Date Plans When a chick is not that into you?

[James D]

**Please answer if you've had first hand experience**

So I met this gorgeous chick while grocery shopping.

I was dressed pretty ordinarily (wasn't planning on approaching) but went for it nevertheless.

Girl seemed to have her walls up but enterained a convo.

When I proposed a date, she was like "hmmm why not" and we exchanged numbers.

She didn't seem enthusiastic about it.

Texting was to set up the coffee date, which was today.

On the date, there was good good banter, nice deep diving.

She even called me "handsome" (I brought my A-game in terms of fashion)

Ran my usual process and when I pulled (altho I could feel she wasn't feeling it), she politely declined.

We said goodbyes.

My observations:

My gut feeling is that she wasn't that into me from the beginning.

Her responses to my touch were totally neutral, so hard to say.

She seemed a bit shy when I went for sex talk light, so i backed out and went for physical escalation.

My query:

What's your focus when a girl who doesn't seem that into you still agrees to come on a date with you?

Do you run your usual process or do you focus on one aspect more?

 

[topcat]

Run the same process. Do what gets her complying..

Remember compliance is the most important factor in a seduction.

There’ve been countless times when i’ve been out on a date with a chick who it seemed was not feeling me. However ask her to come home with me, she shrugs in compliance, and gives me zero resistance in bed.

Compliance over everything. She may just not be a very enthusiastic person..

 

[thats_a_penis_disgustang]

I just think about it like I have just spent a coupon for a date and I will not get a second chance. So we either fuck, or I lose her forever. That makes me fearless. So in that situation I would just try to do every technique that I know, be as bold and sexy as I can until she just fucking runs away, or sucks my dick.

I have a very high going to my place rate - we go to supermarket, we get something for my house and we kind pass near my house (everything is 2 min walking distance), then we just go upstairs.

So I would just go go go with that one. As far as possible. The only reason I would stop that date is if she is being rude, disrespectful, or really REAAALLY boring. In those cases (1 in 15 dates) I would just end date

 

[James D]

Run the same process. Do what gets her complying..

Compliance was lacking.

She seemed skittish at my touch, which wasn't anything heavy.

She wasn't biting with sex talk.

She seemed to enjoy our conversation, especially the deep dive.

Would you recommend deep diving her more and more?

 

[James D]

I just think about it like I have just spent a coupon for a date and I will not get a second chance. So we either fuck, or I lose her forever. That makes me fearless. So in that situation I would just try to do every technique that I know, be as bold and sexy as I can until she just fucking runs away, or sucks my dick.

I have a very high going to my place rate - we go to supermarket, we get something for my house and we kind pass near my house (everything is 2 min walking distance), then we just go upstairs.

So I would just go go go with that one. As far as possible. The only reason I would stop that date is if she is being rude, disrespectful, or really REAAALLY boring. In those cases (1 in 15 dates) I would just end date

My question wasn't about whether I should go for it or not.

I did go for it and she didn't respond.

My question was what to focus on when out on a date with a chick who doesn't seem that into you, maybe attraction is lacking.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

The question is could you really do something to have her desire to come to your place if she wasn’t very enthusiastic about it?

Of course you can keep leading and asking for compliance, I do think though that some girls may just not feel it. Maybe something doesn’t click for any reason to her.

In such situations at this point I am trying to continue normally while being very aware of any change in her state and if she gives any opening or window for escalation.

If she doesn’t, I will still lead and propose to continue but I fully expect a refusal and don’t push. I mean if she doesn’t vibe with you or show enough interest, and doesn’t comply, what else is there to do?

It’s probably a negative loop as well, because you feel she is not that into it, and you start getting in the mode of trying everything you can to make her get more into it, and she probably realises it subconsciously cementing her original feeling.

I feel in the end it needs you to be even less invested in making it work than with girls that like you more. Basically showing interest to her as a person and a woman, communicating your views and frames but letting her fully realise herself that wait, this guy is really something, and start showing signs before going for more.

Kinda like indirect game but for a date.

 

[topcat]

Compliance was lacking.

She seemed skittish at my touch, which wasn't anything heavy.

She wasn't biting with sex talk.

She seemed to enjoy our conversation, especially the deep dive.

Would you recommend deep diving her more and more?

O shit, my bad. I read your post half awake in bed. I'm more alert now and read it over..

It's a compliance issue also, but of a different sort. If a chick isn't giving you anything, you subtly withdraw your attention and put the pressure on her to pick up the conversation.

By continuing to provide good emotions when she gives you nothing, you're encouraging more of the behaviour you don' t like.

 

[Will_V]

Depends on exactly what is going on under the surface. Sometimes a girl can appear unenthusiastic and non-compliant because she feels like you're too unattainable, it's kind of a passive defense mechanism. Other times it's because you're too attainable i.e. boring. It can be hard to tell the difference. Sometimes it's a bit of both when you meet someone you don't have a lot in common with.

A lot of times the way forward is something you suss out by taking a bunch of different angles and seeing what gets a solid reaction. If she's responding well to deep diving, it could be that she's a very introverted sort who needs to be led out of her head and into the present.

I'll usually try to build up as much of an emotional connection as possible, and then if she's being too skittish I'll withdraw - but it's important to withdraw while showing some emotion - impatience, annoyance, disappointment - and putting a bit of pressure on her, maybe lightly calling out or teasing her. Sometimes these girls need to see emotion and feel a bit of pressure (ideally in the form of a takeaway so it doesn't seem like you're too invested, and to make her realize things won't continue forever) to snap out of the loop they're in.

 

[Stark]

Girl seemed to have her walls up but enterained a convo.

When I proposed a date, she was like "hmmm why not" and we exchanged numbers.

She didn't seem enthusiastic about it.

Texting was to set up the coffee date, which was today.

When I'm about to go on a first date with someone seemingly 'skittish' - here is my strategy:

Constantly push her out of her comfort zone, from setting up the date, and during the first date.

Kind of the old Gunwitch idea of 'Make the ho say no'.

Either she gets more immersed and compliant by the time she shows up on the date or falls off the radar, thus saving you time.

I rely heavily on sexual framing to accomplish this, from early on in the interaction, texts leading to the date, and midway through the date.

There are girls who don't seem responsive during the initial approach. They seem cagey. However ends up giving the number.

Here's what I do:

On the day of the meet:

Text her an innocuous, borderline indecent yet classy "What have you picked out to wear for this evening"

Sets the tone effectively

Girls who are seemingly less attracted, usually don't respond to this right away.

Let it sit. Don't text anything else till she responds.

Whatever she responds, she has bought into your sexual frame, by being compliant.

On the date, I would 'break-state' multiple times in a purposeful way.

eg: I use a relatively short deep-dive on general seduction topics such as 'travel/food/spirituality'(15 minutes or so).

I do a hard transition to relationship topics from where I can do yet another hard transition to sex talk (20 minutes or so)

I expect her to be resistant to sex talk as well. I will be persistent by fractionating and back. I wouldn't pull until she's primed - by showing more signs of compliance, arousal, or deep connection.

---

Once I texted a girl who wears hijab with a lifetime laycount of 1 to wear a short dress for our date.

She said, "Hell No I wear hijab and cover the entire body".

Guess what she packed in her overnight bag when we met in private - A black babydoll that she slipped into once the religious attire came off.

PS: These types usually tend to be a pain in the ass for any ongoing arrangement. Usually it's a matter of they having mental blocks about sex or low sex-drive in general.

It's fun to crack through her defences to get the lay tho.

 

[Erioc]

girl who wears hijab

pain in the ass

I see what you did there.

 

[James D]

By continuing to provide good emotions when she gives you nothing, you're encouraging more of the behaviour you don' t like.

Fair point!

 

[James D]

Depends on exactly what is going on under the surface. Sometimes a girl can appear unenthusiastic and non-compliant because she feels like you're too unattainable, it's kind of a passive defense mechanism. Other times it's because you're too attainable i.e. boring. It can be hard to tell the difference. Sometimes it's a bit of both when you meet someone you don't have a lot in common with.

A lot of times the way forward is something you suss out by taking a bunch of different angles and seeing what gets a solid reaction. If she's responding well to deep diving, it could be that she's a very introverted sort who needs to be led out of her head and into the present.

I'll usually try to build up as much of an emotional connection as possible, and then if she's being too skittish I'll withdraw - but it's important to withdraw while showing some emotion - impatience, annoyance, disappointment - and putting a bit of pressure on her, maybe lightly calling out or teasing her. Sometimes these girls need to see emotion and feel a bit of pressure (ideally in the form of a takeaway so it doesn't seem like you're too invested, and to make her realize things won't continue forever) to snap out of the loop they're in.

Thanks for your reply.

Good note on trying different angles.

I guess I was too rigid in my process and not adaptive enough.

In her case, she was responding well to deep diving and neutral to touching.

Would you deep dive more while increasing the touch?

 

[James D]

When I'm about to go on a first date with someone seemingly 'skittish' - here is my strategy:

Constantly push her out of her comfort zone, from setting up the date, and during the first date.

Kind of the old Gunwitch idea of 'Make the ho say no'.

Either she gets more immersed and compliant by the time she shows up on the date or falls off the radar, thus saving you time.

I rely heavily on sexual framing to accomplish this, from early on in the interaction, texts leading to the date, and midway through the date.

There are girls who don't seem responsive during the initial approach. They seem cagey. However ends up giving the number.

Here's what I do:

On the day of the meet:

Text her an innocuous, borderline indecent yet classy "What have you picked out to wear for this evening"

Sets the tone effectively

Girls who are seemingly less attracted, usually don't respond to this right away.

Let it sit. Don't text anything else till she responds.

Whatever she responds, she has bought into your sexual frame, by being compliant.

On the date, I would 'break-state' multiple times in a purposeful way.

eg: I use a relatively short deep-dive on general seduction topics such as 'travel/food/spirituality'(15 minutes or so).

I do a hard transition to relationship topics from where I can do yet another hard transition to sex talk (20 minutes or so)

I expect her to be resistant to sex talk as well. I will be persistent by fractionating and back. I wouldn't pull until she's primed - by showing more signs of compliance, arousal, or deep connection.

---

Once I texted a girl who wears hijab with a lifetime laycount of 1 to wear a short dress for our date.

She said, "Hell No I wear hijab and cover the entire body".

Guess what she packed in her overnight bag when we met in private - A black babydoll that she slipped into once the religious attire came off.

PS: These types usually tend to be a pain in the ass for any ongoing arrangement. Usually it's a matter of they having mental blocks about sex or low sex-drive in general.

It's fun to crack through her defences to get the lay tho.

Thanks for this useful reply mate!

Btw, curious how you met that hijab girl!

I'm into muslims and currently looking to lay one, although where I live, they are rarer.

 

[Will_V]

Thanks for your reply.

Good note on trying different angles.

I guess I was too rigid in my process and not adaptive enough.

In her case, she was responding well to deep diving and neutral to touching.

Would you deep dive more while increasing the touch?

I'd get her stimulated with the deep diving, get her talking about herself, drawing on the threads she gives me, putting some pressure on her to qualify on the things she believes about herself. This is key when she's one of those girls who sits back and gives you nothing, she has to end up proving something about herself to you. Otherwise you don't mean a whole lot to her.

What are some of the things she expressed during the deep diving?

 

[James D]

I'd get her stimulated with the deep diving, get her talking about herself, drawing on the threads she gives me, putting some pressure on her to qualify on the things she believes about herself. This is key when she's one of those girls who sits back and gives you nothing, she has to end up proving something about herself to you. Otherwise you don't mean a whole lot to her.

What are some of the things she expressed during the deep diving?

She shared her love for art (she used to be an art teacher). I expanded on that thread. She showed me pics of her paintings and I showed her mine.
She expressed how she helps out at the homeless shelter every weekend and why it means so much to her.

Those were two threads.

 

[Stark]

Btw, curious how you met that hijab girl!

OkCupid, of all places.

She had one pic on the profile of an artistic rendition of a girl wearing a hijab, probably from Google pics.

I had some subtle sexual themes on my profile - a pimped profile baiting girls who are looking for sex, not boyfriend providers.

She took the bait, refused to text much or chit-chat, and wanted a night of debauchery(she didn't say that but hey I could read her mind ).

After sex she mentioned that she is getting married to someone she hates because of parental pressure and hence wanted a taste of the forbidden pleasure(sex acts that would be frowned upon in her religious customs: starting with pre-marital sex with a stranger who she knows nothing about in a hotel room ).

Throughout this interaction, she treated me with an undertone of disgust, as I was blunt about my frame of being a morally corrupt player who's indiscriminately sleeping with girls. And as such destined for hell.

I must say I was the type that she or her parents wouldn't want as a sexual mate for her- and due to some reason - this is what her pussy responded to.

Apart from devouring her beautiful toned body, I didn't enjoy the interaction with her or the morning after.

I'm into muslims and currently looking to lay one, although where I live, they are rarer.

I'm fortunate to be around tons of hijab girls where I live, most of whom are presumably horny as hell (they give some of the most intense approach invitations through EC)

I'm also turned on by the anecdotes of guys who go after these girls specifically.

I wasn't prioritizing hitting on hijab girls during daygame, thinking they were going to be shades of the above girl.

Since then I saw your post on approaching hijab girls, AND I started actively approaching hijab girls.

I'm avoiding hijab girls in groups, and so far made a handful of approaches on lone wolves - with none of them hooking, yet.

I'm noticing that they are surprised that I ever approach them, considering they're not giving any sexual cues, save the EC. The ones I approach haven't given EC tho.

I'll make a thread of my experience daygaming hijab girls once I have a considerable sample size.

 

[James D]

OkCupid, of all places.

She had one pic on the profile of an artistic rendition of a girl wearing a hijab, probably from Google pics.

I had some subtle sexual themes on my profile - a pimped profile baiting girls who are looking for sex, not boyfriend providers.

She took the bait, refused to text much or chit-chat, and wanted a night of debauchery(she didn't say that but hey I could read her mind ).

After sex she mentioned that she is getting married to someone she hates because of parental pressure and hence wanted a taste of the forbidden pleasure(sex acts that would be frowned upon in her religious customs: starting with pre-marital sex with a stranger who she knows nothing about in a hotel room ).

Throughout this interaction, she treated me with an undertone of disgust, as I was blunt about my frame of being a morally corrupt player who's indiscriminately sleeping with girls. And as such destined for hell.

I must say I was the type that she or her parents wouldn't want as a sexual mate for her- and due to some reason - this is what her pussy responded to.

Apart from devouring her beautiful toned body, I didn't enjoy the interaction with her or the morning after.



I'm fortunate to be around tons of hijab girls where I live, most of whom are presumably horny as hell (they give some of the most intense approach invitations through EC)

I'm also turned on by the anecdotes of guys who go after these girls specifically.

I wasn't prioritizing hitting on hijab girls during daygame, thinking they were going to be shades of the above girl.

Since then I saw your post on approaching hijab girls, AND I started actively approaching hijab girls.

I'm avoiding hijab girls in groups, and so far made a handful of approaches on lone wolves - with none of them hooking, yet.

I'm noticing that they are surprised that I ever approach them, considering they're not giving any sexual cues, save the EC. The ones I approach haven't given EC tho.

I'll make a thread of my experience daygaming hijab girls once I have a considerable sample size.

So cool to hear man!

Fuck, I made that post and approached 3 only.

I've gotta scout around more.

Most of the women wearing hijabs here are Indonesians, a nationality I don't find particularly appealing (same with filipina, altho i know many Western men love them)

I've gotta double my efforts.

 

[Will_V]

She shared her love for art (she used to be an art teacher). I expanded on that thread. She showed me pics of her paintings and I showed her mine.
She expressed how she helps out at the homeless shelter every weekend and why it means so much to her.

Those were two threads.

Hm, she seems like she could be a pretty introverted/sensitive soul type of girl. I find these a bit tough to deal with, as they tend not to have a whole lot of sense of their own passions and desires. Often they'll have this attitude you mentioned of 'yeah why not' to the date but become pretty obstinate about escalation.

How far did you go with the deep diving? If she lives in her head I'm guessing you could go pretty deep.

My sense is this sort of girl needs to be able to talk while being slowly and patiently escalated on and led to the bedroom. Teevster wrote a funny article I enjoyed about dealing with a girl who might be similar.

If she is the sort of girl I'm thinking of, I'm probably not the best person to ask, I tend to do better with the adventurous/rebellious sort who are ready to want things and go after them.

 

[Chase]

@James D,

Good notes from everyone here.

Like @topcat notes, compliance is the biggest thing you're looking for. Like @Will_V notes, if deep diving is working, keeping look for it. The one thing I did not see anyone recommend was "you need to be continuously escalating compliance while you deep dive her."

That looks like:

1. Deep dive her; she is into it
2. "Tell me more about that" <-- compliance demand
3. She's talking and really into it
4. "Scoot over a little, it's too sunny here" <-- compliance demand
5. Get her talking about XYZ subject
6. "That's cool; do you have pics? I'd like to see those" <-- compliance request
7. She continues talking; mentions ABC thing
8. "Oh no, you're not one of those ABC girls are you?" <-- screen; if she qualifies, that is compliance
9. Get her onto a topic she's really into talking about
10. "Hey let's walk and talk; I need to stretch my legs" <-- compliance request / venue change
11. She's engrossed in conversation, about to cross street
12. Put your hand on her lower back to guide her across while remaining interested/attentive as she talks <-- touch/compliance
13. Arriving at new area, she's animatedly talking about whatever thing
14. Physically take her shoulders and turn her while pointing to where you want to go & telling her "There!" <-- touch/compliance
15. Enter venue, physically guide her to seats, touch/guide her into sitting down <-- touch/compliance

... and so on and so forth.

Basically you are using deep diving to keep her mind occupied and in a positive state while you build touch and compliance under the radar with her, which then gets anchored to the positive feelings she is experiencing for you in the deep dive.

If you do this well, and escalate the compliance smoothly (i.e., no big/sudden jumps compliance-wise), a girl who seemed just neutral to you can just go right along with you till she ends up at your place, then ends up kissing, then ends up naked and fucking, even though she was mostly just into the conversation.

Chase

 

[Will_V]

@James D,

Good notes from everyone here.

Like @topcat notes, compliance is the biggest thing you're looking for. Like @Will_V notes, if deep diving is working, keeping look for it. The one thing I did not see anyone recommend was "you need to be continuously escalating compliance while you deep dive her."

That looks like:

1. Deep dive her; she is into it
2. "Tell me more about that" <-- compliance demand
3. She's talking and really into it
4. "Scoot over a little, it's too sunny here" <-- compliance demand
5. Get her talking about XYZ subject
6. "That's cool; do you have pics? I'd like to see those" <-- compliance request
7. She continues talking; mentions ABC thing
8. "Oh no, you're not one of those ABC girls are you?" <-- screen; if she qualifies, that is compliance
9. Get her onto a topic she's really into talking about
10. "Hey let's walk and talk; I need to stretch my legs" <-- compliance request / venue change
11. She's engrossed in conversation, about to cross street
12. Put your hand on her lower back to guide her across while remaining interested/attentive as she talks <-- touch/compliance
13. Arriving at new area, she's animatedly talking about whatever thing
14. Physically take her shoulders and turn her while pointing to where you want to go & telling her "There!" <-- touch/compliance
15. Enter venue, physically guide her to seats, touch/guide her into sitting down <-- touch/compliance

... and so on and so forth.

Basically you are using deep diving to keep her mind occupied and in a positive state while you build touch and compliance under the radar with her, which then gets anchored to the positive feelings she is experiencing for you in the deep dive.

If you do this well, and escalate the compliance smoothly (i.e., no big/sudden jumps compliance-wise), a girl who seemed just neutral to you can just go right along with you till she ends up at your place, then ends up kissing, then ends up naked and fucking, even though she was mostly just into the conversation.

Chase

Yeah good point, when she's not qualifying/being obstinate, gotta lead her around and get compliance on lots of small things.