Still Not Getting Results? Check Here (By Tool & Zphix)

[Richard]

As for me,

I was just motivated to prove my ex wrong and actually meet new people. I was an introvert (INTJ) and because of that can focus my time and energy on a skill - at one point the skill was pick up.

When I broke my Approach Anxiety, I was more of a "natural" in that a lot of the things I did were not learned techniques but still are techniques. So, couple the things I naturally did with the things I learned to do and you have the modern me =P

EDIT: Lucifer,

Wasn't one of you guys saying to be a "natural?".

This is from me, and I think you misinterpreted my meaning behind it. What I meant by this was, use what works for you because I see some guys who try to use my humorous and sexual style of game when it's completely against their natural selves - the same is true for a 4'11 midget who has never touched a girl before saying that he had a threesome with his ex-stripper girlfriend who was Ms. America... it just doesn't work.

Some techniques to pick up only work for certain types of people, and while most on GC are universal, some simply will not work for other people. For instance, Marty cannot use the sexual innuendos I do, and I can't use the romanticized style of pick-up Marty seems to have. That's what I mean by natural.

Think about it - you may read an article on here one day and get the notion that "Aha! This is totally who I am! I just never knew it til now" then you didn't just learn something that is unnatural to you, you simply discovered something that fits into who you naturally are.

-Richard

 

[lux7]

none of us were REALLY natural. don't know where u heard that. I had zero anything with women before this site

I do have a natural predisposition to extrovert ism, and being a conversationalist.



this is what has worked best for Richard and Myself. and various others who have followed our "ways".

"try it before you buy it"

Ja, also depends what one mean by "really" natural I guess .

Zero like zero girlfriends, never had sex, never kissed or.. (feel free not to reply such a personal question of course ?

 

[lux7]

As for me,

I was just motivated to prove my ex wrong and actually meet new people. I was an introvert (INTJ) and because of that can focus my time and energy on a skill - at one point the skill was pick up.

When I broke my Approach Anxiety, I was more of a "natural" in that a lot of the things I did were not learned techniques but still are techniques. So, couple the things I naturally did with the things I learned to do and you have the modern me =P

-Richard

Interesting.
Would you say you're still introvert?

I think that for some people being "introvert" is just being shy but they'd oterwise love mingling while "real" introverts just don't enjoy social interactions and are comfortable on their own company.

By proving your ex wrong you mean just for yourself, not that she clearly said you'd crawl back to her or smt?

 

[The Tool]

zero like zero girlfriends, never had sex, never kissed or.. (feel free not to reply such a personal question of course ?

nothing. like before had never even held hands with a girl dude. (2+ years ago already)

 

[Richard]

Here Lucifer,

A couple months back I took a test in school called the DISC test which projects your personality style and how it relates to your career choices. As it turned out, psychology, which I chose to major in two years before I took this test, was actually a perfect fit for me. Anyway, in the graphs above:

(D)ecisive: Your preference for problem solving and getting results
(I)nteractive: Your preference for interacting with others and showing emotion
(S)tability: Your preference for pacing, persistence, and steadiness
(C)autious: Your preference for procedures, standards and protocols

With all of this in mind, it's pretty easy to see that I'm actually biverted because when I'm comfortable I'm very sociable and outgoing, affable and friendly, and very cool and calm in high tension situations, and like to move things along.

However, when meeting new people or in unfamiliar situations, my adaptive style takes over and I become more cautious and the natural me doesn't get to shine.

So, I have both qualities of an introvert and extravert - I'm more than happy to meet new people, and be in new situations but I also feel uncomfortable with fake social relationships. So when I'm talking to someone and we don't vibe... I really just want to get out of there and the tension starts to build (but that's how it is where I live). But, when I meet new people and things are clicking (like with women obviously) then I readily move things along and my natural self shines through

Anyhow, I suggest you research the notion between the difference in being introverted or shy - because they are worlds apart when you actually look at them.

-Richard

EDIT: By proving my ex wrong, I wanted to prove to her that I could do better than her and show her that I didn't need her to love me. At first, my motivation was just to get a girlfriend that would topple her and I have long since accomplished that but yes... that was my motivation in learning pick up and it was STRONG!

 

[lux7]

zero like zero girlfriends, never had sex, never kissed or.. (feel free not to reply such a personal question of course ?

nothing. like before had never even held hands with a girl dude. (2+ years ago already)

Interesting.
My guess would be that most who found quick success either:

1.didn't start from scratch;
2. had strong fundamentals to build on;
3. are physically attractive.

I see it quite unlikely to have quick success without any of the above, though of course nothing's impossible but we're talking exceptions.

 

[lux7]

Here Lucifer,

A couple months back I took a test in school called the DISC test which projects your personality style and how it relates to your career choices. As it turned out, psychology, which I chose to major in two years before I took this test, was actually a perfect fit for me. Anyway, in the graphs above:

(D)ecisive: Your preference for problem solving and getting results
(I)nteractive: Your preference for interacting with others and showing emotion
(S)tability: Your preference for pacing, persistence, and steadiness
(C)autious: Your preference for procedures, standards and protocols

With all of this in mind, it's pretty easy to see that I'm actually biverted because when I'm comfortable I'm very sociable and outgoing, affable and friendly, and very cool and calm in high tension situations, and like to move things along.

However, when meeting new people or in unfamiliar situations, my adaptive style takes over and I become more cautious and the natural me doesn't get to shine.

So, I have both qualities of an introvert and extravert - I'm more than happy to meet new people, and be in new situations but I also feel uncomfortable with fake social relationships. So when I'm talking to someone and we don't vibe... I really just want to get out of there and the tension starts to build (but that's how it is where I live). But, when I meet new people and things are clicking (like with women obviously) then I readily move things along and my natural self shines through

Anyhow, I suggest you research the notion between the difference in being introverted or shy - because they are worlds apart when you actually look at them.

-Richard

EDIT: By proving my ex wrong, I wanted to prove to her that I could do better than her and show her that I didn't need her to love me. At first, my motivation was just to get a girlfriend that would topple her and I have long since accomplished that but yes... that was my motivation in learning pick up and it was STRONG!

Interesting, I find myself also being introvert in unknown situations -say in a bar by myself- and very extrovert in more familiar situation.
I usually don't trust tests too much but I'd take a look into it.

For the GF thing I'll send you a PM as I'm curious about smt but don't want to go too much off topic and too much on the personal side

 

[The Tool]

2. had strong fundamentals to build on;
3. are physically attractive.

I have both 2 and 3 just ask richard about #3 aint that right buddy hahahaha

 

[Marty]

Hey Richard, here's one for you:

With all of this in mind, it's pretty easy to see that I'm actually biverted because when I'm comfortable I'm very sociable and outgoing, affable and friendly, and very cool and calm in high tension situations, and like to move things along.

However, when meeting new people or in unfamiliar situations, my adaptive style takes over and I become more cautious and the natural me doesn't get to shine.

So, I have both qualities of an introvert and extravert - I'm more than happy to meet new people, and be in new situations but I also feel uncomfortable with fake social relationships.

I understand what you are saying very well, and can empathize to some extent.

However, if you will put on your professional psychologist hat for a moment, please tell me whether the following is odd: I have the same ambivalence between extraversion and introversion as you, but the determinants are different.

For me, if I am among totally unknown people, I can be extremely outgoing and affable. However, when I am among people I know quite well (with the exception of close friends of course), I become rather reserved.

Therefore, in the office, for example, I am viewed as somewhat distant and aloof, but at a networking event, or an unfamiliar social situation, or in cold approach (!), I come across as confidently open and communicative.

I think it is because I know that the cost of failure is low in arbitrary situations, so I am subconsciously prepared to stick my neck out far more than I would among people I know I will see again shortly.

Does your Myers-Briggs flip between I and E also, Richard? I sometimes come out INFP, usually ENFP however, depending on when the test is administered. The only dimension that I regularly differ from the control group on is F/T — I always come out a strong F, I guess I'm just not a "thinker". Maybe that's why I have so much trouble with this seduction stuff, haha!

-Marty

 

[lux7]

2. had strong fundamentals to build on;
3. are physically attractive.

I have both 2 and 3 I have both 2 and 3 just ask richard about #3 aint that right buddy hahahaha

Makes sense , so honestly the surprise is more that you hadn't had experiences before proactively studying and applying seduction techniques rather than how fast you've learned.
Though of course that doesn't take anything away from you and as it was you who actively thought improvement.

I won't ask anything about that last part of the comment as I like thinking of you two as heterosexuals

 

[Richard]

I understand what you are saying very well, and can empathize to some extent.

However, if you will put on your professional psychologist hat for a moment, please tell me whether the following is odd: I have the same ambivalence between extraversion and introversion as you, but the determinants are different.

For me, if I am among totally unknown people, I can be extremely outgoing and affable. However, when I am among people I know quite well (with the exception of close friends of course), I become rather reserved.

Therefore, in the office, for example, I am viewed as somewhat distant and aloof, but at a networking event, or an unfamiliar social situation, or in cold approach (!), I come across as confidently open and communicative.

I think it is because I know that the cost of failure is low in arbitrary situations, so I am subconsciously prepared to stick my neck out far more than I would among people I know I will see again shortly.

Does your Myers-Briggs flip between I and E also, Richard? I sometimes come out INFP, usually ENFP however, depending on when the test is administered. The only dimension that I regularly differ from the control group on is F/T — I always come out a strong F, I guess I'm just not a "thinker". Maybe that's why I have so much trouble with this seduction stuff, haha!

-Marty

Marty,

The Myers Briggs specifically does not flip between I and E - but tests like the DISC test do (I recommend you take the DISC assessment under the Get Started Now section.) The DISC breaks you up into your natural self and adaptive self and accounts for your introverted and extroverted qualities.

Then, as for your determinants like in the office vs. at a social event - it's not out of the ordinary at all. Everybody's personality is unique to them, but under the Myers Briggs and DISC tests there are "generally true" traits for each of the personality types. So, most INTJs will act the same, most INFPs will act the same so in your case, I'm confident (and know for a fact actually) that your determinants are not unusual =P

 

[PinotNoir]

zero like zero girlfriends, never had sex, never kissed or.. (feel free not to reply such a personal question of course ?

nothing. like before had never even held hands with a girl dude. (2+ years ago already)

Interesting.
My guess would be that most who found quick success either:

1.didn't start from scratch;
2. had strong fundamentals to build on;
3. are physically attractive.

I see it quite unlikely to have quick success without any of the above, though of course nothing's impossible but we're talking exceptions.

Not necessarily. Now, you are right that guys with traits 1, 2, and 3 will have quicker results, but guys with none of those traits can also have what I consider quick results. Sports is littered with these kind of stories (e.g., Rudy movie); it just takes A LOT.

Let's say a guy has none of the traits above and has a lot of determination (even with little time, a person with a lot of determination can make time, as I have learned from others). I'm not this guy because I have determination/passion for other things, but I can definitely see a guy having loads of determination and doing the following:

1. Buy Girls Chase book and read it in a day while making notes (back in high school, I read A Tale of Two Cities in a day due to procrastination and made a B on the test).
2. Next day, research about fashion and places with reasonable prices; go to stores and ask for help from employees; etc. Also, begin working on posture and eye contact all day.
3. Next day, begin working on all fundamentals possible; re-read fundamentals chapters; and read random articles on fundamentals. Also, buy a gym membership.
4. Next day, continue working on fundamentals and reading articles/chapters on it. Also, begin to go to random places in town during the day and making a log of the time/day/place for the prettiest women for you.
5. Next day, begin working on conversation and voice fundamentals. Re-read conversation chapters and read conversation articles. Watch tons of YouTube videos on voices you like. Record your voice a ton of times.
6. Next day, go to more places or the same places that you logged from #4. Begin practicing conversation/voice with the cashiers and random strangers ("Do you have the time?" "Where is X?" "I like your dress/shoes/jacket.") Continue working on fundamentals. Log and analyze and have fun.
7. Next day, re-read chapters on openers and read articles on it. Decide X amount of days you can commit to per week and Y amount of girls you have to approach per week or per month. For the extremely determined guy, he'd set a high but reasonable goal.

If someone just has scads of determination, I think they can improve in almost anything rather quickly. In fact, I think you can improve in this quicker than building loads of muscle. Building muscle (without testosterone pills and muscle milk) can take a long time even with determination, just because it takes time. However, learning something may not if you really commit yourself to it, immerse yourself in it, and do and learn and repeat.

 

[The Tool]

BUMP

 

[godawful622]

This is a great post but does it really work? I mean I'm 24, never had a girlfriend or a date or sex. It seems impossible to me. Again thank you for the post.

 

[The Tool]

@godawful.

It does really work my friend. With enough determination anything is possible. The more effort you put into self improvement, the more you will get out.

24 isn't so bad. I was in your shoes at 19-20 and quickly went up the ranks and had huge success. Now i am married to a gorgeous, intellectual, and overall amazing woman. As well as working on my masters degree in psychology (thanks to inspiration from this psychology based community).

Had I thought none of this was possible at one point? Hell yea. Did I question it? your darn right! But when you pull yourself up by your boot straps. Realize that change and growth needs to be made. And actively engage in healthy ways of obtaining that growth. Then you can do ANYTHING, you put your mind to

If my quick schpeel here was not enough, just look at everyone else success here. It can be done. And we are all here to help you along the way

 

[godawful622]

Not a bad response! I wont crash this one. I will give you an e for effort.

 

[Richard]

Not a bad response! I wont crash this one. I will give you an e for effort.

I see that your other posts have the same sort of attitude as this one.

There are so many success stories on these Boards that it's easy to find inspiration and when I was in your shoes after contemplating suicide after having my first girlfriend cheat on me, etc. After that incident I had no confidence with women, thought dating her was a fluke, and I was absolutely unable to approach women. But, I recognized that I needed to learn this skill and so I approached it as a skill because that's what it is.

Skills are learnable, teachable, and repeatable and this website and forum members are dedicated to sharing as much of this skill as possible. It does take work, you will have some sleepless nights, but this is one venture where you get back the effort you put in. Feel free to click on my profile and look through some of my very first posts; I was socially inept and really couldn't assume responsibility for my success but you'll see (if you decide to take a look) that I started to make changes and the grind started to pay off. I've grown in so many ways because of this site and because I learned this skill. It's not impossible at all and you're free to PM me if you want to talk about this more.

-Richard

 

[Lucifer]

You might ask. But what if she flakes or gives you a hard time, or wants to keep texting you.

If she texts you. Be warm and text back and keep it short and concise.

If she is flaky/ unwilling to go out then follow this process:
-2 days after number you text her.
-She says "my schedule looks pretty full. I'll let you know when I'm free"
-You say "Ok sounds good."

Leave it at that for 5-7 days. then text back with. "hey (name here) hope things have been good. How’s that schedule looking?"
and if you get the same busy response. DON'T EVEN CONTACT HER AGAIN! LEAVE IT!! DONE!! KAPUT!!! She might text you in 2 weeks which is a common trend and NJ handled that like a champ so here is the link to what he did about it: NJ's HBRockerChick

As a note: We typically continually text a girl like this throughout the dating process if we choose it to continue. ITS BEST TO GET TO KNOW ONE ANOTHER IN PERSON AND THE MORE YOU TEXT HER THE LESS OF A CHANCE YOU HAVE OF GETTING HER OUT!!

This is where I'm getting some real cognitive dissonance currently. My experience has been the exact opposite. Looking back at girls I've slept with, more than 70% are ones where we've sent lots of texts back and forth before we met. It's very rare in my (admittedly limited) experience to take a girl to bed (or even a date) without exchanging quite a few texts first (like 30-40 texts back and forth). And recently I feel like I've scared several girls away by trying to push for a date too soon. I really felt that they wanted to text more first (which I hate doing! And refused to, since that's what GC advises).

I've upped my fundamentals significantly and get better responses and lots of numbers, and unlike before, I'm getting replies from most numbers now. But I seem to be finding that it's the girls that want to keep texting more & building comfort over text before they wanna meet, especially younger chicks (18-22). If after a few friendly texts I just say "ok, let's meet next week, I'll text you then", and wait a whole week (unthinkable) before I text them again, they are long gone. I feel like they think I'm lazy and a kind of guy who is not willing to put any work in or something, or that I think they are too easy.... Argh, I guess I just gotta find the right balance.... Maybe I've got to make the connection more genuine or something....

 

[Lucifer]

If after a few friendly texts I just say "ok, let's meet next week, I'll text you then", and wait a whole week (unthinkable) before I text them again, they are long gone.

This was mostly my own fear, worries, and inexperience talking. I finally did the "unthinkable", haha! Approached and got a cute girl's number last week, sent a minimal amount of texts strictly to set up a meet (no rapport-building at all) and she said the best time for her was about a week away, so we agreed on it.

The inital attraction & connection was so strong! I was so scared to leave 5 days of silence in between. Really worried I might lose her, and my gut instinct kept telling me to maybe text her at least once in the meantime to "stay in touch" or see how she's doing, BUT I decided to stick firmly to the GC advice all the way! And so today I sent her a pre-meeting text to which she replied warmly and we are still on for the date! Whew...

Another reason that I finally tried this extremely minimal texting approach is because 3 weeks ago I met a different girl, and proceeded to exchange 50+ (clever, witty, flirty) FB messages with (consistently trying to set up a meet), and sure enough, I got firmly planted into friend zone.... She keeps being "too busy" to meet. Ugh... So I said to myself "fuck it, that's the last time I do this long text conversation BS".

Everything about the minimal texting approach makes perfect sense from so many angles: law of least effort, staying mysterious, indicating abundance, not seeming needy, not undermining the initial attraction that was built up, etc.... It was just my old (wrong) wiring that was messing me up.
I WILL NEVER DOUBT GIRLSCHASE ADVICE EVER AGAIN!!!! haha

 

[The Tool]

Everything about the minimal texting approach makes perfect sense from so many angles: law of least effort, staying mysterious, indicating abundance, not seeming needy, not undermining the initial attraction that was built up, etc.... It was just my old (wrong) wiring that was messing me up.
I WILL NEVER DOUBT GIRLSCHASE ADVICE EVER AGAIN!!!! haha

Glad you threw caution to the wind and tried it!

Ricky and I know what were talking about.

Good luck my friend