Requests for gifts upfront

[gameboy]

You came off way too eager in that example. She sends a one liner and you reply with a huge paragraph including compliments and stuff. I'd just send a few photos and say "your turn" .

That said, the thing with the "bouquet of flowers" is weird. I've never come across something like that, no idea why girls would say this to you.

 

[Marty]

Brah! Facepalm, you didn't get the point

Skills, I’ve now read some of the stuff on your site, and I’ve watched a couple videos on your ‘Dance Floor’ YouTube page, and having seen your face and listened to your voice I understand a bit better where you’re coming from. Sorry if we weren’t on the same wavelength at the start.

You’re quite right, I didn’t get the point. Would you mind making it again, please?

Thank you
Marty

 

[Tryst]

Man you're too tryhard. This problem you face here is in fact only a particular manifestation of a far more general problem. I just read your last two FRs, and, funnily enough, the way you write on this forum is the same way you write to women - awkward, trying too hard, and lacking concision.

Marty: Good day Maria, I very much like how the long black polka-dot dress, which you photographed yourself in the mirror wearing, lies on your figure. The red bolero and heels make a great combination with it too. I will be happy to meet you. -Marty

This opening message translates very nicely into English as:

please fuck me please fuck me please fuck me please please please

Seriously. First of all, who uses "good day" to begin a flirty interaction? It is inappropriate and socially uncalibrated. It does not make sense. It is like me emailing my boss and addressing him with "Hi you fucker." You might think it shows off some erudite and refined persona, but it does not. All it shows is a lack of social skills. By the way, I actually do use "good day" often enough when I speak English, and I use it with girls I'm intimate or hoping to be intimate with, but when I use it, I'm not tryharding.

Can you explain to us what the rest of the opener is designed to accomplish? Does it paint you as a high-value, fun, attractive guy? Does it show you that you're chill, and not weirdly invested in some girl you have exchanged 0 (zero) messages with? Does it come off as maybe just a little slavering at the mouth? Signing off with your name, by the way, has the same effect as "good day". Just totally out of place and out of touch.

How can we blame this girl for thinking you're an easy mark? The only thing you've told her is that you're an older man who doesn't understand how things work. It would be easy to take advantage of you. In your last FR, you did buy a woman gifts (but less than 100 euros, so not a lot, right?). Why did you do that, by the way?

Your writing on this forum feels as if it's been smashed with a poorly understood thesaurus, and your texting has the same tryhard pseudo-gentleman niceguy reddit vibe. Girls are sensitive to this. They can see the character you're trying to play, they're not impressed by it, they're not attracted to it, and they only see you as a simp.

It seems to me that you are playing a character, on this forum, and to the women. Your trying is plainly visible, and with girls, trying is the last thing you want to be noticed doing.

You will probably read the above and think "wtf no I'm not tryharding; this is just how I speak", but your writing just doesn't feel natural. It just seems like forced erudition. I know that this message will come off as harsh; I don't mean it so. You can learn to calibrate to what is acceptable, and then, no doubt, women will love the personality you have and the interests that come with it.


By the way, just on your Botticelli FR, is it normal to text someone off a dating app in Russian and use the V form? In French you would always tu someone from an app like that, and vous could only ever be used ironically. It would be totally inappropriate to vous otherwise. Are you making this mistake in Russian, perhaps? (also don't ask for permission to advance the relationship by using tu, just use it and see if she accepts. Let's not pretend we're in the 1700s; girls don't like it. This is just part of the tryhard gentleman poet reddit theme.)

Oh, by the way, in answer to your actual question, treat a request for gifts as a shit test.

- Tryst

Perhaps I oughtn't buy that gift
I'll be no longer easy grift

 

[Marty]

Tryst, thanks so much, not only for taking the time to write a detailed response, but also for reviewing a couple of my Field Reports.

This problem you face here is in fact only a particular manifestation of a far more general problem. I just read your last two FRs, and, funnily enough, the way you write on this forum is the same way you write to women - awkward, trying too hard, and lacking concision.

I agree that the written word doesn't serve me best. Do you think that I'd be better off back in cold approach, as in my earlier Field Reports, for example this one, which led to a very satisfying date? The only issue I had with day-game was that very many women I approached replied that they were married or long-term committed, while on the apps at least you know that everyone's theoretically open to making something happen.

First of all, who uses "good day" to begin a flirty interaction? It is inappropriate and socially uncalibrated. It does not make sense.

Obviously, this was not originally written in English. It was just a polite greeting: "hello" if you prefer. Добрый день or здравствуйте, I can't remember which I used.

Can you explain to us what the rest of the opener is designed to accomplish? ... Does it come off as maybe just a little slavering at the mouth?

I used a direct opener to make my intentions clear: I didn't want to be "hiding the banana".

Signing off with your name, by the way, has the same effect as "good day". Just totally out of place and out of touch.

How can we blame this girl for thinking you're an easy mark? The only thing you've told her is that you're an older man who doesn't understand how things work.

I had no idea. If anything, I guess trying to sound like Gen Z as a Gen Xer would be even more "tryhard" as you put it. Sorry, I'm not going to use skull emojis and "ngl" Okay, I shan't sign my name. I thought it was a warm touch.

In your last FR, you did buy a woman gifts (but less than 100 euros, so not a lot, right?). Why did you do that, by the way?

A lot of international brands have been forced to leave the Russian market after coming under pressure from some very nasty agitators. As a result, girls often can't get the stuff they like. I like to show some solidarity with my fellow Slavs by helping out where I can. I agree that the QueenBee girl offered nothing in return, but the Botticelli one brought over some very nice handcrafted gifts for me which I have at home.

It seems to me that you are playing a character, on this forum, and to the women.

You're saying I have a problem with inauthenticity?

Your trying is plainly visible, and with girls, trying is the last thing you want to be noticed doing.

Sprezzatura, of course. No question. Thanks for bringing it to my attention.

By the way, just on your Botticelli FR, is it normal to text someone off a dating app in Russian and use the V form? In French you would always tu someone from an app like that, and vous could only ever be used ironically. It would be totally inappropriate to vous otherwise.

I don't think it would go down very well if I used ты with someone I didn't know yet, especially of the opposite sex. I could try it, I guess.

In her specific case, of course, that was ages ago, and we've been on ты terms for years. Good tip on the French habit if I ever need it (I've met a couple Frenchwomen and am pretty sure I started out with vous, not knowing what you just told me), thanks.

Thanks again and I also enjoyed your "it just takes one set" post which is referenced in your signature. Something to remember, I agree.

 

[gameboy]

Hi Marty!

The fact that you are dating in Russia explains some of the cultural differences. Your translations to English sound a bit "stilted" to Western people, but I've heard from a lady (a girl from online) that Russian men are more gentleman-ly in general. She actually asked me where I'm from and said I'd love it if you were Russian I believe she also said that Russian guys are very "macho", FWIW.

Maybe in Russia it is more common to ask for gifts up front? I have no idea. You might want to ask the opinions of people who are familiar with the culture.

In the West we have more of a culture of equality, so asking gifts from guys comes across really weird.

 

[Tryst]

I used a direct opener to make my intentions clear: I didn't want to be "hiding the banana".

This is good, but you can show that you are a sexual person, and even show that you have sexual interest in her, without destroying your own value on the open. An OLD opener I use a lot is, "I think you might be exactly my type." In indirect game, you disqualify her as a sexual interest, but you still never "hide the banana". What if you tell a girl, "You're too nice... I don't think we're right for each other." In short - "hiding the banana" is hiding your own sexuality, you can present yourself as a sexual person without presenting an inappropriate amount of interest in the girl.

Good day Maria, I very much like how the long black polka-dot dress, which you photographed yourself in the mirror wearing, lies on your figure. The red bolero and heels make a great combination with it too. I will be happy to meet you. -Marty

Which app are you using? For any app like Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, this is just way too high effort, complimentary, boring, card-revealing. In a word, supplicating. And supplication, seems, to me, your main problem. Maybe you could try something a bit more chill, casual - something which says "Hey, I think you're hot... are you worth meeting?" instead of "I am in love with you, do you think you could be nice enough to meet me?"

I had no idea. If anything, I guess trying to sound like Gen Z as a Gen Xer would be even more "tryhard" as you put it. Sorry, I'm not going to use skull emojis and "ngl" Okay, I shan't sign my name. I thought it was a warm touch.

You've skilfully reframed my prescription to be "try to sound Gen Z", when in fact, all I told you to do was not to sign your name at the end of an OLD message. You've then made fun of this idea. Quite right, you don't want to sound Gen Z, and that would be tryhard. You are right that signing your name could be seen as a warm touch in that shows effort and investment, but your message is already way too hot! You need to show less effort and investment! (Or maybe the sign off just shows that you don't get how things work.)

Thought experiment: does the perfectly high value guy who gets laid a lot send messages like yours to women on OLD? Does he feel like he needs to spend time coming up with and writing down compliments, touching the message up with a greeting and a sign off? Or does he just send something which sounds like "You're hot, are you worth my time?" and only text the girls who pass his tests? You want to emulate the behaviour of this super high value guy (so that girls perceive you as high value and fuck you.) You've frame controlled me over the internet and made my suggestion look silly - now you have to go and frame control girls into thinking that you're higher value than they, instead of supplicating with hellos and compliments and signed off names.

As a result, girls often can't get the stuff they like. I like to show some solidarity with my fellow Slavs by helping out where I can.

Do you buy random guys you've never met gifts as well? Or is it just for the girls you want to fuck?

Think hard about the above question, and what the answer means. Are you supplicating? What does it suggest if you give gifts to girls you want to fuck? Does this help you get laid?

You're saying I have a problem with inauthenticity?

Many problems in pickup come from inauthenticity. A guy feels that he himself is not enough, and so he tries to compensate by tryharding in other ways, and supplicating. Girls smell this and assume he's low value. A guy who could perfectly just be himself would be a very attractive guy indeed.

I am not saying you are an inauthentic person, but now that you mention it, probably you're being slightly inauthentic when it comes to how you pursue women. The killer is: it never feels like you're being inauthentic. You feel like what you're doing is right and proper and natural. But when you change and improve your pickup, you'll look back, and realise just how not yourself you were.

I apologise for the tone of my last message; I read it again and I think it came off as somewhat cruel and stabbing. Thank you for not making a deal out of it, and responding so cordially.

EDIT:

for example this one, which led to a very satisfying date?

Great FR. The Marty on the date seems opposite to the Marty premeet. Marty on the date qualifies girls, instills chase frames, and when the moment is right, goes into some wonderful Don Juan languaging that makes women melt (and I bet this is super authentic and real from you.) Try to channel him on the apps too.

- Tryst

I chased a girl for two whole years;
With my whole heart I loved her.
Of course the story ends in tears;
My mindset was my blunder.

 

[Marty]

This is good, but you can show that you are a sexual person, and even show that you have sexual interest in her, without destroying your own value on the open. An OLD opener I use a lot is, "I think you might be exactly my type." In indirect game, you disqualify her as a sexual interest, but you still never "hide the banana". What if you tell a girl, "You're too nice... I don't think we're right for each other." In short - "hiding the banana" is hiding your own sexuality, you can present yourself as a sexual person without presenting an inappropriate amount of interest in the girl.

You know, Tryst, I've been thinking this over, and I think that where I'm falling short might be that I'm pumping the other party's value too high in online dating, where, to my earlier point, everyone already knows what the deal is. The direct opener is therefore overkill. I couldn't initially understand why you were recommending indirect game, when in the past I had successfully electrified the interaction with direct, but now I see where you're coming from: Going direct in day game immediately takes the interaction from social to sexual, possibly impressing the female, but there's nothing bold about doing the same thing from behind a phone screen.

All in all, I think that a return to day game for me will be the most productive path. I've moved around a lot internationally; I don't have a social circle to speak of; and I like big cities, fresh air, walking, and being alone. All of the above is conducive to daytime cold approach. It also allows me to sharpen my process and develop of a style of my own that comes across with more immediacy.

Which app are you using?

For this one, I was using Mamba. I wouldn't really recommend it, although what I like is that you can message a girl whose parameters you meet without matching first, allowing you to open unsolicited. But it has a fair share of fakes. I recently downloaded Tinder again; I don't really like that, although it did result in two successful dates for me some time ago: LR: Ass Lover and LR: Steppe Sweetheart, as well as an excellent longer-term relationship.

Do you buy random guys you've never met gifts as well? Or is it just for the girls you want to fuck?

Just for the latter. Certainly not for guys, if they're not my relatives. Not for platonic women friends either, generally, unless I'm invited regularly for dinner, or similar, and feel a social debt.

I think men have been doing this since time immemorial. Isn't it basic biology (compensating for asymmetric parental investment, or something like that)?

Think hard about the above question, and what the answer means. Are you supplicating? What does it suggest if you give gifts to girls you want to fuck? Does this help you get laid?

Not sure, I'd have to experiment a bit each way. My sense is that token gifts (e.g. the souvenirs mentioned in the second LR above) communicate that I'm not a tightwad, without supplicating as you say.

The killer is: it never feels like you're being inauthentic. You feel like what you're doing is right and proper and natural. But when you change and improve your pickup, you'll look back, and realise just how not yourself you were.

Fake it till you make it. Got it, I experienced this a lot in the early years and developed a pretty nice natural style that matched my own persona. The written word is killing me, I'll get off Mamba and Tinder and the like and back into the mall and the city square.

I apologise for the tone of my last message; I read it again and I think it came off as somewhat cruel and stabbing. Thank you for not making a deal out of it, and responding so cordially.

Props to you for smoothing the ol' feathers. No apology needed!

Great FR. The Marty on the date seems opposite to the Marty premeet. Marty on the date qualifies girls, instills chase frames, and when the moment is right, goes into some wonderful Don Juan languaging that makes women melt (and I bet this is super authentic and real from you.) Try to channel him on the apps too.

Haha thanks, that was a while ago and I think I was a little more carefree back then! Late thirties you still feel you're going to live forever... late forties not so much

Thanks for all the helpful tips, my friend.

 

[Tryst]

I'm pumping the other party's value too high in online dating, where, to my earlier point, everyone already knows what the deal is. The direct opener is therefore overkill. I couldn't initially understand why you were recommending indirect game

Exactly. You're putting her on a pedestal, and planting yourself firmly below her. I do not recommend indirect in online game. "I think you might be exactly my type" is a direct opener! It indicates interest, right?

a return to day game for me will be the most productive path.

Maybe! All of my online/text game (which isn't amazing, but good enough) I learned through nightgame cold approach.

Just for the latter. Certainly not for guys, if they're not my relatives. Not for platonic women friends either, generally, unless I'm invited regularly for dinner, or similar, and feel a social debt.

Yeah, you're not supporting slavs, you're trying to buy pussy, even if you don't realise it.

I think men have been doing this since time immemorial. Isn't it basic biology (compensating for asymmetric parental investment, or something like that)?

Yeah, men who suck with women have existed forever. Don't buy girls gifts beyond the merest tokens, or in specific circumstances, drinks on a date. I think you would benefit from banning yourself from buying girls anything at all. I have my girls poach drinks off guys to bring back and share with me. Seriously, it's a little gambit I use with the validation seekers. Until you learn what is appropriate and when, you would learn fastest by just not buying things for women.

Not sure, I'd have to experiment a bit each way. My sense is that token gifts (e.g. the souvenirs mentioned in the second LR above) communicate that I'm not a tightwad, without supplicating as you say.

Communicates that you're low value and have to buy women's attention. Small, tiny, tokens can be appropriate, but I again urge you to cut it out until you figure out what is appropriate. No need to experiment. Don't buy shit for women you're not fucking or happily friends with.

 

[gameboy]

I have my girls poach drinks off guys to bring back and share with me.

Loool I gotta try that sometime, sounds fun

 

[topcat]

Exactly. You're putting her on a pedestal, and planting yourself firmly below her. I do not recommend indirect in online game. "I think you might be exactly my type" is a direct opener! It indicates interest, right?


Maybe! All of my online/text game (which isn't amazing, but good enough) I learned through nightgame cold approach.


Yeah, you're not supporting slavs, you're trying to buy pussy, even if you don't realise it.


Yeah, men who suck with women have existed forever. Don't buy girls gifts beyond the merest tokens, or in specific circumstances, drinks on a date. I think you would benefit from banning yourself from buying girls anything at all. I have my girls poach drinks off guys to bring back and share with me. Seriously, it's a little gambit I use with the validation seekers. Until you learn what is appropriate and when, you would learn fastest by just not buying things for women.


Communicates that you're low value and have to buy women's attention. Small, tiny, tokens can be appropriate, but I again urge you to cut it out until you figure out what is appropriate. No need to experiment. Don't buy shit for women you're not fucking or happily friends with.

This x1000. @Marty basically by buying girls things as a ploy to fuck you are telling her:

“look, i know my personality and dick aren’t good enough in their own, so here - let me throw in a free drink and complementary bag of clothes as well..am i good enough now?”

Sure, that might be the ploy the majority of men have used in history, but their results are middling at best.

Ask yourself if that’s who you want to be..

 

[Marty]

you're trying to buy pussy

In a sense we all pay for it one way or another (not literally of course). Right? Maybe you don't catch my drift, Tryst; I don't know what your life experiences have been like so far, but this is a fairly common observation among men.

“look, i know my personality and dick aren’t good enough in their own, so here - let me throw in a free drink and complementary bag of clothes as well..am i good enough now?”
...
Ask yourself if that’s who you want to be..

Topcat, it is a tough question, of course.

I agree that the above sounds unflattering and results in a bruised ego. Of course I'm not thrilled to be asked to contribute extra value in any shape or form. The trouble is, if I'm getting actual feedback from the market that something is still missing, I can't very well stubbornly insist "I'm good enough as I am" and expect a better result. The puzzle, of course, is what else I need to "throw in", as you put it, to get me over the line. Sure, presents ain't it. What is?

In some ways I'd rather take the mild hit to my ego than risk the disastrous scenario that Tom was alluding to where I could be intentionally shunted to the back of the line and have others prioritized above me:

Please believe if she has been talking to you for 6 years she has fucked at least one man that has put in way less effort than you

Obviously I can't risk that, so if I need to contribute more to avoid that humiliating possibility, I'm in a bit of a bind.

Consider the following data points, which all more or less confirm that anytime I pitch the lover role, women try to push me back down into the provider one:

First, in the LR linked above:

Such a lovely man. So handsome, beautiful clean apartment, plays the piano so nicely, talks intelligently. What are you doing all alone?

Luck was on my side that time, because she was on a flying visit, to return next day to a very repressive, patriarchal culture, so in a sense it was now or never. Despite that, there were a lot of efforts to paint herself as someone who likes to play it slow and allusions to the "boyfriend role" like the above.

Second, the young lady from this FR, already mentioned with regard to TomInHo's comment, texted me the following when I was arranging our vacation:

At this time I wouldn't want to hurry, I'd prefer to consider separate rooms or a suite with two bedrooms

Needless to say I had had absolutely no intention of trying to bounce her improperly into a situation where she was sharing a bed with me, I cannot imagine what could have given her that idea. I was perfectly well aware that we needed to start intimate relations first before making that sort of arrangement, and had naturally already budgeted for the extra room before even extending the invitation. That aside, the more important point is the first one: She's literally saying "I want to take it slow". Again, I don't understand why.

Third, the woman from this LR- left me the following voice message once:

You don't understand female psychology at all

When I brought it up later, she refused to elaborate; she persisted in trying to get me to take her on trips, helped me not at all to understand women, and openly told me she was interested in traveling and gifts and was waiting for a concrete suggestion (I had no plans to suggest anything). After I ignored this for months, she herself resumed contact to find out when I would next be visiting her country. Finally, she lost her cool and started texting repeated colorful insults at me when I'd politely declined another weekend together and explained that I didn't feel very comfortable in her presence. Naturally, I have cut off all contact.

To me, all of the above indicates that there's some key ingredient missing, either in myself (fundamentals) or in my interactions, to get me over the line and accepted into "lover territory". I don't think that the shortfall is in time spent or application or love for the game. I totally agree, Topcat, that it's embarrassing to admit to myself that I'm not good enough "as I am" and need to "add stuff". But I wonder whether it's worth putting in a bit of extra effort, in some form, to get my foot in the door, so to speak?

Chase once helped me in a previous thread by drawing a comparison with applying for an interim CEO role. I have found that enlightening ever since, and want to apply it in practice. What do I need to "throw in" to at least get my foot in the door and have a chance to pitch for the lover role once it becomes available, even if, for the time being, I am getting constantly pushed back down into the provider one? Maybe I take an ego hit today for a chance at gaining a more valuable skillset, with wider applicability, tomorrow? And at all costs avoid the horrorshow that TomInHo suggested of being made to wait while others have their turn!

 

[topcat]

Obviously I can't risk that, so if I need to contribute more to avoid that humiliating possibility, I'm in a bit of a bind.

contributing more is what puts you at the back of the line. He who invests the least, but gets the most wins, in this game.

what puts you at the front, is connecting with a girl, making her FEEL and experience things she rarely does with men. every man can buy gifts..the richest man buys the best gifts..and yet still she’ll probably feel nothing for him.

make women FEEL, and invite them along on the adventure with you and she’s liable to forget all other men for a time (and perhaps for ever if you continue to give her what she needs - that’s for a diff convo though..).

edit:

i want to add as you brought up female psychology..

it’s funny but the process to reach a greater understanding of female psychology, is the same process that leads them to FEELING for you in the first place.

next time before you reach for your wallet as the first line of offence, instead seek to understand her mentality, properly.

“who was she as a child?”
“what thoughts and ideas plague her imagination these days? why?”
“what does she hope for? why?”
“what is dating men like? what does she enjoy about men? what does she wish she had more of? why?”
“why does she dress the way she does?”
“what are her friends like?”


do not ask these questions while trying to build an active model of women based on anecdotes she gives you. just listen, without judgement..
listen to her primarily and seek to understand.
build closeness with her, SEE her for what she is..and IF you like what you see and she’s leaning into you (metaphorically and/or physically)
invite her to continue the adventure at your home

 

[Tryst]

In a sense we all pay for it one way or another (not literally of course). Right?

Wrong.

Genuinely cool guys don't pay for it. It just happens. They're cool and they get laid. Is that hard to believe? Is there no room in your belief system to admit that maybe, some guys, who are just cooler than you are can get laid without trying, or thinking about it, or paying for it? They just go about their life, and BAM! A girl likes them, and they get laid. I saw that happen to my friend last week. He knows nothing about game. He's just a cool guy. So a hot girl liked him and they had sex.

In a sense, I pay for it by spending time in field making girls like me. I had to learn how to be cool. I didn't pay for it by trying to manipulate girls into liking me with compliments, or gifts, or attention, or drinks, but just by being a cool guy whom people want to be around.

Maybe you could be a cool guy, too?

Maybe you don't catch my drift, Tryst; I don't know what your life experiences have been like so far, but this is a fairly common observation among men.

But what do I know. I'm just some dumb pickup artist who actually believes that you can learn how to get laid for free. You should definitely ask all the AFCs who get laid 10 times in their entire life for advice; they'll set you right.

Marty, what I'm trying to say, is that your mindset is wrong. You don't believe that you can actually just learn to be cool. You'd rather believe that you can get around your uncoolness with other things. Listen to us; we're telling you it's not the way.

Do not seek advice from men who don't lay hot women consistently. I don't give a shit what men observe fairly commonly, I give a shit about what I can see actually works infield. Most men are SHIT with women.

The trouble is, if I'm getting actual feedback from the market that something is still missing, I can't very well stubbornly insist "I'm good enough as I am" and expect a better result. The puzzle, of course, is what else I need to "throw in", as you put it, to get me over the line. Sure, presents ain't it. What is?

No one is telling you to insist that you're good enough. That's AFC shit. I'm telling you to improve your game. How many attractive women have you approached in the last week?

The thing you need to throw in is changes to your game. Change something up, work on a new skill, and see if it improves your results.

Obviously I can't risk that, so if I need to contribute more to avoid that humiliating possibility

Paying more money is definitely the best way not to be humiliated.

Needless to say I had had absolutely no intention of trying to bounce her improperly into a situation where she was sharing a bed with me, I cannot imagine what could have given her that idea. I was perfectly well aware that we needed to start intimate relations first before making that sort of arrangement, and had naturally already budgeted for the extra room before even extending the invitation.

All of your problems manifest in one sentence. This is all of the advice written to you so beautifully and concisely ignored.

To me, all of the above indicates that there's some key ingredient missing, either in myself (fundamentals) or in my interactions, to get me over the line and accepted into "lover territory". I don't think that the shortfall is in time spent or application or love for the game. I totally agree, Topcat, that it's embarrassing to admit to myself that I'm not good enough "as I am" and need to "add stuff". But I wonder whether it's worth putting in a bit of extra effort, in some form, to get my foot in the door, so to speak?

This is good. Marty, you are good enough. It is your game which is failing, not you as a person. Don't take it as an ego hit or personal failure. If I beat you at chess, it's because my chess is better than yours, not because I am better than you.

You need to improve your game. What do you study? What have you tried? Whom have you learned from? I chose a system and I stuck with it, and I get results because I apply a system. If what you're doing isn't working after ten years, change what you're doing. Buying gifts isn't working either, is it?

What do I need to "throw in" to at least get my foot in the door and have a chance to pitch for the lover role once it becomes available

You throw in better game. The lover role is always available, you don't have to wait. You just have to step into the lover's shoes.

- Tryst

On worthy lovers Cupid spies
And swiftly overhead he flies;
Without warning he deftly fires
And laughs as he his work admires.