Way of the Jedi

[Casanova Newhouse]

I'm enjoying your entries @DarkJedi my brother. Seems like you have similar sticking points - mainly to do with internal state and approach anxiety. It's hard to create the social momentum to carry you through to a successful seduction, and I can think of so many reasons why it won't work, or why I shouldn't even bother in the first place.

Plus I ruminate about failed approaches, relationships, re-hashing arguments with my ex, obsessing about the girl that triggered my latest bout of limerance, etc.

My goal, and it seems like something you are working toward as well, is to just have fun getting to know people and being more social, free of expectations of any particular outcome.

 

[DarkJedi]

Thanks for stopping by my journal @Casanova Newhouse

Seems like you have similar sticking points - mainly to do with internal state and approach anxiety. It's hard to create the social momentum to carry you through to a successful seduction, and I can think of so many reasons why it won't work, or why I shouldn't even bother in the first place.

Indeed, for me internal state is so very important. When my state is good, everything clicks into place. But its hard for me to get into that state these days especially. And yeah, have a lot of the "many reasons why it won't work", though I tell myself its "approach pessimism" and not anxiety.

obsessing about the girl that triggered my latest bout of limerance

Yeah limerance is a bitch. I had posted a one-itis situation sometime back. I've realized its limerance. Didn't know about this term until recently. I can look back into the past and see similar patterns before.

 

[DarkJedi]

June 8, 2024​

Went on a pretty long daygame session in the capital city, this time with @MrRapo. Always good vibes when we're out gaming together!

Since I've been having trouble with approach motivation lately, I just focused on approaching a lot, without thinking too much before approach. Almost all walking sets, not much pre-approach strategy. Gotta get the approach muscle pumped again. Overall I think I approached around 15 girls, didn't count. Got 2 numbers.

First approaches were not that great, pretty fast blowouts, boyfriend rejections. I was also taking too long to decide to approach and losing opportunities, which is not great for walking sets. It improved over time.

Energy​

My energy was out of whack initially. I was using lower energy, and there was some anxiety and supplication. Girls weren't hooking, and some even got weirded out. I eventually dialed up my energy, more enthusiastic voice without supplicating (more high-value enthusiasm and not happy puppy energy lol), smiling more. Girls hooked much better, and even if they got startled, the "hey, didn't mean to startle you" with the happy enthusiasm got them comfortable fast.

The only downside with the high energy approach I think is that it can lead to friendly vibes easily if not careful. And personally I can have a tendency to go overboard, tease too much. A few months back I was able to hook girls with low energy very consistently. The attraction right off the bat is higher. Need a rock-solid inner state for that to work. Also, the right low-energy has an edge and sexuality in the voice, not mumbling, and needs tighter fundamentals.

I'll stick to higher energy for now and get enough data points. Been changing too many variables without trying the same thing enough times.

Pre-approach arm-tap​

I tend to stop walking sets with a side-stop, walking slightly ahead of her, looking back and opening. I noticed MrRapo doing an arm-tap as a pre-approach. Tapping the upper arm with the back of your finger. I tried that out and indeed they stop better. They tend to get startled sometimes if I'm too quick, but don't keep on walking which happens sometimes when I approach walking ahead of her. I'll keep this one in mind. Good stuff!

Facing my fears: Asians, 2-sets and front-stops​

I have traditionally had bad experiences approaching most Asians, bar a few which I considered a fluke. They tend to get scared and shut down easily. I got some inspiration reading @Chase's article https://www.girlschase.com/content/she-may-be-bitch-you-shes-pussycat-me and went ham: approached every Asian I could see lol. Trying to remain positive that they would go well. By the time my energy got better, I was getting good responses. Even got a number off one! It really is a lot about your preconceived notions.

I have huge resistance when it comes to approaching walking 2-sets. I approached a few walking 2-sets this time. Enough to tell my system its not that scary. I still need to push myself to do more of these before it gets to a low-resistance point. The sets opened smoothly but I was nervous from my side. Needs work!

I tend to talk myself out of front stops and approach the girl after letting her pass. I pushed myself to do a few front-wave stops. They weren't very good, girls were startled. I probably stopped them too late and too close. Need to work on it.

Some of the sets​

LTR Asian
One of the first Asian ones which opened well. Saw her walk past me, circled back quick and opened with arm-tap. She was startled but quickly settled down. Went direct, saying that her style is elegant and makes me think she was just inside checking out one of the fancy museums. Vibed well, high energy. My tone might have been a bit too friendly. When I ask why she's here, she mentions she moved coz of a bf. We talked a bit more and then I let her go.

Nervous-excited half-Asian
Super-hot bod, was walking fast with a cigarette in hand, I turned around and caught up to her. Opened high-energy saying that I found her walk super-cool, with the cigarette in her hand. She was visibly nervous and attracted. She mentioned she's pretty late meeting her friends, but was keeping on talking. Also said she's never been approached in her life. Light upbeat getting to know stuff and then I said we should meet another time. She agreed enthusiastically and we exchanged numbers. I tried to set up a date then and there, and here she was like "we can text and figure out" and I knew that was negative compliance.

She didn't reply to icebreaker text.

Note to self: if you want to set up a date then and there, better to set up the date and THEN take her number. Else it feels unnatural to her, like I'm desperate and don't trust that we can do that over text.

Greek Girl in Platform
Saw a mediterranean looking girl go down to the platform in my city station. Went down and approached with positive energy, mentioning I love her hair. We were vibing, but her vibe was more of a very outgoing girl, not specifically interested. Turned out she has a bf, but then we keep on talking. At some point I said we should still hang out, and she agreed and we exchanged numbers.

Came back to talking about her hair when she mentioned her hair in the WhatsApp picture was different: found an excuse to touch her hair. Asked about the party she's going to and she brings up the guy: a crazy gay guy who approached her with "how kinky are you?". We had fun talking about how gay people can get away with anything and after a while I joked: "so, how kinky are you?" and she mock walked away saying "too early" and came back. I laughed, talked a bit more and left.

Takeaways​

Things I did well

• Troubleshooted and fixed energy levels
• Arm tap - gonna remember this
• Faced some specific resistances I have (Asians, 2sets, front stops)

Things to improve

• I realize my eye contact in set was not that good. That also led to some sets not hooking. Need to keep rock-solid laser eye contact
• Vocals were not always good. Something to keep in mind

Random thing I wanna try out in future: for stationary girls, try opening with "hey, how are you doing?" with a big positive smile.

 

[DarkJedi]

I'm still struggling with approach motivation/pessimism. Feel like I'm stuck at a plateau. circling around the same levels. I do well for a time, then somehow that doesn't stick and I'm back to figuring things out.

Anyway, had a date this week. Made out but couldn't pull home. Let's see what happens with this one.

I went on a 1-day meditation retreat last weekend and that helped a lot. Realized I've been stressed out and living on thought-loops. Trying to do short meditations everyday.

Went on a short daygame sesh after work today. Had good responses except one rude blowout from an Asian. Approached 5 girls, all walking sets, got one number. Number won't pan out, it was very rushed.

My energy was a good level. Relaxed, but not low. I need to be in this state enough times to anchor it.

Small wins help: Before the sesh I had gone to return some clothes. The cute cashier first said I couldn't coz I had missed the return date by more than a month. But I persisted in a deep sexy voice, with relaxed eye contact, and she finally processed the return. That small win improved my state.

GIrl 1
Walking slowly, neutral eye contact, circled back and approached from side. She had looked back at me as I was closing the distance. Direct raw open, very chill. She was happy to be opened. Had a good talk, qualified on her having her own business. But she kept getting called by her friend, and also said she just broke up from a toxic relationship and isn't looking to date. I persisted coolly, trying to handle her objection by building her up when she said she's given her all and got dumped. No dice. Coz of my chill state, it didn't seem chasey.

Good: very relaxed, good vocal tonality, persisting without seeming too chasey. Qualified on her
Bad: didn't polarize/tease at all, it was all pull. Also she suggested to move away from the crowd. Should have been me (compliance)

Girl 2
Girl passed by zoned out, I circled back and caught up, tapped and opened. I fumbled the opener bigtime since there were people milling about and I saw she was a bit apprehensive. "something about you made me curious, wanted to say hi" etc etc. Can work with the right vibe, but it was neither here nor there. I did manage to make her chill and smile by being relaxed myself, smiling warmly while lightly teasing, but I think that shit opening vibe had killed the attraction.

Good: Can fix initial apprehension
Bad: unclear opening. Its a walking set. Either indirect-direct or fully committed direct would work better.

Girls 3
Asian sitting down. Sat down by her without looking, opened after 1 min, by trying waving at her. She just blanked me and left. Lol. Retarded Asians. I hadn't even finished saying a sentence

Girl 4
Saw her in a supermarket, approached outside when she was leaving. She was a bit apprehensive, BL showing wanting to leave, but compliant. I addressed the objection "why does it seem like you want to leave?" with a warm sexy smile, she smiled back and chilled. She has a bf.

Girl 5
Sexy red summer dress. Circled back, approached from the side. Raw open while also pacing her (I can see you're in a big rush but...) . Loved it. Asked my name herself, told where she's from herself, lingering handshake. All good signs. Quickly exchanged small talk. She really had to leave for the train. Asked for her number, was given Insta objection. Said I'm not on insta much and exchanged numbers. Hasn't replied to icebreaker. This could be reactions vs results thing.

Good: just a good vibe throughout
Bad: didn't build any connection, qualification, didn't even take the number on a date premise.

Takeaways​

• Energy: I'm slowly getting the relaxed state back, thanks in part to meditation. The relaxed state is a baseline requirement, but still need other things handled. You gotta be relaxed and still be directed, not wishy-washy. An edge, masculinity. And match the energy of the girl and situation while being relaxed.
• Fundamentals: Need to pay close attention to fundamentals. The low vocal tonality, while maintaining power/edge and energy/pace. Relaxed EC.
• Warmth, enthusiasm, edge balance: This is the part that I struggle the most in the off days. I can be relaxed, but meek, or warm and enthusiastic but without edge or groundedness. That balance of warmth, positive energy, enthusiasm while being grounded, non-needy and no pan-handler energy is super-delicate.
• A warm sexy smile is good when you're in a relaxed non-needy state.
• I am a lower-energy introverted dude. Gotta play to my strengths

Instead of remembering all the components, better to visualize myself as a relaxed, grounded masculine guy who's warm and positive. Don't skip this. The dominance, teasing, playfulness is a layer on top. The sexual vibe is anothe layer on top.

Another point to note: a girl needs to respect you, throughout the interaction. No pan-handler energy, neediness. You can be warm and nice, but come from a position of being above her. Relaxed, groundedness, non-neediness garners her respect, keeps your power and frame.

 

[isildur1]

I'm still struggling with approach motivation/pessimism. Feel like I'm stuck at a plateau. circling around the same levels. I do well for a time, then somehow that doesn't stick and I'm back to figuring things out.

Anyway, had a date this week. Made out but couldn't pull home. Let's see what happens with this one.

I went on a 1-day meditation retreat last weekend and that helped a lot. Realized I've been stressed out and living on thought-loops. Trying to do short meditations everyday.

Went on a short daygame sesh after work today. Had good responses except one rude blowout from an Asian. Approached 5 girls, all walking sets, got one number. Number won't pan out, it was very rushed.

My energy was a good level. Relaxed, but not low. I need to be in this state enough times to anchor it.

Small wins help: Before the sesh I had gone to return some clothes. The cute cashier first said I couldn't coz I had missed the return date by more than a month. But I persisted in a deep sexy voice, with relaxed eye contact, and she finally processed the return. That small win improved my state.

GIrl 1
Walking slowly, neutral eye contact, circled back and approached from side. She had looked back at me as I was closing the distance. Direct raw open, very chill. She was happy to be opened. Had a good talk, qualified on her having her own business. But she kept getting called by her friend, and also said she just broke up from a toxic relationship and isn't looking to date. I persisted coolly, trying to handle her objection by building her up when she said she's given her all and got dumped. No dice. Coz of my chill state, it didn't seem chasey.

Good: very relaxed, good vocal tonality, persisting without seeming too chasey. Qualified on her
Bad: didn't polarize/tease at all, it was all pull. Also she suggested to move away from the crowd. Should have been me (compliance)

Girl 2
Girl passed by zoned out, I circled back and caught up, tapped and opened. I fumbled the opener bigtime since there were people milling about and I saw she was a bit apprehensive. "something about you made me curious, wanted to say hi" etc etc. Can work with the right vibe, but it was neither here nor there. I did manage to make her chill and smile by being relaxed myself, smiling warmly while lightly teasing, but I think that shit opening vibe had killed the attraction.

Good: Can fix initial apprehension
Bad: unclear opening. Its a walking set. Either indirect-direct or fully committed direct would work better.

Girls 3
Asian sitting down. Sat down by her without looking, opened after 1 min, by trying waving at her. She just blanked me and left. Lol. Retarded Asians. I hadn't even finished saying a sentence

Girl 4
Saw her in a supermarket, approached outside when she was leaving. She was a bit apprehensive, BL showing wanting to leave, but compliant. I addressed the objection "why does it seem like you want to leave?" with a warm sexy smile, she smiled back and chilled. She has a bf.

Girl 5
Sexy red summer dress. Circled back, approached from the side. Raw open while also pacing her (I can see you're in a big rush but...) . Loved it. Asked my name herself, told where she's from herself, lingering handshake. All good signs. Quickly exchanged small talk. She really had to leave for the train. Asked for her number, was given Insta objection. Said I'm not on insta much and exchanged numbers. Hasn't replied to icebreaker. This could be reactions vs results thing.

Good: just a good vibe throughout
Bad: didn't build any connection, qualification, didn't even take the number on a date premise.

Takeaways​

• Energy: I'm slowly getting the relaxed state back, thanks in part to meditation. The relaxed state is a baseline requirement, but still need other things handled. You gotta be relaxed and still be directed, not wishy-washy. An edge, masculinity. And match the energy of the girl and situation while being relaxed.
• Fundamentals: Need to pay close attention to fundamentals. The low vocal tonality, while maintaining power/edge and energy/pace. Relaxed EC.
• Warmth, enthusiasm, edge balance: This is the part that I struggle the most in the off days. I can be relaxed, but meek, or warm and enthusiastic but without edge or groundedness. That balance of warmth, positive energy, enthusiasm while being grounded, non-needy and no pan-handler energy is super-delicate.
• A warm sexy smile is good when you're in a relaxed non-needy state.
• I am a lower-energy introverted dude. Gotta play to my strengths

Instead of remembering all the components, better to visualize myself as a relaxed, grounded masculine guy who's warm and positive. Don't skip this. The dominance, teasing, playfulness is a layer on top. The sexual vibe is anothe layer on top.

Another point to note: a girl needs to respect you, throughout the interaction. No pan-handler energy, neediness. You can be warm and nice, but come from a position of being above her. Relaxed, groundedness, non-neediness garners her respect, keeps your power and frame.

good that you're focused on quality interactions - maybe with the Asian girls ask for their Wechat if they're Chinese or Kakao talk if they're Korean. From my experience they're a lot more responsive on those apps than from Whatsapp- you can also win rapport with them by having interesting photos in your Wechat or Kakao talk respectively - could be good for flake reduction and re-engaging lost leads

If you find yourself struggling for motivation maybe find some wingmen to push you into harder sets or someone you can vibe off with. This helped me to push myself out of slumps and difficult situations.

 

[DarkJedi]

Short updates on recent days

June 29, 2024​

Went to the capital with some of the pickup buddies. Short street approach sessions. I was pumped up. Energy good, reactions always good with the girls, and I could turn around initial apprehension. But I think I was coming on too strong with some of them.

Had quite a few bf/married ones.

Girl by a tree
Sitting reading by a tree. Opened kinda direct ("saw you over there while waiting for friends, you got something about you that makes me curious"). Good conversation, intelligent girl. But she was a maybe girl, I felt like being in the seller frame. Got her number after some convincing. Also got derailed by my friends calling just when she had initially agreed on exchanging numbers, but finally got it. I don't expect it to lead to anything. This is the problem with direct game and maybe girls. She wasn't sucked in while I had my cards on the table.

Italian girl on a trip
Sexy tatted Italian girl passed by while I was waiting for food. Went very direct ("loved the dress, its stunning"). She loved it, but was also apprehensive. Kept on talking (cold read and just happy upbeatness) and it eased her (this is one of the differences in my good state days. I direct the interaction in the face of their apprehension till they ease into it). I was touching her at points and said we should grab a drink before she leaves. She agreed and I took her number. She was trying to go for insta and I said "we're talking about having coffee and you're gonna give me insta?!" and she laughed and gave me her number.

My friend said I should have seeded the date already since its time-sensitive. Since she went into the restaurant as well, I went an re-approached her, asking her what she's doing later this evening. She said she'll be at a party. I told her I'll call her and we'll meet later, she agreed. Called her an hour or 2 later, didn't pick up. She texted me late at night that she was at the party and meeting friends later.

What I should have done: Set a time directly and made her commit to meeting me in the evening. Might have worked. I have to push harder for logistics. Its a sticking point.

Vibey Ukraininian
Saw this cutie dancing to tunes while walking by. Circled around and approached quickly. "love your energy, you seem dancing and having fun by yourself" something like that. She liked it but was trying to leave. I extended my hand and exchanged names, and then she stayed. Talked for a bit, she was vocally flirty. Agreed to meet up another day. I asked her to save my number. She sent me a text with a kiss emoji lol.

I later sent her a kiss emoji too and asked if she's still dancing. She replied that she was back home, and a bit later called me. Couldn't pick up but when I called her later, she blocked me. So weird!!

About the last two: Spiking attraction with all the touch and not building comfort won't help in daygame, unless I can get them on an instant date. That's what it seems like

2nd date with the girl in previous post​

2nd date. Again makeouts, but couldn't get her isolated. Now it feels really chasey, and I can feel that she thinks she's in power. It would be fine, but my crude sex talk hasn't helped. Now all my cards are on the table. Vibe is alright, but she's in control. This is where maintaining some restraint and mystery would have helped. Also, it was a day date, with her needing to meet some friends later. I should have rescheduled to a different day.

I'm thinking of not texting her for a few days and see if she texts me. Else I'll see. She rejects my suggestions to come to my place but also knows that I usually go for sex fast. Didn't think this one would be so tough. Oh well. Might make an FR out of this

Takeaways​

• In the face of apprehension of the girl, take control of the interaction. Shake hands, introduce yourself, or cold read, or just talk about relevant stuff. Basically don't let her get more into the headspace of wanting to leave. Its easier to do when you're in state, but remembering this on bad-state days might help
• Logistics: think more on your feet. Try to set dates directly in the interaction if the interaction went well.
• Don't escalate too much on a date when outside, when you know its hard to bring her home that day, or when she's shown resistance already. Even too much non-reciprocated touch isn't good. Need to use more non-verbal ways of generating tension