Unmotivated, except for girls and money

[iceberg slim]

What's up yall. Lately I've been feeling depressed and I think it's because my life is a bit barren. I don't really have much going for me socially or hobby wise, and I'm not motivated to improve those aspects of my life. I am motivated to work and increase my net worth, and approach girls-- that's pretty much it. Other than that I workout and read (reading is my #1 hobby and has been for many years, including like 400 girlschase articles and counting). But it feels like that's not enough and I'm hurting because of it. Getting friends isn't an issue. I have friends and have opportunities to make more friends. Im just not motivated to put in the time and effort to build and maintain a social circle, or spend much time with my existing friends. Ditto for hobbies. In the last year I approached hundreds of women and got laid 9 times so clearly I have motivation. I just only have it for a few things. And I don't use internet porn or do much screen based entertainment at all so that's not messing up my motivation.

The only reason I'm even thinking about this is because I'm depressed. If I wasn't I'd be doing a shitload of approaching and keeping the rest of my life lowkey. But my mental health is getting in the way of my approaching so I'm taking a step back and looking at the big picture.

I'm introverted and maybe I just don't fit with the modern world. On the other hand maybe I have a personality disorder.

Anyone else struggle with being motivated by girls and work but nothing else? Anyone succeeded in overcoming this and broadening their horizons?

 

[Bob Z]

I'm pretty much only motivated by things that "move the needle" - money, a goal i have, improving my health/fitness, right now women is there too although it hasn't always been priority in past. I have many close friends and enjoy deep convos and hanging with them but socializing for the sake of itself feels pointless to me so I don't spend too much time there.

Absolutely nothing wrong in the slightest with only focusing on money and women. They're the two biggest things until you get them handled so it only makes sense you would focus mostly on them. I'm the exact same way right now and I'm incredibly content/at peace, furthest possible from depression. I'm pretty similar to your description in terms of priorities haha - I almost match up exactly. I also don't fit in with the modern world either, although I have a ton of friends online that do entrepreneurship that also fit this mold which has been really cool to have community. Hoping to make some "outside the box" friends here too.

You probably don't have a personality disorder tbh. If getting friends isn't an issue as you say you certainly don't.

Whatever is causing your depression has nothing to do with this in my opinion. I mean you can always pick up a sport or musical instrument which will indirectly help with your money (networking) or girls (musical talent can add to attractiveness) if you're looking for a hobby.

Perhaps part of your depression is a desire to be like everyone else and fit a certain mold. I'm here to tell you theres absolutely nothing wrong with just prioritizing money and women. In fact this is a good thing generally. I'm serious when I say

its not you thats wrong, its society.... society is mostly a bunch of unserious people wasting their time... which is fine honestly, but if your not wired like that lean into who you are, not away from it

If you're serious about beating your depression you've gotta first decide you don't want to be depressed and figure out why it is. Have you tried implementing the stuff Chase talks about in his article on beating depression?

 

[Atlas IV]

Lately I've been feeling depressed and I think it's because my life is a bit barren.

I don't really have much going for me socially or hobby wise, and I'm not motivated to improve those aspects of my life.

I think you pretty much answered the problem here. You acknowledge that your life is barren and you need to fill it with things that aren't girls or money.

Some ideas:
- Martial arts
- Working out
- A musical instrument
- A sport
- Travel
- Languages

I devote myself to almost all of these pursuits, and aside from the sense of fulfilment and growth, it also has positive flow-on effects for PUA (girls are drawn to men who are driven by passions). Give something new a try and see if you notice a change in perspective.

 

[iceberg slim]

I'm pretty much only motivated by things that "move the needle" - money, a goal i have, improving my health/fitness, right now women is there too although it hasn't always been priority in past. I have many close friends and enjoy deep convos and hanging with them but socializing for the sake of itself feels pointless to me so I don't spend too much time there.

Absolutely nothing wrong in the slightest with only focusing on money and women. They're the two biggest things until you get them handled so it only makes sense you would focus mostly on them. I'm the exact same way right now and I'm incredibly content/at peace, furthest possible from depression. I'm pretty similar to your description in terms of priorities haha - I almost match up exactly. I also don't fit in with the modern world either, although I have a ton of friends online that do entrepreneurship that also fit this mold which has been really cool to have community. Hoping to make some "outside the box" friends here too.

You probably don't have a personality disorder tbh. If getting friends isn't an issue as you say you certainly don't.

Whatever is causing your depression has nothing to do with this in my opinion. I mean you can always pick up a sport or musical instrument which will indirectly help with your money (networking) or girls (musical talent can add to attractiveness) if you're looking for a hobby.

Perhaps part of your depression is a desire to be like everyone else and fit a certain mold. I'm here to tell you theres absolutely nothing wrong with just prioritizing money and women. In fact this is a good thing generally. I'm serious when I say

its not you thats wrong, its society.... society is mostly a bunch of unserious people wasting their time... which is fine honestly, but if your not wired like that lean into who you are, not away from it

If you're serious about beating your depression you've gotta first decide you don't want to be depressed and figure out why it is. Have you tried implementing the stuff Chase talks about in his article on beating depression?

Thanks a lot for writing this. I wanted to let it sink in for a while and reread it before responding. Funny enough the depression recently lifted, and I couldn't agree more with pretty much everything you said. There is nothing wrong with focusing on money and women--it's a good thing actually. And yes a lot of socializing just feels shallow and pointless. As you said, there is this pressure to fit into a certain mold, and when you feel you don't fit in it can cause depression. But fuck fitting into a certain mold. Leaning into who you are is indeed the way forward. It's almost like depression is this self attack disease where the idea of leaning into who you are is repulsive, and all you can do is think negatively of yourself. I think you're right that the depression is coming from somewhere else. I have some trauma I need to work through, but that's beyond the scope of this website. All that being said, I think I could benefit from adding a little bit in the way of hobbies and socializing. But the main focus by far is still girls and money. Thanks again.

I think you pretty much answered the problem here. You acknowledge that your life is barren and you need to fill it with things that aren't girls or money.

Some ideas:
- Martial arts
- Working out
- A musical instrument
- A sport
- Travel
- Languages

I devote myself to almost all of these pursuits, and aside from the sense of fulfilment and growth, it also has positive flow-on effects for PUA (girls are drawn to men who are driven by passions). Give something new a try and see if you notice a change in perspective.

Yep, good point. I've been going on bike rides and think I might get into bike camping. And I can hit up girls on my adventures.

I do love travel and my next trip is always in the back of my mind. Problem is I get a measly week or 2 off per year so I can barely travel. That in itself plays into depression, I believe (grinding 50 weeks a year, yuck). But that's a job issue, which I'm working on but will take some time to figure out.

That's cool you're into all those hobbies. And yeah I agree having passion is a plus for game. Thanks for the inspiration!

 

[mrman]

I didn’t read whole thing but get a gf

 

[Wick]

Ask yourself, why are you not doing what you want? See if you can land on an answer that is hard to admit. Be honest with yourself. Usually this kind of thing is a result of a man avoiding that painful truth.

 

[iceberg slim]

Ask yourself, why are you not doing what you want? See if you can land on an answer that is hard to admit. Be honest with yourself. Usually this kind of thing is a result of a man avoiding that painful truth.

Very true. That ties into the trauma I mentioned. I like the way you put that