The Postgrad Life

[Kvothe]

@Eliasmusic
Thanks for the encouragement! I appreciate it a lot. Yeah it's been a tough few months but I feel on the upswing. But I feel my openers hooking more and am feeling better and more excited to meet girls, so looking forward to the future.

So today I opened 1 girl. Only got out of work late so didn't have as much time. I noticed her catch my eyes and I wanted to say hi. I think she was Latina from her accent. I told her I thought she was cute. What was interesting was that she didn't really smile while talking to me, even though I felt happy and was smiling I think. But she stayed and talked to me. I found out she was on her way to a dance class and tried to guess the dancing. She said she had to go after a bit (which I think I should have caught on first since she was on her way to a dance class) and told me if I wanted to talk to her that we should swap numbers. I asked her if she was down to grab coffee (don't think that was the right move since she offered first), but called myself from her phone and sent her a message an hour later asking how the dance class was.

The first girl from yesterday responded to my second text, but not to my third, but she responded with a long reply so I'll leave that to simmer and come back to her later. The second girl I'm actually a little disappointed by because she was reacting very warmly to me. I think I should have built a better connection with her, but ah well, now to move on to the next girls.

 

[Kvothe]

3 approaches today. Glad about the first one even if it was that smooth. I went for it. I noticed her when I got on the subway but only talked to her when I exited and we were about to part ways. Should've opened her at the beginning, and I think it could've gone better. She said she had a boyfriend, but like I said, the approach wasn't smooth.

Second approach was this girl. Again, I'm glad I went for it. Saw her walking, then decided against talking to her, then steeled myself and chased her for a block. Opened her and talked for a few minutes. Got the number, but don't expect much because it wasn't very smooth.

Last girl walked right past me.

Still 3 in a day. So improvement plus a lot of momentum.

Girl from yesterday replied, so I think I'll end up on a date with her next week.

Still bummed about the girl from two days ago, but these new girls are making me feel better.

 

[Kvothe]

Another approach today. Not much to be said on it besides the fact that I was extremely bad vibe on account of being sick, but I still tried and smiled, and still went out and made an approach. She said she had a boyfriend before I even introduced myself so DOA.

 

[Kvothe]

Been sick today, but called the girl who didn’t respond to my texts. She picked up and I told her who I was, which was somewhat long winded, and she said she was with her friends and would call back later, which she didn’t. The goal was to try to persist in an attractive way. At least I called her, because I was scared to do so. Calling it closed on her and will move on. Trying to set up two dates but not getting responses so back to square one.

 

[Kvothe]

So yesterday I went out and approached 15 girls. My goal was to meet 15 girls and ask one girl out to coffee that day. Most of the approaches were pretty good, I'd say about 5ish girls hooked, and I could've done better on some other approaches. There was this one red head who was walking kind of fast. I approached her, but I should have waited for her to stop at a stop light and then opened her. From there I could have talked with her and kept walking. Would have been a lot smoother. Got two numbers.
One was from this girl in all pink. I was super surprised how it happened. Basically I went up to her and gave her my opener, but I psyched myself out and was going to exit the conversation but then she asked me for my instagram. I said I don't use it much, but that I'd be more down for a coffee. We exchanged numbers and I talked to her for a little longer, and found out she was a pediatric nurse who didn't initially know why she went into the field. She also didn't like kids originally but now does. I texted her an icebreaker yesterday. No response, so I texted her today in the afternoon asking how the rest of her night went. No response, so I'll leave it and see if she responds later.
Second girl I got a number from was wearing this coat which covered her mouth, but she gave me an IOI, and I thought she was cute. I talked to her, and was a little playful, telling her to guess what she thought I did. She took a step back and checked me out, so I did a turn to give her a full view. Found out she was a financial consultant. Asked her out, but she said she was exhausted. So I suggested another time, and we traded numbers.

She texted me this:
"Hi Kvothe, nice to meet you too! & I'll only save your number if I like you "

I responded with, "I'll let you be the judge of that " and then followed it immediately with an ask out.

From a friend, a better response would have been: "What's your schedule like M...? Let's grab that coffee and you can decide if you like me "

^Will use for next time.

Overall it was a good day, and I feel better. I need to increase the number of girls I meet per day, and I think I'll see some huge strides in my results.

Also learned some good stuff about texting. I need to match a girl's investment while texting while also matching her vibe and playfulness. Right now I have difficulty identifying and coming up with the right texts to send back, but that's a matter of practice.

Either way, I think I'll end up on a date next week, so FR inbound

 

[Kvothe]

Today I approached two girls. First one was standing on the corner and I went to the edge, then came back and opened her by telling her I thought she was cute. She seemed receptive so I kept talking and I found out she was meeting a friend who was leaving the city for good. I connected on that by saying I knew how she felt, and that it's rough, but changed the subject. She's a college student studying finance, but wants to go more traditional. I tried cold reading by guessing she was a writing student, and she corrected me, and then cold reading her by saying she was a creative type, which she affirmed. Found out she used to dance ballet, which I'm good at connecting with. I asked her when she was free, and she said she was free tomorrow. I thought about it, but I think I played around with the hesitation too much, so it might be incongruent for me to ask her tomorrow, but I still am going to try.

Second girl I complimented but on second look wasn't too big a fan.

I walked around a lot but didn't see too many girls that caught my eye.

My fashion is definitely improving and I'm looking more fit. I definitely feel on the upswing.

 

[fog]

She texted me this:
"Hi Y___, nice to meet you too! & I'll only save your number if I like you "

I responded with, "I'll let you be the judge of that " and then followed it immediately with an ask out.

From a friend, a better response would have been: "What's your schedule like M...? Let's grab that coffee and you can decide if you like me "

hi Kvothe,

when she said she would only save your number if she liked you, she was trying to get you to qualify to her. you fell into the trap and qualified yourself to her with your answer, thus reducing your value, increasing your attainability, and putting yourself in a chasing position.

Using your friend's response wouldn't have been much better.

If that was me, I would have disqualified myself to her qualifier. I probably would have showed playful disinterest, like:

let's hope it stays unsaved ;P what's your schedule like?

 

[Kvothe]

Thanks for the advice fog! I'll definitely think about it next time.

Only one approach today, but wasn't feeling genuinely attracted, but did it.

The girl I was supposed to go on a date with flaked for a valid reason, so I'll reschedule it with her. The other girl from the day before is texting me very warmly, so I'll be meeting her on Tuesday.

Working on increasing my number of approaches to 5 per day.

 

[Kvothe]

No approaches over the last two days, which I'm not happy with myself about. I don't like wasting days, so I've just got to sack up and do it tomorrow. I'm setting a goal of 5 approaches after work.

The girl who flaked on me hasn't gotten back to me, so I'm assuming that we won't meet, too bad.

The girl I'm meeting on Tuesday seems excited to meet me, and I'm excited to see her. I've moved locations so it's better logistics to my place, and I think it should be fun. I just need to focus on continuing to approach to avoid one-itis.

Posting my texts for future reference, with my notes on what I could do better.

Her: Sounds good! Haha yeah, the park will be too dark by then anyways....not trying to get murdered or anything!!
Me: Haha sounds like a plan! Looking forward to it Let's figure out where to meet and stuff on Tuesday?
Note: Was trying to avoid scaring her, since she had suggested the park, and I mentioned that it might be too cold. Added to "looking forward to it" to make it warmer to alleviate any fears she might have had
Her: Me too! My office is near -------, not sure where you are at, but we can meet in the middle?
Her: Any big plans this weekend?!
Notes: I viewed this as investment from her, so I try to return it back to her
Me: If you're down for a little bit further, how about ---------? Otherwise lets do -------
...
She mentions that she is going rock climbing over the weekend
---
Me: That's one busy weekend It sounds like a lot of fun (minus the chores)! Which rock climbing place is this? I love bouldering myself
...
She tells me they went to an axe throwing place instead
...
Her: Haha sooo you rock climb
---
I initially understood this as her being impressed with me, so I try to be humble
---
Me: I've dabbled a little
Me: The axe throwing sounds awesome, you'll have to tell me more about it!
Her: Sooo you love bouldering yourself....how so?!?!
---
At this point I realize she misunderstood what I meant by "I enjoy bouldering myself"
---
Me: "laughing emoji"
Me: Bouldering is rock climbing without any gear
Me: Although now I'm curious what bouldering yourself might mean haha
Her: OMG!! Totally misinterpreted that for some reason.......I'm overly tired I should probs just go to bed bahaha
---
I notice her grammar and word choice is becoming more casual, which I think is a good thing
---
Her: For the record in my mind I read torturing.....
Me: Hahahaha don't think I'm into that, I'm a little more tame
Her: "laughing emoji"

So with that last text, I was trying to inject some sexual humor, since torturing myself feels like some kink. I think I communicated it, but I could have done it better.

What I feel that I could have written was:

1. "Hahaha I consider myself adventurous, but I think torturing myself might be a little much"
2. "Hahaha that's one hell of a freudian slip "

Curious if anyone else has anything else they could add, or if they want to give an opinion on my texting. I'm trying to improve it, so I'll try to post conversations and analyze the good ones in my journal.

 

[Kvothe]

Ugh, I'm really angry with myself today, for a better reason than before.

6 approaches. First three were awful, but only the first girl was someone I really liked. I should have tried to extend the conversation, I didn't even bother introducing myself. Giving up early should not happen.

First girl to hook was this Slovakian girl, we talked for a bit, and I did the old turn around to let her check me out. Grabbed her number right as her friend was coming to meet her.

Second girl to hook talked to me, and I opened well, but I couldn't come up with conversation well.

Third girl to hook was this cute turkish girl that I really liked. For some reason, she told me she had moved here 18 years ago, and I just thought she was old, but SHE WAS ATTRACTIVE TO ME, and I still left. I feel disgusted with myself for this. Never again. On top of that I'm an idiot because she probably moved here when she was a kid. I can still see the look of disappointment when I left and she was surprised that I didn't ask her out. I have never been so aghast at my actions. I've learned from this mistake. It was an expensive mistake, but I have learned.

On the bright side, 3/6 girls I met hooked, and I think I could have gotten numbers from all 3 of them if I had been on top of my game.

Got a date tomorrow, so hopefully expect an FR on Wednesday.

 

[Kvothe]

LR here: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=19882

I'm really happy and had a great connection with the girl. Didn't do any approaches, don't care. Tomorrow it's back on the approach machine and going to try and meet new girls.

Need to figure out why my dick didn't perform well tonight though. That's something I'll need to investigate. I haven't masturbated in two weeks, but I had been masturbating a lot before the new year. I think porn and that has me out of whack. I'm not going to jack off for a long time as a goal, so my body will just need to adjust.

 

[Kvothe]

Did 1 real approach and 2 bad approaches two days ago. And did 5 yesterday. I can still improve on being decisive and going not giving up so quickly.

Firstly, I need to make approaching my default, I’m still pushing myself to do it which means I second guess myself at times when I could be talking to a girl.

I also need to not immediately bounce if a girl gives an excuse for not being with me. Was talking to a French girl yesterday and she said that she had plans, but she was still talking to me, so I shouldn’t have left. The lesson is that I have to keep pushing myself to go for it.

Two girls hooked yesterday which is not as high as I want, but still not too shabby. Meeting girl from Tuesday in a few days so hoping to get something casual set up with her.

 

[Kvothe]

3 approaches today and one insta-date. So for the first three approaches, I think my vibe was way off. I don't think any of the girls even stopped for me, which was definitely an ouch. I have to be more assertive and dominant when street stopping. The other thing was the first second girl I talked to, I had an instinct that I should do a policeman stop, but I doubted myself and did a run around stop instead. It didn't go well. Next time, I need to pay more attention to my instinct. I think my approach would have gone over much better with a different opening.

The insta-date was a solid spur of the moment, decisive approach. It was also a good use of peripherals. I'm working on becoming a man of action, and the results are already piling up. 2 dates in 1 week, so I have a solid feeling for the future. Set up a date with M (girl from LR) for Monday, and will hopefully see A (insta date girl) on Wednesday. Either way, I have to keep approaching. It's going to be harder since it's starting to get really cold, but I have a good feeling regardless.

FR: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=19896

 

[Kvothe]

So it’s been an uneventful week in terms of new girls. Approached 2 girls last Saturday, 5 on Wednesday, and 2 yesterday. The positives are that I was more decisive when I saw a girl I liked, and I approached one of the most beautiful girls I’ve seen yesterday. On the negative side, I’m not approaching as much, which I need to improve. I’m aiming for a goal of 5 a day so I have to do better.
Things to improve: I’m moving too fast through the conversation. I need to slow it down and get to know the girl better before asking her out or going for an insta date. This is a calibration issue, so it’s something I’ll pay attention to as such.

Met one girl for date 2 and had some public mutual masturbation, while the second girl flaked on date 2.

I’m trying to set a FB frame and so hopefully that works. I need to lower my texting and be more disciplined. The good thing is that I’m coming off as highly sexual.

 

[Kvothe]

Been pretty bad at approaching recently. But trying to fix it. Yesterday approached 6 people, and got 1 number. Today went out for a bit and approached 1 girl. Girl who gave me her number is responding semi-warmly, so will hopefully set something up.

 

[Kvothe]

Don’t really have too many updates. I’ve approached about 7 girls in the last week, which is low and I’m not happy about it. The good news is that I am approaching the girls I really like. However most are happy to meet me but with some bad luck they all seemed to not be single. I need to lower my standards to girls who are attractive but not necessary 10s. Doing this should get me more dates and more experience.

It’s going well with the other girl, and it’s a new experience to be having sex on a regular basis.

 

[Kvothe]

So last week I felt really burned out, and I decided to take a week off of approaching to get my desire and interest in meeting girls back. This last weekend I went out both days and had a good time. I approached one girl who I think was waiting on her boyfriend, and then had one girl approach me. She was unattractive but the validation felt good. The next day I went out again and opened a cute girl near a taco truck in the bar. We talked and I think she liked me. I got compliance from her in that I told her to come sit next to me while we ate, which she did. I was talking more, which was not good, but I think it was going well. I told her we should exchange numbers and grab drinks later, and we traded numbers. I went to grab napkins to wipe my hands and during that time her friend came up to her. I came back and sat next to her. Her friend said she was leaving, and I think I should have persisted in having her stay by saying I was enjoying spending time with her.
Either way I texted her and she replied. I texted an ice breaker, then a follow up, to which she responded to, then I sent a scheduler text, which she didn’t respond to. I sent another message two days later asking how her week was going, to which she said that she just got out of a 4 year relationship and isn’t going to be looking to date for a while. I’ll provably try once more by saying that I’m not the type to put a lot of pressure and that we don’t need to have any labels on the date. I think I missed my chance on Saturday, but it felt good getting back out there.

Tried walking around yesterday and today but my approach anxiety is back, even though I feel like my vibe is back to a good place. So I just need to get back into the groove and then should see some results start back up.

FB is still going, but I think it may be fizzling out, since we haven’t seen each other for a while. But she messaged yday saying she wished she was cuddling with me, so I think it’s still good. So far I’m keeping it pretty good as FBs with texting and seeing each other so hopefully that continues happily.

 

[Kvothe]

So approach anxiety and getting stuck in my own head has been responsible for killing my vibe lately. It's something I'm going to need to fix in order to see any improvement. In order to do so, I'm going to have to go back to the basics.

1. Have sex (I'm meeting a girl) and don't cum. Should make me super horny and work to motivate me.
2. Fundamentals
2.1 Focus on smiling all the time
2.2 Always dress well
2.3 Get a haircut
2.4 Restart regularly working out and doing sprints every 2-3 days
2.5 Eat healthy and lose the gut (aim for 1800-2000 calories a day, and start tracking again)
2.6 Cut down non-work/non-date screen time to under an hour a day
3. Routine
3.1 5 girls a day. From tomorrow, I'm not going to allow myself home until midnight, or until I approach 5 girls
3.1.2 Approach the first girl who catches your eye (after exiting residential complex). Expect to be rejected and no matter what, do the approach. If you wuss out, go back and follow and do the approach.
3.2 Going out: Go out on Friday and Saturday night (try going stag on one of those days)
3.3 While out and about: be more social, talk to everyone and anyone, work on deep diving and flirting

 

[Kvothe]

Went out yesterday and had one really good conversation. The girl was definitely interested but the main issue was that I should have led. Me and my wing had miscommunication and as a result we let the girls get away. I had suggested we move to a new bar and she was down, but because there were two of them, I should have been high energy and suggested going somewhere different. Next time I’ll remember that. Did well on following the routine, don’t think I’ll have time today to day game, but will probably go to an alumni event so hopefully there will be some cute girls there.

 

[Kvothe]

So I’m having a hard time going straight to 5 girls a day, so I’m going to build up. The last three days I did one approach a day, they were all awful and I didn’t even introduce myself. Today I aimed for 2, the first one was the same as the previous, but the second girl was a cute blonde girl and she hooked. Turns out she’s in tech and is my age so that’s nice. She seemed quite receptive and I would’ve tried for an insta date but I have plans tonight. Grabbed her number and talked a few more minutes. I think she’ll respond and I benefit from the new to the city effect too. She’s been here 6 months and is from Texas, but went to school in Oklahoma. Her pupils were quite dilated, so I have a feeling she was attracted.

Working out is going well, I feel better for doing it. It’s quite cold so my style is still not the best, but it should get better as I work out more and the weather allows me to wear tighter clothes. Food has been good and I’ve been counting calories, but my family is visiting this week so I anticipate a lot of eating.