The Whizzy Journal

[Whizzy]

It's been a while since I've updated the journal, but I suppose it can function as a marriage journal of shorts too.

Marriage has thus far been an assortment of things, actually just about anything that comes to mind when one thinks of marriage. Sometimes
things can be frustrating, exciting, angering, or any mixture of feelings. However, I must admit that I did not anticipate being tested
as frequently and thoroughly as I have been to maintain the previous status quo. When once she listened to me and would do anything for me
now asking for a simple glass of water can be a struggle, yet I believe she expects more of me. I know I have let myself go physically...
but that alone cannot be the answer. Although the nightly lengthy amounts of sex have been drastically reduced to once or twice a week, if
we are lucky, due to many factors. These factors include but are not limited to pregnancy concerns, spending too much time together and a
great deal of stress. The stress can come from her mother who we live with currently while finishing up school, I would not have made the
decision to move in with her mom (divorced parents) had I known how much it would interfere with our relationship. I will add a later entry
addressing that problem, but I'm hoping to keep this one short. I have to wonder if it has to do more so with respect or being too available
for my own good. Any decision can become a debate, something that has grown irriating despite my father's former opinion that I should join
the debate team since I love to argue so much. Yet I after being woefully lax for so long in many areas of my life due to being blissfully
ignorant while enjoying a fresh marriage I have at last begun to reclaim myself. While my workouts and social skills may have dropped a tad,
they are still at a level that I can feel proud of, and especially since I have begun to improve on these aspects of my life once again.

On the bright side I have become a great deal more experimentive in the sex department when regarding new sexual positions, something that
will require constant creativity but something I am extremely excited for none the less

While this post is significantly more negative that I would like, hopefully the next few posts can more than make up for it in positivity

 

[Whizzy]

This will be the last negative post that I write as I refuse to let bitterness into my life, screw that noise!

I am left to wonder about the separation between my wife and myself as of late, and I've come to several conclusions.
Firstly, people fight sometimes and I get that, but fighting over the same thing time after time can leave me with but
one thought...the fight has never truly been resolved and I am to blame for that. Why myself? I should know better than
to leave a fight unresolved and to allow it to keep happening over and over again. Sure some of the details change each time,
but I am aware enough I realize to see the connections. So let's get to the root of the problems and to hopefully realize a couple
solutions to aid in the matter.

1) Money: Money is a common topic that places a great deal of stress on many couples and has been shown to be a key component in aggravating either person in a relationship. I realize that I have been slacking in this area and need to get on the ball, the only question is to
whether I should find a high paying job or worry more about finishing school. School will get in the way of many a good job while classes
are in session, especially given the intensity of my remaining classes...yikes!

2) Leadership: As a man it is my job to lead, no ifs ands or butts about it. I'm not talking about being a control freak by any means, but
being a strong, powerful man. I had been lax in this area for some time, but I will not let that happen again. The first step towards fixing
the problem was realizing that it was indeed a problem. Now all I have to do is remember who I am and to keep improving in the facets of life that I so choose.

3) Decisiveness: There was a couple months were I was unsure of where I wanted to live and I should have stuck by my guns and made a decision about the matter. I feel as though this portrayed me as a weak leader and as such could only lead to more fights.

4) Accountability: Recently my wife has attempted to paint me as a liar on many occassions, I should have taken care of this issue immediately instead of allowing it to continue. I have to wonder if she wants me to be a liar for some particular reason that I can't see. Recently I bought her a card for Halloween, and she saw me buy it in the store (so much for being sneaky). That was fine, but she kept bringing it up afterwards and when I didn't straight up tell her that it was for her and that I hid it she called me out on it essentially calling me a liar once again. Considering this was the first holiday card that I went out of my way to get for someone I'm not entirely sure that I will do so again in the future.

5) Family: While living under a parents roof it is to be expected that some tension should arise. However, I did a poor job predicting just
how bad that tension would really be. Her mom thinks that I am the most antisocial person that she knows, which is understandable to a degree. I try to avoid talking to her overly or doing many a thing with her for one simple reason, I do not recall the last positive thing that was said by her. Why is this a problem? I chose to eliminate many negative things from my live in the past as they can only hold a person back. People in general need to be built up and not torn down with negativity. This can be seen in her approach to any time she asks a simple question. Word choice can significantly change the tone of a sentence more than many people realize, the tone a word is spoken also has a massive impact on any verbal communication. I could go on and on about this topic but the general point has been made I believe. The part that worries me is how my wife's mother effects my wife in a negative way that I'm not sure she realizes. Her mom rationalizes the ability to say anything and do anything she wants due to the fact that she puts a roof over our head even if we buy our own food. While she is right to an extent, I hold the people in my life to a higher standard than that, however I can't say this straight out to my wife since I know how much she cares about her family.

6) Sex: This is a key part of any romantic relationship and can be taken as a sign of the current relationship status. Generally more sex
means a happier relationship and less means things are not quite where they should be for one or both parties. I need to make myself sexier
once again and eliminate much if not all of the cuteness that has become associated with me. This will include silly pet names such as being
called adorable.

Solutions: I shouldn't be a bitch just because it makes things easier for myself. The road to greatness is paved with many mistakes, but each
one is worth the lessons we learn from them.

 

[ray_zorse]

Hey Whizzy mate I'll be interested to hear how it all pans out for you, marriage is an interest of mine since I was married, in retrospect could have handled it a lot better, so I'm happy to hear you're doing the right things or at least analyzing how it's going and what principles you need to be applying. But do bear in mind that living together gives her an upper hand which you can't altogether eliminate.

Further to this you had better both move out of the dragon-lady's house ASAP! That sounds pretty toxic! Is it a financial issue, if so better get onto it, otherwise I'd move out immediately... if the wife makes trouble, then so much the better, you can just say you're moving out and this will give you some leverage, since she'll want to come over all the time etc... don't fall into the trap of thinking that just because you're married (or she's pregnant), certain classes of behaviour are now prohibited, for instance that your paycheque now belongs to her, or that she should get any say in where you choose to live, or whatever.

It sounds like you got married rather quickly, so I'd just treat the marriage as the continuation of your normal r/ship, does that make sense?

To put this in perspective, think about share trading... suppose I buy a stock and the price goes down. I don't want to sell the stock. But the correct thinking is... "if I had never bought the stock... and considering the price today... would I buy it?" and if the answer is no, then you should sell. If I had applied that kind of logic to my marriage when her behaviour changed immediately after the wedding... then I'd be sweet

cheers, Ray

 

[Whizzy]

Hey Ray! Thanks for the input my man, it's appreciated especially coming from someone with prior marriage experience.

I agree wholeheartedly about getting out of her house asap, my wife and I actually started formulating a plan to do so earlier today. Hopefully it won't be much longer The marriage was a tad quick, but I plan on treating it as a continuation of any normal relationship, after all that's all it is until kids enter the picture. Speaking of which, she is not pregnant which gives us significantly more leeway in our endeavors.

After coming to the realization that I had to make quite a few changes in order to "re-establish" myself things seem to be improving quite a bit. I can only hope that they continue to do so.

Look for my next post tomorrow with more reflections and new ideas!

 

[Whizzy]

Roughly two days ago in the middle of a "datenight" my wife gets a text from her most recent ex asking to talk. Not really a big deal I figured, but she then proceeds to disappear upstairs and locks herself in a room to talk to him for 2 1/2 hours or so. Now at that point I don't believe she realized that she had ditched me to talk to her ex with nothing more than a "be back in five minutes" and tears on her face. Now I hear giggling and whatnot from the room which concerned me a little, but girls are cute and silly for a reason. I did knock on the door at one point since I had to use the bathroom and wanted to make sure she had left the door to the bathroom closed and it wasn't someone else in there. When she answered she did the sketchy take a little bit to open the door, insert shuffling around noises in the meantime, and then only partially opened it. Eventually I just got bored after waiting for her to get done and hit the hay for the night. Granted I was pretty pissed at this point since she has been known to ditch people, including me in the past, but I was determined not to let anger or bitterness get the best of me.

Fast foreword to the next day (yesterday) and I was going to give her the cold shoulder until she explained herself...which she didn't...she just kept doing training videos for her new job and apparently texting this ex that she talked to for multiple hours on the phone the previous night. Turns out she had no intention of telling me what was going on unless I asked her about it I later found out...might just be me but that seems like a asshole play on her part. Anyways last night I caught her texting him but didn't bother to say anything yet, since all I saw was some meme that he had sent her. When she gets back from work she brought dinner so I was quite a bit more cheerful, but I still hadn't forgotten or forgiven anything yet. Eventually I get to check out the texts when she leaves the room and it turns out that they had at least 100 texts back and forth since the previous night, and she had texted his mother as well! To make matters worse she deleted some of the texts from both conversations, and her excuse was "I knew it would make you mad".

I don't remember the texts word for word but some of it involved him calling me a cunt, scum, should get a divorce etc. She never defended me once in those texts, said marriage might have been a mistake, and its not bad enough for divorce...yet. He also wanted to hangout with her and she said she couldn't yet due to work. She was also rather flirty with emoticons and said that she was in the best mood she had been in for a while due to talking to her "bestfriend" again! Part of the reason that these texts really bother me is that she knows they would upset me, so instead of telling me straight up and being honest, she let me find out by looking at her phone instead.

When I found out last night it was roughly 3am so I tried to go for a walk myself and she just followed me and kept trying to justify things with, "talking to him is getting boring anyways", "*insert name* is *insert name* him calling you that shouldn't be a surprise", "I love you", "I wasn't thinking", etcetc

Eventually I decided that it was going to take more than just an apology to fix things, and that if she truly wanted things to keep going that she should be the one to find a way to mend things.

Figured without writing this out my next post wouldn't make sense in my journal

 

[Whizzy]

Well since that incident last week I've come to realize a few things. First and foremost being that caring about how my wife feels/what she does is one thing, but letting it either effect or bother me is another. For about a week after the problem she was on her best behavior and tried her best to shower me with gifts as an apology, but after I forgave her she has become a little more aloof. She still texts that ex and his mom every so often, so i'm still left to wonder a little how much they mean to her.

The sex has been getting better, but I'm starting to feel more and more frustrated with her once again which makes sex happen less and less if the past is any indicator. If we were in a regular relationship I would say that this would be the breakup point, however I feel as though more effort should be put into marriage that a regular relationship...especially until my self improvement has been restored a little further.

 

[Whizzy]

My brother has a knack for going on a trip and messaging girls that barely know him, from back home, in such a way that they jump into bed together the night he comes back. My new goal is to play around with this a little myself and to see if there is more to it than calculated flirting. I'm going to take it a step further and see if I can get an average, or above average, looking girl to drool over me despite having never met me. I already have one such individual in mind that I contacted off of a dating app.

Time frame: 10-14 days

Tools: Skype and texting

Largest Pro: Easy to maintain an aura of mystery

Largest Con: Could get the job done in a couple hours if in person

 

[Grand Pooba]

My brother has a knack for going on a trip and messaging girls that barely know him, from back home, in such a way that they jump into bed together the night he comes back. My new goal is to play around with this a little myself and to see if there is more to it than calculated flirting. I'm going to take it a step further and see if I can get an average, or above average, looking girl to drool over me despite having never met me. I already have one such individual in mind that I contacted off of a dating app.

Time frame: 10-14 days

Tools: Skype and texting

Largest Pro: Easy to maintain an aura of mystery

Largest Con: Could get the job done in a couple hours if in person

Whizzy - care to share this messaging technique? I am more than curious .

 

[Whizzy]

Will have to update with details later on, but needless to say this was a successful mission! I'm set to see her the weekend following V-day assuming I get the time off. I'm willing to bet that we don't even leave the airport before things get physical thing

Whizzy - care to share this messaging technique? I am more than curious .

I'm planning to write up a large post regarding the technique tomorrow morning, but the gist of it is getting her to picture us as the very men that we are/aspire to be. The interesting part about this project is how resistant she was at first, but like any girl once you get past that resistance she is yours for the taking....yet at the same time not revealing all that much about yourself.