Howdy M,
Even though I'm a rookie here, I'll try to help. I may not be able to give as much value as I'd like to, but I'll try (which is hard, 'cause I'm not used to sharing thoughts in a written way.) Help not connected with seduction, but - in general - in thinking about life. Please, follow through, bro', I hope your time will be worth it.
As I said, in the realm of girl-guy relationships, I'm still a turd, a dust in the wind, if you will. Yet, I have 3 things that I'd like to share with you: empathy, vulnerability and knowledge about learning process.
First things first: when you're getting better at learning a skill, you go through different phases. As Chase wrote somewhere - probably in the article about process vs. event dichotomy - you don't normally learn in a linear way, you rather jump from one level (a plateau) to another. Sometimes you think that you know all you need to know and the next day, out of nowhere, you realize that in fact you know nothing.
It's important to remember that this switch between states of consciousness and moods is inevitable. The learning process goes like this: plateau 1 - plateau 2 - plateau 3 - ... ad infinitum. In all of them there are times when you get feelings like: "Is it even worth?", "Does the world suck?", "I'm shit, I can't make progress anymore", "The world isn't fair" etc. Other times? You feel like a good among men who is unshakable, unbreakable machine. Every skill is like this.
I'll share my experience here. In my life I've always tried to get at least good at many skills - like writing, learning, cooking, playing ping-pong, solving difficult equations... In some areas I've succeeded, in others I've failed (at least - so far). But in all of them I got these feelings many times: loneliness, wanting to give up, feeling that it's not worth or I risk something very important, feeling that I'm missing something, misery...
But you know what? That's just what it is - feelings. They vanish in time, they get weaker and weaker and somehow, after some time they disappear. They're just a dust in the wind. You defeat 'em - if you're persistent enough - and after sometime you feel happy and everything seems right again and you feel happy. At least for some time... Then your doubts will take place of happiness. Ad infinitum.
When you get older, you realize this: when you were young, you had authorities and you thought they knew
everything. But then some time passes and you're the authority other look up to. You know that you don't know everything and you have doubts in yourself, but you have to be strong for others who feel weak and unimportant. You have to live up to their expectations. You just cannot disappoint 'em.
Look at who you are and where you're at. You're a self-improvement oriented person, you're ambitious, you know how to work hard and smart at the same time. Shit, I've to admit to you fuckin' impressed me with your achievements in department of body-building. God, if I only could tell how I wish I had that body like yours...
All in all, you're a great person. If you think I don't know what I'm saying, riddle me this: I've been a guest on this forum (and - mainly - site) for over 2 years. 2 years ago the most loved person to me, the one who made get up every fuckin' day and go get 'em, disappeared. Fuckin' sudden death. It's hard to hold tears even now after so much time... But I've endured. I re-found a site I've stumbled across a long time ago (maybe around 2008 when Chase started his blog? or maybe 2010?) and I decided to get better with my life. Since then, I've been a follower and I know all of you guys - even if you don't know me. Therefore, I can safely say that you're a great person, Mischief (as all the other active members of our community are - in many different, individual ways).
However, to the point as I'm not the topic here: you have great qualities and we all know it. You're not an ideal person, but non of us is... Everyone has weak spots - but that makes us human.
Think about it this way - you're now on a doubt-level-of-a-plateau. Think about it the empathy way - now matter how old you are, you can connect with both younger and older people through empathy. Right now many of us - if not all - are doubting something. Examples? Troy is doubting his ability in being a normal teenager (the topic about not getting responses which I tried to answer), I'm doubting my ability to become a better man, you're doubting in understanding the true nature of women, others... I don't know, but we can guess - Zac may be doubting if it's a good idea to be back (BTW > welcome home again, brother), Chase may be doubting sense of writing more articles, older members of our society may be doubting their life choices... Or maybe not? Maybe they're doubting something else which we don't know about?
We're all creatures of doubt. We always doubt something just for the sake of doubting.
You'll never get to a level where you know everything, because there's always a level beyond that... All we can do is to try to embrace that higher plane by our empathy, knowledge and logic... But that's all we can do and if we don't reach that upper plane, we'll never know if we're right or wrong.
I relate to your situation. You're in doubt that, you're afraid of something and you don't want that something to be true.
But guess what?
There is
no truth.
Think about it this way: in a year from now, if you stick to our community and becoming a better man, you may be in a relationship with an amazing girl/woman. Beautiful, intelligent, smart, witty, ambitious, self-improvement oriented, supporting, caring... Of course with some weak spots, but all have 'em, so let's not try to put anyone on a pedestal, we're all human beings after all. That person may be the best one you can get - period. Do you honestly think that when you finally meet her, you will be thinking about how cruel/evil/bad/selfish/whatever women are? Or men? Or anyone?
And let's say that by that time, in 6 months, you meet a great gal who after some time shows to be a real crazy, fucked-up girl. Would you then think about how wonderful life is? With all disappointment and grief?
You can't be 100% awesome in anything, you can't become
godlike. However, you can understand this: you'll always have doubts and weak, vulnerable spots no matter how hard you try. You can't be flawless. You can't be perfect. Due to this fact, you'll always have negative thoughts.
Now you doubt yourself and think only in dark/black colors. But it will disappear if you persist. Be strong and don't focus on negativity.
Let's say you'll stick with us and after some time, you'll make progress. Not in the matter of virtual ranks on a somewhat small forum, but in a broader sense - as a person. Then, you might think that true femininity is great with all of its flaws. You may embrace that state for some time, even long one - like years. But then there will be a crash.
Like with cooking - I'm bored, I don't want to eat anything as I've already eaten everything what I wanted. So what's the point?
Like with difficult differential equations - is it sane to focus on something as abstract as this shit? Will it ever be helpful in anything in real life?
Like with writing - will I be able to write something meaningful and life-changing for anyone in the future?
Like with sports - will I be able to break my barriers and become a better player? But - honestly - who even cares?
The person who cares is YOU. Don't drain your energy and don't put it in thinking about bad sides of life. Life sucks sometimes and sometimes it's wonderful.
Don't let fleeting emotions to make you forget about your goals.
Studying seduction
won't make you an emotional wreck. Taking drugs? Sure. Killing someone and going to prison? Sure. Losing everything you love? Sure. But pick-up or any other skill? I hardly think so.
Now you see everything in black colors, but in time you'll change perspective.
Don't give up... and remember about one thing:
Ludwig Wittgenstein. a great philosopher said: "My day passes between logic, whistling, going for walks, and being depressed. I wish to God that I were more intelligent and everything would finally become clear to me - or else that I needn’t live much longer." That's a quote from a guy with 190+ IQ. Some way more intelligent than - probably - any of us. He could think like this, because he had time to - actually - think.
I read Dale Carnegie's "How to stop worrying and start living". One of pieces of advice is this: don't over-think, just get something to do and do it. If in doubt, find something meaningful to you - exercise, pick-up, learn, hang-out, honestly: whatever. Don't get so stuck on one idea.
Members of GC boards can give you loads of great advice, but if you're in auto-rejection/denial, then you won't be able to use it. Just fight it like depression. You're a great guy, Mischief, so don't let your doubts cloud your thoughts.
It's been a long read, I know, and I hope you've gotten to the end. If you want advice, I'll give you this quote by Friedrich Schiller: "The strong man is strongest when alone." Embrace your solitude and stay strong. However, if you just need to talk about it and get it of your head, then PM me, we'll do some Skype session and I'll listen to your doubts. Sometimes it's the best cure you can get.
And also remember - as Dostoevsky said - an intelligent person can't be neither good nor bad, neither noble nor villain, neither ... nor ... Now you're in doubt, negation-ridden state, but but you can't stay in this state - as an intelligent person - forever. If you overcome it, you won't think about that doubts about being manipulated man for a long time - at least 'till another lower end of new plateau. By that time, you'll be in another part of plateau where you'll feel really, really good.
Endure - as Drexel said.
Take care, brother-
- Jaimie
P.S. (Edit): If you want something to help you truly embrace the certainty of change, listen to: Bruce Dickinson - Darkness be my friend. Another a sample of good music is Kansas - Dust in the wind. Both of them can be easily found on YT,
I'd like to also share with you a motivational video. When I was a youngster/teenager, I was a huge fan of animated movies/series/serials. Those more sophisticated from Japan and also those focused on less important stuff - like martial arts. Those dedicated for children, those for adults and those with lots of humor - like South Park. One particular set of scenes has stayed with me my whole life, though - Vegeta's battle against pink guy from DBZ. This is an attitude you should always bear in mind - never give up. To anyone (yourself included). Just get up and even if you get heavily beaten - like you're now [in a metaphorical sense] and like the character in the video [in a physical sense] - you should always get up and get back to your things. Just like a fighter in this short (2min.) movie who gets up after every beat-down he gets:
. If you're like this - endure what you get and do your best to tackle obstacles - then even if you get beaten, in the end you'll be a winner.
Again - remember: we're here for you, dawg.
-J.
