What is your cold approach banter process?

[KJ Francis]

@KJ Francis (lol, "Keyboard Jockey" now, huh?),

HER: Marriage and kids have never been on my to do list... What about you?​

​

YOU: Kids? Yeah maybe in 15 years. Marriage, maybe if it was 100 years ago ​

Then you shag her.

Then you set some open relationship expectations.

Relationship Expectations: Kill Some Impulsiveness and Set Some of These Instead

There's something in a normal relationship called the "honeymoon period." The honeymoon period is the period in the relationship where both parties are blissful and neither one feels the other can do any wrong and everything about one another seems special and amazing and great. Your girl thinks...

www.girlschase.com

e.g., post-sex, "It's really cool that we can just be together like this, without any kind of pressure or expectation about some kind of defined relationship or set of rules or anything."

At some point if she tries to define the relationship, you just frame everything as being about her: "Look, I don't want to put any restrictions on you. I want you to be free to see whomever you want, in whatever kind of capacity you want. Trying to control you or put limits on you is the last thing I want." She will understand from the subtext that what you are telling her applies to both of you.

Chase

I was always a KJ... Now just with a disclaimer haha. It's a good reminder to approach every time I get a failed login as Francis and have to add it in the username!

Thanks so much Chase. This has been really helpful.

At least I've got some chase framed callback humor in the back pocket should she ever reappear.

 

[Sidhrnsksijf]

I'm not an uber funny guy and I'm pretty new to teasing women.

I go for simple teases that I can use in alot of settings.

When I approach a girl that looks busy scrolling, studying, or working, I'll say "you looked so into it I practically had to drag you out of <what you were doing/your boring day>". It also sets the frame that this conversation is the highlight of her monotonous day that she shouldn't want to miss out on.

The seasons change alot here. I can say to any girl "Wearing <clothing item> this early, I wonder what got you ahead of schedule". She can laugh and justify herself, practically forcing her to contribute to the conversation and comply talking about herself.

The one I fall back on the most is this. I point out a decision she made, usually different from mine, and then say "humph, maybe you know something I don't". Ex: Drinking coffee at night, maybe you know something I don't.

 

[DonGately]

Ran into a very fit blonde girl, 5' 4", with her friend in a coffee shop yesterday. She was wearing a MLB hat of one of the local teams. So I asked her if she was a sports fan or was that just fashion/bad hair day. She laughed and said she was, in fact, a huge sports fan and showed me her phone screen of her on the beach with a future HOF football player. Her friend smiled at us and moved on to order while we chatted. Turns out she's 22, just moved back from college and still at home, clearly desperate [unspoken] to find a guy to take her out of her dreary life. She's also interested in fashion and we chatted about that very briefly.

Not wanting to stale the convo, I told her to put her number in my phone, 'and I'll text you after work.'

You don't have to be a texting master to succeed at this, I certainly am ~average at it:

'Hi, it's Don from the coffee shop'
-Hi! How was your day?

'I'm doing awesome thanks, on my way home from work, gotta walk my dog'
-Finished work here, just hanging with my family. I really do love local sports teams

'Who's your favorite team, and do you like mojitos?'
-My fave team is XYZ and I love mojitos

'Let's pick a night to meet for cocktails, when are you free'
-Gotta take my younger siblings out for Halloween tomorrow, I could do something friday if you're available'

'Friday night sounds perfect, let's meet in area A at Bar B [in well-known nice area] at 7pm'
-That is perfect, I'm putting this in my calendar right now.

I'll ping her tomorrow to confirm around 2pm or so, is my usual move esp for first meetups.

Older guys - young women do not care how old you are if you are smart/funny/can banter. This girl can tell I am at least 20+ years older than her even if I look younger than my age.

 

[KJ Francis]

Ran into a very fit blonde girl, 5' 4", with her friend in a coffee shop yesterday. She was wearing a MLB hat of one of the local teams. So I asked her if she was a sports fan or was that just fashion/bad hair day. She laughed and said she was, in fact, a huge sports fan and showed me her phone screen of her on the beach with a future HOF football player. Her friend smiled at us and moved on to order while we chatted. Turns out she's 22, just moved back from college and still at home, clearly desperate [unspoken] to find a guy to take her out of her dreary life. She's also interested in fashion and we chatted about that very briefly.

Not wanting to stale the convo, I told her to put her number in my phone, 'and I'll text you after work.'

You don't have to be a texting master to succeed at this, I certainly am ~average at it:

'Hi, it's Don from the coffee shop'
-Hi! How was your day?

'I'm doing awesome thanks, on my way home from work, gotta walk my dog'
-Finished work here, just hanging with my family. I really do love local sports teams

'Who's your favorite team, and do you like mojitos?'
-My fave team is XYZ and I love mojitos

'Let's pick a night to meet for cocktails, when are you free'
-Gotta take my younger siblings out for Halloween tomorrow, I could do something friday if you're available'

'Friday night sounds perfect, let's meet in area A at Bar B [in well-known nice area] at 7pm'
-That is perfect, I'm putting this in my calendar right now.

I'll ping her tomorrow to confirm around 2pm or so, is my usual move esp for first meetups.

Older guys - young women do not care how old you are if you are smart/funny/can banter. This girl can tell I am at least 20+ years older than her even if I look younger than my age.

Great tease! It's like inquisitive interest and a non-offensive tease neg all in one. Very efficient texting as well. Do you sometimes banter over text if attraction/compliance are lower than this case, or always text for logistics?

Were you in a suit and tie?

She's obviously really into you from that texting. Have fun running the bases to home plate then locking her in the batting cage or whatever kinky shit you've got in store haha

 

[DonGately]

I will banter if she's good at bantering, has witty and/or well-thought out texts. So, not often. I'm def a 'just for logistics' guy, keep her wanting to come out to find out more about this mysterious guy she just met. And, frankly, if you're intermediate or worse at texting, I feel like there's always much more downside than upside and risk reducing her interest for any reason at all.

Generally I'm in a bespoke suit and tie, but no Hermes that day. Probably had my Charvet pocket square though. Too hot for a tie tonight in town, but certainly will be wearing one once the weather returns to normality and it gets cold.

She doesn't seem like the type for a first date lay in a hotel room but I'll definitely be finding out her kinks over drinks.

 

[KJ Francis]

I will banter if she's good at bantering, has witty and/or well-thought out texts. So, not often. I'm def a 'just for logistics' guy, keep her wanting to come out to find out more about this mysterious guy she just met. And, frankly, if you're intermediate or worse at texting, I feel like there's always much more downside than upside and risk reducing her interest for any reason at all.

Generally I'm in a bespoke suit and tie, but no Hermes that day. Probably had my Charvet pocket square though. Too hot for a tie tonight in town, but certainly will be wearing one once the weather returns to normality and it gets cold.

She doesn't seem like the type for a first date lay in a hotel room but I'll definitely be finding out her kinks over drinks.

Straight out of a fantasy novel. Awesome

 

[KJ Francis]

Guys, get in your @Skills style holiday pings to your dead leads before you have to wait for Thanksgiving. Lol

***

Me: Feliz dia de los muertos, (her name) May you live life without fear while we're still here don't be a stranger

Her: Hola Francis, funny I was going to reach out earlier. And thank you; Feliz Dia de los Muertos to you as well. I'll be out of town next week for work but let me know if you are free the week of the 11th

***

Another who had a car accident

FR - Coffee Shop Troubles

@Chase I read your cafe article this morning, and am having trouble following the strategy... Cause she opened me! Same with my night street lay report... That was supposed to be Day 4 of the Newbie Assignment... I was only supposed to say hi! Whoops! *** Working on laptop at coffee shop...

www.skilledseducer.com

Me: Happy Halloween (her name)! Hope you're feeling better. Sorry I can't be there to dress as your sexy nurse

Her: ) ditto

Me: Let's not wait a month if we can help it!

(NOTE she had said maybe end of November in a previous convo)

Her: Okay!

Me: Are you recovered enough for a visit?

Her: All most, couple more weeks.

Me: Good! Long journey huh

Her: The best is yet to come

 

[Brassfaced_Jim]

Hi KJ

shame about u losing that chick but it’s good learning.

Just some observations Re your banter ..
it’s pretty good but try shorten it down.

I recall a maxim in comedy - “brevity is the soul of Wit”.

the less words I can cram an idea into the better. I try keep it to one -liners.

3-5 words is idea.

Less is more etc - also less words = more alpha and more dominant, IME,
Really gives Girls the thrills that.. less words IME. Gives them the space to write more .

If she’s writing more and me less, but I’m the wittier one in the Convo, one upping her in a teasing fashion.. I know it’s going well.

 

[Brassfaced_Jim]

Ps im always thinking ‘how can I say this indirectly ?’
Methaphors , similes, idioms, etc
Plus im always stealing stand up comedy bits and sexual role play bits
So also thinking “ how can I make this innuendo?”

very power stuff both together Ie
Dominant wit + sexual suggestion

it’s almost a nuclear weapon to get chicks wet at times

 

[Brassfaced_Jim]

To complete the thought;

“ almost a nuclear weapon to get chicks wet AF and panting to fuck me”.

move tuned a few chicks exclusively by text and had them rock up at my place giving me a BJ within 5-10 minutes

good result and worth the time in texting for sure !

 

[KJ Francis]

Haha it cracks me up to be referred to as the formal salutation KJ (keyboard jockey).

I get what you mean about the law of least investment texting. The thing is I go days without answering girls sometimes, so longer texts are more like little emails.

She wrote me last Friday night, perhaps testing to see if I was free. I framed it like implying she was trying to meet up. These texts span a week, going to this morning.

***

Her: Hola! Como estas? I just got back to (city) this afternoon. It's been an interesting week...glad to be home again

Me: (her name)! Sorry I missed you. We'll have to get you a dedicated pager. I tried using exclusively pay phones for weeks once... I am still finding a proper balance
How am I going to wait a whole week now to hear what was so interesting about it?

Her: Did you really try using only pay phones? When was this? lol sounds like an amusing experiment
Waiting a week will teach you patience

Me: There's always two sides to the coin. My own amusement can cause frustration. It was last spring. Felt great to not carry a phone at all some entire days though
Patience is surely a worthy virtue! As long as life doesn't pass you by.

Her: Buenos días
That does sound really great. Did you notice any difference with stress levels/thought patterns/creativity?
Point taken on patience...as long as life does not pass you by. I like that. Any thoughts on Friday?

Me: It felt like amputation first, then lightness, like finishing a work week. You are tempting me now. Soon I'll start mailing you post cards instead.
Let's sit anywhere with beautiful architecture.

(Note I gave two historic building options near where she lives to sit in the lobby - she is an architect)

Her: Morning!
I like postcards, although those are rare nowadays.
How about we meet at (art museum not near her area)? They are open until (details)
Beautiful building with amazing art sounds like a nice way to welcome the weekend

***

So she is doing the same thing again trying to friend zone me away from the area she lives in.

I have decent cougar experience going straight to their house from online, where the gap made it purely sexual frame, but she is probably only like 5-7 years older, which is really bad for the dynamic. She is too in control.

It's pretty platonic texting but I don't want to risk negative compliance by injecting forced sexual frame over texting she won't reciprocate. I was going to just escalate physically.

But I think my time is better spent telling her no and going out solo on Friday night.

I actually got another girl's number in the same coffee shop line this morning.

 

[Brassfaced_Jim]

hey francis.
Lol @ the KJ.

my take based on ur excerpt above would be thus ,

if it were me - after the initial display of Wit - I would tend to drop it and just talk logistics. Being busy is a good thing it presupposes for her ur a player or busy with other life shit or chicks. For me , when asked of this by women , no explanation is really necessary on my part other than “ I was busy” (maybe add a “Soz “ )

after she’s on the hook and somewhat chasing me it’s all logistics.

I tend to text too much myself and tryna pull back. I just talk logistics . It’s all logistics and sexy innuendo / double talk for me.

I give them my logistics straight up if I can but I’m pretty spontaneous and don’t make forward plans beyond a few days time usually.

I’m I can give them my logistics indirectly also just in some funny observation about something stupid. So indirectly it’s “ I’m free now/ just finished work/ working a stupid 11am-7pm shift today grrr : blah blah

For me now I don’t try to “over-game “ them over text as it’s v time consuming texting and can be confusing and mis-construed.

after we bang I can resume banter about funny stuff around the day of the bang or the bang or post bang stuff .. whatever that may be.

just my 2cents.

I try to play the numbers moreso and establish quickly if a chick is in or out for a bang.

if I detect any “girl-game” being played her side I call it out and if she doesn’t comply and get on the same page I disconnect.

 

[Brassfaced_Jim]

I always think to myself re comms with chicks .. what would a Real IRL player be doing? He’d be busy fucking a rotation and likley too busy to bother with text seduction.

it’d be “ I’m home at X time , the front door is open” kinda shit. I’ve seen texts like this from players shown to me by chicks I was banging.

 

[Brassfaced_Jim]

To me I would translate this text form womanese to man-speak as follows:

Womanese;

“Her: Hola! Como estas? I just got back to (city) this afternoon. It's been an interesting week...glad to be home again ”

Translation:

“I’m back in town . I’m indicating to you I’m free . Propose something so we can get together and I’m DTF quite possibly if all goes well”

To me - id woulda skipped the pager banter. That woulda likely annoyed her .
(He doesn’t get what I’m saying)

and just told her my free time and logistics and proposed a drink near my place . Or hers. Then attempted the extraction and bang.

 

[KJ Francis]

Hey thanks for reviewing Jim! I am big on transcripts even though it can be embarrassing posting shit you don't expect anyone would see. It is good real life data and I wish more guys would post things so we can get a real feel. On android I use QKSMS. It's open source, lets you copy paste real easy, color code contacts, and has its own block feature that shuttles it in a folder rather than actually block.

We already had a date set a week ahead. So I wasn't about to answer on a Friday night trying to meet up. I figured she was curious if I was busy or sitting at home and testing how I react more than wanting to meet. To test congruency. Since I'm so lax on texting, jumping on something that smells like a booty call would not be congruent. I've never answered her in less than about 8 hours. Most times it's the next day.

The pager comment was the next day late afternoon to increase attainability, making her feel good for reaching out. To mitigate potential escalation window missing. And the comment about me waiting a week was to test in case she wanted to meet sooner. Her patience comment I interpret as she knows I want to fuck but she need more comfort. I am starting to think if a girl is not green (and I have done fast pulls) then you maybe do need a few total hours for solid game if you cannot do time distortion.

***

I do have a rotation and left six girls on read this past week due to being busy. Did have one new date still and one regular girl over.

I find being very warm is key to keeping attainability up because I drop off constantly.

 

[Brassfaced_Jim]

Hmmm … ok.

I would have jumped on it from her text Friday night. I am like a dog scratching at the door with chicks tho. I wanna get through the door as fast as possible.

if a chick lets me know she’s available in any way I’m jumping to the meet before her attention shifts to the next interesting dick.

but also I am playing the online dating game mostly. Either way tho, if a week has passed or more.. we’ll, a lot can happen in a week to me.

from reading your excepts I get the feeling you are putting the ball in the chicks court a bit too much. “ don’t be a stranger “ / don’t leave it so long ..or some such .

mum getting the vibe ur chasing too much somehow.

 

[Brassfaced_Jim]

Re comfort

To me comfort is built in person.

I don’t try to build comfort over texting it’s a waste of time and can go nowhere for me.

text is for teasing and sexy talk.

i try to do both at the same time via text.

And also reframing any of her objections early on. But if that bit is not easy I disconnect.

I’m going for in Person coffee dates or drinks as soon as possible and minimise the texting.

 

[KJ Francis]

Yeah I agree comfort is built in person. I suppose I did not view it as an actual escalation window. I saw it as a test.

So jumping on that and trying to move up our date would have failed the test.

With the don't be a stranger text, I had previously rejected her whole date request without a counter proposal other than to come to my office building sometime. At this point I had essentially ended things.

So it was almost an entire week later that I wished her happy day of the dead and upped attainability by saying I did actually want to see her again. At which point she proposed another date and checked my schedule.

This is new to me because online has mostly been screening game. I am still in C2 with this girl.

 

[Brassfaced_Jim]

Oh

Yeah I agree comfort is built in person. I suppose I did not view it as an actual escalation window. I saw it as a test.

So jumping on that and trying to move up our date would have failed the test.

With the don't be a stranger text, I had previously rejected her whole date request without a counter proposal other than to come to my office building sometime. At this point I had essentially ended things.

So it was almost an entire week later that I wished her happy day of the dead and upped attainability by saying I did actually want to see her again. At which point she proposed another date and checked my schedule.

This is new to me because online has mostly been screening game. I am still in C2 with this girl.

Oh true.
Im probably not seeing the full picture then.

you think she’s tryna friend zone you..And this has happened twice I gather.
By the location she chose.

I wouldn’t read too much into the location.
I can always drive or Uber a chick from wherever location back to hers or mine.

hmmm I am not sure what your strategy is with this chick.

she may want to get with you and getting annoyed it’s not happening imo. You could be over-gaming her in case you may lose her. But an obvious play has to be made from ur side
.
Just dress it up as an “innocent” proposal / make a cover story for plausible deniability.
To get her to meet up closer to you, (?)

I need to reread your OP and further posts again now.

if she rebuffs the play then that’s that.. and then disconnect and find another Imo.

Sounds too complicated

 

[Brassfaced_Jim]

Scratch all that. I reread ur OP and follow ons.
So she’s said from first meet she wants to see you but just as a friend cos of the recent LTR etc . Ok. No problem.

In my way of it, I’d keep meeting her for coffees / whatever as a “friend” and keep up the flirting constantly in every meet,

I’d be telling her each time she looks like Latino film star xyz, touching her arm, touching her jacket (ooo nice material is that real leather haha) playing the how tall are you let’s stand back to back (touching asses) etc etc etc

I don’t give a worry to when a chick tries for FZ me .. if I think she’s hot I just keep it up relentlessly. Then the resulting sex is also super hot cos of this build up of Sexual tension and me knocking down this wall of “friendship”

this can lead to:

.We shouldn’t .. cos were friends”

“yes I know but I can’t help myself /ur so hot/ blah blah flattery ”

=hot sex.

just keep flirting and don’t let up.

Id be asking her if she wears G-strings by now tbh.