Why does she lie about her sexual experiences?

[Jan]

I value honesty, but in dating, it doesn’t always pay off

Well, honesty is not suppose to pay off. At least not in the narrow, practical terms. For me, honesty is something I do because it maintains my inner well being. I feel like a genuinely high value person because me being honest with other person, I care for that person. I'm not misleading him/her. This often involves the RISK of not getting directly what you want short term (not practical), but doing the right and taking the risk is what gives it value, innit?

IMO a better approach is to use selective honesty.

Selective honesty phrase seems like dishonesty to me

Don't tell em you want to get married but also don't rule out the possibility of a relationship either

Because in reality you don't know what will happen

That's very true. Future is unknown.

So think of it as a way to set expectations to give you and her more time to vet each other for something serious if casual works out.... (btw a lot of girls have this frame)

Bingo! This frame feels like a great solution to me. Yeah, I've also seen this frame among many girls. Therefore, it should raise attainability through similarity. Bonus point.

I just have had this realization that this frame is actually very close to true living in the moment. It's kind of like having NO expectations. Having no expectations is about not having any thoughts about the future and the past, so what is left is being in the moment.

The conclusion to me is to drop all these boyfriend/ons/lover labels-expectations, and just enjoy your own company in the moment.

 

[Jan]

You don’t really know your intentions with a girl until you’ve fucked her a few times..

In my case I know my intentions very early on. These intentions can change but I can't deny that in my own head I place these labels (girlfriend candidate, ons candidate) quite easily. I'm not saying it's a good thing, but I can't deny I have these thoughts/expectations. So you can maybe understand why I do what I do when it comes to being overt and trying to be honest at the same time.

Anyway, thanks to yours and TominHo's comments I hope I came to realize where my issue really stands. The real issue seems to me that I disqualify girls very early off for anything other than fast sex through these expectations and labels. And that's why they qualify and at the same time my attainability is so low.