obviously certain seductions mindsets help you with seduction though they are exaggerated hyperbole:

- i am enough
- All women want me
-girls that show you interest and you are attracted fuck them if you want her don't fuck them if you don't want them...

^ just mindsets that help with seduction, no that deep and obviously exaggerated...

 

[Chase]

What I've came to accept as truth through a mix of lots of reading and a decent amount of experience with new girls, is that the way to a girls heart is THROUGH SEX. This may be old news to many of you, and it's pretty much old news to me too at this point, but after reading that post I linked to, it reminded me of the days when I used to occassionally run into "my perfect woman" but never fucked them.

You know the old saying:

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. The way to a woman's heart is through her vagina.

@Marty,

That's very interesting: and all the more so, because it is not at all what the half-dozen women I've been in serious, lasting relationships with have told me.

Are they all lying?

It's not lying.

It's lack of self-awareness / competing mental objectives in answering you.

Just as a woman cannot tell you what to do to seduce her (and anything she does tell you will probably actually turn her off), she also cannot tell you how to make her fall in love.

She certainly is not going to tell you,

"Well, you know, Marty, I need variable emotions. I need to feel very angry and frustrated at you sometimes. I need to worry that another woman might steal you away, at least a little bit. I need to feel pride in you because you are MY MAN and you are such an obvious winner in this way or that. And I also need you to just fuck me until I can't stand straight. REGULARLY!"

No woman is ever going to tell you that because that'll make you start acting like a bad boy more and she'll lose security.

She will fall in love more, but she will lose security.

When you ask people for advice on how to behave toward them, they will tend to advise you to do whatever will lead to them feeling safer and more secure.

Love is a feeling of being out of control.

Everyone will always try to have more control over the important people and things in his life.

If you ask her, "How can I make you feel more out of control with me?" she is going to answer you with, "Here is what you can do so I feel safer and more in control with you," even if deep down she knows that does not answer your question, because her answer advances her interests, as she sees them.

Chase

 

[Marty]

- i am enough
- All women want me
-girls that show you interest and you are attracted fuck them if you want her don't fuck them if you don't want them...

Thank you again @Skills, the third makes sense now in the context of the first and second. I have been enjoying your recent podcast interview with Chase, by the way.

She certainly is not going to tell you,

"Well, you know, Marty, I need variable emotions. I need to feel very angry and frustrated at you sometimes. I need to worry that another woman might steal you away, at least a little bit. I need to feel pride in you because you are MY MAN and you are such an obvious winner in this way or that. And I also need you to just fuck me until I can't stand straight. REGULARLY!"

Haha thank you so much @Chase, as ever a humorous explanation to help it sink it better!

If I may, I have a couple follow-up questions on "objection handling":

1. How do I counter the "I'm not that type of girl" / "You men just want one thing" obstacle? Given what you just said above, I'm guessing that "Well actually it's YOU that needs it to feel more attached" is not going to cut it How do you normally deal with this seeming contradiction in what actually works versus what she thinks she needs? A common objection I get when inviting a woman home is "Why?" / "What for?" etc., the implication apparently being, "We've just had a nice dinner, why do we need to go to your apartment now?"
2. With the over-35 crowd, how do I handle the "How dare you ask me for a casual liaison at my age?" retort? Typically I walk away at that point, but is there a way of persisting?

Thanks again
-Marty