Surveying the Topography

[Conquistador]

Welcome to my humble journal. I intend to post updates more or less regularly, but not daily.

I'm a freshman at one of the hottest colleges in the country. I waited to start until the world went back to being vaguely normal, so I'm already 20. If you recognize my profile picture, I'm pretty much a less developed version of him, minus the dough and overall gravitas I've been working on fundamentals for months to years, but I reached a final decision to take this path only recently. I also have a personal honor code that defines some RoEs, but not really an issue in daygame.

Medium-term goals relevant to this journal are to form plenty of deep guy-girl friendships (this is going to be a recurring topic and I'll share the philosophy behind putting that first later), getting and staying with a quality girlfriend, and charming people (especially females) in my business and casual interactions. My overall strategy is to better leverage the college environment and my unique selling points by improving fundamentals and especially tactical skill, while developing my overall self.

If others' responses are any indication, I've become significantly more attractive than I used to be in the course of the past several months. I'm 6'2", generally well-dressed, and I have good posture and stuff. I'm also not much of a herd animal (a slightly younger guy friend called me a "sigma male"). I'm genuine and charming (even when I'm awkward) rather than magnetic. I'm too much of a good boy to be truly Byronic, but I've been through a lot for my age.

I basically started from the drawing board with girls, including with friendships. Although I'm ridiculously inexperienced (for now due to not really rebelling against my conservative upbringing, I'm comfortable with my own sexuality, with openly discussing sexuality (I'm kinda classy about it tho), and confident in my basic competence in bed.

Roundup of Week 1 of college to follow.

 

[Conquistador]

College, Week 1

NOTE: Week 2 is ongoing.

Two book classes initially (humanities & language), two PE classes (one of which is a swim class, the serious kind, so all but irrelevant). Socially, the quad (active, but not a butterfly) and online (more active, due to not lurking). Plenty of international students, whom I've had some good convos with.

Main Effort: Meet lots of girls, get to know them, and befriend some of them
Off to a good start! Where to begin...
To me, one of the main things about being friends with a girl is that they're not like bros at all (unless they're butch lesbians who go whitewater rafting). Men are men, and women are women, and we ought to be able to have emotional honesty without necessarily escalating. I know it's naive, but girls certainly seem to believe this, so why shouldn't I? I intend to strike a balance between the friend zone and unbearable sexual tension, while not ruling out future possibilities.
I'm quite self-aware about my innocence/genuineness/romanticism/conscience/scruples etc, and I plan to make an advantage out of it. For one thing, it's a major boost to outcome independence in the short term; unlike many rookies, I'm not desperate to get laid. Similarly, I have few if any player traits (and even the clothes are for me, not the girls, actually). Not too worried abt nice guy syndrome for the foreseeable future, I moved past that months to years ago (the hard way, but I learned fast).
Anyway...
Just prior to college I made my first close gal pal from outside social circle (more on her in Week 2). During week 1, I mostly just met people, especially girls. The highlight of the week was my other PE class, where there're opportunities to chat; I met a number of interesting girls. I also chatted up a girl from my language class; she seemed like an interesting person, but a little formless, which brings me to...

The #1 issue I'm having is that people (especially but not exclusively girls) make themselves out to be more boring, uncool, and mediocre than they actually are, even if they aren't shy. They don't have much to say about themselves, except the ones who do, and I may be erring on the side of listening due to a previous tendency to overshare.

Supporting Effort #1: Find at least one girl who might be girlfriend material, get to know her, and ask her out at an opportune moment
No real progress (a little during week 2 as of writing). There are lots of good-looking girls around, but I'm not currently looking for a random hookup. (Btw, on average, as people (idk abt bed), Norwegian girls > Swedish girls.)
There's a cute redheaded freshman I've seen around a few times whom I like the looks and impression of (seems sweet, slightly introverted, inexperienced, intelligent, etc.) At least twice we've made positive eye contact at long range, but I haven't gotten a good approach opportunity, and I'd prefer to be in good form and we keep crossing paths so I'll wait for a better opportunity.
Also, my language class has one girl in it of note. She's a freshman from out of state, barely noticeable on the silly "HB" scale, but my first impression was very positive. Once I got to know her, however...no way, and as a friend, well, I rely on my intuition more than most guys...I'm not sure (see week 2).

Supporting Effort #2: Improve social skills, meet cool guys, get to know my professors, etc.
I'm getting lots of social practice/experience, and have noticed a few areas that could use work (omitted for brevity and personal privacy).
Without drawing too much attention, I stick out a bit from the crowd, mainly due to my clothes and maybe posture/movement. I'm not used to girls checking me out, or giving IoIs (which I acknowledge but rarely approach). I've met some cool and/or intelligent guys in class, on the quad, and online. I've started off on the right foot with both of my professors and both my coaches; they're all cool and highly rated.
Nobody has yet asked me if I'm gay, but a few guys (including one who mentioned he was in passing) did strike up conversations with me a bit enthusiastically. I'm guessing that will happen now and then. Shrug.

Home Front
I was honestly pretty drained and sleep-deprived, from the disruption of starting college after vegetating for a few weeks, and general disorder. I stayed at home on Tuesday and Thursday (when I don't have classes) and it wasn't enough. I also wasn't eating enough; I had to stop my informal calorie-restriction/no-junk-food diet for the long weekend.

I don't really use porn to self-pleasure (sometimes written material), but I'd still like to get to the point where I only ejaculate during sex (when I start having it - need to find the right GF/FWB first). To that end, I've been working since early summer on developing a reliable NEMO (non-ejaculatory multiple orgasm) capability. I've recently started to be able to do it reliably and effectively (downside is I end up taking a looong time to feel satisfied if I have nowhere to be), but in the last week or so I haven't been able to relax enough. As of this writing (middle of week two) I'm trying to just stop self-pleasuring until I have the headspace to relax...effort in progress.

(blah blah boring business and trying to move out stuff)

Logistics needs attention, especially clothing. I have a halfway decent (and spiffy by the standards of the average guy) wardrobe, but it needs some rolling replacements. I've lost an inch or two of waistline, and will probably lose another inch or two. Plus, it's hard to find XL/XXL "tall" or "slim" shirts. I could use some new pants, especially khakis, and I own no shorts except swim trunks. I'll definitely be on the lookout for end-of-summer sales. Come winter, I want to get a flat cap or two of the fancy kind, but I would need to try it on in person to make sure it looked right, obviously.

In general, I'll be giving a lot of attention to the home front...not so much emphasizing fundamentals as self-care and getting the money to move out...Southern California is EXPENSIVE.

To be continued...

 

[Conquistador]

Interlude
During week 1 I was studying outdoors, a table over from two Swedish girls (they're usually in pairs for some reason), when this guy, a player if there ever was one, sits down with them and starts (quite smoothly, but obviously) hitting on them. They weren't even that hot, altho dressed a little less casually and otherwise cosmetically embellished, which you don't see a lot with the Scandinavian girls; I guess he thought they were the party girl type (pity, he should have tried the pair of shallow fashion students (who couldn't even enlighten me abt fashion) I chatted up for practice + expand knowledge of Sweden on the bus that night: "What do you like to do in your spare time?" "uh...party").
I initially took him for a second-generation Persian from here in LA but he was actually an Indian exchange student with a job in "real estate development" and other fast yuppie type stuff. Anyway, he introduces himself, etc etc, invites them to his pool party, they politely decline, fluff, they play the old "pretend to leave" trick. I initially have trouble not cracking up at his unabashed brazenness, then give the exchange a sliver of attention while working. I smile a bit in amusement, one of the girls smiles back at the shared joke; player doesn't notice me at all until they've gone, when he gives me this big knowing grin as if he had just pulled them for an instant threesome.

Takeaways:
-Don't be that guy unless you want that life.
-Don't hit on girls flagrantly in public, but if you do, be smooth and unapologetic and not creepy. Dude was congruent as hell at least
-Don't assume anything about girls' sexual proclivities on sight. A virgin who's insecure and over-invested about her looks is hard to tell from a party girl dress and cosmetic wise during the day.
-There are no "easy" girls while the sun is out.
-Get to know girls even if you just want to party or hook up with them.
-Guys judge fast guys less than girls judge fast girls. Based double standards, honestly if a girl sleeps around she prob just had a messed up upbringing or similar
-Pulling two girls cards-on-the-table during the day the way he tried is much, much harder than pulling one.

Idk honestly, the most relevant part for me was how the girl who noticed responded positively to my reaction.

To be continued...

 

[Conquistador]

Mid-Week Update (edited for grammar)
Saturday-Monday were mainly rest days. I had an wholesome but playful chat with an online gal pal; suffice it to say we had met anonymously during "week -1" and clicked instantly. This week, we went late into the night and had a sort of virtual cuddle-by-the-fire in text where we discussed, inter alia, some specific sexual topics. She's virginal in deed (and comfortable about it) but hardly in thought; for instance enjoys, and what's more thinks critically about, girly porn edgy romance novels.

On Tuesday, I hung out on the quad a bit, met some people, a notable highly positive convo with a pair of semi-local freshmen (one in particular was my type, broadly speaking). Then online, I arranged my first friend date, with a student from Asia, very spontaneously.

Wednesday, classes. The bus to humanities was PACKED (mostly with students); I had to stand near the front with two blond girls. One (at least 9 if you still believe in "HB" bollocks) consistently gave subtle IoIs (mostly unconscious, this is an overstuffed bus for heaven's sake), but I mostly ignored her, somewhat deliberately. Got in a lot of eye contact practice (and boy have I made progress in the past months); notably there were also a girl I talked to on the way back, and a Scandi girl I know by sight (more on her if there is any). My humanities class was great, and I got a lot of skills practice for a lecture environment. On the bus back I had a good convo with an out-of-state coed in my class, cut short by her living much closer to campus than I do (more later?). Failed to get enough rest, almost collapsed mentally from exhaustion and stress but once in language class, well, more on that later.

Thursday, weird crap at home not involving me, got woken up too early, laughed off the prospect of the Queen's passing and ate my words within two hours, pondered her fascinating life and the new regnal era a bit, then went on the friend date to the beach which got...as interesting as it gets without a kiss. Field report to follow maybe?

 

[HoofHearted]

What an interesting and unexpected read there, youngster.

Good on you for exploring that peculiar relation that women would serve to a man.

When I was starting college, I remember thinking all these guys in feather boas and sunglasses were so cool, they could get chicks! Cringe now. I wish I would have understood what was really cool back then.

Now what I think is cool are men who can meet their needs (food, water, shelter, women, sex) so they can climb a little higher up the hierarchy and make their dreams come true (which I used to get confused with women, but it turns out everything I wanted in women was actually located elsewhere... in my dreams!).

Start saying hi to those blondes, or tell me where to find them.

 

[Conquistador]

College Week 2 Summary

Supporting Effort #1 (getting a quality GF) has been moved to a follow-up post for the sake of (relative) brevity.

Main Effort: Meet lots of girls, get to know them, and befriend some of them

Making good progress (see mid-week update).
In my language class on Wednesday, I ended up chatting with one of the few pretty girls in the class, who I had felt some attraction to but hadn't gotten a chance to talk to during Week 1. She's a character; during the break and even in class, she engaged myself and two other nearby guys (one of whom I already know from the quad) in unironically "gossiping" (her words) about others in the class. She's a freshman from out of state, not conventionally hot but I found her quite attractive until I got to know her. She almost certainly has ADHD*. No interest in dating her, but it might be really interesting being friends. I also suspect, with relatively low confidence, that she may be a player-in-training, based on a few things. For instance, her puzzling response, in overall context, to my generic question "What do you like to do for fun?": (in natural tone) "Well, that's kind of a loaded question..." (edit: there are more compelling clues, but this one is the simplest.)

(Edit: These are preliminary impressions. One of the reasons she intrigues me is because she seems to be pretty complex, even for a girl.)

Friday went better than expected; I continued to get to know my classmates. Class is majority girls, most with average to slightly above average looks. One in particular, an engineering major, is a total badass (for instance, her epic bike rides make my exploits look like kid stuff) but not at all masculine (sort of a "Latina pioneer mom" vibe).

One other significant interaction on the quad that I completely forgot to mention in the mid-week update. I'll probably save it for a beginner post or a later journal post because it's an unconventional situation.

Supporting Effort #2: Improve social skills, meet cool guys, get to know my professors, etc.

Doing well. In addition to all the girls, my Friday PE class has a lot of great guys, although we haven't bonded much as yet. Takes time, not like the girls, who are already being social with each other the way girls do.
I've gotten overall more comfortable in the people-heavy environment of the quad at peak hours.

Home Front
Honestly, I don't have the time to get into all of it. Logistics went from SNAFU to beyond FUBAR, but I've made a little progress on gradually restoring order. Business is up overall, with new opportunities opening up.

But I need to become more disciplined, particularly about time management.

To be continued...

* I'm not a professional (at least for the foreseeable future), but neither am I spewing out of my posterior orifice when I make such statements.

 

[Conquistador]

Supporting Effort #1: Find at least one girl who might be girlfriend material, get to know her, and ask her out at an opportune moment

So I went on a friend date to the beach and we spontaneously got a little cuddly. I'll try to share the essentials while preserving OPSEC.
She's a petite, very innocent freshman from a small Asian country; stereotypically sweet, shy, etc; I met her through online student life stuff and we spontaneously decided to go ocean swimming. Well, I sort of developed feelings for her (which felt quite strong at the time, bc I've never felt like that before) in the course of the afternoon, and she responded positively. I wasn't really trying to kino escalate to the friendly-intimate zone, it just sort of happened. A couple times I helped her move out past the break by carrying her in my arms, other times we held hands or on to each other to get through the barrels, etc. In between, we sat and half-cuddled. I also did her hair in a messy bun at one point (Note to self: learn how to do a girl's hair in fancy hairstyles, it's super intimate). After we'd had enough of the waves, we sat together (without much touching, felt more natural) and had an honest, vulnerable conversation. I told her I was starting to like her as more than just a friend. Then we had a fairly full and frank exchange of views about relationships, sex, etc.
After we had both gotten back safe and sound, we chatted a bit; she complimented me on my long eyelashes and reacted to my "thanks" message with a heart emoji. Still waters run deep I guess!

Over the weekend, I thought a lot about the whole thing and decided to see where things go, but to proceed with caution. She seems to be excellent GF material, but I don't think we're super compatible. The cultural gap is huge. Also, we have fairly different mindsets (altho we feel similarly about love and sex). If it comes to that, idk how she feels personally about the romantic friendship and/or FWB route, which tbh seems more viable.

Anyway, our friend date was one of those magical experiences I thought I had missed out on during my teenage years. I think she had that feeling too.

From a game perspective, I think I did pretty well; what I'm proud of is how I seamlessly integrated an awareness of things like touch (not something I'm used to but it felt so natural), calibration, being dominant (and protective), rapport, making her feel positive etc etc. into the moment, with my genuine thoughts and feelings.

 

[Conquistador]

Week 3 was eventful, but I don't have the time to write a full summary right now.

Suffice it to say that logistics forced me to slow down active operations and generally take it easy. Of course, I still got a LOT of data to process and learn from.

Most likely, during the coming week (Week 4) I'll be more in shape physically and mentally, and will be able to spare the effort to work on social circle and seduction.

One issue I'm having is turning positive interactions (incl with classmates) into friendships. People have asked for my Insta, and I had to tell them that I don't have one. I'll probably get one soon.

I also have a LOT going on business wise right now. Moving out has become more of a priority than ever. (I actually have a job interview tomorrow.)

 

[Conquistador]

I've noticed that my passive attractiveness (the one part of my game that I consider relatively satisfactory) is getting me positive responses that I have zero idea what to do with. I also tend to be cautious about chatting/approaching, regardless of age and gender, when I'm not feeling well (eg sleep deprivation). I think this is a good choice for now, but I need to raise my baseline.

 

[Conquistador]

So, this week at college, an epoch event occurred in my life. I will provide an OR, when I feel ready to share. But it was a watershed moment.

 

[Conquistador]

At some point soon I'm going to take the unusual step of starting a second journal thread for a specific situation currently going on.

Once I post it, I think it will be clear why I did so.

 

[Conquistador]

Things went quite well today in my PE class. Something was in the air. One of the guys (tall blond surfer with tattoos and an actual beach accent) started being a little risqué with the female assistant instructors, and it was like a starting pistol for a bunch of us ladies and gents.

I suddenly started thinking of some of the co-eds as FWB material rather than just flirting/convo practice.

Everything has been happening much faster in my life lately, including in the realm of the fairer sex.

But honestly, I'm glad to have my Monday classes off (because it's Los Angeles). I need that long long weekend.

 

[Conquistador]

Non-College Interlude
-I've hit it off online with a girl who I would long ago have asked out, except for the fact that she's a student at Oxford, thousands of miles away. Apparently shockingly intelligent, serious yet playful, outdoorsy, auburn-haired, calmly bisexual English roses with excellent taste in clothes and romantic backstories don't just exist in my wildest dreams.
I'm not making this up, she's shown plenty of pics publicly and privately (nothing more naughty than her new vintage dress) and been highly active on the public server we met.
-I'm in the midst of a sexual awakening due to undisclosed events which I'll share once I'm finished having a sexual awakening. Promise. For now I'll just say that I've realized that sexuality really does have a spiritual component.
-I'm on a non-ejaculation run indefinitely. Currently almost a week. I'm pretty sure it's coming through in my writing.
-The show resumes later this week.

 

[Conquistador]

At some point soon I'm going to take the unusual step of starting a second journal thread for a specific situation currently going on.

Once I post it, I think it will be clear why I did so.

...no.

 

[Conquistador]

Retrospections and Introspections

-I need to be aware of the vibe I project. Especially the sexual vibe.
-I need to calibrate better.
-I need to put myself in ladies' shoes. It helps a lot.
-I need to pay more attention to subcommunication.
-I need to find time to socialize more at college.
-The classical "VAC" theory can be a useful framework. Particularly in my case.

 

[Conquistador]

Brief Summary of Week 5

Main Effort (friendships and social circle, especially with girls)
Steady progress continues. I don't have a lot of time for activities at the moment though, but I'm planning a group trip. Also joined a few clubs.
Supporting Effort (find a quality girlfriend/partner)
Early days yet, but something promising (and complicated) may be in the offing. Further than that I'm maintaining radio silence, unless I need to ask for advice.
Furthermore, in the event that it doesn't work out, I'm continuing to develop FWB possibilities.
Home Front
Logistics continue to be a mess, but business is up. I need to start planning for my move out NOW, in order to have orderly logistics when I do so.

 

[Conquistador]

Also an interesting incident that just happened:

There's a young woman who sits near me in humanities. Tall-ish but average figure, good-looking and well dressed but also a bit aloof and more importantly she doesn't have "it", which is basically a sort of uniqueness (even a subtle one) that I consider essential in a partner, and important in a gal pal.
But she started to look better once I was able to "tune into" things due to semen retention.

More importantly, she was really horny in class, but not in a directed way. When our professor began to discourse about postmarital residence or some such topic, her cues only intensified.

I almost approached afterward, but I had a non-optional thing I had to discuss with the professor, and she left immediately.
Then I did some basic online searches out of curiosity. She's married (as evinced by all of her PFPs, which I'd consider a bigger deal if she wasn't a member of a sexually conservative denomination).
I don't do married women, full stop. And altho she might have the makings of a good friend, her religion would likely establish even stricter boundaries than I would normally self-impose on interactions with married women.

An interesting experience.

 

[Conquistador]

Nothing much to report for Thursday thru Saturday. Logistics is hampering my ability to get things done, and I really can't spare much time for a relationship, nor can I spare much energy for sex. My teenage self would probably have had multiple nervous breakdowns by this stage, but I feel fine emotionally. Just suffering from massive sleep debt and a disordered schedule.
Hopefully, in the course of the next few weeks I'll get my act together. Until then, I won't be approaching much or otherwise taking initiative, altho obviously I'll still be encountering lots of girls on campus and elsewhere.

There's also the matter of following up leads.

To be continued...

 

[Conquistador]

I've been meditating upon my bed about where to go from here. So here's my game plan for the next 2-3 weeks:

-#1 priority: Get my life in order and start the moving-out process. I should be able to afford to do so within a month, but finding a roommate and a suitable place is easier said than done.
-Carry on with social/friendships as main effort. Specifically, I need to get better at going deeper and closer. Positive interactions are great, but I need to learn follow up. Also, frankly, right now my life is stressful (positively) as hell. While most of the stressors are positive, positive stress is still stress. I could use honest conversation and cuddles more than anything else.
-Postpone any serious efforts to get intimate for at least 2-3 weeks. It's worth it. Plus, I need time to figure things out.

One thing I definitely want to do is 1) set some ground rules for cherry-picking, and 2) figure out how to do it efficiently and effectively. Other than that, no hookups.

There are some specific ongoing leads I need to work on, of course. I'm not totally sure where to go from here.

Another thing is that I want to get better at online game, including online social circle. I've had some great results here and there (see above for some examples), but I think I can do better than 80/20 in terms of making friends/acquaintances.

In retrospect, I've made two possible screwups. One is the follow-up to the beach friend date, where I decided not to take things further, and then failed to effectively form a bond of friendship. But luckily, all is not lost.

In the second, I tried too hard to get to know a shy and withdrawn girl who commutes together with me from language class, despite not actually wanting her as more than a friend. Basically, increasingly failed to calibrate over the course of a few convos and almost scared her off. With space and semen retention, it occurred to me that she has many positive qualities as a person (and a potential lover), even if she doesn't turn me on physically at first sight. Again, all is not lost.

 

[Conquistador]

Once I have the time and energy I'm going to go on some intentional cold approach outings outside college. The metropolis is full of attractive girls and women, and there are plenty of lady hotspots within 45 minutes by bike.