What creates urgency in her to sleep with you faster?

[topcat]

@topcat I'm not saying that the sexual stimulation/sexual frames/sex talk are not important. I understand that they are part of seeing my sexual value in her mind/body. And I did all of it. Not with this particular gambit but with other things.

With the OF girl I mentioned previously, the situation was like this.

We were sitting on the upper floor of that bar. Isolated. We sat next to each other, our legs were crossing and occasionally touching. I was touching her thighs. I was sitting face to face and I was looking in her eyes and smirking. I told her about the silent date idea and how it's great because it raises the tension fast. When we had a break from isolation, we were in a group of 4, we discussed sexuality and I delivered the 8 orgasms gambit. I also delivered a being present, in the moment gambit. Similar to James described in his latest lay report.

I really don't see how much more I could have done apart from kissing her. Which I usually try to avoid in public places and do it in the private location.

I'm not great at sex talk but I'm great at non-verbal, physical escalation. If I'm in a private location with a girl and she is open to sexual touch, it's like 90-95% likelihood of sex. BUT... it only works if she is sexually open at that moment. Only works if she is open to touch and to talk to sex. Sometimes I meet girls who just don't want to go this route, don't want to discuss anything sex related, etc. It's not necessarily that they are closed to these things. But they are closed in the moment. They want to wait.


There is no sexual stimulation in this gambit, because this gambit is not about sexual stimulation. I'm physically attractive dude and I have a very good non-verbals, touch, etc. Put simply, I stimulate her sexually in different ways and I'm not trying to make her horny with this. I'm trying to make her fear that she may lose the opportunity to get intimate/relationship with me, if she stays closed and don't comply. That's it.

yes but you’re not getting it..she’ll only fear losing the opportunity to ‘get intimate’ with you if she already feels intimacy with you.

the same way if you’re hungry and i put a hot plate of food in front of your face but you sense it’ll be gone in five minutes if you don’t take your opportunity now.

how much do you ask a girl about her experiences of sex, and just listen?

how much do you ask her about what she enjoys in her intimate relationships, and just listen?

how much do you speak about your own lived experiences of sex and intimacy and ask her how that relates to her own experiences?

if you want to be sleeping with girls quickly they SHOULD be feeling horny in your presence BEFORE you isolate them.

 

[Jan]

@topcat As I said before, I have tried to elicit sexual thoughts and feelings in her. I understand that you've got to do this FIRST, and only then she may have a fear of losing it. She may only be afraid of losing opportunity to get naughty, if she feels naughty about you in the first place. I'm not doubting any of these.

This whole gambit is supposed to be delivered AFTER she already feels it. It's not supposed to make her horny.

But let me ask you this: let's say you tried all you have in your 'sexualize interaction' ammo. You touched her, you closed proximity, you talked to her in sexy voice, you looked into her eyes deeply, you asked about her sexual encounters, you told her about your experience, you asked about her fantasies, you've delivered all sex talks gambit you know. But she is still not willing to go home with you. She is ok still hanging out with you, but she wants to take it slow.

What do you do then?

 

[Jan]

@topcat Please, don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to be "smart" here, or trying to prove something. I'm really just trying to understand it better. And the reason I'm kind of dismissive when it comes to accepting 'sexualize' better/more as the simple solution to this problem is that I just have tried this so many times and in so many ways, that my mind is willing to accept something which I have already tried and didnt' work.

 

[topcat]

@topcat As I said before, I have tried to elicit sexual thoughts and feelings in her. I understand that you've got to do this FIRST, and only then she may have a fear of losing it. She may only be afraid of losing opportunity to get naughty, if she feels naughty about you in the first place. I'm not doubting any of these.

This whole gambit is supposed to be delivered AFTER she already feels it. It's not supposed to make her horny.

But let me ask you this: let's say you tried all you have in your 'sexualize interaction' ammo. You touched her, you closed proximity, you talked to her in sexy voice, you looked into her eyes deeply, you asked about her sexual encounters, you told her about your experience, you asked about her fantasies, you've delivered all sex talks gambit you know. But she is still not willing to go home with you. She is ok still hanging out with you, but she wants to take it slow.

What do you do then?

I back off, and seek a more compliant prospect.

I may ping her in a week and test her compliance then. I may not.

If after all of what you described, she still doesn’t want to come home with me, I read that for what it is - low interest. At least too low for my liking and I seek a better prospect..

ACTUALLY dude I think I see the problem..

How is a girl to feel that she’ll urgently lose you, IF you still stick around when she is non compliant?

 

[topcat]

@topcat Please, don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to be "smart" here, or trying to prove something. I'm really just trying to understand it better. And the reason I'm kind of dismissive when it comes to accepting 'sexualize' better/more as the simple solution to this problem is that I just have tried this so many times and in so many ways, that my mind is willing to accept something which I have already tried and didnt' work.

You’re rewarding low compliance. Hence she feels no urgency.

Edit:

Youre looking for a gambit to convey scarcity, when real scarcity is conveyed by losing interest when the girl wont comply.

Delivering a gambit after low compliance, is rewarding low compliance.

Being bored, winding down the interaction, looking for another prospect. Sending her home (politely). These things 'punish' low compliance and engender a sense of urgency in her ("Oh no! I'll lose him if i continue turning him down").

If you're intent is fast sex, but then you stick around even after she communicates she doesn't want it, how important is fast sex to you?

Again, why should she feel urgency (to sleep with you quickly) if it clearly isn't a dealbreaker for you?

 

[Jan]

ACTUALLY dude I think I see the problem..

How is a girl to feel that she’ll urgently lose you, IF you still stick around when she is non compliant?

YES!!! That's exactly my point. If you read my gambit again, you will see that I mention compliance specifically. If she is not compliant with me sexualizing her, then what is the point of sexualizing more? It's just building more negative compliance.

I back off, and seek a more compliant prospect.

I do the same. But I don't think it's max I can do. If you back off, you lose her, she loses you. It's game over. Ping may work or not but it's still lower odds due to her not being physically in the same location.

Instead of walking away from a non-compliant chick, you give her a warning. In a polite and indirect way, you tell her that she either she will be compliant NOW or she WILL LOSE YOU. If she is still non compliant, even though she was warned. bye

 

[topcat]

YES!!! That's exactly my point. If you read my gambit again, you will see that I mention compliance specifically. If she is not compliant with me sexualizing her, then what is the point of sexualizing more? It's just building more negative compliance.


I do the same. But I don't think it's max I can do. If you back off, you lose her, she loses you. It's game over. Ping may work or not but it's still lower odds due to her not being physically in the same location.

Instead of walking away from a non-compliant chick, you give her a warning. In a polite and indirect way, you tell her that she either she will be compliant NOW or she WILL LOSE YOU. If she is still non compliant, even though she was warned. bye

Actions speak far louder than words.

My point is giving her a gambit ie. rewarding her lack of compliance, communicates the complete opposite of what you intend it to.

Your words say “i’ll leave if you don’t comply”

Meanwhile she’s not complying and you're still sitting there talking to her as enthusiastically as you did when you thought you were going to fuck her..

Is this clear?

EDIT:

if you want to convey this in a gambit you need to state it when she is compliant and long before she resists you. And you better make good on your word if she does end up resisiting you, or the gambit was for nothing...

My main point is the gambit is pointless and inelegant..

Better to just get her horny, pull ata a high point, where she doesnt comply you punish with lack of attention, eventually moving on if she doesn't get on board.

Like who likes you.

Reward who complies with you.

Ignore those that don't.

 

[Jan]

My gambit doesn't reward her lack of compliance. It's a polite warning that if she doesn't comply, then I will leave and return to the other girl. The vibe is too friendly, that's true. Need to rewrite this with more serious vibe.

But the message is clear. And my actions will also be clear. If she doesn't comply after the warning, then I will leave.

Meanwhile she’s not complying and you're still sitting there talking to her as enthusiastically as you did when you thought you were going to fuck her..

Last Friday, when I realized that this OF girl is non-compliant after I tried all my 'sexualize interaction' plays, I just left, didn't talk to her enthusiastically, or ever contacted her again.

So... I tried 'sexualize' more - NO SUCCESS
I left - NO SUCCESS

At least, I need to give this idea a go.

 

[topcat]

My gambit doesn't reward her lack of compliance.

Sticking around talking to her is the reward. What comes out of your mouth doesn’t matter.

We guys need to learn that what we DO says far more than what we SAY, especially to women.

 

[Skills]

Hi @Skills

I've read the two posts, and now I'm actually little confused.

I thought that my recent problems are due to the fact that I'm not moving fast enough. But the posts suggest that I should actually move slowler - play long game

no i talk about PATIENCE, you always strike when the item is hot... Post break up girls, requires a lot of calibration, cause they become bi polar and conflicted... They go from hot to cold fast, if you don't know the why, you will totally get frustrated... I am mainly in the context post long term still in love break up, were they are hurting... like for example i have picked up and bang girls fast that are vulnerable if you read "my car pick up" or whatever it is, they are still hurting and vulnerable when the date did not work out, and left them abandoned in the middle of nowhere, i still bang them fast...


pa·tient
/ˈpāSH(ə)nt/
adjective

1. able to accept or tolerate delays, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious.
   "be patient, your time will come"

 

[Skills]

ACTUALLY dude I think I see the problem..

How is a girl to feel that she’ll urgently lose you, IF you still stick around when she is non compliant?

^ bingo, ok i see, what it is, yea @Jan there is nothing you can do in the situations you are describing.... correct move is above ^ to remove attention.... (actually then mm does apply lol), yeah you are kind of indirectly rewarding non compliance.... But, still you don't want to get into the "non compliance zone" as much as you can by pre-empting getting there in the first place, but if it happens you need to remove attention or remove yourself at least temporarily, you will be surprise when you remove yourself many many girls flip like pancake and ping you... For example, That is why post break up, we advice radio silence and they usually ping you, if radio silence done correctly....