TearsofJoy Log

[tearsofjoy]

They don't require finding stationary girls, though it's great to approach these types if you can.

The fundamental SMMA concepts apply to every girl, every time. Whether she's stationary in daygame, moving in daygame, in the food court with three friends at the mall, or on her way home with a mixed 4-set after a night out.

Think of things not just as an opener or rainbow ruse but the power behind it, and how these things help fulfill the 3 keys of social frame, emotional stimulation, and sexual arousal. See how Bacchus applied a traditional Gunwitch opener to street daygame. If it's a two-set, you can simply intrigue bait the other girl into guessing who she looks like. There's your hook, and you proceed from there.

Thanks @Lofty. Man, you always know just what to say to get me out of a rut haha. That article you linked to Bacchus talking about doing a moving approach by walking in front of a girl and then turning around is exactly what I needed. That thread actually led me to this article which was also eye-opening. I'll give some of this stuff a try first thing tomorrow!

I also need to spend a bit of time perfecting my sexy walk and continuing to work on my voice.

I see that I have some more reading to do and I need to start understanding the techniques behind these openers/gambits instead of simply trying to memorize them. So I think the plan moving forward for the next few days is to get rid of using direct openers and focus on intrigue baits or curiosity openers. Then, I'll slowly add on more stuff like rainbow ruses and try to come up with my own material so that I'm really understanding the techniques behind them. Now the stuff from the "Learning it and Extras" portion of the SMMA courses is also starting to click.

Will report back with more details!

 

[tearsofjoy]

I've been traveling the past few days so just getting back to writing here. I'm still having some mental roadblocks to using this newer tech. In the words of Gunwitch, I think I have a mental frame where I feel I can't start a conversation with a girl without going direct. The problem is I feel it's not okay to start a conversation with a random stranger, so that's something I need to work past. I've been continuing to do TRE, so I'm hoping that also helps.

I've done a few approaches these past days so definitely seen a lot of growth over the past few weeks in terms of overcoming approach anxiety. I'm back home for a few days and staying with my parents, so I can't really approach here. I can't go direct since it's a small town, and I can't risk anyone I know seeing me do approaches. I think this is a good chance for me to go to the local college campus and work on indirect openers since it'll be more casual.

In the meantime, I've been working on perfecting my voice. I've been trying to focus on speaking from my chest in conversations with friends and family. I also plan on spending some time perfecting my sexy walk. Even if I can't do approaches, I'll be working on my fundamentals in the meantime.

 

[tearsofjoy]

Man, it's been a while since I've posted in here. The past week or so has been relatively busy with me being back home with my parents. I don't have my car either right now, so it's been tough to get any approaches in. The only option is taking a bus to my local college campus, but I'm always hesitant to do that since a lot of people from my high school go there and it'd be weird for them to see me approach. Thankfully, I'm traveling a bit to visit friends in a few days, so that'll give me a chance to get back on the approach grind. Hoping that my AA doesn't stage a comeback in the meantime.

Even though I can't approach right now, I've been reading up on some articles Bacchus wrote and have some new things I want to try out. I've also been spending time working on my fundamentals. Improved my posture and in the early stages of developing a sexier walk.

I've also been consistently doing the TRE exercises. My first few sessions were a bit rough but I'm now able to really feel the tremors as I do the exercises. I'd definitely recommend it to any of you guys out there that want to give it a try.

Goals for the week: Get back out in the field and get some approaches in. Once I'm warmed up, give some of the new tech a try.

 

[tearsofjoy]

Man, I had a good thing going last month where I was going out every day and gaming but work and other stuff have kind of taken priority the last few weeks. I guess that's life.

Anyway, I'm taking a little trip out of town for a few days and am going to have a chance to do some approaches again. I arrived today and spent some time scouting out a few locations. Looking forward to doing some daygame tomorrow and getting over any AA that might have creeped in.

Big things to focus on: Making strong eye contact until she breaks contact first, focusing on speaking from the chest, and trying to stay in the interaction as long as possible without auto-ejecting.

 

[tearsofjoy]

It's been a long time since I've made any updates on here. After some traveling, I've finally moved to Atlanta for a job and looking to get back into the pickup scene. From what I can tell, there aren't too many active guys in Atlanta so definitely been a struggle finding a wingman. If anyone reading this blog happens to be in Atlanta, would love to connect.

In the meantime, my goals are to get back into the mindset of approaching women and try to start off with a few direct approaches during my free time. From there, I want to work my way up into using more advanced techniques. I also really want to spend some time working on fundamentals like posture, voice, and conversation skills.

 

[tearsofjoy]

So it took a little bit longer than I expected but managed to find a good wingman and had a chance to get back out in the field today. Felt amazing being back out there but definitely was extremely rusty. Approach anxiety struck a few times but managed to work through it.

I've always had a mental block of feeling like I need to open with a compliment or an amazing opener but today really helped open my eyes that anything can be an opener. Me and my wingman were in a brewery and ended up using openers like "oh, I see you ladies found the best spot in the bar" or "hey, can you girls settle a debate for us." The openers might have been a bit cheesy, but it was a big step forward for me mentally.

Looking forward to getting back out there next weekend and brushing off some more dust. Didn't close or get any numbers today but definitely a step in the right direction!

 

[tearsofjoy]

Man, my new job has felt all-consuming these past few months, but I've also realized I've been using it as an excuse to avoid putting myself in uncomfortable situations and getting back into game. Unfortunately, the wingman I found in February ended up moving to a different state, but I managed to find another one this past weekend who seems pretty interested.

Haven't had any major success but just getting back into getting over some minor approach anxiety and starting the process of forcing myself to talk to women I see in clubs and throughout my day. Did a few basic approaches at some clubs I went to this past weekend - was mostly just saying "Hey, don't think we've met" and then trying to stay in the interaction from there.

One thing I want to work on is just becoming more open to talking with strangers regardless of who they are - I think this will be crucial for gaining for social momentum and improving my interactions with women overall.

 

[tearsofjoy]

I went out last Sunday and did my first day-game session in nearly months. I've found another wing man who seems to be into it so we plan to go out weekly now. Unfortunately still have a little approach anxiety so didn't work up the courage to do an actual approach. We walked around for a good bit and missed 1-2 opportunities to approach, but I think it was an important step to commit to get back out there to game.

If anyone has any suggestions on things they do to get in state before going out (meditation, etc.), would love to hear it. My goals for my next session are to do a few approaches, even if they're as simple as saying "hi." As far as technical things, I have been working on developing a deeper voice and increasing the resonance by speaking from the chest. My posture has always been good but that's something I want to keep an eye on.

 

[tearsofjoy]

I know I haven't been super active on here but trying my best to juggle my job and trying to get out in the field and doing approaches. Recently have gotten back into it. Went out with a wing this weekend and did around 10-15 approaches over the course of a few sessions.

For any of you struggling with approaching, we came up with a fun game where you take turns doing approaches. The twist is that you can pick who you want to approach but if you're taking too long, your wing can choose your target for you and you can't say no regardless of who it is. I was feeling a bit of approach anxiety but this game really got me out of a rut.

I won't go through all my approaches but wanted to point out that I was particularly successful with girls who were sitting down in a park...they were just more relaxed and open to having a conversation. I struggle a lot normally with ejecting too early from interactions but approached this one girl sitting by a pond and had close to a 45-minute conversation. That was a big leap for me personally. The next step for me is getting out of the friend zone and making these interactions more flirty and sexual. I approached direct but after that, it felt too friendly of a conversation.

 

[tearsofjoy]

I want to continue being more active in journaling even if I don't have a lot to report back. I think this will help keep me at least thinking about game even in the days when I don't have the time to go out.

Anyway, yesterday me and my wing went out to a nearby park that is normally teeming with people. Something was up though because it seemed pretty deserted...we walked around for close to an hour around the park but didn't really see any sets worth approaching. To hold myself fully accountable, there might have been 1-2 semi-approachable sets that we psyched ourselves out of but on the whole, didn't really see anything. I want to continue at least just getting out of the house with the intention of gaming so this is a good start.

Also thinking about investing in a recording device to get some infield of what my conversations sound like. Let me know if anyone has had success with that...also would be down to maybe exchange audio and give feedback if anyone is interested.

 

[tearsofjoy]

I've been traveling for work the past two weeks and didn't have my personal laptop with me to update this journal but have been making consistent efforts to get out there and daygame. Don't want to make this into too long of a post so will just provide some highlights of how it's been going:

Sunday 8/7
Met up with a wing and went to a local mall to run some daygame. I had been trying to do some approaches on my own earlier in the day but just was too in my head and ended up with crippling approach anxiety. I've currently hit a wall in solo daygame - with a wing, I usually can use them to get me to do the first approach and then I'm good from there but have been struggling a lot on my own.

Ended up doing 4-5 approaches in the mall before I had to go...none of them were super long interactions but good to at least get me out of my head. I grabbed one of the girl's numbers but she was in a rush so couldn't talk for too long. I've been following Chase's texting strategies from this article (https://www.girlschase.com/how-to-text-a-girl) but no response unfortunately from this girl.

Texts I sent below:

Me: Hey Nicole, it was nice running into you - TearsofJoy (sent 5-10 min after meeting her)

Me: Hey Nicole, hope the day is going well and dinner with your parents was fun! Just got done with a workout so I'm exhausted haha. Anyway, wanted to see what your schedule was like the next few days to grab a drink (sent a day after the initial text)

I've been trying to follow Chase's advice of having a 3-part text where you use her name, reference something you learned about her, tell her something new about you, and then try to set up the date. Let me know if any of you guys see areas where I can improve this...still experimenting and learning with text game.

8/8-8/11
My work during the week goes pretty late into the night so a new thing I wanted to try was going out to game early in the morning (~7:30 AM) to maybe try and approach women on their way to work. I'm still struggling a lot with approach anxiety when doing solo daygame so went out every morning and got really close to doing some approaches but wasn't able to bring myself to do it. However, it seemed like a great time to daygame since so many people were out and about...curious if any of you guys have tried to daygame at this time?

Next steps:

1. Need to get over this approach anxiety so going to try and do a few approaches as I go about my day this weekend. Can't rely on wings all the time because my goal is to daygame as I go about my day and make it natural
2. Try to stay in interactions as long as possible once I approach. I have a bad habit of self-ejecting the second the conversation goes into a lull so gotta stay in these sets
3. Currently using direct openers only and would like to eventually switch out of that as I listen to Gunwitch's SMMA course

 

[tearsofjoy]

I know it's been about a week since I've posted here. It's been a crazy week at work so not too much to report back but wanted to write about an approach I made earlier in the week while going day gaming with a wing. We were walking along when I see this cute brunette wearing a bright yellow top that catches my eye. I hesitated at first but as we got a little closer, she had these beautiful emerald eyes that just drew me in.

I stop her and do the approach:

Spoiler: Opener

Me: Hey...I know this is totally random...but I happened to be walking by and saw you...I thought you were really cute and had to come and say hi (delivered at a very slow pace with good eye contact)

She was carrying a bunch of bags in her hands since she just got done shopping. I figured I would just go for an elbow bump while introducing ourselves but to my surprise, she puts everything down and shakes my hand. She seemed really into it. It's been a week at this point so convo is kind of blurry but basically asked what she was doing in town, deep dived a tiny bit, and then mentioned I'd like to grab a drink with her. She offered up her number before I could ask myself.

Shot her a text afterwards and wanted to get some advice on the text convo because trying to understand how I could have handled this better. This girl was a bit on the younger side so think that was a big concern for her and I didn't know how to play that. In reality, I think there was only a 4-5 year age difference between us, but I think I tried to be too playful / asked for too much from her:

Spoiler: Text Convo

Me: Hey it was nice running into you - TearsofJoy
Her: likewise. do you go to xyz school? how old are you? lol
Me: I see you're playing detective
Me: How old do you think I am?
Her: how could i not play detective when i'm approached by a stranger on the street?
Her: who, might I say, asked a billion questions about myself
Me: I was just an innocent man walking along the street and you distracted me with those pretty emerald eyes of yours. I never stood a chance
Her: if you were truly distracted by these eyes you would know the color...especially after i corrected you earlier (not sure what she's referencing here)
Me: we just met and already so demanding of me
Me: i don't know if this is going to work out between us
Her: i don't either mr mystery man since you don't want to talk about you...again, i have a boyfriend, like i tried telling you earlier (BS - she never mentioned a BF)
Me: well...what do you want to know about me? (ignoring the bf comment and trying to build connection)
Her: how old are you? do you go to xyz school?
Me: I don't go to xyz school but like i said earlier, take a guess at how old you think i am?

The conversation kind of ended here and I tried one more time to reach out and set up a date but no response. I think I maybe tried to be too mysterious around my age to the point where it drove her away. I just wanted to get her to invest by guessing my age before I told her, but I guess I pushed it too far.

 

[dage]

Nice approach! Regarding the texts, you don't have to be coy about sharing personal info man. She's just trying to scope you out and make sure you're not a serial killer or something. You can be open about yourself and still be playful, something like: "I go to abc not xyz and 26. I'm a cancer and my mother's maiden name is Jackson. Any other questions detective "

If you're worried about investment, just remember that she offered you her number and is texting you back. That's already big investment.

 

[tearsofjoy]

Nice approach! Regarding the texts, you don't have to be coy about sharing personal info man. She's just trying to scope you out and make sure you're not a serial killer or something. You can be open about yourself and still be playful, something like: "I go to abc not xyz and 26. I'm a cancer and my mother's maiden name is Jackson. Any other questions detective "

If you're worried about investment, just remember that she offered you her number and is texting you back. That's already big investment.

Hey man, appreciate this. I think I was overthinking it and trying to hold back too much information. I've been working on trying to be more mysterious because usually I give away all my information as soon as a girl asks but seems like I over-calibrated here. That response would have been the perfect mix between being funny but still giving her info.

 

[tearsofjoy]

8/22 - Monday

I've been visiting a friend in a different city the past few days, so I've been trying to keep the momentum going but still struggling a bit with solo daygame. Also tried to game a bit while going out with a few friends to clubs but my logical mind breaks down when trying to open in these chaotic areas...something to keep working on. I definitely have quite a bit to go before I feel totally comfortable approaching women as I see them but working towards getting there.

I did a few approaches over the course of the weekend, but they didn't amount to much. I think maybe I was a bit nervous and the girls could tell so going to continue working on keeping the opener slow and relaxed. The plan is to go mostly direct while mixing in a bit of indirect direct until I get comfortable approaching hot girls around me. Then, I want to incorporate some concepts from Gunwitch's SMMA course.

One thing I have definitely noticed is that as I try to be more social and get consistent with daygaming, I feel different going throughout the day. It's small things but I kept strong eye contact with a store clerk yesterday, and I could see that she felt compelled to say something to start a conversation. Also have been complimenting people here or there with no other motive in mind. I'm normally a shy guy who keeps to himself going through the day so this has been a huge mindset change...the freedom to start conversations with strangers is exciting.

There is still a lot to improve here, but I'm slowly noticing ways I can use my environment or surroundings to start conversations in a natural way.

Next steps:
1. Continue doing approaches until I reprogram myself to where approaching is the default (Gunwitch recommends 25 or so approaches I think of the direct opener before adding new techniques)
2. Use some indirect direct for variety and get more comfortable starting up convos with stranger
3. Try different ways of opening (over the shoulder, stopping front on, circling back and opening from in front of the girl)

Been reading this article recently (Meet Smooth) and hope to start incorporating some stuff from there

 

[lceman]

Next steps:
1. Continue doing approaches until I reprogram myself to where approaching is the default (Gunwitch recommends 25 or so approaches I think of the direct opener before adding new techniques)
2. Use some indirect direct for variety and get more comfortable starting up convos with stranger
3. Try different ways of opening (over the shoulder, stopping front on, circling back and opening from in front of the girl)

Hey joy, nice log. As for getting comfortable talking to strangers, I've had a lot of success using random situational openers on random people whenever I'm out. I don't do it only to cute girls, or even only to girls; I just say something to someone, they acknowledge it, and we move on.

After opening in all kinds of situations, I find it much easier to start a conversation with girls, especially when it's not a perfect opening opportunity (which it hardly ever is).

HOWEVER, don't get too carried away doing this... or else, when you do approach attractive girls, you may find yourself coming across as sociable/friendly instead of sexy. Don't ask me how I know

Hope this helps.
-Mav

 

[tearsofjoy]

Hey joy, nice log. As for getting comfortable talking to strangers, I've had a lot of success using random situational openers on random people whenever I'm out. I don't do it only to cute girls, or even only to girls; I just say something to someone, they acknowledge it, and we move on.

After opening in all kinds of situations, I find it much easier to start a conversation with girls, especially when it's not a perfect opening opportunity (which it hardly ever is).

HOWEVER, don't get too carried away doing this... or else, when you do approach attractive girls, you may find yourself coming across as sociable/friendly instead of sexy. Don't ask me how I know

Hope this helps.
-Mav

Haha thanks for the advice Mav! Totally agree with you because I think working on these situational openers, you start to notice things in the environment that you can use to open instead of waiting for that perfect approach opportunity that never comes.

Out of curiosity, once you noticed you were coming off too friendly, how did you tone it back? I was thinking maybe with girls, you could do some triangular gazing or project what Gunwitch calls "sexual state" to maybe balance it out? Projecting that sexuality is something that I struggle a lot with.

 

[tearsofjoy]

Haven't had much of a chance to get out and do daygame this week but actually went out last night with a few buddies who are also trying to improve at night game. I haven't been to a club in almost 2 months and it's usually an area I really struggle with because I tend to be too logical. Before going out, watched a few videos about approaching to hype myself up and did a few minutes of meditation.

I drove over to meet up with my buddies and then we walked over to the bar which is actually this huge two-story building that had a DJ on the bottom floor and a dance floor upstairs with some outdoor areas, beer pong tables, etc. The music here is pretty loud even outside so not sure if it's the best place to approach but attracts a big crowd, so I've frequented it in the past.

I really feel like I'm just bashing my head into a wall with night game because I can get myself to at least start a conversation by saying "hey, your shirt is really cool" or "hey, I'm tearsofjoy" but then I struggle to keep it going.

I feel like the convo at night needs to be a bit more playful and entertaining to hook girls in but my logical mind takes over. If anyone has tips on becoming more free-flowing and witty, that would be super helpful for me to improve at night game. Maybe I even just needed some canned lines that'll get a few laughs. My buddy always tells me to say whatever and it's all for self-amusement, which I think is the right mindset, but I'm just struggling with it at the moment.

Anyway, I end up opening a few girls but struggled a lot to keep the conversation going, and I can tell they lose interest relatively quickly. I usually ask where they're from, what they're doing at the bar, and so on but I know girls are out to have fun and that's not enough to hook them in. We ended up leaving the bar at 1 AM to go to another place but decide to go to a late-night diner instead and plan to call it a night after.

This place is packed and as I'm getting ready to order, I see these two girls in the corner singing/giggling and making some eyes at me. I ignore them for a minute or so as I place my order and then position myself closer to them. I was getting ready to open but then surprisingly one of them goes:

"You're really handsome and we had to let you know that."

It threw me off for a second but I took a second and replied with something like "Thanks. You girls seem like the trouble makers in here."

They start talking with me and my buddies and just chat about really dumb stuff like what they're doing in the city and how the food is taking forever. Turns out one of the girls is married and the other one, we'll call HBMusician, is just visiting her for the weekend, but they're pretty young (22-24 I'd say). Her friend is really into me and my buddies kind of leave us alone to chat for a bit. We talk about our hobbies, what we do, and all the normal stuff.

The married girl is a great wing woman and she's talking about how I look cute together with her friend and at one point, we're having a photo shoot in this diner with the girl hugged around me. After a little bit, we joke about how we should elope and get married that night. At one point, I take one of her rings and propose to her in the diner and there's people congratulating us haha. Overall, just really fun vibes and I end up grabbing the girl's number since she was part of a larger group that was about to leave. Probably going to send her a playful text this morning since she's in town for the weekend and going to try and get her out tonight if I can.

 

[lceman]

Out of curiosity, once you noticed you were coming off too friendly, how did you tone it back? I was thinking maybe with girls, you could do some triangular gazing or project what Gunwitch calls "sexual state" to maybe balance it out? Projecting that sexuality is something that I struggle a lot with.

This was a turning point I recently crossed. For me, it wasn't so much "toning back the friendliness" as much as it was "adding something that wasn't there previously." It's like a whole new type of interaction starts once we realize the opener was nothing but a conversation starter. I'm still working on it, but the main difference was that I took the risk of revealing my sexual intent (discreetly). That was the hurdle for me.

As for making that happen, thinking sexually definitely helps. You should be fine as long as you remind yourself that you're there because you genuinely like/want girls, not because some monkeys on the internet told you to go say hi to 50 girls. Personally, some version of "I am a sexy mf and it shows" or "all cute girls are attracted to me" gets me in the right headspace.

 

[tearsofjoy]

This was a turning point I recently crossed. For me, it wasn't so much "toning back the friendliness" as much as it was "adding something that wasn't there previously." It's like a whole new type of interaction starts once we realize the opener was nothing but a conversation starter. I'm still working on it, but the main difference was that I took the risk of revealing my sexual intent (discreetly). That was the hurdle for me.

As for making that happen, thinking sexually definitely helps. You should be fine as long as you remind yourself that you're there because you genuinely like/want girls, not because some monkeys on the internet told you to go say hi to 50 girls. Personally, some version of "I am a sexy mf and it shows" or "all cute girls are attracted to me" gets me in the right headspace.

Hmm yeah this makes a lot of sense...just remembering to keep that sexual intent and not forgetting the reason why you approaches in the first place.

8/29/22
Met a few new wings this weekend and tried to do a bit of daygame. One of them was a bit older and actually pretty experienced so gave me a lot of useful pointers. I did 1-2 approaches on our outing but a little disappointed with how they went. Approached a girl at the grocery store with a direct opener and immediately got the "I have a boyfriend" line, and I basically ejected immediately. As I was leaving, she started to continue talking a bit which makes me now think the "boyfriend" line was an auto-response to being approached but she was actually interested. Need to do better in dealing with boyfriend objections and staying longer in interactions

Anyway, also starting to realize that because of my inexperience with women, I'm missing a lot of basic stuff like understanding the flow of an interaction and using more flirting / push pull. I've been watching a few youtubers and starting to understand where to go next. I want to specifically work on the following things:

1. Start transitioning towards non-direct openers (e.g., I was walking by and thought we made eye contact so had to say hi or you look very italian, etc.) because this prevents the girl from having to make an instant decision on you, and you avoid barriers such as the boyfriend line
2. Use more cold reads / observations after the initial opener instead of asking questions - this makes the conversation more interesting and not so much like an interview
3. I also feel like I understand the flow an interaction should follow after watching some Youtube dating coaches and infields. Start off indirect and go into using observations and push pull to create an initial playful vibe and then transition it into small talk or deep diving and then bring it back to her before trying to close or move her...I struggle a lot with flirting and creating a playful vibe so need to figure out ways to work on this

In terms of fundamentals, I will be focusing on developing a sexy walk, keeping my good posture, a deeper voice and most importantly, holding relaxed and strong eye contact with everyone as I go throughout my day. I think these four things are enough to help create more attraction on the initial approach.

Overall, feel like I'm in a good spot in terms of what to work on next. I realize I've been reading some advanced content here on girlschase but I need to first become more comfortable in the presence of attractive women and get some baseline success before trying to incorporate any of the fancy verbals, etc.