Semantics on Dating Apps

[NotJamesBond]

Hey fellas. So I super swiped this broad, and she liked back. Thing is, I thought of a better way to word it immediately after I asked a friend for feedback. Here's what I said:

"Hey ____. You've got a real nice smile. It'd be nice to see it in person over lunch "

Thing is I thought "How about we get lunch so I can see it in person " right after which definitely sounds better...

Are semantics like this a big deal? I still got a shot don't I ;P

NJB

 

[lostnumber]

Thats simply a bad first message no matter how you phrase it

Doing something like that in person can be sexy and effective because very few guys have the balls to walk up to an attractive girl and say something like that. Doing it on an app like Tinder takes no courage or originality whatsoever and if she is attractive she probably has 100 messages like it sitting in her inbox. You haven't built any kind of connection with her yet and are asking for a large amount of investment. Unless you look like a Greek god the odds of getting a response to this are very low.

General rules of thumb
- Always exchange a few messages before going for the close (asking for a date). My rule of thumb is around 5, although its certainly possible to do it faster under the right context

- Never compliment a girl on her looks unless its something incredibly unique and specific, and preferably humourous. Again, this can work in person but online you just sound lame.

- Try to build some type of interesting frame. Why are the two of you going to get together? You are pirates sailing the seven seas for plunder. You are secret agents exchanging vital intelligence. You desperately need to meet up to compare notes about your favorite backstreet boy. This will set you apart from all the other guys saying things like "You are cute, let's get coffee"

 

[lostnumber]

Here is an example of what I mean by framing and being incredibly specific about compliments. This is from a Tinder date a while ago;

Me:Jessa, I'm looking for a partner to join me in world domination. Job responsibilities include diabolical scheming and looking fetching in a lab coat.
Me:You've already got criteria #2 on lock, so I think you may be a qualified candidate. Interested?

Her: I do love scheming
Her: So thats a yes!
Her: So when do we begin??

We traded a few logistical messages and I got her number, then we set up a date for the next week.

Hopefully that helps illustrate what I'm talking about

 

[NotJamesBond]

Thanks bud, that's perfect.

I just went for it because the app I'm using actually has extremely few people and she swiped to my super swipe so I was confident with it. But you're absolutely right about in person versus apps. I thought it was just an exception but nah.

I was struggling to comment on something of hers though too. She has a nose ring so maybe I could have done something with that.

Keep on keeping on
NJB

 

[Regal Tiger]

Here is an example of what I mean by framing and being incredibly specific about compliments. This is from a Tinder date a while ago;

Me:Jessa, I'm looking for a partner to join me in world domination. Job responsibilities include diabolical scheming and looking fetching in a lab coat.
Me:You've already got criteria #2 on lock, so I think you may be a qualified candidate. Interested?

Her: I do love scheming
Her: So thats a yes!
Her: So when do we begin??

We traded a few logistical messages and I got her number, then we set up a date for the next week.

Hopefully that helps illustrate what I'm talking about

Definitely second what lostnumber said but want to add something that worked for me:

It doesn't have to be an outrageously silly example like he said to work. Stuff like that works for me because I'm naturally a goofy guy. But I've had things workout just as well keeping it simple: Hey, you seem alright. Let's get a blank sometime (though works best if you've discussed said blank first).

What I eventually settled on was whenever I wanted to start talking about the date after a few back and forths was something like this: Do you like blank? (usually accompanied with addressing whatever she just said). Then ask have you ever been to blank?
You haven't? That's blasphemy! We need to fix this immediately, when are you free? (In the case of a smoothie) they're like angels tap dancing on your tongue bursting with flavor!

A little silly? Sure, but again it works for me because that's who I am. You can just as easily go simple by just saying how much you love them/it/whatever it is and saying it's really good. When are you free?


So a typical successful messaging campaign for me would go something like:
Me: Hey blank, I like your face *emoji* (also had other openers but this was my favorite one)

Her: Aw thanks!
or
I like your face!

Welcome! What kinda mischief are you getting into this week?
or
You do!? I like you and your shameless flattery already. What other kinds of mischief are you cooking up this week?

blabla

Light tease based on something she said if I didn't already, or if it's begging for another tease
Answer question if she asked me, most of the time they do.
Sometimes ask a question now or wait until next message if it doesn't feel right. Example that I used far too often (tell me something interesting about yourself)

Most of the times they'd ask me to clarify

Clarify depending on what interested me about her or whatever the hell came to mind

blabla

Qualify and then proceed to arrange a date asking if they like blank or ever been to blank



My basic structure for how I went about setting up online dates.

 

[NotJamesBond]

Much obliged, RegalTiger. Might try it out sometime (and blatantly copy/paste it)!

 

[Regal Tiger]

Much obliged, RegalTiger. Might try it out sometime (and blatantly copy/paste it)!

Not a problem! Though I suggest having at least 5 copy/paste openers ready to go for speed reason as well as coming up with all of them yourself. Naturally, though, if you find something that stands out in their profile and can make your comment stand out then that's the best way to go. Afterwards just use your general structure.

That's the one that worked best for me. But I always suggest testing and tweaking and keeping track of results.

The only goal for online dating is some light chit chat to show that you're not a weirdo, you're just a normal guy that happens to be sexy. And you want to get girls out as quickly as you can. No talking for weeks on end when it comes to online dating. Ask out quickly.

There will be girls out there that will be uncomfortable with meeting quickly. Depending on who you take advice from this can be a good or a bad thing. Some say weed them out and ignore them. My advice is to not invest any emotion into someone if they're not willing to meet you but if they're still responding then just back off of the date for a few messages (perhaps even start spreading out the conversation for a day or two) and then try again. If she says no again then rinse and repeat but stretch out the conversation to more than a few days. Personally I wouldn't even bother going after anyone after they said no twice to a public date but I've heard of others succeeding at being persistent.

 

[NotJamesBond]

Thanks again, RegalTiger and all.

So she responded afterall. "Thank you haha " So I just changed the subject and asked her about something else. I'll bring up a date later like you said, few more messages deep in the convo

Also, while we're at it, are there any hard and fast rules on how to respond to a "thank you" of this kind (over a compliment)? Does it depend or do you always just let it sit there while you say something else and change the subject? Let's say you compliment the girl in any way- what she wears, etc...Do you just sort of flash a devilish smile, wink, or do that plus "you're welcome"/"don't mention it, it speaks for itself " etc? Just a minor tidbit...

 

[Big Daddy]

@ OP

In my experience, it's sooo much better to save the chase/sexual framing to at least after you met the girl one, ideally after you slept her. There is little benefit to do it before a date because it won't up her attraction in any significant way as it's so easy to miss the tone. The only I can think of is if you are screening girls for something, but other than that I'd just refrain from it until the first meet at least.

Here is an example of what I mean by framing and being incredibly specific about compliments. This is from a Tinder date a while ago;

Me:Jessa, I'm looking for a partner to join me in world domination. Job responsibilities include diabolical scheming and looking fetching in a lab coat.
Me:You've already got criteria #2 on lock, so I think you may be a qualified candidate. Interested?

Her: I do love scheming
Her: So thats a yes!
Her: So when do we begin??

We traded a few logistical messages and I got her number, then we set up a date for the next week.

Hopefully that helps illustrate what I'm talking about

Dude I've been loving your style of texting. It gives a much missed tone to my texts after I removed completely any kind of direct chase/sexual framing from texts because it's just not a good move (as exemplified in the OP).

Please dig up your texts and throw more examples our way!

 

[lostnumber]

Hehehe, alright but only because you asked so nicely. Here is another from a girl I recently closed on date two

Me: Damnit Alexandra, I got excited reading about your smithing hobby, until I saw you were talking about jewelry. My breastplate is still dinged up from the last dragon I slew. I guess my search for a blacksmith continues. At least now I've got someone I can go to for makeup advice *Laugh Emoji*

Her: Look no further, metal is metal. You will be impressed with how full my resume is with fixing armour after knights were fighting dragons and killing other beasts

Me: Thank the gods! You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find someone with an incredibly specific and archaic crafting skill on a modern dating app.
Me: With a resume like that I have to imagine you're used to handsome men on horseback sweeping you off your feet

Her: Thank the Gods indeed! Oh I am sure it is hard! Most people of the modern apps don't care about the old ways.
Her: One would think, but it is an archaic profession after all...

Me: Well, we'll have to do something about that won't we ? *Wink* Let's grab a drink. I can wow you with tales of all the distant lands I've visited, and you can tell me all about the amazing cosmetics company you are going to start

Her: Sounds like a solid plan! I'm in the middle of deadlines, so the next few days are tough. But I'm free on Wednesday...

Me: Great! Whats your number? I'll text you and we can figure out logistics

Her: XXX-XXX-XXXX

Note that this girl is a professional makeup artist and absolutely smoking. You don't HAVE to be as outrageous and silly as me but I find it both get results and also screens for the type of girls I want to meet. On our second date as we were laying in bed this girl told me that she had 100+ messages from guys on Tinder sitting in her inbox that she hadn't gotten around to responding to. When I say that a girl has 100 messages from guys, I literally mean your message is competing against 100 other messages for a girls attention.

I do think Regal Tiger gives solid advice about having some canned openers in your back pocket, but I'll be honest,I at least TRY to come up with something completely original for every girl I message. That may be more work than you want to put into it unless you truly enjoy witty banter and challenging yourself the way I do. Sometimes if they have a lame profile that can be really difficult to come up with something, and I've definitely spent 20 minutes writing an opener that doesn't get a response, which sucks.

However I've used formula messages as well (both of the generic kind and of my own devising) and I frankly have 2 to 3X higher response rate when I come up with totally original shit that is tailored to a girls profile. So it can be a lot of work but I do believe it is worth it if you are going for quality over quantity. If you want to message 10 girls a day it isn't practical for a busy guy to write something original every time. You might end up going for a mix of original and canned depending on the girl

 

[lostnumber]

Oh here is a quicky but one of my favorite times a girl ever messaged me. I didn't think much of her opener and she wasn't particularly good looking, so I couldn't resist having a little fun

Her: You seem not horrible
Me: You silver-tongued devil, you. I bet you say that to all the cute boys
Her: Not all
Her: Not the ones that seem horrible
Her: You have ice cream in one of your pics.. That's very appealing
Me: Its one of my best features
Her: blah blah blah blah
Her: Blah blah blah blah

 

[Regal Tiger]

Thanks again, RegalTiger and all.

No problem!

So she responded afterall. "Thank you haha " So I just changed the subject and asked her about something else. I'll bring up a date later like you said, few more messages deep in the convo

Also, while we're at it, are there any hard and fast rules on how to respond to a "thank you" of this kind (over a compliment)? Does it depend or do you always just let it sit there while you say something else and change the subject? Let's say you compliment the girl in any way- what she wears, etc...Do you just sort of flash a devilish smile, wink, or do that plus "you're welcome"/"don't mention it, it speaks for itself " etc? Just a minor tidbit...

If you can have full conversations that are fun like lostnumber can, then definitely go with that because it's:
1) much more effective
2) much more fun for both of you

But if you can't (say the girl is boring or you're just not as into her or whatever) then just stick to a general structure.

In all honesty, I probably spent too much time on my general structure and not enough time on having fun messages. They did happen but they were rarer than they should have been. When I get back to it that'll be my focus when I see a chance for it.

As for responding to a thank you; I just say you're welcome and move on. Because when someone says something in a message you don't want to completely ignore it (unless it's just plain unhelpful or boring), but if a girl is contributing then you want to at least acknowledge it. And in a case of thank you it might not be much work or much investment she is contributing to what you started (you gave a compliment and she went with it/you/your frame). That's how it works in my mind and I've never had any real problems because of it, but as always, tweak and test for yourself. You might find something better that becomes the next panty dropper!

Hehehe, alright but only because you asked so nicely. Here is another from a girl I recently closed on date two

Me: Damnit Alexandra, I got excited reading about your smithing hobby, until I saw you were talking about jewelry. My breastplate is still dinged up from the last dragon I slew. I guess my search for a blacksmith continues. At least now I've got someone I can go to for makeup advice *Laugh Emoji*

Her: Look no further, metal is metal. You will be impressed with how full my resume is with fixing armour after knights were fighting dragons and killing other beasts

Me: Thank the gods! You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find someone with an incredibly specific and archaic crafting skill on a modern dating app.
Me: With a resume like that I have to imagine you're used to handsome men on horseback sweeping you off your feet

Her: Thank the Gods indeed! Oh I am sure it is hard! Most people of the modern apps don't care about the old ways.
Her: One would think, but it is an archaic profession after all...

Me: Well, we'll have to do something about that won't we ? *Wink* Let's grab a drink. I can wow you with tales of all the distant lands I've visited, and you can tell me all about the amazing cosmetics company you are going to start

Her: Sounds like a solid plan! I'm in the middle of deadlines, so the next few days are tough. But I'm free on Wednesday...

Me: Great! Whats your number? I'll text you and we can figure out logistics

Her: XXX-XXX-XXXX

Note that this girl is a professional makeup artist and absolutely smoking. You don't HAVE to be as outrageous and silly as me but I find it both get results and also screens for the type of girls I want to meet. On our second date as we were laying in bed this girl told me that she had 100+ messages from guys on Tinder sitting in her inbox that she hadn't gotten around to responding to. When I say that a girl has 100 messages from guys, I literally mean your message is competing against 100 other messages for a girls attention.

Lmao absolutely amazing. I love it

I do think Regal Tiger gives solid advice about having some canned openers in your back pocket, but I'll be honest,I at least TRY to come up with something completely original for every girl I message. That may be more work than you want to put into it unless you truly enjoy witty banter and challenging yourself the way I do. Sometimes if they have a lame profile that can be really difficult to come up with something, and I've definitely spent 20 minutes writing an opener that doesn't get a response, which sucks.

However I've used formula messages as well (both of the generic kind and of my own devising) and I frankly have 2 to 3X higher response rate when I come up with totally original shit that is tailored to a girls profile. So it can be a lot of work but I do believe it is worth it if you are going for quality over quantity. If you want to message 10 girls a day it isn't practical for a busy guy to write something original every time. You might end up going for a mix of original and canned depending on the girl

Completely agree! If you can find something specific about a profile then it's always better to go with original, but it's just simply not efficient in all cases. Like with a boring profile they get a canned opener. But if they have something interesting then in my mind that's like them giving me an opening and I try to take it. But no opening = stuff I've said a hundred times (even though I fully admit that it is out of laziness/efficiency).

 

[lostnumber]

But if you can't (say the girl is boring or you're just not as into her or whatever) then just stick to a general structure.

Here is an example of one my more boring closes and how I was able to make it work. Not every conversation is going to pop off the page, especially if the other person isn't pulling their weight.

Me: I'll see your pink Flamingo and raise you a green Dinosaur *smiley emoji*
(She had a pool pic of her on a pink Flamingo. I have one from Australia of me on a green Dinosaur. I actually added it to my Tinder pics specifically so I could make this connection)
Her: Shit- I don't think I can top that!
Me: Its a rare person who can, haha. Nice to meet you Kaity *Pleased emoji* Based on your profile it sounds like you've lived all over the place. What brings you out to Minnesota?
Her: My new job! Are you from MN?
Me: Ooh, thats exciting! Yes, I'm from MN originally, although I did live in Australia on and off for a few years
Her: That's Awesome!!! Why were you in Australia on and off?
Me: It's a long story really; a riveting tale of love, adventure, and the intricacies of immigration policy
(Note that I thought about going for the close here but I didn't feel like it was quite time. If you get someone to bite on an interesting story tease you can close with something like "The only way to do it justice frankly is face to face over a glass of wine" or something along those lines. But she hadn't invested quite enough yet)

Me: You must have had some adventures of your own, growing up abroad. Different city every year type of thing? Or did you end up in a specific place
Her: That sounds like a very interesting story *emoji*
Her: Yeah something close to that lol. I have moved 14 times
Me: Yikes! That must have made it hard to put down roots. Luckily you saved world-renowned Minnesota and its population of handsome Scandinavian men for last *wink emoji*
Me: How long have you been in town for?
(Here I'm prepping for the close, trying to lead this into some type of "I'll show you around town frame." This conversation is starting to drag; its about an interesting topic but it isn't very interesting the way we are conducting it. This girl is responsive but isn't giving me anything to play off of to make it more fun)

*two days of no response*

Me: Uh oh, radio silence... Trapped in a landslide? Abducted by aliens? At this point I can only assume the worst. Blink three times if you need help
(To date this is the ONLY successful followup technique I've discovered that keeps a strong frame for you. Essentially you pretend that something ridiculously implausible has happened to the girl, and that is why she hasn't responded. You are basically implying that the only reason she WOULDN'T respond to you is if something crazy happened, which is a confident sexy thing. It's basically variant on chase-framing as adapted to Tinder, and in my experience it will often garner a strong response from a girl, while also giving you a fun new frame to play with. See below for how this plays out)
Her: Blinking like a crazy person right now! Haha sorry I missed your message I have been in town since the 6th!
Me: Brand new in town then! Don't worry, if I were abducted by aliens I might forget to check my Tinder messages too *Laugh emoji* I'm putting on my cape and tights and I'll be off to the rescue shortly
Her: My hero *love emoji* I knew moving to Minnesota was a good call!
Me: Just doing my job Ma'am *wink emoji*
Me: Did you know, we have a local custom here in Minnesota to welcome newcomers?
Her: Is that so?! Do tell
Me: Yea, it involves meeting up with a member of the opposite sex for drinks and scintillating conversation. I'd be happy to initiate you
Her: That sounds lovely
Her: Unfortunately I lost my drivers license today so drinks will have to wait until my new one arrives!
Me: Uh oh! Well, I'm sure we can figure something out What's your number?
Her: XXXXXXXXXX


So, you can see that our conversation got boring, she became non-responsive, and by making it interesting again I was able to pull her back in and close. I took this one as my lover on the first date. Note that this is a LONG conversation by my standards. Ideally I'd want things to be around half this length, although obviously it depends greatly on context. If you find your exchanges are routinely going longer than the above I'd recommend you work on moving things along faster

 

[lostnumber]

What I eventually settled on was whenever I wanted to start talking about the date after a few back and forths was something like this: Do you like blank? (usually accompanied with addressing whatever she just said). Then ask have you ever been to blank?
You haven't? That's blasphemy! We need to fix this immediately, when are you free? (In the case of a smoothie) they're like angels tap dancing on your tongue bursting with flavor!

I think this is a good technique but there is a slight tweak to your process I would recommend trying. Instead of asking when a girl is free on Tinder, I've found that by far the most effective method looks like this:

Get girl to agree to date
Get girls number
Confirm logistics via TEXT

Lets break this down in detail:

Get girl to agree to date:
If you think about it, this is actually the easiest ask you could have, because you aren't asking for anything specific that might bump against resistance. She isn't going to be busy because you didn't suggest a specific day. She isn't going to be too far away from that part of town, because you haven't mentioned a place. She isn't going to be freaked out about giving you her number, and being stalked because you haven't asked for it yet. If you ask directly to meet up (and note that I say "Directly" but I don't mean ask her "Do you want to meet with me" or something weird like that. You should suggest that you get drinks, or a smoothie, or that you go on an adventure, whatever the case may be, in an interesting and charming way like you did above) the only possible reason she has to say no is that she simply isn't interested enough in you to meet up, and if that's the case this wasn't going anywhere anyway.

Get girls number:
So step one worked and she agreed to the IDEA of meeting you, which is great. You have investment and buy-in. So leverage that to get MORE investment, which will seem quite easy and natural at this point. If you look at any of my close examples that I've posted you've noticed that my last message almost always reads exactly like this: "Great/Awesome/Excellent/Brilliant! What's your number? I'll text you and we can figure out logistics."

In all of my 50+ tinder dates I have only ever had ONE girl who was willing to go on a date but didn't want to give me her number. And she had just been through a crazy Tinder stalking experience and had a good reason for that. (Needless to say, by the time I took her as my lover on our second date the number was in my phone). Getting her number puts you in a different tier than the 100 other guys messaging her on Tinder and the dozen of them who are trying to set up dates. She is MUCH more likely to follow through with setting up a date, less likely to flake, and more likely to reschedule if she does. Girls still flake on me all of the time, but I have never had someone straight up no-show me or ghost me on a scheduled date, which is a common complaint amongst all of the guys I know using Tinder. The difference between them and me? I got the number before setting up the date.

Confirm logistics via TEXT
When I say confirm logistics I mean just that. You got her number under the pretense of scheduling a date, so you should be scheduling a date. You do NOT want to be drawn into further text conversation at this point. Or rather, its fine to banter a bit if the opportunity arises, but you want to be very purposeful in moving towards a physical meetup. If she asks you questions or says things that warrant a response don't ignore her, but you should be working towards setting up a date at all times. Now is when you ask about her schedule and pick a specific day to meet. I like to stagger my logistics as well, to keep the interaction going. So for example instead of saying "Lets meet at 7:30 on Wednesday at Crab Shack Joes in Downtown" my messages might look like this:

"Whats your schedule look like?"
"How about Wednesday, I'm free after work
"We have a few options, how do you feel about seafood?
"Great! I know just the place. Crab Shack Joe's does a mean lobster souffle"
"I should be ready by 7:30 on Wed, does that work to meet?"

Investment can be both vertical and horizontal, and if you can keep a girl texting you every day for 2-3 days because you are coordinating logistics, believe it or not that actually does increase her commitment to the interaction and make her less likely to flake.

 

[Hue]

lostnumber,

Great breakdown of your process. I especially like the staggering of logistics, so her acceptance can follow your lead one step at a time, and doesn't make her feel like rushing into something irrationally.


Hueman

 

[Big Daddy]

@ lostnumber

Thanks for the examples bro. I love how you make this extremely playful and all the frames are very subtle! This is a very mature version of what I wanted my text game to eventually develop into. I'll model after these and get a shortcut... Love it.

Keep pumping it if you find more cool stuff

Do you have any where it was an absolute strain for you to get the girl responding/out i.e. you had to insist multiple times or maybe over a super long timeframe, she kept rescheduling/deflecting, you had to violate every single "rule" of investment to get her out but it played well in the end, etc?

 

[lostnumber]

Do you have any where it was an absolute strain for you to get the girl responding/out i.e. you had to insist multiple times or maybe over a super long timeframe, she kept rescheduling/deflecting, you had to violate every single "rule" of investment to get her out but it played well in the end, etc?

In a word? No. The above boring example is about as extreme as it gets if you are looking for a success story. If she responded to my opener but then the conversation died out, I would say about 80% of the time a chase frame like above will get a response. If she ignores your opener the response rate drops dramatically, although its still worth a shot. If you dont get a response to your chase frame followup then the only thing I would try is giving it a full week and shooting off one more witty message extending the frame. But at this point we are talking like a 5% chance you even get a response

Being insistent is the kind of thing that can work in person because she can't just ignore you when you are right in front of her, so either she has to go on offense and tell you to fuck off, or give in to whatever you are trying to get her to do. Online its the easiest thing in the world to avoid interacting with you, so the same principles don't apply.

When it comes to the actual date, my rule of thumb is the 50/25 rule. Meaning that about half the time the girl will flake, and about half of the time she flakes she will reschedule. So we are looking at roughly 75% of girls I schedule with I would expect to see either at the appointed time or on a reschedule.

If she flakes on date two as well? Now we are talking like a 10% chance the date ever happens. And if she flakes on date 3 then at that point I suggest you stop wasting your time.

For the record, boring close above flaked on our first date because she had to stay late at work (I'll cut her some slack, it was the first day on the job and age wanted to finish something and make a good first impression).

 

[Regal Tiger]

Here is an example of one my more boring closes and how I was able to make it work. Not every conversation is going to pop off the page, especially if the other person isn't pulling their weight.

Seems like we have similar processes/thought patterns in how we approach things. I bet I could learn a lot from you! So I'll be watching for more posts

Me: Uh oh, radio silence... Trapped in a landslide? Abducted by aliens? At this point I can only assume the worst. Blink three times if you need help

I've tried some similar stuff but I definitely like yours. I think mine would always take it a little too far from fun and weird into just plain odd lol.

Though one other restart message I've had that works sometimes is just: Happy blankday! Around a week or so later.

I suspect that yours would work far better so I will definitely be giving it a try. Though I'll have to tweak it to suit where I live.

So, you can see that our conversation got boring, she became non-responsive, and by making it interesting again I was able to pull her back in and close. I took this one as my lover on the first date. Note that this is a LONG conversation by my standards. Ideally I'd want things to be around half this length, although obviously it depends greatly on context. If you find your exchanges are routinely going longer than the above I'd recommend you work on moving things along faster

Agree that it was a little longer than what's generally recommended but you did have to restart the text, so I'd say it's okay in this case. What's more; as long as it's working then do 100 messages lol. Doesn't honestly matter as long as you see results.

I think this is a good technique but there is a slight tweak to your process I would recommend trying. Instead of asking when a girl is free on Tinder, I've found that by far the most effective method looks like this:

Get girl to agree to date
Get girls number
Confirm logistics via TEXT

Lets break this down in detail:

This is actually similar to what I started to do as well; I'll ask for the number after the date to send a picture/address of the place to meet up. Though I will definitely give your method a try because other girls already know where they're going.

But I always do grab the number 'in case anything comes up' regardless so I have it. I just don't text much with it and confirm logistics on Tinder.

I'll test it out and see which one works best for me though, thanks for the tip!

Get girl to agree to date:
If you think about it, this is actually the easiest ask you could have, because you aren't asking for anything specific that might bump against resistance. She isn't going to be busy because you didn't suggest a specific day. She isn't going to be too far away from that part of town, because you haven't mentioned a place. She isn't going to be freaked out about giving you her number, and being stalked because you haven't asked for it yet. If you ask directly to meet up (and note that I say "Directly" but I don't mean ask her "Do you want to meet with me" or something weird like that. You should suggest that you get drinks, or a smoothie, or that you go on an adventure, whatever the case may be, in an interesting and charming way like you did above) the only possible reason she has to say no is that she simply isn't interested enough in you to meet up, and if that's the case this wasn't going anywhere anyway.

Get girls number:
So step one worked and she agreed to the IDEA of meeting you, which is great. You have investment and buy-in. So leverage that to get MORE investment, which will seem quite easy and natural at this point. If you look at any of my close examples that I've posted you've noticed that my last message almost always reads exactly like this: "Great/Awesome/Excellent/Brilliant! What's your number? I'll text you and we can figure out logistics."

In all of my 50+ tinder dates I have only ever had ONE girl who was willing to go on a date but didn't want to give me her number. And she had just been through a crazy Tinder stalking experience and had a good reason for that. (Needless to say, by the time I took her as my lover on our second date the number was in my phone). Getting her number puts you in a different tier than the 100 other guys messaging her on Tinder and the dozen of them who are trying to set up dates. She is MUCH more likely to follow through with setting up a date, less likely to flake, and more likely to reschedule if she does. Girls still flake on me all of the time, but I have never had someone straight up no-show me or ghost me on a scheduled date, which is a common complaint amongst all of the guys I know using Tinder. The difference between them and me? I got the number before setting up the date.

Confirm logistics via TEXT
When I say confirm logistics I mean just that. You got her number under the pretense of scheduling a date, so you should be scheduling a date. You do NOT want to be drawn into further text conversation at this point. Or rather, its fine to banter a bit if the opportunity arises, but you want to be very purposeful in moving towards a physical meetup. If she asks you questions or says things that warrant a response don't ignore her, but you should be working towards setting up a date at all times. Now is when you ask about her schedule and pick a specific day to meet. I like to stagger my logistics as well, to keep the interaction going. So for example instead of saying "Lets meet at 7:30 on Wednesday at Crab Shack Joes in Downtown" my messages might look like this:

"Whats your schedule look like?"
"How about Wednesday, I'm free after work
"We have a few options, how do you feel about seafood?
"Great! I know just the place. Crab Shack Joe's does a mean lobster souffle"
"I should be ready by 7:30 on Wed, does that work to meet?"

Investment can be both vertical and horizontal, and if you can keep a girl texting you every day for 2-3 days because you are coordinating logistics, believe it or not that actually does increase her commitment to the interaction and make her less likely to flake.

Also shows that you're busy and have a life. But yea, I do like the idea so I'll definitely give it a shot when I get back to online dating. Just from reading I think you're right, but always have to test

 

[mindful]

I tend to never comment on what a girl has in her bio unless I feel I can do it in a way that makes me stand apart from other guys. Usually I will comment on one of their pictures in a flirty way and then message a few more times before scheduling a meetup.

Here are a few examples

Girl 1 has a picture with her and a bunch of pumpkins.

me: you look so happy in a sea of pumpkins. How can I ever compete?
her: haha I am sure you are way more interesting than the pumpkins
her: are you from out West? it seems so from your pics I grew up out there

Girl 2 had a bear costume on

me: hibernation season is coming up cute little bear. Our window for a short intense romance is closing
her: hahaha ain't that the truth. It's now or never isn't it?

girl with a wink and blowing a kiss

me: That wink gets me weak in the knees. You gotta be careful how you use that Amy
her: that's the cutest thing anyone has told me on tinder (3 emojis faces)

I love doing quick playful messages with girls before closing. It works well with my personality and how I am.

 

[ProblemSolving]

When it comes to the actual date, my rule of thumb is the 50/25 rule. Meaning that about half the time the girl will flake, and about half of the time she flakes she will reschedule. So we are looking at roughly 75% of girls I schedule with I would expect to see either at the appointed time or on a reschedule.

CALL DAT ASS.

I call pretty much every girl before meeting up with them. It screens out the flakes very effectively and it requires a lot less time and effort than sending a million text messages to figure out logistics. I can figure out a girl's schedule, where she lives, how she gets around town and get to know her better, in 5 minutes. With a lot of girls, it could take days to figure out the same info by text. This also makes her more comfortable with you and more invested in meeting you, and it allows you to screen her out if she's a weirdo.

I honestly don't know how guys do online dating WITHOUT calling the girl first. I'd lose my mind.

First text:

"Hey kaylie, this is PS from Tinder. Save my number "
(Her respsonse)
"Hey, I'm gonna call you in 7 minutes "
(Her response)

Call her, get to know her a bit, figure out her logictics. Plan the date, either tomorrow or the day after. Anything more, and the flake rate goes way up. After the conversation, text her the day, time, and location.