Strange contact from a girl, post blow-off

[NarrowJ]

I had been dating a girl, moved a little too slow and didn't close soon enough. She got cold and fell asleep on me completely. Friend-zoning me, or trying to at least. This is a girl that was basically head over heels for me: showing me off, introducing me to friends, always brining up "future" type stuff. I was at the "last 5%" (just about had her naked) and I just didn't or could not close that situation out for whatever reason.

Anyway, after she blew me off I quit talking to her, and several days later she makes a pretty generous donation to my web page for a charity event I'm involved with. I felt compelled to thank her, so I did (rather calmly, just a thank you and a "you didn't have to do that"). She then - this is via text mind you - exclaims "oh shit!" and tells me the donation was "supposed" to be "anonymous". Hmm sure it was, because you have to TYPE YOUR NAME INTO THE WEB FORM. So, anyway, I try to open the conversation further and she shuts it down immediately with a one word response. Oh well, not a big deal. But, what is the psychology behind that? If she was just trying to get a rise out of me - I hope it was worth her money.

 

[trashKENNUT]

Guess Chase has answer your question on his recent article.

Zac

 

[NarrowJ]

Well, I included very little info in my comment on the blog post.

Others are welcome to chime in here. I'm not sure I fully explained it over there.

 

[Nuncle]

I'm a beginner myself (not even that really) but will give my interpretation based on my reading of this truly excellent blog plus my own experience.

When you have a connection to a girl that connection will always exist to her in some form, even if you totally blow it. That does not mean she will want to try again but she will always remember the connection, have "what if?" moments and ideally will want to know she could still get you if she wanted. Most of all, though, she wants the validation.

So if you blow it and she ignores you and you ignore her back that will throw her a little, particularly if she is used to men trying hard to win her back after they have screwed up. If you don't ignore her back and chase her she has all the validation she needs, while still not wanting you owing to the earlier screw up.

If you ignore her, however, she will worry that you two have stopped talking because in fact you have lost interest in her rather than the other way round. She will then start fishing for evidence that you are still hooked. As soon as you provide this evidence she can rest assured and go back to ignoring you again.

Your best chance, then, is to continue ignoring her until the only way she can get you to stop is by saying something like "Look, really sorry I've been such a bitch. Would really love to see you again and pick up where we left off". But be warned, anything up to that level can still just be fishing for validation rather than actually wanting you (eg "You've forgotten me!" "I really miss you!" etc).

And the ignoring should be casual, not angry, on your part, so responding to her text about the anonymous donation with something like "Oh OK, no worries"

Won't definitely work but your best shot.

Anyway I am sure the more advanced PuAs on here will have some more in-depth insight on this.

 

[NarrowJ]

I know for a fact there are girls that you can not close with the first time, and then the very next date you can get in it. This girl seemed like one of those types, that just wanted to make me wait one more day/date so that she'd feel better about it. I think the problem was twofold:

1. That there was a period of 4-5 days between that and the next date

and

2. I didn't scout this girl very well. She isn't as much of a nice girl as I thought. If I pushed harder, she would have been in bed with me.


Kicking myself!