What's the difference between tests and disrespectful remarks?

[Michal]

I thought that tests/challenges had certain flirty aspect to it but I cannot remember any interaction from past days that a girl would say something rude to me with some playfulness or "flirtiness". I want to prevent that "he lets me walk all over him like no problem, he has no self-respect" kind of thought in her head. I mean, some girls would not dare do some stuff in front of a guy because that would be disrespectful. But I also dont want to go and fight any rudely seeming remark as an insult.

So I wonder, what is the difference?

Similar one I cannot distinguish is something like... someone says something insulting and they might think either:
1) "My insults cannot get to him" (so I will not do that anymore because I am wasing my energy)
vs
2) "He lets me insult him" (what a pussy)

 

[Mars]

Hey Michal,
I can't get the link right now, but Chase has a very good article on how to achieve and maintain respect. Long story short, there's 2 parts to it: earning it and demanding it. You earn it by being a cool guy that brings value to the conversation. You demand it by not letting ANYONE, girl or guy, walk over you. Mind you, there's a fine line between "he/she is just joking" and "this guy/girl is being a bitch right now". The beauty of it, is that you alone decide where that line is.

When someone insults you, you will either let it go, and perhaps respond with another playful insult, OR decide "okay this shit's too far" and then demand respect. With a girl you'll want to just ignore her for a bit; talk to other folks, do something else. If she wants to be around you (and get the value you provide), she will learn to respect you. If not, then she can piss off. I've never felt insulted when girls were testing me. They'll do some weird stuff, but most girls won't insult you without showing you in a very obvious manner that they're joking.

On another note, there's so many people in the world man Why waste your time with people that disrespect you? You're an adult, and a free man. You can always walk away. So go where you're wanted and celebrated.

All the best,
Mars.

 

[Parkour]

Eye rolls, bored looks are a way to show you're minorly annoyed. Looks of disappointment, or finding away to frame their attacks as desparate is a good way to not let people get the best of you. Depending on the comment from girls, sometimes you can own the insult (I.e. You're mean) or you can entirely disregard it as nonsense. Either way is to demonstrate you aren't rendered vulnerable by it. The worst thing you can do is over-react. Occasionally you can go meta on the whole thing and reframe the situation so as to stand out above it all. With girls, assume it's teasing. With guys, assume it's ladder climbing or jealousy in which case it's sad either way.

 

[jacklei]

tests would happen after she has given you sub communication of liking, and disrespectful remark would happen with a genuine disrespect (and not token resistance, you can spot this difference if you look close enough)
- Jack Lei

 

[Average]

Hey Michael

Today I chilled with a few girls and a friend of mine as we were doing a practical test. One thing that I noticed was the fact that they were constantly teasing each other in almost every sentence that they shared with each other. I'm not sure if this kind of communication dissipates with age but I'm just saying that its not abnormal for girls and guys to interact this way.

Secondly, I think that your gonna need to witness these types of interactions yourself (whether the girls are teasing you or someone else) because there is a fine line that you must not cross when it comes to these insults. My friend only knew this line because he practically spent half of his life teasing everything that had a pulse so don't be too down if you don't catch the norms of teasing.
My friend teased them not only verbally (making fun of some things they were doing) but physically as well (man handling them) and the girls loved it. You might have to set a limit as to what you may or may not accept as obviously this is what you need to keep yourself mentally sane.

The main point I want to get across is that girls tease a lot and they LOVE being teased right back. So far to the extent that the teasing looks like plain disrespect to the newer guys. If you experience a girl whose breaking one of your boundaries then don't burn her back to harshly for it because she might just be having fun. You might just misinterpret it as a shit test or a dismissal because of inexperience.

(This is just something I realized myself today though. I'm still trying to come to terms with it myself. Lol )

If your looking for guarantees that a girl is acting cold and will not open up to you then look for an article about it since I'm pretty sure I remember seeing one about it somewhere. If not then the rest of the board members have got your back.

 

[Bboy100]

Its all in the energy. If she says something which would normally be mean or off-putting, but she's saying it in a playful, sarcastic or otherwise insincere way, then you know its a "test" (or as I like to call it...flirting). If she say it in a stone-cold or matter of factly way, she's actually being rude.

Similar one I cannot distinguish is something like... someone says something insulting and they might think either:
1) "My insults cannot get to him" (so I will not do that anymore because I am wasing my energy)
vs
2) "He lets me insult him" (what a pussy)

It sounds like you're operating under the assumption that the correct response to verbal aggression is to ignore it. This is not at all the case. If someone you don't know insults you, you let him know in a calm but assertive tone of voice that you don't accept that type of behavior. Or better yet, you walk away from him/her because you're a high value guy and you don't waste your time with negativity.