Struggling lately.

[Estate]

Hey guys,
So maybe this isn't the best place to put this but I don't want to ask on another pua forum or relationships forum or whatever.

Here is my story. I haven't been feeling myself lately. Maybe it's he holidays, maybe it's other things, I don't know. But I can't get m mind straight. I keep thinking about my exes and things that happened.

I'll be totally upfront. While I want to improve myself with women so much. I am not looking to be a superstar player type guy. I just want to be able to meet a good girl who I could have a relationship with, but not be so dependent on it.

The problem is. I have had some really really beautiful girlfriends before. I just didn't really know how I got them. I just did. Yet in-between them and right now, I am just not attracting women anywhere near that quality. A few girls I met lately, I was considering giving them more of a run and see if there was any potential there but deep down in my heart, I knew, these girls were a step down from some of the girls in my past.

I saw one of my exes lately and she's doing great. I know I can't have this girl again but what I had there is so much what I want in life, but its not something I find in many girls I'm meeting now. I feel bad about myself, I really haven't bettered myself since we split or I would be happy and over her completely, not still looking to find a way to fill the gap it left in my life.

Right before the holidays, a girl I was seeing actually ended things with me. It turned out she had a boyfriend, or she hooked back up with her ex, or something, I really don't know what was going on and it doesn't matter but it's really messing with me. I've seen the guy, in looks, style, personality, successfullness, financially, and almost any category that could POSSIBLY matter, I feel I trump this guy. Not blowing my own horn, he just looks and comes across like a pretty small town, small thinking, socially awkward, pretty plain guy, no job, no ambition, no charisma, nothing. Yet I cannot see why she would pick him over me? Its just messing with me.

I'm using this as an example but it's just the trend I'm going through. The girls I really want and just not being attracted to me as much as I try, really hard.

I've gotten really close lately to saying screw it and just settle on one of the girls I had seen but ultimately I know I'll feel I could have had better, but those girls are just not coming along very often.

There's just something up in my head right now. I'm not desperate for a relationship. But my goal in all of this was to get a great girlfriend, I'm just feeling right now that there is no finish line in sight. I do want to companionship but I don't want to wait and put off things forever unless I feel I am getting closer to what I desire.

I hope that made some sense. I just feel like I'm kidding myself sometime. I'm not sure how to get my head back on straight. Its effecting my ability to actually go out and meet people as I'm just not in a good space right now.

Thanks,
E.

 

[Flames]

I'm going to be slightly on the harsh side here and say that really at this moment in time you cannot do better, those are the types of girls your attracting because of your bad vibe and negativity.

What you doing is making excuses and what you need to be doing is getting yourself back on track and realise that quality women expect a quality guy, you've been that guy and you've let it go.

Start now on either working out how to get your old self back, or better still be an even better version of yourself.

Maybe run through the newbie assignments and see where it takes you?

 

[Light]

I'm going to be slightly on the harsh side here and say that really at this moment in time you cannot do better, those are the types of girls your attracting because of your bad vibe and negativity.

What you doing is making excuses and what you need to be doing is getting yourself back on track and realise that quality women expect a quality guy, you've been that guy and you've let it go.

Start now on either working out how to get your old self back, or better still be an even better version of yourself.

Maybe run through the newbie assignments and see where it takes you?

I'm going to have to back Flames up here too.
what Flames said is absolutely right.
The problem here is nothing but your own mindset. You are too stressed about this, and this affects your own body language.
Your confidence level is down, your ability to think smart is down, your ability to understand women is down. and your ability to understand where you are going wrong is down. All due to the fact of what Flames mentioned "your excuses".

But what your main problem here is nothing but your own "Expectation".
Although you are not comparing with other guys, you are comparing with your past results. Put that away!
Stop looking for "the perfect girl", and just date any girls "for fun only".

Take a break from relationships, and just stick to casual dating. Get girls to chase you.
Chill out, and relax. Be a cool care free person. Once you become this happier person, you will attract more girls into your life, and eventually that perfect girl will just appear in front of "the right you".

 

[trashKENNUT]

Hi Estate,

Yet I cannot see why she would pick him over me? Its just messing with me.

I can tell from here that you going through a transition period, where things are bad. The good thing about this whole trend you going through is that you have seen that girls will pick guys over things that you think you have him over. Girls will just pick guys who gives her the best emotions.

Here's what i am suggesting you to do,

Try to remember what characteristics he has that you don't. And learn as much as possible once you feel you want to come back from the break of dating. I am sure you do the best for you.

Zac

 

[Estate]

Thats whats messing with me though. I felt I was making big strides, my confidence was high.
But I genuinely don't see what I can learn from this guy. He follows her like a lost puppy yet somewhere along the way that win her back.
Its making me doubt myself and these tactics and really messing with me.
Yes it sounds like excuses but thats why I asked. I can't get out of this funk.

 

[trashKENNUT]

Thats whats messing with me though. I felt I was making big strides, my confidence was high.
But I genuinely don't see what I can learn from this guy. He follows her like a lost puppy yet somewhere along the way that win her back.

Hmm, Seems like he whiteknight his way back to her heart. Is it what i think it is? Check out this article and tell me this answer your story.

https://www.girlschase.com/content/white ... s-distress

Zac

 

[Flames]

Thats whats messing with me though. I felt I was making big strides, my confidence was high.
But I genuinely don't see what I can learn from this guy. He follows her like a lost puppy yet somewhere along the way that win her back.
Its making me doubt myself and these tactics and really messing with me.
Yes it sounds like excuses but thats why I asked. I can't get out of this funk.

No, you are what's messing with you, you did make great strides, and I bet at that time you thought that was all down to your own hard work, not it being someone else's 'fault', but now you've taken a bit of a step back. It's not really anything to worry about you just need to hit the reset button and try again.

 

[Estate]

Thanks guys,

So on the White Knight thing. I don't really see myself as the white knight here but its better describes him. The situation was that she told me they were pretty serious a long time ago (as in years ago) but he just came off as a really clingy friend who still held a candle for her. She would roll her eyes at things he'd say and do because he was acting like a lost puppy dog.

I didn't bring it up again after she told me though and I just went about things as if he didn't exist and it appeared fine. I mean, why would she hook back up with a guy like that when she's doing so much better. But she DID.
I don't even know the full story really. I think she had him on the go the whole time, or at least they were on a break or something, the story about it being years ago doesn't add up now but i won't bore you with the details of that.

Anyway, while I DO understand a lot from the article it still doesn't add up. He was being the white knight, the AFC, or whatever people want to call it, chasing her, desperately looking for her attention while she genuinely seemed to be into me as I was different, I was a cool guy, she was actually chasing ME rather than the other way around.
I don't mean to attack the guy himself but he's a "small town" sort of guy, rather rough looking, hasn't got a job or much going from him from what I know while I have worked on myself in many regions over the past few years. I have a lot going for me, I'm well travelled, I am successful in my career, I was making big strides in how I acted around her as opposed to other girls before and I really saw it working....

... then out of the blue, she's back with him. I'm not really getting it.

I think the real story is she said something in a text that she couldn't walk away from things in her life. But didn't explain, I didn't ask. I just feel the guy has some sort of a hold over her about something, which again, should logically work against him to be the sort of person to get a girl by some sort of emotional or otherwise hold he has....

.... But it WORKED for him!!! All logic says she had a better thing NOT going back there....

I know... sorry for rambling. There's a few other things in my head too, not just this making me a little off the past week.
As I said, I felt I made big strides but for it to fall apart and be rejected even though all the logic from things I've learned here says it shouldn't have gone that way.

You guys are right though, RESET button is needed... I'm just back to normal after being out of town for the holidays so I'm gonna take a day or two to get back into my routine and get back out there at the weekend... only way to do it, right?

Cheers,
E.

 

[Franco]

Hey Estate,

That other guy could be a lost puppy dog in person (which is why she's probably broken up with him before) and possibly a raging bull in the sack (a possible reason that she can't get over him -- it could be the best sex she's ever had).

My point here is that you do not really know the reason, and it's best to not try to "compare" yourself with others and just completely focus on improving you. The first place you can start improving yourself is by learning not to try to berate others (as much as every urge inside you tells you otherwise) and learn to be humble, yet bold and confident. For all you know, this girl may even sense the jealousy that is emanating from you, and that may be exactly what is making you look like you are the lesser man of the two. Remember, she is the one who decides who she thinks is the better man and who she wants to be with. Not you.

Focus on yourself, Estate. Relax your mind... the more time you spend thinking about the flaws in others is the less time you are spending in thinking about how you can improve yourself. If you keep a mindset of only improving yourself, eventually you become the man that every girl wants without even noticing. You'll be asking yourself, "why did this beautiful girl choose me over this other great guy?" But at that point, it won't matter -- you'll be the one with the beautiful girl.

Hope this provides some insight.

- Franco

 

[Estate]

Thanks Franco,
You're right. It's not good to berate someone else, it wasn't really my intention or something I ever did around her... it's just what's been in my head since
As in, after being on this blog for a while, I've been doing a lot more things in the "Do" category while I just saw a lot of the "Don'ts" in his behaviour so I've been trying to break it down into WHAT it was that made her choose the guy who'd be the one to be turned down in a lot of situations. But you're right, I'll never know exactly, and it may be something I never really had any control over, he appeared to be a bigger part of her life before I came along , than I originally knew, and that was probably a major part of it and would have taken more than just "good" game to completely eclipse whatever past they have.

I'm gonna pick myself up. As I said, this and a few other things had my mood a bit funky lately which lead me to post.

Many thanks!
E.

 

[Garrett]

Thanks Franco,
You're right. It's not good to berate someone else, it wasn't really my intention or something I ever did around her... it's just what's been in my head since
As in, after being on this blog for a while, I've been doing a lot more things in the "Do" category while I just saw a lot of the "Don'ts" in his behaviour so I've been trying to break it down into WHAT it was that made her choose the guy who'd be the one to be turned down in a lot of situations. But you're right, I'll never know exactly, and it may be something I never really had any control over, he appeared to be a bigger part of her life before I came along , than I originally knew, and that was probably a major part of it and would have taken more than just "good" game to completely eclipse whatever past they have.

I'm gonna pick myself up. As I said, this and a few other things had my mood a bit funky lately which lead me to post.

Many thanks!
E.

Hey Estate!

I get where you are coming from man, I'm going through a bit of a funk myself, but consider this...

Chase has created a blogsite to help you get girls. The thing is, not everything he or anyone else says can guarantee you success with girls everytime. If you do, however, follow the advice on the blog, you'll definitely be a lot closer to getting success with girls than the average clueless nice guy. In fact, you should even expect exponential success, provided you keep at it!

I can relate to your story though, because some of my friends who are absolutely clueless from what I see, are landing some pretty hot girls who are madly in love with them. One of my friends even said his girlfriend, who in my opinion is out of his league, dresses him and takes care of him. Logically, it doesn't really make sense so you feel frustrating and start to doubt everything you've learned. You start thinking, "Well shoot, maybe being yourself does actually work! Forget Chase and all of this nonsense, I'm just going to be myself!" The thing is, you should strive to be yourself but try to make yourself into the best you that you can be! How do you go about this? It's not hard, just read the blogs, go and apply what you've learned and you'll start noticing a dramatic change in your success with girls. Not only this, but Franco raises a valid point; you don't know how this guy acts with the girl, what she is attracted to, or if he's good in bed for example, so you shouldn't compare yourself with others.

Let me provide you with some knowledge here... I've been reading this blogsite for months now, and I've picked up a ton of knowledge from it. The thing is Estate, whenever I talk to a girl or anyone for that matter, I'm not much better than I was months ago. Why you may ask? Well it's because, if you aren't going out and applying what you know on a consistent basis, don't expect to gain incredible results! Like Chase mentioned in his article, if you practice everyday, you'll get really good, but if you practice everyday then give up once you hit a plateau, you'll only be marginally or slightly better than you were before, and over time, your brain won't function the same way.

I've made excuses like my logistics suck and I live in a small town, but come this summer I'm going to go out and get better at socializing/getting numbers. I've had my mind on a few girls like you and in order to get over this, I KNOW that I need to go out of my comfort zone and meet more girls, and that's exactly what I intend to do! If you just read the blogsite and sit on your ass expecting to get better with girls, you won't! The thing that I've noticed though, is I'll be talking to a girl then almost right after the conversation ends, I'll start realizing like, "Shoot, I was talking too fast, or I wasn't asking for any compliance!" If this happens to you, it's okay! I suggest you try out the newbie assignment Chase made, and when you are trying to get better, focus on 2 or 3 things max while simultaneously conversing with the girl. So say your walk needs work, you've never set a Chase frame, and you speak too fast (nervous). What you should do then is complete the newbie assignment first, then start implementing a few things at a time into your approaches and you'll eventually get better and better and if you keep at it, SUBSTANTIALLY better. Never give up man, because if you really want to get a bunch of sexy 10's with degrees and who are all over you, you need to put in the work!

Best of luck mate,
Garrett