got it, man that rant hit me hard because it was so right.
Altair,
I’m glad.
Honestly felt kind of horrible writing that.
I don’t wish to be a negative or hostile person, and felt awful writing that. But realized that it wasn’t hostile or harsh just for the sake of being so, but that it was because there was some truth in what had to be said (and sometimes the most telling truths are dually the harshest).
I truly hope you can change and better yourself.
I have hope for others; have hope for my friend too. I’m not an extremely emotional guy but that is something that I do feel deeply on an emotional level that I hope they can change.
Most don’t change, yes. The self-defeatist mindsets they adopted early on, they will tend to stick to because it is difficult to fight the resistance and make a change to a healthier mindset. Easier to keep doing what you are doing in most things; hard to make a change and build momentum towards a different end of the spectrum.
Most don’t; but even knowing that (knowing statistics of other things where most people don’t succeed) it never really deters me, because all it reveals is that I’ll have to put in more effort and try harder than “most”. If I have a mentality of “over my dead body I will do everything in my power to figure out the hard and smart work it takes to reach the ends I seek” then I will either succeed some ways down the road, or die trying. Can do that if achieving said end goal means that much to me.
Others may believe in me or not believe in me but my own beliefs in myself and in my own potential is what matters most. In others I can only have hope and hope for better for them. But in my self, even if the world stands against me all the chips are down everything is going wrong, and seems fantastically hopeless in every conceivable way, even then I must believe in my potential (for only the individual really truly can have power over themselves and their actions moving forward).
It gives purpose to your life: what is the point of your life if you can’t truly in your heart believe that you can change it you can influence it you can do something more and become someone more (and that the future can be different because you cause it to be so).
It is why men live, I believe … and get up in the morning and go on with the day because some part of them believes it can be more, their life can be more, they can do more for self and for others and they can become more as a person.
…
Believe in yourself and your own potential. You do have to lose yourself who you are today and beliefs and mindsets you hold today (about others being against you or you being a victim in some way or another) to become the better version of yourself who can believe in his potential and life and get the girls he wants and achieve the goals he wants tomorrow.
Doesn’t matter much to your growth whether you stop posting threads like that but whether or not you truly fundamentally at your core stop believing that the world around you works like that.
But it is possible, you must believe it to be so! Fuck the odds, or fuck that “most people who are victims stay victims”. You really can change your mind, if you believe you can, and it never is too late if it isn’t in your own mind, and if some small part of you still believes it can be done and that there’s hope.
…
On moving forward I’d advise take it in small steps! Gradual steps lead to bigger things (that’s how and why the noobie assignment works).
Comparing where you are in the journey in respect to others is something that can deter you or hold you back. Can hold others back too I think. I think because of that, while reading others’ reports are good, for practical info and getting practical tips and ideas: the moment you start to feel “man they're so far ahead of me” or “they're doing girls every week and I’m stuck with just that one girl I kissed and I’m still a virgin”, then it’s a sign that it’s been too long spent by you reading their reports and you shouldn’t be focusing on that or reading that stuff much anymore.
My point specifically is that everyone has their own pace, their own time they started, own variables, own separate set of demons, challenges, obstacles, to face and overcome. Reports are useful to the point you can get some practical tip or 3 from them, but you shouldn’t let yourself compare yourself at any point to where others are (because with any journey any skill you try to build there will inevitably be people ahead of you or behind you). Their journey is not your journey and comparing yourself to them is time and again flawed and not constructive to you in a variety of ways. The guys that say “man they're so accomplished that just wants to make me quit” are foolish and compare themselves in exactly that way; and the people that have become elite at what they do were never one of these guys to begin with and instead only focused primarily on their journey and at wherever they were in the moment.
The best thing that you can do is see where you are now and accept it. Be ok with it and acknowledge and be truly at peace with it. I like to tell myself that “where I am now is exactly where I should be and where I am meant to be and what everything I have done and taken in and worked to do has led me to me being in the present”.
Then, from there, focus on making the smallest of improvements forward. Not focusing on anyone else other than for a practical tip or two. But other than that focus on your own journey and just making one small win and then another and then another.
From there you will gradually get a date then a few more, a kiss or two, a failed escalation, and then many more, and then one day way later after you’ve really put in a hell of a lot of work, and after all that really truly do deserve it, you will get a lay (and not anytime sooner than when you truly rightfully deserve it).
It will be good then but probably not all a big deal to you and you’ll think “that was it?” And realize that the journey and building up to that lay was much more meaningful and significant to you.
Don’t feel bad about where you are, or think of “man I have to figure out how I can lose my virginity and have to do it as soon as I possibly can”, “man it’s so late I'm so old”. Just focus on making the next small win, be it a date or a good conversation, and just the next step forward/bit of progress. And detach from what everyone else is doing or where they are at, and focus solely on where you are at in the present in your journey at this moment.
Being accepting of today is only way you get to be one day accepting of the results of tomorrow when you put in all the work to earn them.
-Gem
