To all you scoundrels: do your girlfriends think you're the seducer, or that other women seduce you?

[POB]

I'm interested in how you manage relationships like that
I had an open relationship(ish thing) for almost two years, but talking about other girls to her would just make her mad, really.

I don't usually talk about other girls with her...only the chicks we shag together.
She just wants to know if I'm banging someone else and not that interested in the details.

But it was a very slow and careful process to reach that point...plus it turned to a very strange and unnatural path with all this covid crisis (I practically had to go mono with her for 3-4 months last year, which bonded us pretty close). Once things opened up a bit, we started on this road to ocasional threesomes, which made her really comfortable about the idea of me fucking other chicks (she really digs it because she feels like a queen when I tell her I like to fuck younger chicks, but really want to be with her and think she's hotter than them - which she is).

Also I backed off completely from new FBs because I'm working my ass off (both at home and on my regular job) and I don't wanna take chances again with covid.

 

[Fuck This]

SO I've been an "item" with the same woman for 5 years now. 3 years living distance from each other, and 2 years cohabitating.

I've never talked about other women with her. It was "Don't Ask Don't Tell" while we were apart. When I brought her into my social circle, she said "FT, all these women are SO IN LOVE WITH YOU...." "you are so loved by your tribe" " I see women checking you out"

I feign unawareness. But at the same time I feel like I'm doing quite well being with her so I don't have to act on their attraction. So I think she thinks I'm the object they are attracted to. But I don't think she thinks I seduce them actively.

Now in the OPPOSITE, I see her in her sales role, being charming and flirty, and engaging and I can see why other men would be attracted. But I never feel like she is pursuing because she was attracted.

What is interesting is how we seduce each other. Both of us are the aggressor at different times.

 

[Beck Bass]

But it was a very slow and careful process to reach that point...plus it turned to a very strange and unnatural path with all this covid crisis (I practically had to go mono with her for 3-4 months last year, which bonded us pretty close). Once things opened up a bit, we started on this road to ocasional threesomes, which made her really comfortable about the idea of me fucking other chicks (she really digs it because she feels like a queen when I tell her I like to fuck younger chicks, but really want to be with her and think she's hotter than them - which she is).

Oh, I get that, my girl also would complain a bit, but she didn't care that much really if I was sleeping with other girls, as long as she was my "princess". On sleeping with other girls though, I never made it happen, I suggested a few times, and she seemed a bit interested, but also she wouldn't quite accept, I dug a bit deeper and she said she had some issues with her own image/self steem problems (she was a bit chubby, I loved fucking her, but she wouldn't feel confortable naked around other girls). Makes a lot of sense, I think. Thank you for replying

 

[POB]

Oh, I get that, my girl also would complain a bit, but she didn't care that much really if I was sleeping with other girls, as long as she was my "princess". On sleeping with other girls though, I never made it happen, I suggested a few times, and she seemed a bit interested, but also she wouldn't quite accept, I dug a bit deeper and she said she had some issues with her own image/self steem problems (she was a bit chubby, I loved fucking her, but she wouldn't feel confortable naked around other girls). Makes a lot of sense, I think. Thank you for replying

This is just her. If she does not feel it, don't push...just find a FWB who would go for it.
There's a subtle difference between: "Like but I'm afraid to try" and "Eww, hate pussies".

 

[deletedaccount]

I just had a discussion with @Hector Papi Castillo and we realized our women tend to think about our exploits with other women differently.

Women I date tend to see me as a very conscious seducer. They view me as a man who is able to go out and find a woman and get her. When there's talk with current girlfriends about other women I may have been with while also with those girlfriends, they will call me 'naughty' or 'bad boy' or things like that.

However, with Hector, it's totally different. Hector's current girlfriend basically puts no responsibility on him at all when it comes to 'Hector with another woman' scenarios. She's several times said "If I catch another girl with you I'll kill her!" To Hector's girlfriend, it almost seems to be that Hector is just some guy, and he is her (the girlfriend's) guy, and if some other girl gets him, it is because that girl is a scheming homewrecker, not because of anything Hector did.

Put another way:

• My girlfriends view any Chase-other woman interaction as Chase having agency and women simply being the objects that Chase picks up
  
  
• Hector's girlfriend views any Hector-other woman interaction as the women having agency and Hector simply being the object other women pick up

So now I'm wondering: is this because of differences in how Hector and I come across? Is it differences in our frames?

Or is this a difference in how different women think? Or cultural differences between women from different regions? Is it something where Eastern European women are more likely to view other women as scheming boyfriend thieves, while women from other parts of the world are more likely to view the man as the one pursuing and getting women?

We were talking about this and basically concluded "There's no way we can know what the cause is without more data points from different guys."

So I put it here for the boards to way in:

If you're a guy who isn't always the most monogamous sort, or even who is but whose woman thinks/worries he may not be, how do your women frame it:

Do they think you're the one with agency, that you are the seducer? Or do they think women are the ones with agency, and that you are merely the seduced?

I will also say here I have had women do a thing that I think is them attempting to discern how much agency I actually have.

I have had girlfriends try to gauge how much willpower I have, and whether I "could say no" to a woman if a woman came onto me and I was supposed to not go along with it. I once had a girlfriend get super seductive, to the extent that it freaked me out for a while at first (she'd never been that intense before), and when I ultimately shagged her she said, "See? I knew you could not resist." (I had no idea I was being tested for 'resistance', btw, so this test did not even make sense. I told her as much)

So it could just be a frame thing. I do usually frame myself as a very deliberate person, and if those tests by girlfriends are any indication, it could be they're just responding to my frame, while also testing to see whether I'm really in control of my actions or I'm just responding to whatever woman or not.

Anyway gents, I'd be very interested to hear your experiences.

Chase

As a girl, I do think it's the other girls who end up having the power over my boyfriend (sorry if he reads this lol, love you!) but I think of it more like "lucky bastard!" than "evil woman." I like a girl who gets what she wants. If it means anything, I'm south Asian but born in the US.

 

[ocean_eyes]

@Chase dude! I've had both reactions from girls so I've always thought it was just different girls. Typically I find the more possessive girls blame the other girl, I find this is to protect their own frame that I'm not deliberately seducing other girls. If they're not that possessive or more understanding they frame it that I'm a "bad boy" and this is more a turn on for them that they're with a desirable sexy dude.

I've field tested both your styles and still use them, there's no correlation between how the girls react to each style for me. I've had both views for both styles and I've had girls change opinion over a period of time.

I've had girls go from thinking I'm a "bad boy" to blaming the other girls and from blaming the other girls to being turned on that I'm a "bad boy" they can't control. Usually I find the girls really wanting monogamy from me will (start to) blame the other girls to rationalise why they're accepting my behaviour.

This mirrors my experience...tbh girls are all over the place with their rationalizations. I don't know if they even know what they themselves think.
Ive had the same girl say "I trust you, i just dont trust other girls."
...And then say the next week, "I don't trust you." LMAO.

This could be a weakness in my game, i.e. my frame not being as solid as Chase or others.
Or it could be the women.

Overall if I had to choose, i would err towards the side of "girlfriends have always thought 'shit just happens' around me, and will try very hard to keep me away from situations like: drinking with her hot female friends, ETC.