Texting help request

[Marty]

Hey friends, could use a little help here

As some of you may know I lived in Russia for many years earlier in my career and speak fluent Russian. Anyway, a few months ago after coming out of a long relationship, I decided I wanted to expand my social circle a little. I live in a major European city and I found a forum in VKontakte, the premier Russian social network, for Russian expats living in my city. I left a message on the boards there saying that although I am not Russian, I speak the language and strongly identify with the culture and would be happy to attend any social events. My plan was make friends and get introduced to new people and broaden my horizons a little; any sexual opportunities would be a bonus.

Anyway, I think the forum page was largely dead as I heard nothing back for a long time, nor did I see anything else posted there. There were occasional fake accounts offering mail-order brides and other such spam, but I largely forgot about it.

Now I notice that I have a message in my inbox that has every appearance of being genuine; I didn't even notice it for a couple of days until I started clearing out my email. It is from a woman with a Russian name and reads:

"Hi! i live in (country) near (city) and will be pleased to make new acquaintances! If interested write me personally "

I have no idea whether the person is of any interest to me either socially or as a member of the opposite sex, but the fact is that she took the trouble to reach out and it needs to be rewarded. Besides, in my experience, women below about 40 who are actually ethnic Russian (as opposed to one of the non-Slav nationalities that inhabit the former USSR), haven't done drugs/had abortions etc. and aren't crazy, are actually in general a pretty solid bet, at least looks-wise.

How is the best way to respond? I am not much good at written communication, unless it is deep and meaningful I guess but I struggle with the offhand bantz that is needed for flirtation (when spoken I find it much easier). Besides, I've been in a committed relationship for most of the past 3 years and am pretty rusty.

I was thinking something like:

"Hello, I only just noticed your mail, I was traveling in (X country) and (Y country). I'd be happy to make new friends, what about Sunday? Are you free for coffee?" or such.

Or is that too boring? I don't want to try to be too clever or funny, that is not congruent with my personality.

Thanks for your help!

-Marty

PS for context, the original forum post included my real photo as an avatar.

 

[Seppuku]

Hey Marty,

Since you don't know much about her at this stage (even what she looks like if I understand right) it is best to suggest a first time meeting in a low key, low pressure environment. Not anything that sounds as a formal date. I would go for a coffee shop and would keep the first meeting voluntarily short (no more than an hour).

You stand a better chance of getting her out face to face if you engage in a little back and forth before proposing - she needs to know that you are not a complete weirdo before accepting, so the best way is to have a normal chat first. But in any case you avoid the chat trap (i.e. texting forever) and propose relatively quick to meet face to face.

I am thinking of something like this:

You: Hello, I only just noticed your mail, I was traveling in (X country) and (Y country). I'd be happy to meet new people! The words "making friends" should be banned from your conversation with a woman on whom you may have some views
Her: Hi! (...)
You: So how long have you lived in this country?
Her: ...
You: Wow! that's sounds like an experience!
Her: How about you? Something like this is the "hook point" and indication you should move forward. If you don't reach the hook point soon enough, you should still make your move
You: Well it's been XX years now! We should get a coffee sometimes You float the idea and gauge her reaction
Her: Sounds like a plan
You: What about Sunday, around 5pm (or whatever)

A short conversation like this removes a lot of pressure and makes it easier for her to accept meeting in real. This assumes some sort of chat platform, like Whatsapp or such, where you can back and forth with no delay like in a conversation.

When you meet her, your goal is to get an idea about her and screen out any crazy chick. Seduction wise, you want to touch her very early and make sure she speaks 75% of the time. Keeping it short the first time will actually help to build her anticipation to a second meet up, where this time you can plan for logistics and pull (assuming you liked her and want to pursue).

Seppuku

 

[Marty]

Hi Seppuku,

Thank you for your detailed advice! I did as you suggested, got the VK app that allows for real-time texting, and wrote my first response exactly as you recommended.

I can also see now from the app that she is 28 years old and good-looking.

I'll keep you updated

Marty

 

[Marty]

Okay, this is good, she responded in quite a chatty manner. I'm following Law of Least Effort and wrote a somewhat shorter response. Kept the focus on her as you suggested Seppuku, moving in direction of getting to know her.

 

[Marty]

Oh here we go. She is ignoring my question "how long have you lived in (country)?" and putting her own ones instead "do you speak (language)? Where are you from?"

Ah well at least the conversation is progressing. I think there's some battling over compliance going on though. Actually her last response had so many questions I ignored a couple of those too, so we're even

I'm going to try and get it back on the rails.

 

[Seppuku]

Hey,

What matters more is to establish some sort of rapport, rather than the actual questions. Go with the flow, but don't let yourself trapped in an endless chat, and try to make it converge to your goal of asking her for a coffee.

Cheers
Seppuku

 

[Marty]

Thanks. I floated the coffee right after responding to one of her questions, just as per your original conversation map.

Now we will see how she replies. She looks like a "serious girl" from her photo, sensible cardigan, sensible handbag, intelligent facial expression, nice tits.

 

[Marty]

"Yes it will be possible to somehow drink a cup of coffee somewhere" (sorry for literal translation) and she's back to asking questions about me. Thanks Seppuku, you got me to the next step, I will close it out promptly. I will leave replying until tomorrow (it is late evening now in Europe) in order to respect Least Effort, she took about 7 hours to get back to me ;-)

 

[Marty]

My proposed response for the morning:

"Ah, you are an expert by comparison, I have only been here a year excellent, shall we say Sunday 17:00? You say you live in the suburbs, what direction are you coming from?" and then suggest something convenient when I find out.

Any improvements welcomed

I have to say her seriousness of appearance makes me super happy, age is also quite perfect, and she is a cute fair-skinned brunette like every single one of my girlfriends... I'm feeling good about this

 

[Drck]

Didn't read everything but beware of scam. The girl (resp. picture of her) is usually very pretty, but from poor family, has to work hard blah blah... She may send you pics from her town, pics of her family and so forth. Next thing you know is she may ask you for some money in this way or another, e.g. send money for ticket....

If she is pretty it is very unlikely that she will be looking for mate online...

 

[Marty]

Drck, the girl lives in my city, a city in Western Europe that is full of high-skilled expatriate workers. Such as, in fact, herself. I think you have the wrong end of the stick.

 

[Seppuku]

Hey Marty,

Your suggested text sounds good.

I have to say her seriousness of appearance makes me super happy, age is also quite perfect, and she is a cute fair-skinned brunette like every single one of my girlfriends... I'm feeling good about this

Just don't get carried away too early. Always remember these key principles of seduction:

* The more you build anticipation, and the more you care about the outcome, the more likely you are too fuck up.
* The less you care about the outcome, and the more you're willing to lose her, the more likely you are to get her.

You must be ready to lose her if need be. That's why all seduction techniques in the world can't guarantee that you get that specific girl you're thinking of. Although the same seduction techniques, if properly applied, will guarantee a higher likelihood of getting laid overall.

Good luck,
Seppuku

 

[Marty]

Hey Seppuku,

I proposed the date for next weekend, on the pretext that I am tired, which is actually true but also so as not to seem excessively zealous.

Thanks for your timely reminder not to get too excited. In fact, just before this chick unexpectedly got in touch with me, I was reflecting on the fact that recruiting my last girlfriend back in 2014 took upwards of 200 street approaches, over the course of a full year, and that my next relationship would probably require shedding 30 pounds to get back to where I was then plus all of that again. I was mentally primed for the challenge so this was an unexpected windfall, but I will have in mind that most likely this is what it will take in any case.

As always, I'll keep you updated.

-Marty

 

[Frost]

She looks like a "serious girl" from her photo, sensible cardigan, sensible handbag, intelligent facial expression, nice tits.

It's up to you to get her out of her serious mode

Just like Seppuku said, you can text enough so that she feels comfortable with meeting you, then suggest a very simple "date" during the day and you'll be good.

And remember, you're not trying to sell yourself over texting, you're going to do that face to face.

 

[Marty]

I think she's married. Hence the serious expression. I think her introduction might have been intended as a social overture.

If that is the case I am not really sure why she didn't make it obvious by, for example, immediately offering to introduce me to a circle of friends, but I guess not everyone has that level of social acumen.

I'm not sure what sort of wife thinks it is okay to start a private text conversation with someone of the opposite sex without explaining her position or providing any kind of context, but again, I think I am suffering from high expectations of others' attunement.

 

[Marty]

Oh boy. We're going to have fun with this.

So to recap, a girl reached out to me on Russian social media, said she was interested in "meeting new people", looked pretty, young, chatted intelligently, appeared modest and reputable and had all the right bulges in all the right places.

After a few days of back and forth I proposed a date. She disappeared.

I use the social network for nothing else and have her as my only friend, so when I checked back for messages I saw a newsfeed that was full of her activity. Over the next few weeks she posted all manner of pictures with "strawberries for my darling", "my sweetheart loves this cake", "what a nice surprise from my darling" with pictures of modest presents, etc.

I assumed I had committed the stunning social faux pas of misinterpreting a social overture from a married woman as a flirtatious one from a single woman. I couldn't really understand that as I haven't made that mistake for about 20 years and think my antennae have likely developed past that stage some time ago! ;-)

I did not follow up with the date request, for obvious reasons.

Then a few days ago she reappeared, apologized for her recent silence, explained that she had been away and suggested meeting this weekend.

Unfortunately I had been taken into hospital that day and had to postpone for a week, but hopefully that will not derail the momentum.

I logged back in today to propose an alternative date, then took a look at the newsfeed.

And all became clear. I suppose that I have not really taken onboard the full weight of contemporary degeneracy.

Her "darling" is a dog.

 

[Marty]

Party date avoidance: HELP please!

So following on from the above thread, "Poppy" (as I am now going to call her) has sent a couple instant messages, as follows:

Poppy: don't know whether I can next weekend, don't know anything just yet
Poppy: do you want to go to the movie theater during the week? the girls and I are going and can bring you with us?

How do best sidestep the "party date" pitfall? Is there an elegant way of doing it without reducing further the probability that we will meet all? (It sounds like she has some scheduling constraints.)

Alternatively, I am almost tempted to mischievously accept: going to a movie with a half-dozen Russian girls doesn't sound bad, and she might be setting me up to be "reviewed by a panel" if she is unsure after the electronic contact. Something like this?

Marty: I want it, when and to what are you going?

Advice gratefully accepted.

Marty