Socializing

[Sidhrnsksijf]

First social event

Hello everyone. Aswell as working on my seduction skills, I also want to get better at making friends.

Background

I read these articles to give me a brief introduction on some of the skills used in making friends.
https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-make-friends-master-key-new-friendships
https://www.girlschase.com/content/single-guys-guide-starting-fresh-new-city
This article has a section on social events to meet friends at, how to get invites, and more
https://www.girlschase.com/content/conversationalist
There was one more article written by a skilled seducer that gave a dozen sound rules in making friends, such as staying for the afterparty where the real friend group stays and takes off their mask. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find it.

Getting that out of the way, I decided on a small board game social club to start off with.

My only goals right now, since I'm a bit new to consistently socializing with new people, is to introduce myself to five people, ask people what to do for fun here, watch other people socialize, and stay until the end.

The event

Only three people showed up, so I did what I could.

I introduced myself to everyone and by the end of the event I used their names when saying goodbye.

We played a couple board games and there wasn’t much time to chat between each one. Everyone was so focused on learning and playing the games.

When I did have the chance to, I asked what everyone did for fun here. One person said they liked hiking and gardening. That’s all they could get out with before moving back to the game

After, I stayed with one girl, and asked again. She likes to go to different board game socials of varying levels of intensity. One in a bar, one at work, and one with hardcore board gamers. She also invited me to the more social one.

Aftermath

Overall, I stayed and asked questions and was friendly with everyone. I ended up with other events to attend I wouldn’t have found myself.

 

[Sidhrnsksijf]

Hello everyone. Today I went to a public festival and socialized with the vendors and speakers.

Insight
It was harder to ask what people did for fun, the conversation didn’t naturally go there. Instead, I would ask how long they’ve been there. Then I would ask.

Insight 2
I didn’t get any invites here, but what did I expect. The venders were there to promote, not make friends. That was a huge difference between meetups and vendors.

Insight 3
I was more comfortable holding a conversation with them because I could direct the conversation around their past and why they decided to vend.

Another good day with some reference points.

 

[TwoNameGame]

I've met some friends using GC advice too. Be playful and genuine.

I met a good friend asking if he ate Popeye's (wasn't planning to strike a conversation) then we moved on to deep diving with me doing little. I'm not even a social butterfly. If something pops in your head, try saying it.

 

[Sidhrnsksijf]

Hello everyone. Today I went to two social events. One was a software development networking event and the other was a wine tasting social.

The hosts had name tags, so I grabbed one, and made my way into the event.

Everyone was already networking with eachother, so I just took a leap of faith and walked up to small groups of two and three. I simply said hi, introduced myself, and asked what they were talking about. Everyone responded well.

Some people I had natural small talk with, talking about their skills and plans. Others, felt uncalibrated, like stereotypical nerds in highschool movies. Other guys started talking... and didnt stop. I learned alot about what not to do if I want to give people a good time.

I forgot to ask people what they did for fun. oh well

The second event had many middle and old aged women, that seemed very uncalibrated and nobody made conversation. It did not feel like a social atmosphere. I still tried to talk to people, but I didn't vibe with the people there. Maybe its a skill issue, since I remember one of Chase's articles on how he fit in with a variety of demographics and made friends by socially calibrating.

 

[Sidhrnsksijf]

Hello everyone. Today I went to a job orientation and casual wine night with a family friend (weird right, but a social event is better than no event).

The job orientation went well and I learned that my coworkers are around my age. The job has downtime and I can talk to coworkers, so that is a great place to make friends and start doing fun stuff. At least more fun than meetup events.

At the wine night, I introduced myself, and made conversation. They did most of the talking, but I made sure to make some additional remarks and questions. That way I was considered contributing and listening.

Even though I’m at the stage of just small talking people and observing other people, I made a shot for an invite to see what would happen.

At the end, I asked for invites, but in a super uncalibrated way. I said “wanna do fun shit together”. I felt like I was trying to squeeze my foot in the door on the way out. I’m happy I made a shot, even if it sucked, because I’ll never see them again, and I need to test what works and what doesn’t.

 

[TwoNameGame]

The job has downtime and I can talk to coworkers, so that is a great place to make friends and start doing fun stuff.

At the risk of sounding pessimistic, I'd just say be careful talking to coworkers. Office politics can be a bitch, and female coworkers can be jumpy. I remember someone on this forum once told a female coworkers that she looked like she went to the gym during a conversation of how people relax, then got reported to HR.

 

[Sidhrnsksijf]

Hello everyone. Today is my first day at my job, where I met some people and got familiar with day to day.

My trainer was super nice and explained everything to me. I asked what he did for fun. He is active and likes biking/gym/sparring. I invited him to an event and he was down.

I also met another coworker and was friendly and just asked simple questions. I didn’t want to deep dive early because I will see this person every day.

I also made a rule to myself that I won’t flirt with anyone at work, no exceptions (at least for a while). I don’t want drama and I only want to practice seduction anonymously, through day game.

I got familiar with the location. I read a really good article where chase spent the first half of the outing just getting comfortable in the area from a spectator spot, and analyzing for strategic spots to do his thing.

 

[Sidhrnsksijf]

Hello everyone. Today is my second day at work, and I met some more coworkers.

One was more outgoing, while the other was reserved.

I did my thing and just observed the conversations.

I noticed that the person who seemed to be the most enjoyable didn’t ask many questions, told stories, and let everyone else talk when they wanted to.

I tried to copy him, and everything felt more like a conversation than an interview or investigation.

The reserved person opened up towards the end, I just had to keep the energy low.

 

[Sidhrnsksijf]

Hello everyone. Today I met some more coworkers and did my thing.

One thing I observed in myself that worked really well, and in the other cool guys, is that they are lighthearted.

No good conversations sounded like an investigation or a speed dating round. They are having a good time and giving fun vibes.

So I made an adjustment, I focused a little less on peering into personal lives, and more on just providing fun, like an escape from the monotony of their lives.

I also had to get super creative to make conversation, because I’m not used to it. I would normally just jump into an already fun conversation.

 

[Sidhrnsksijf]

Hello everyone. Today I yet again met some new coworkers, stretched my abilities a bit, and got some good insights.

I met 4 coworkers. They were very chill, extroverted, and had similar experiences to mine. They also were able to make conversation that never seemed like it would end, until they got back to work. I HAD to watch.

They wouldn’t really open with a question often, but just shared a piece of information or story that people could latch onto. Of course, this worked because they already knew each other.

I introduced myself, told them I was new in town, and tried to shift the conversation away from questioning to sharing. We would take about the morning coffee, the caffeine levels, joke about caffeine addictions, say it was better than drug addictions, shift to that, talk about their personality, etc.

I definitely struggled in the past to make conversation or reinvigorate a dying one. Usually, I would just go to an ongoing convo and latch on. Now, I challenged myself to keep it alive and start some myself.

I also learned that some people’s answers differ for “what do you do for fun here?, cuz I just moved into town”. Some people said nothing, which indicated they weren’t busy and I could do stuff with them. Others talked about how their worked overtime or had a second job… definitely won’t be hanging out with them.

I still haven’t gotten an invite. Oh well

 

[Sidhrnsksijf]

Goals, Process, and Observation
Hello everyone. This week I went to some more social events, observed the cool guys, and found a good plan for building my social circle.

I haven’t posted lately in this journal, but I have been to work on socializing. I decided I’ll post less and condense the best of what I did over a week/month/etc. for everyone else to get the most bang for their time.

What I did this week

• I went to a bar social with a dozen people got to know two people
• I went to a Halloween party as Jesus, scanned the room for the coolest people, and tried to talk to them. Didn’t work.
• I screened out my coworkers’ plans to see what they did for fun and when. One of them gave me his number and he said let’s get together, so that was good.

Goals getting clearer
Every time I undertake an unfamiliar endeavor, like seduction, I make my best bad guess for goals. Over time, I learn more in the field and increase my perspective on what I actually want out of it. My goals change or become clearer as a result.

For socializing, my goal was building a circle of friends and learning to be a social magnet. Now, I am learning what I want to do with people (party, hobby, business, etc.), and what kinds of people I am looking for as a result (party guy, naturals, entrepreneur, etc.).

Process
I think that having a process was really important for me in any meaningful endeavor that I have succeeded in.

I was looking for a process for socializing and found a solid one in this thread by Glow. Post in thread 'Making friends in your 30s'

Observation: What the cool people do
Besides that, I’ve been observing the people everyone else wants to be with: the cool people .

Here’s what I’ve observed from them that I don’t see as much in everyone else

• they talk in stories and jokes. Most people who engage in boring conversation. Not them.
• They get people to laugh hard and a lot. I think humor differentiates them. Without it, they’d be normal
• They have a vibe that’s fun and positive. They are smiling, holding in laughter, building up the energy in the room. I can’t quite break everything down into actionable steps yet, but it’s visible.

If I had to boil down one skill I’m deficient in that would get the most results for the least effort, it would be getting humor. I also found, in a great GC, qualities I can build in myself, like fundamentals, that make me magnetic (one of them was creating a sense of humor). How to Get Anything from Anyone: The Law of Social Exchange | Girls Chase

 

[Sidhrnsksijf]

Getting My Ass Kicked
Hello everyone. This week I went to 2 parties and 2 link ups.

Mindset Shifts
Chase wrote a great article on life giving people a lot of chances. I read it probably a dozen times over the years, but it only clicked after getting my ass kicked socially for the past couple weeks.

The article also goes over a huge point on what the goal of interacting with people is. Is it to make them laugh? Is it to get invited to parties? What am I optimizing for?

It’s making people feel good!!! That should be my goal in any interaction with any person.

Another huge point in the article was: I can learn social skills from any person.

An oversight I was making was only socializing with my most ideal prospects for friends. That put me in scarcity. I wasn’t talking to alot of people and made slow progress because of it. That changes now. Hint: I talked to dozens of people at the parties I went to, even if they weren’t my perfect cookie cutter friend.

If I could send only one article on getting better at socializing to myself 10 years ago, it would be this one.

Party Experiences
Both invites for the parties were from family friends. Even if they are not ideal, I took them. It's better than sitting at home twiddling my thumbs and theorizing.

At each party, I felt a little uncomfortable. I think that's a good sign that I don’t exactly know what to do. I just guessed everyone was there to socialize like me, so it's not like I'm forcing my way in.

Here comes the first problem: How do I enter a conversation gracefully?

By the time I get there, everyones already in a conversation with eachother. I’ve got two options:
1. I watch how other people enter conversations with established groups
2. I try the good old “Hi, I’m xx”. I mean, it can’t be THAT bad.

I decide on both.

As I watch people mix and mingle, I start feeling like the odd one out. Not because I’m one of the few not chatting it up, but because everyone knows everyone.

They don’t enter a conversation introducing themselves, they don't have to. He or she walks in with an inside joke about the last party, or just hops in. It doesn’t feel appropriate for me to just buy in without people even knowing my name. Can I?

When I introduce myself mid conversation, sometimes the group responds warmly and other times they don’t. It's really a coin flip. I can’t read why, but that's ok for now.’

To the people that are warm, I tell them who I’m related to and talk about their costume. It is halloween. Then I tell them I just moved. Now that I’m writing this, I probably should’ve told them I’m looking to make friends and it's challenging in a new city. Maybe I should’ve also asked them what they did for fun, but it didn’t feel appropriate because we were at a party. That's something people do for fun. The question communicates that I am trying to find similarity in your hobbies to be friends with you, but we already share interest in going to parties.

I also tried to make jokes cause everyone else was. People responded best to VERY simple stuff. For example, at the birthday party, somebody threw an expensive cake at another guy's face and it fell on the ground. Everyone was a little upset, but the guy said it was tradition. So I said to a couple people “I thought the tradition was to put his face in the cake, not the cake in his face”. People liked it. They didn’t exactly pee themselves from laughing, but they did laugh.

Note to self: Memes don’t work at parties, unless everyones a memer.

I listened to what other people said that made everyone laugh. I could not understand for the life of me what they were talking about. I felt like these people were walking circles around me, but I tried to keep up.

I was vibing with some guys and ended up exchanging phone numbers. I don’t know what to text them, but I’ll ask if they’re down to hangout or something.

Link-up Experiences
I was pretty stoked that I managed to get 2 people to do something with me this week. I started probing peoples schedule and shooting invites a little while ago, and it's paying off.

The first person was from a family friend. We planned on going for a walk. When I got there, I didn’t know what we were gonna talk about at first.

At first, we talked about his job. Then his girlfriend. Then his travels. Notice a pattern…

He kept talking nonstop for about an hour before we started getting more balanced back and forth. I was impressed he had so much to talk about and most of it was pretty interesting. He seemed like a genuinely cool and humble guy.

Anyways, we talked about his goals. I gave him advice about a guy I watched get to the place he wanted to be, and he ate it up. We also talked about his girlfriend and past, so I know he has one.

I figured out he likes biking and he wants to go into the city so I said “hit me up anytime you want to go in the city, and we’ll meet up again to chat or bike”.

I think I made a friend. My definition for a friend is someone you meet up with at least sometimes to do something you're not required to do, that you like doing with. For example, a coworker is not a friend until you hangout with him outside of work to chat. This definition I made for myself

The second person is a coworker. She invited me to go eat at happy hour with her. We got out of work at the same time and walked together.

She did most of the talking. When it sounds like she's done, I say something and ask a question or just leave it at that until she opens the next tangent. I probably should’ve interjected more, but I was socially drained from the rest of the week.

We ended up going to eat at 3 different places and spending a fair bit of money together. I did not like that. One ice cream scoop is enough for me. I like looking at stuff… and then NOT emptying my wallet.

I also did a lot of leading. We just finished eating but there's still time to do stuff. What should we do? I know, let's go check out xx. Which way do we go? This way. What food do we eat? This sounds good? Leading is good for seducers and social magnets, from what I’ve read on the blog.

TLDR
I went to some places with some people and did things. I watched what everyone else did, tried doing a lot of my own things, and soaked in the experience. I just need to do WAY more of that.

 

[Sidhrnsksijf]

I made friends at a meetup
Hello everyone. Yes, the title is true. I went to a meetup this week and made 2 friends.

In several GC articles and ss threads about making friends, the best guys recommend the meetup groups around town to practice socializing and make a few friends.

I went to a couple and didn’t believe it. Everyone at the networking events only cared about advancing their careers and all the niche group members only met with each other during the events, not outside like friends.

Then I went to some more. And a couple more.

I started to understand the general layouts of different meetups and how I could walk in, work a crowd, and get out with a contact/friend/planned hangout or two. I started to see the room.

Spoiler: The Meetup

I went to a social meetup this week. The social ones tend to get more of the people I want to hangout with.

I showed up 30 minutes late. I prefer it that way, so everyone else is there and mingling when I get there. I hate showing up as the first one there and then I have to make conversation with the first people that show up, even if they aren’t ideal.

Then I grab a chair in the corner to scan the crowd. Rarely does anyone notice me or care.

I notice everyone is talking in groups of 2 or 3. That usually means no big groups showed up. Everyone there is there to meet people and socialize, not hangout with their friends and grab a drink.

I look at the way people are dressed, their stance, and their expression. I can get a decent guess on if I will mesh well with them based on that alone.

For example, gamers wear headphones and baggy clothes. Business guys have suits and those fancy shoes on. I look for the guys with jeans and a dress shirt/jacket, or business casual. These guys are usually chill, but not socially awkward.

Stance tells me how interested in the conversation they are. Leaning in is a good sign. Expression tells me the same thing for the most part.

I end up talking to a japanese girl who’s new to the city, but likes nature and outdoor activities. I relate to her and invite her on a walk. She agrees and we exchange numbers. This is not a date.

Then I talk to an Indian dude who is a really chill guy. We bond over philosophy and politics and his story. I ask him what he does for fun and he likes to go to meetups and trivia. I ask him to send me some so we can catch up more. He agrees and we trade numbers. Then he sends me some and we plan on a specific one to go together.

I talk to some less ideal people to see how accurate my guesses were of them, make some good fun, and then leave.

My view of meetups has changed over the course of going to several. They are a solid way to make your first friends, especially if you're new in town. 3 main reasons.

1. They are free
2. They happen consistently if your in a big town
3. There are specific meetups for socializing and meeting new people, so everyone there has the same goal as you

If you go to them consistently, learn to work a crowd, and learn to make a friend, it's not bad.

My process for making a friend is to ask what they do for fun, or relate and bond over what they are already talking about. Then say they seem pretty cool and/or chill and suggest you get together outside of the meetup somehow. Then exchange numbers and plan. BOOM! New friend.

 

[TwoNameGame]

I made friends at a meetup

Congrats!

I showed up 30 minutes late.

Fashionably late...

Then I grab a chair in the corner to scan the crowd.

Pre-selection...

I look at the way people are dressed, their stance, and their expression. I can get a decent guess on if I will mesh well with them based on that alone.

Cold reads...

Stance tells me how interested in the conversation they are. Leaning in is a good sign. Expression tells me the same thing for the most part.

Approach indicators...

I relate to her and invite her on a walk.

You moved her...

We bond over philosophy and politics and his story. I ask him what he does for fun and he likes to go to meetups and trivia.

Emotional topics... (also, I met a friend doing the same but accidentally!)

I ask him to send me some so we can catch up more. He agrees and we trade numbers. Then he sends me some and we plan on a specific one to go together.

Planning a meetup before getting the number...

I talk to some less ideal people to see how accurate my guesses were of them, make some good fun, and then leave.

Getting approaches in even if they don't meet your initial standards...

1. They are free
2. They happen consistently if your in a big town
3. There are specific meetups for socializing and meeting new people, so everyone there has the same goal as you

Similarity...

My process for making a friend is to ask what they do for fun, or relate and bond over what they are already talking about. Then say they seem pretty cool and/or chill and suggest you get together outside of the meetup somehow. Then exchange numbers and plan. BOOM! New friend.

Qualifying, attainability, value, seeding dates, and number closing...

I see you are developing great fundamentals for seduction. As you practice these habits, they become behavior and therefore effortless. Do these same things with women with the same casusalness and you'll be a seducer in no time!

 

[Sidhrnsksijf]

Getting people out
Hello everyone. This week I went to a couple more social events and left with some more connections.

Now I have about a dozen people I am trying to get out to grab lunch with. Some are easier than others.

All I really text is “what's your schedule like? We should grab lunch or hangout sometime this week or next”

 

[Bill Juan]

Let me be brutally honest here:
If you are not already getting laid consistently all this socialising thing is a cope . It won't really help .

If you are getting laid already you can use your skills to socialize with hot girls, bang some, invite others to the said events . You bringing girls will give you REAL value and accelerate the process of what you are trying to achieve. I got jobs as a club promoter and as a DJ just thanks to my use of the game to create social circles of hot girls .

Take a similar road and you will achieve what you're looking for . You just being by yourself trying to "socialize" is too much work and depressing . People won't give you REAL status just because your cool, women will but guys won't . The only efficient way to have fast and strong leverage on any social scene is to provide girls .

 

[Sidhrnsksijf]

Let me be brutally honest here:
If you are not already getting laid consistently all this socialising thing is a cope . It won't really help .

If you are getting laid already you can use your skills to socialize with hot girls, bang some, invite others to the said events . You bringing girls will give you REAL value and accelerate the process of what you are trying to achieve. I got jobs as a club promoter and as a DJ just thanks to my use of the game to create social circles of hot girls .

Take a similar road and you will achieve what you're looking for . You just being by yourself trying to "socialize" is too much work and depressing . People won't give you REAL status just because your cool, women will but guys won't . The only efficient way to have fast and strong leverage on any social scene is to provide girls .

Thanks for responding. When I start banging hot girls, I will take your advice on bringing girls to provide value. Who doesn’t want the guy who consistently brings hot girls to parties?! I wish I was that guy right now.

And no, I’m not trying to be myself. Fuck that bullshit! I am constantly trying to change myself, or not be myself, to get the results I want.

I just moved in a new city and am trying to make a couple friends and learn the process to do it consistently.

All of my previous friends were from school and hobbies, but I don’t have that anymore.

I want to work on not making basic social faux paus. I also want to work on providing social value in other ways than bringing girls, like having a cool and carefree vibe, inviting people to events, having a great sense of humor, and just making people feel good about themselves. There’s some great articles on the blog about this: Here and Here.

 

[Sidhrnsksijf]

Dialing Down the Volume
Hello everyone. This week I started to dial back on how many social events I go to, after some long thinking.

So far, I’ve gone to most meetups in my city. The after work mixers, professional networking, board games, running groups, etc. Everything that was available. Here’s something I learned.

Not all meetups are created equal. Some have more people, and some have more of the ideal people I want in my life.

I do want to work on my social skills, but I don’t want to be friends with everyone I meet. It’s just like how I want to work on my seduction skills, but I don’t want to bang every girl that walks. Two sides of the same coin. There’s another reason I’m dialing back.

Time
I only have so much to spend towards my goals, and trying to do everything all at once just leaves me running in circles, without moving forward… Not great.

Beyond that, I also need extra time to process and reflect on my outings, and in between approaches. Otherwise I won’t be able to internalize anything.

That brought me to the conclusion to dial back. My priority is getting laid, and I want to give myself more time to do that.

I still go out Friday and Saturday night making friends. It makes seduction easier and it’s normal. Only losers and billionaires skip socializing at the end of the week.

But that means there’s less to post about. Oh well.

Besides that, I went clubbing and tried to blend in and bring the right energy at the right time.