Trouble getting 2nd dates!

[CaptainHenley]

So here is the pattern lads.


I meet shy excited introverted beautiful girl. Exactly my type.

She likes me and actively shows interest.

We go out, and everything seems to be going beyond great.

We wrap the date up and agree to go out again.

Then, when I try to arrange the second date over text or whatever, the girl is very evasive. Saying things like i have no time ( in the middle of the summer)...

Then I meet that girl again in real life, and things are going great....(due to other circumstances I wasnt able to propose a date on the spot) i shoot a text again saying we should catch up and the girl comes up with more excuses...

This has happened 3 times, with some variations...

To be honest those girls are not the most socially savy people I have seen. The first one of the three, at the end of the date, started subtly crying saying this is wrong and what would her parents think of her (we just ate hamburgers and then walked her back home...)

Those girls are aged 18-19. Very beautiful and tall( all 3 of them 5'10, with an uncoventional type of beauty, then type an eccentric italian fashion designer would appreciate) and all of them very smart and ambitious.

I feel they are the perfect match to me, those are the girls I like.


What is happening?

 

[WeddingCrasher]

I'm having the same problem. I went on a date recently that I thought went well and when I try to set up another date, she's busy (works late, has school, etc.). When I get these responses, I interpret it as they're not that interested. If they really wanted to meet again, they would make time.

We wrap the date up and agree to go out again.

I have never mentioned a second date while I'm on the first, even though I have friends who say I should. Personally, I'm not a fan of it. I feel like I'm forcing a decision then and there.

Did you sleep with any of these girls at the end of the date? The general advice on this site is to sleep with the girl on the first date. Could be why you're having trouble getting them to go out with you again.

Hope that helps,
Tree

 

[Seppuku]

That reminds me of a particular date I had back in august 2015, which was eye opening. At that time I was one year into seduction, I had had some dates and a few of them transformed into girlfriends. On a date, I had already learned to create tension. But yet, the date-to-lay turn rate was still low. I was missing one key point in my mental model.

With this girl, the date went good. I had played with creating tension and I could see positive reaction from her. I made the date a little too late in the evening, and I made it last a little longer than necessary... So it's already 11pm, she wakes up the next day at 5am, well, so time to end the date and bring her back in her home. It went all good I thought, so I would pull a second date with her easily.

During the following week, I tried to suggest many date ideas. She didn't wanted cinema. Didn't like going to the pool. Didn't want to walk on the corniche. She was keeping hinting at "indoor activities". And me, with my flawed thinking of that time, I kept being blind, until she finally became so obvious that I proposed a cooking date at my home. She said yes... and on the agreed day she flaked. And I never heard from her again.

This failed episode was a defining moment. I took many lessons home.

• 1. Girls want to have sex. It's not just that they get excited during the act itself. They actually long for it, the same way we do. However not all girls will make you the favor of hinting at "indoors activity", like she did here. Most of them won't. You see this girl with an angel face? She wants it too. But she won't ask. It's your job to make it happen.
  
  2. Your time window to make it happen is short. This one put her neck on the line (remember, her reputation...) by being so obvious, but finally get tired of the lame ass me. Window closed. Bye. They very quickly assign you on one of two categories: (a) the gentle good guy who take forever to make a move and understand what they *really* want, or (b) the prince charming that will swipe them on their feet. They have limited patience and time for type a, and won't stay around very long. Ignore this at your own risk.
  
  3. I would have been much better off to assume this date was the last one I was ever going to get. Instead, I thought all went OK and it would be easy to secure a second date. Wrong mental model again. She gave me my chance. I didn't take it. I got her excited, then drove her back home. Things didn't go *that* well from her standpoint. But she was good enough to still talk to me afterwards, and I continued to be a dumb ass.
  
  4. If I had made the first date start one hour earlier and last one hour less, I could have brought her in my home at around 9pm. Plenty of time to escalate. That would have been my best chance of success. Plus, I would have wowed her big time as a guy "who makes things happen", category b. above

In august 2015, I had already been reading girlschase for 3 years. I had read all these things, it's not like it was new. But it's one thing to read them, and another thing to experience them, and really understand them for yourself. What you guys need is your defining moment.

The story is not over. After that, I decided to change something. I would assume, from now on, that I would never manage to secure a second date... So I had to conclude everything on date one. I started designing my dates to accommodate for a pull at my home, plus two hours of escalation / sex, within the same evening. What happened as a result was incredible. In the next three months or so, I took one new girl to bed each week in average. It just worked! The only thing I did was to change my mental model.

You guys decide what you want to do. If you want to go the 3+ dates route, you can eventually get a girl... Maybe after 6 or 12 months, and many "failed" dates. And when things end with this one, get back to celibacy another 6 or 12 months again. You're going to be scratching your heads dozens of time at understanding why.

Or you can give a try to the fast seduction approach - what Chase advocates - and see for yourself.

Seppuku

 

[CaptainHenley]

I agree with what you guys said...

But as I said those girls where really shy and inexperienced (I am really inexperienced myself btw)


The thing that's confusing me is how people my age (late teens early twenties) manage to have girlfriends and all that...

they aren't going on dates.... they have weaker fundamentals than me


they seem to get drunk or whatever and then somehow somewhere kind of by chance manage to a girl?

But I myself dont really like that, there is nothing honest about it. I want to feel anxious on a date for example and learn to handle my emotions and project them in a healthy manner, not mask what I feel with booze in hope that somehow the girl will also be drunk(which I dont find quite the conquest, the challenge), i dont think you learn that way...

What is a man to do

 

[Skippy]

Seppuku's answer is spot on. I noticed the same patterns and when I wrote field reports and the response I got was "you need to plan to pull". After I implemented that, the problem essentially vanished and even if I didn't go as far as having full on sex with the girl, I still got second dates.

You also mention you're worried that they're inexperienced?
I realize that might make you more hesitant to pull, but as long as you're giving plenty of plausible deniability it's not an issue. If the girl is a complete virgin, having sex on the first date might be too much for her but you want to at least make some progress, and the usual rules of handling lmr apply. You just have to be doubly compassionate and passionate.

I will at some point write up a lay report about a virgin that I recently fucked, but one thing which I think works is if you adopt a teacherly role towards her. Teach her some sex positions, teach her how to kiss, how to give a hand job, teach her what it feels like to have your cock rubbing on her pussy.

Always reassure her:"Baby we'll only go as far as you're comfortable"

Be persistent: "I'll always keep offering it to you, but I want you to know that there's absolutely no pressure" while you lovingly stroke her cheek and look into her eyes.

Reassure her: "Baby, I'm so fucking proud of you look at how much you've learned/how far you've gotten"

Everything you say should be with lots of love and compassion. You don't want to come off as disappointed in any way. Read Hector's article on lmr it was eye-opening for me.

If you don't go as far as sex, just cuddle with her and invite her out again the next day and push her boundaries some more.