What is going on here?

[HumanWhoLearns]

So I had two women who I thought were somewhat interested only to bottom out very quickly. This has been a recurring theme in my life - people either don't reciprocate interest or they change their minds very quickly for some reason.

The first woman I met in class. We're both non-traditional students. I added her on Instagram and we messaged each other for about 5 days or so. Keep in mind during this time I didn't talk to her in person because we both were in class, I was usually 5 minutes late to class, and she was one of the first to leave. So I thought the messaging was going well - she seemed to be enjoying the conversation, and asking me questions. Then I suggested we slow down on the texting and talk more in person (trying to follow the advice in Chase's texting book, plus I recognize from my own experience texting too much is bad). Anyway, this class only meets two days a week and she told me the she couldn't hang around after class on Thursday because she had another class right after, but would be able to talk on Tuesday.
So I go a few days without texting her, and then message her on Friday to keep the iron hot. I messaged her that she would make it through this thing she's going through (she talked to the class about her divorce) because I felt bad for her. Then in the same message I tried to cheer her up by mentioning she seems courageous and asked her if she likes jumping out of planes or going commando. She got real mad at me, mentioned she had a guy she's seeing, and asking why I'm messaging her. Eventually she says that we were just having a friendly conversation the whole time, but I think she lost attraction. She tried to rationalize it by her claiming she added everyone in class on social media which was a lie.

The next woman I met @ this fast food restaurant I frequent. One day I joked with her by asking if I could steal all of the stores bags and she said she would have to chase me, which I replied "interesting".

So each time I came in she would act really feminine - stare into my eyes, apologize for nothing, laugh a lot, etc.

I didn't ask for her name until like the 5th time I saw her. The next time I saw her (which was recently) I asked if I could add her on social media to talk (didn't go more direct because there were other customers around). She asks me what I want to talk about and then gives me her name (while not looking happy about it). I added her a couple of days ago but it doesn't look like that's going to go anywhere.

I think I'm becoming more charismatic or w/e, but it seems like I still repel people away. It seems silly to blame energy fields or w/e, but I do think people can feel that I'm depressed even when I don't express it. Maybe that energy drives them away. I don't run perfect game either, but I even if I did I still feel like this would happen.

 

[Will_V]

The main issue is moving too slowly. The second issue is calibration.

Spending 5 days messaging someone, then not messaging several days, then sending a message asking her if she likes to go without panties is simply uncalibrated. Text is for rapport (friendly, sociable banter) and logistics, as Chase points out. Not escalation. And 5 days of messaging is way too much imo.

For the second one, seeing someone regularly as a customer at their workplace and then suddenly asking for contact details is just one of those situations that looks like it should be fine but isn't. She gets used to seeing you when you come in like many other customers she talks to, and then suddenly it feels like you want to escalate things and assume she does too. But she doesn't know you any better than any of the other million customers she's chatted with that day and week, even the ones who annoy her. You're assuming familiarity where it doesn't exist, and skipping the necessary seduction.

Not only that, but she's there in front of customers and staff, and possibly you next week and the week after. Awkward.

It's a tricky situation, but I'd veer toward a quick lowkey qualification and asking for a coffee date when she gets off work, meeting her there. It's low odds, but seducing girls as a customer rarely works in my experience anyway. Better to meet them on the street, in my opinion.

 

[HumanWhoLearns]

Yeah I agree, I think it was probably pretty jarring getting a message like that and then she lost interest.

With retail women you just never know if they're interested because part of their job is charming the customers. You also get very little alone time to build any substantial connection.

Either way, I think I'm going to stop going for women in spaces I frequent because of the weirdness / negative social proof factor if things go wrong.

 

[Will_V]

Either way, I think I'm going to stop going for women in spaces I frequent because of the weirdness / negative social proof factor if things go wrong.

I was thinking about this and maybe it's just a question of calibration. Like when approaching a girl in this setting, do it indirectly with plenty of friendly banter, and if she's giving IOIs, plant a suggestion and get her reaction instead of pushing for compliance.

Like "Hey I love chatting with you, we should totally grab a coffee sometime" and if she agrees then suggest exchanging numbers.

That way youve just dropped the invitation in front of her, and she's agreed before you applied the pressure of asking investment, and it's not you just suddenly putting her on the spot to give her something.

And if she doesn't go for it, no harm done, just keep being friendly.