Why do i suck with women?

[Wolfie]

If you really want to get out of your predicament, and are willing to do anything to break free, we can help

I really appreciate the help and community here and I apologise if I came across as an asshole

 

[Wolfie]

I've seen this before, I don't know whether it works intentionally or not. Someone is in a bad mental spot, presents themselves as someone wanting help from others, and then proceeds to work against any attempt to fix the problem, just hard enough that people think 'just a bit more and I'll get through'. It's partly attention seeking, partly ego trip, and always with a substantial amount of actual pain behind it that seeks validation.

Well thanks for pointing that out of course it's not intentional..... I want to just get good with women. I have worked my ass off for a year and a half, there was no result, changed multiple coaches paid hundreds of dollars and most of the coaches said you can't talk to hot girl ( this is with respect to day game). Again I don't have problem connecting with women. But things are not easy at all in my country. My question is what is the path to get beautiful women, have sex with them and keep them as a girlfriend or wife.

What's wrong with me is what I am asking? ( its coming from a logical point of view and not from whining perspective)


Coaching was the last thing I had hopes for but it didn't worked out well for me then there is this question what should I do to do better?

 

[Lover]

That along with some other things you have said I have a serious question for you… have you ever been checked for being on the autism spectrum?

I had doubts about me suffering from autism, maybe I should get checked..

As someone who has been looking a lot into autism recently, I think it's worth a shot to consult your physician about this... knowing if you are on the spectrum may give you tools to improve yourself in ways customized to you

 

[Wolfie]

As someone who has been looking a lot into autism recently, I think it's worth a shot to consult your physician about this... knowing if you are on the spectrum may give you tools to improve yourself in ways customized to you

Thanks a lot, it saddens me to think that I have this mental disease now

 

[Rain]

I tried day gaming but It doesn't work in the place where I live and I suffer from extremely strong approach anxiety. Maybe I will get back to day game later in life.

I have done very less approaches around 40 or 45

I also have big big approach anxiety, I don't know if I have a solution for you.
Someone gave a link to body orientated therapy, there's a few things on there eg TRE, meditation, a few others are listed, which is on my list of things to potentially look into and try.

Have you tried the newbie mission?

Newbie Assignment

Introduction If you're brand new to the idea of approaching getting better with women and dating as a skill set, not to worry - most people in most parts of the world don't think of it that way yet, either. The great news is, anything can be learned as a skill - be that thing painting, writing...

www.skilledseducer.com

When you say you tried for a year and a half, do you mean you did 45 approaches over one year, because AA was very difficult?

 

[Lover]

Thanks a lot, it saddens me to think that I have this mental disease now

My bad. My intention is only to help you

 

[ulrich]

From my perspective, the problem seems to lie in an excessive focus on yourself.

Look at your post: I did, I thought, doesn’t work for me, I don’t want bullshit, I did this I didn’t wanted, I don’t want to date these girls, etc…

It sounds like you spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about yourself and I wonder, in all these stories with the women you dated and the models you work with…. What about them? What do they think? How do they feel?

Seems to me like you have this faulty way of thinking that if you do everything correct, women will reward you with sex and relationships.
But it is a little incomplete… you also need to understand what is going through their minds.
You need empathy so you can calibrate to the specific situation.

So far, your interactions seem to lack empathy.

You’re not considering (nor the very least theorizing) what goes through these women minds.

And without that you can’t calibrate your actions to what needs to be done in the moment to move interactions forward.

…

Another thing, and this one is for your own good… don’t say you have tried everything and you have your fundamentals dialed down.
That is just not true.

We have had several conversations where you told me that you were opening women because you were basically forced by your coach.
And while your interactions were positive, you were not in charge of those conversations.

Also, you posted once about getting your heart really pumped out and being unable to sleep after a really small altercation with another dude.
That is not someone who has confidence and security dialed down.

So there is definitely social anxiety and Lack of empathy.
You may start with those.

 

[Wolfie]

My bad. My intention is only to help you

No please don't feel bad, just an another burden to life but thanks

 

[Wolfie]

I also have big big approach anxiety, I don't know if I have a solution for you.
Someone gave a link to body orientated therapy, there's a few things on there eg TRE, meditation, a few others are listed, which is on my list of things to potentially look into and try.

Have you tried the newbie mission?

Newbie Assignment

Introduction If you're brand new to the idea of approaching getting better with women and dating as a skill set, not to worry - most people in most parts of the world don't think of it that way yet, either. The great news is, anything can be learned as a skill - be that thing painting, writing...

www.skilledseducer.com

When you say you tried for a year and a half, do you mean you did 45 approaches over one year, because AA was very difficult?

Yes

 

[Wolfie]

From my perspective, the problem seems to lie in an excessive focus on yourself.

Look at your post: I did, I thought, doesn’t work for me, I don’t want bullshit, I did this I didn’t wanted, I don’t want to date these girls, etc…

It sounds like you spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about yourself and I wonder, in all these stories with the women you dated and the models you work with…. What about them? What do they think? How do they feel?

Seems to me like you have this faulty way of thinking that if you do everything correct, women will reward you with sex and relationships.
But it is a little incomplete… you also need to understand what is going through their minds.
You need empathy so you can calibrate to the specific situation.

So far, your interactions seem to lack empathy.

You’re not considering (nor the very least theorizing) what goes through these women minds.

And without that you can’t calibrate your actions to what needs to be done in the moment to move interactions forward.

…

Another thing, and this one is for your own good… don’t say you have tried everything and you have your fundamentals dialed down.
That is just not true.

We have had several conversations where you told me that you were opening women because you were basically forced by your coach.
And while your interactions were positive, you were not in charge of those conversations.

Also, you posted once about getting your heart really pumped out and being unable to sleep after a really small altercation with another dude.
That is not someone who has confidence and security dialed down.

So there is definitely social anxiety and Lack of empathy.
You may start with those.

When will I reach that level because I am really tired of I don't even what to say or describe my state, I just feel very beta wherever I go, I affects me too much that I sometimes feel like crying


I get jealous of people who don't know game are getting pussies and women are throwing themselves at these people and I feel here I am putting in effort into fashion and all and I don't even have anyone to go out on a date

 

[Wolfie]

@ulrich thanks for replying though

 

[Rain]

Yes

Did you mean

yes you tried the newbie mission
or
yes you had bad AA so only did 45 approahces in a year
or
yes to both?

 

[StrayDog]

When will I reach that level because I am really tired of I don't even what to say or describe my state, I just feel very beta wherever I go, I affects me too much that I sometimes feel like crying


I get jealous of people who don't know game are getting pussies and women are throwing themselves at these people and I feel here I am putting in effort into fashion and all and I don't even have anyone to go out on a date

Did you even reflect on what @ulrich put forth in his post? This is your response?

 

[Will_V]

Well thanks for pointing that out of course it's not intentional..... I want to just get good with women. I have worked my ass off for a year and a half, there was no result, changed multiple coaches paid hundreds of dollars and most of the coaches said you can't talk to hot girl ( this is with respect to day game). Again I don't have problem connecting with women. But things are not easy at all in my country. My question is what is the path to get beautiful women, have sex with them and keep them as a girlfriend or wife.

What's wrong with me is what I am asking? ( its coming from a logical point of view and not from whining perspective)


Coaching was the last thing I had hopes for but it didn't worked out well for me then there is this question what should I do to do better?

OK so what are the exact things you tried and the results you got? Where are your field reports? Hone in on the exact point where things go wrong instead of allowing your negative feelings to overwhelm you.

It's not unusual in this day and age to struggle with women, the society doesn't help you, your parents usually don't help, and you have to figure it out on your own.

You have talked a lot but I can see the crucial thing here is very simple: you have a lot of anxiety around other people and women. This is you one and only enemy, and you must defeat it to reach the next level. How are you going to do this?

Socializing is a skill, it can be learned. You can start with small things, like wishing people you meet or your colleagues a good day, finding how to make them feel good, removing the focus from yourself and onto them and how to make them feel good around you - you are in control! The one who receives good emotion is not the one in control, it's the one who can give that emotion to other people. Right now everyone feels bad around you because you feel bad around them - change it! What is it that you love about other people? How can you reflect it back to them in your words and expressions?

I would like to see action, field reports, details of things you've done to improve so we can all find ways to help you learn as fast as possible. Your life is in your capable hands, your enemy is your lack of emotional control, what is the next move?

 

[StrayDog]

@Wolfie you say you came here for help, so I am going to cue you in on the best way we can help you out here, and that is to support you helping yourself. We are not here to argue about your world view, we are not here to offer magic bullet solutions, we are not here to play therapy. We are however very much able to critique your in field technique and offer feedback on the real world data points you are collecting through your experience of going out, challenging your own conceptions of the world, reflecting on your experiences in a structured technical manner (not mental masturbation and self pity), trying new techniques/approaches.

So if you want to best help us help yourself here are some simple steps you can take.

-commit to doing more approaches (at least 10 a week)
-write detailed point by point field reports that focus on the technical details (I was wearing this, went to this place, approach in this manner, I said this, she responded this way, I did this, she did this, I did this...and so on)
-When board members offer you feedback on your technique reflect on it. Attempt to understand how applying the offered advice may affect your technique. Ask questions about the technique and how the board member sees how their suggested adjustments might help. Approach their advice with curiosity and an open mindedness. Refrain from arguing points that don't seem to resonate with your style and approach.
- Go back into the field and make adjustments to your technique based on your personal reflection and the advice offered by board members
-Wash rinse and repeat.

So you want help? Start by helping yourself. And then come to us with some detailed field reports. Carry a notebook in field if you need a reminder of all the details and nuances.

But please stop with all the self pity posts. These are not helping anyone.

 

[Warped Mindless]

I’ve been in the community since 2006 and was a professional dating coach for several years. I’ve seen this exact “same guy” over and over again.

They do shit for years with no results.

Horrible AA

Dating coaches don’t help them

They blow up multiple forums and piss people off

Lots of negativity

Etc.

It’s autism. Every time these dues go get checked it’s either autism or some other disorder.

I don’t want to sound like an asshole or ruin your dreams but no successful dude here has autism and we don’t know how to help you because of it.

There was a dude on RSD forums years ago that found out, after years of no success, that he had autism. After finding out he completely revamped his strategy and started finding some success.

Go find out if you have it and if so, seek guys out so have autism and still manage to find some level of dating success.

I’m sorry but that’s my honest advice.

 

[Conquistador]

Never mind man text communication isn't the best way to understand, so you won't understand what I am trying to say just like I don't understand what you are trying to convey with these emoji

Ouch. The emojis were not the main thrust of my post.
You don’t see the contradictions between the quotes I juxtaposed?

 

[ulrich]

When will I reach that level because I am really tired of I don't even what to say or describe my state, I just feel very beta wherever I go, I affects me too much that I sometimes feel like crying

When you stop focusing on all the effort you put and start reflecting on how the people around you react to your actions so you can adjust them.

No tennis master plays the right calls if he doesn’t take in account his doubles partner.

Also… and this is a sad reality of the world… you’re a man, not a woman.
Women can get away in life with just being good and following the rules.
For men to succeed they need to lead… take things in their own hands and have women follow.

You’re not done when you learn the rules and follow them.
You’re done when you lead people through life and your own rules.

 

[Spyce D]

C'mon @Wolfie

We have talked irl .

Remember . I told you beforehand that I am going to start game from 1st July .

Currently, I am having so much fun in my life....even though I haven't gotten laid yet ....but my confidence has increased ...even in direct Daygame .... Things have gotten better .

Even my social life has changed dramatically ...

And Its only been 1.5 months .

My first month was just to get comfortable approaching

Only you can pull yourself out of it , man .

Rest is upto you .

 

[ulrich]

Heck, I just realized… the subject of the thread is “Why do I suck with women?”

It is not why women don’t react to my advances, or why is it too hard to get a girlfriend.

It is about YOU, all is about YOU… and that is what is limiting you.