Transitioning from Casual to Monogamous

[Rain]

Hey Chase,

In a comment here, you say or recommend guys should wait 90days before being monogamous, in most cases.
https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-n ... d-get-laid

But also here you say if a woman does hookups or casual, she is not relationship material.
https://boards.girlschase.com/viewto ... 70&p=78357

Just wondered, if she agrees to not be monogamous for 90days is that the same as casual and then, she is no longer relationship material?

 

[Franco]

Rain,

I split your question into a new topic. Please do not attempt to post completely separate questions on an existing topic that has nothing to do with your question. New topics are appreciated.

Thanks,

Franco

 

[Rain]

I'm 99% sure you're being sarcastic Drexel

On topic, did Chase get some new evidence to suggest that, if a woman does agree to be casual/non monogamous, that that makes them possibly more risky for long term? It just seems contradictory that you tell a woman no monogamy for the first few months, and if that's how it's recommended we run our relationships, if she says yes to that, then she fails the relationship sniff test? Just trying to get my head around it if I need to pick the right type of person for long term one day.

 

[WayOfHand]

Its not like you meet her and the next day tell her how you cannot be monogamous. Like why would that subject even be in the air for the first couple months? I don't get it. You just do your thing. And after time has passed she will bring it up. No need to agree on anything early on.

 

[Rain]

Because women who are open to non monogamy eg casual fling?

Chase wrote "I've never taken a girlfriend who was open to a casual fling or hookup. Girls like this don't pass the relationship sniff test for me."

That's what I'm trying to get my head around is all.

 

[Ambiance]

Here's my take: the girl really likes you, and treasures all time spent with you, which soon isn't enough for her. In her mind what happened between you and her wasn't a hookup, it was the beginning of something very special (she hopes! She likes you so much she couldn't bear the idea that you don't at least somewhat share the sentiment, and she convinces herself that if she plays her cards right you guys will graduate to something a little more secure) For awhile she is too worried of scaring you off by stepping over the line and pressing for more security, but before long she needs something. Just treat her well when you see her, and let her gradually win you over. Play your cards right, and she will always be craving just a little more security in the relationship, and subsequently will always be head over heels for you.

A

 

[Seppuku]

Not really sure what Chase had in mind when he said that.

The way I read it is, you start casual with her and if all goes well and there's a confirmed match, you upgrade her to girlfriend status after a period of time (90 days or so).

That's what I do at least. That would make sense. Don't jump into relationships blindly - even if that's what 95 pct of people do. Take the time to see what sort of person you're getting along with, before getting serious.

And the kind of relationship you have with the woman is never actually vocalized. You don't tell her "hey, this is purely casual. We're free to fuck everyone we want on the side". That's awkward, especially if you just met her. It should be de facto casual. No need to voice it. And if you're fucking other girls on the side, most girls will sense it intuitively. Also, if you become more serious, no need to vocalize it: "hey, from now on no more side fucking allowed!". It will just be obvious.

I hope this helps.

Seppuku